This is sort of a quiet chapter, but we do get a look at a bit of Christian's time away from Ana. This chapter is all Christian's voice. Thank you for reading, and if you have time, please review and leave your thoughts. There is also a question at the end of this chapter. I need some opinions.

Chapter 7 – Shared Pasts

"Alright Noah, I think it's time for you to take a rest." I hear Ana say as she walks toward Noah's room from the kitchen.

His room is destroyed. There are huge building blocks everywhere; it looks like we've thrown them on every available inch of the floor. All his toy cars, planes, and boats have been pulled off the shelves and are on the floor as well. We've had a great time building forts and houses and then knocking them down with the cars, boats, and planes. Noah laughing each time a building got knocked over and asking if we can build it again.

"No mama, I pay with Cistin." Noah says with absolute certainty.

Ana stops cold in her tracks when she enters the room. She starts laughing and, shaking her head she says,

"Oh my gosh, what the heck did you guys do in here. I leave you alone for half an hour and come back to this!"

In fairness, we were having a much more civilized playtime when Ana was in here with us, playing with the planes flying them around the room. She left us to go pick up the lunch mess and I don't know what inspired us do this once she left, but it's been ridiculously fun.

"I'm sorry Ana." I say, laughing a little too. "I'll clean this up."

Ana's still smiling as she says, "It's fine Christian, honestly. I'm glad you guys are having such a good time. He can help you pick it up after his nap."

I love the sound of her laughing so much and it makes me think about how much I've missed her and how grateful I am to be here.

Noah speaks up again, trying to assert his independence and strong desire not to sleep.

"No mama" he says again. "I not seeping, I paying with Cistin."

Ana leans down and picks him up off the floor saying,

"It's time to rest, you've played with Christian all morning, then you had lunch with him and played some more. You need to rest for a while and when you get up, Christian will still be here."

I'm instantly happy, not only does Noah not want to leave me, and is happy to hangout, but also, Ana is going to let me stay until Noah wakes up. I've been afraid that she'd want me to go after we had our call with Flynn.

"I not wanna seep."

Noah says sadly, looking directly at me. He's no dummy, he knows exactly who the week link is in this room.

He looks heartbroken and if it were up to me, I'd give in and let him keep playing but Ana's not having it.

"I know you don't buddy," Ana says, "but you need to sleep now so you can play and have fun later. Can you tell Christian you'll see him later?"

"No, not seeping Cistin." Noah says, still trying to get out of it and reaching to hug me while still in Ana's arms.

Ana moves closer to me so he can put his little arms around my neck and hug me.

I want to tell Ana to forget it, but she's looking at me like she'll kill me if I give in. So instead I say,

"I know big guy," kissing him softly on the top of his head, "I'll see you when you wake up."

Ana put him in is bed, and covers him with a sailboat blanket from the bottom of his bed. She turns on some stuffed animal that softly plays music while making stars on the ceiling. Then she goes and draws his shades. Lastly, she picks up lion Christian and hands him to Noah to cuddle.

Kissing him on the forehead she says,

"Sleep well, we'll see you when you wake up."

I don't want to leave him, he looks so sad, but Ana takes my hand and gently pulls me out of the room, closing the door behind us.

As if reading my mind, or more likely my face, Ana says, "I promise he's okay Christian. I know it seems terrible to leave him when he's sad but he needs a nap, he's exhausted."

She's smiling at me in a way that I've never seen before and so I ask her, "What?"

"Nothing," she says, "it's just, who would have thought Christian Grey was such a softy."

I'm smiling now too, and feeling a bit better about leaving Noah.

"Hey," I say, with as stern a look as I can muster, "that information is only for you. I can't have anyone else thinking I've gone soft."

Her hand is still in mine, and so I lead us to the couch and I'm so grateful when she keeps our hands locked.

"I'm not to worried about you being a permanent softy." Ana says smiling, "The first time he tells you no, or does something that puts him in danger, the softy will be gone."

"I'd like to tell you that I've mellowed and am now a completely different man, but it'd be a lie. I have mellowed some, and Flynn and I have worked on my control issues a great deal, and the ending of our marriage did change me a lot, but I'm still me." I tell her sadly.

"Christian, I wouldn't want you to be a completely different man. I loved the man you were, but it was too much for me. I was so young, and I didn't really know who I was or what I wanted. After we lost the baby, you needed to control my every move and that didn't allow me any room to grow and mature." She stops, and if debating with her self to say anything else and then says, "There were times and places that I craved the Christian that took control of everything. In the playroom for instance, but I just couldn't take it all the time."

She squeezes my hand, trying to reassure me. I don't know how it got so heavy in here but I don't think either of us is ready to revisit the end of our marriage.

I want to get us onto other subjects so I say, "Craved it in the playroom huh… Do you miss the playroom Anastasia?"

My voice is low and gravely all of a sudden, as images of Ana and I in the playroom at Escala flash through my head.

Her face flushes, and I can tell that she's thinking of the same things.

Her voice is quiet when she says, "You have no idea."

I want to ask her to elaborate but she continues changes topics and says, "Can I ask you something?"

I nod and say, "Anything."

"Well," she says "I know that you probably know all about my life. I assume that even if you didn't look at the security reports before, you looked at them yesterday after I left."

I smile, it's comforting that she still knows me so well and say, "I did."

She clears her throat and looks as if she's building up some courage and then says quietly, "We are going to be spending time together now, because of Noah, and I would like to get to know you again. I want to know what your life is like now, what Noah will be a part of."

"Ana," I say, "I know we've just met again, but you know I've never been good at patience. It's not one of my virtues, if I have any at all. But I hope that Noah isn't the only reason we spend time together. I never stopped…"

I know it's way to soon to say this but I can't help it. I got a glimpse of how life with my family would be today and I want it, all of it. I've missed out on so much with Noah already and my life had been empty without them. I want them, both of them, so much I can't stand it.

"Christian," she says as she interrupts me, "right now I think that the focus should be on your relationship with Noah. I'm not saying down the road can't talk about us but it's all happening to quickly. Right now it should only be about you and Noah."

I acquiesce, "Fair enough Ana, it should be about Noah and I, for now." I take my hand and gently put in on the back of her neck, bringing her in close to me. I lean in slowly to whisper in her ear, "But just so we're clear, Anastasia, I'm not sure how long 'now' will last." I pause there to make my point and then straighten back up again saying, "I digressed, you had questions and you wanted to ask me about my life now."

Ana's still leaned in towards me and I can see that she's flushed, and her breathing is shallow. I've clearly had an affect on her and that's exactly what I want. She's right, I need to concentrate on Noah but she's crazy if she thinks that means I won't pursue her. She finally collects herself and straightens up, brining one of her legs onto the couch and bending it beneath her.

Once she's comfortable she says,

"There's no easy way to start this conversation Christian. There are so many things we need to talk about, the most important of which is probably some sort of regular schedule for you to see Noah. Before we do that though, I need to know what your life is like now."

Ana's nervous and I don't really understand why at first. She's biting her lip looking down at the couch nervously playing with the fingers on my right hand. Then it hits me, she's asking me about subs.

Now I'm the one that's nervous as I say,

"Ana, I don't…there's not…there's no one. I haven't even attempted to have a sub in over a year, and even before that, I never brought anyone home to Escala. There's never been another contract." I pause, taking a deep breath. I don't really want to tell her this, but she deserves to know. "I tried after you left, both vanilla and finding a sub. Neither ever worked. Eliot tried to set me up a few times, but I could never open up to anyone that wasn't you, I just…it didn't work. I missed you too much and whenever I tried with anyone else I spent the whole time wishing it was you there with me."

Ana still looks remarkably uncomfortable as she says, "But there were other subs?"

"Not in the way you think. I tried…I went to anonymous high-end clubs but it just never worked. I couldn't get the same pleasure out of it."

I can tell she wants to ask more, and there's more to tell her but she's not asking and I'm not volunteering.

I finally add, "If you're worried about subs or other woman around Noah, there's no need to worry, that won't happen."

She seems to relax a bit after that and says, "You kept Escala?"

"I did," I say smiling "I couldn't keep the house on the sound, there were to many bad memories there. I sold it about three months after you left. I thought about selling Escala too, and just starting over completely, but I couldn't do it. All our first were there."

"I'm glad you didn't sell Escala, I understand why you sold the house on the sound but I would have been sad about Escala. There are so many things to remember there," Ana says, and I can tell that she's thinking about all the firsts we had there too.

"I've had a great day today, thank you for this. It's the best day I've had in a long time."

I stop there, debating whether or not to continue. I'm embarrassed to tell her just how lonely my life is again, but I want her to know how much this means to me.

"My life is pretty much as it was before you came into it. I work a lot, go to benefits or fundraisers, and see my family every few weeks. There's not a lot to look forward too. Today was rare for me."

She looks sad for a second, and I know it's for me and then says, "You're good with him Christian, I always knew you would be. He's had a great day today too."

"I'd like to do this as much as possible Ana. I know you're probably not comfortable with him coming to Seattle yet so I can come here. I'll come as often as you'll let me."

"I think for now, you're right, you should come here. Do you want to try and come every weekend? It needs to be consistent, but I'm afraid that's a lot of travel for you. When he's more comfortable with you, and a bit older, I'm fine with him going to Seattle but we are a long way from that. We need to tell your family first and if we survive it, we'll go from there."

"It's not to much travel, I need to come every weekend. I can get a lot of work done on the flights. I need to be around as much as possible, it's the only way we'll get to know each other." I rub my hands over my face, and grown. "Ugh Ana," I whine, "Even thinking about telling my family is to much. I can imagine the look on my mom's face. It'll kill her."

Ana pulls my hand away from my face and takes them both in her hands. She's waits until I look up at her and says,

"We both did this Christian. I'll tell them with you, this is as much my fault as it is yours." And then she adds, "Although you might have to return the favor one day, Carla doesn't know either."

I'm so relieved when she says it I pull her into my arms. I honestly can't imagine doing it on my own. They're all going to hate me, and rightfully so, I can't do that by myself.

Then it hits me, what she's said and I say, "You didn't tell Carla?" I'm shocked, I know they've had a rough go of it but I assumed she knew.

"I didn't tell anyone Christian, I just...couldn't."

She looks ashamed now and so I let it go. We'll have to revisit Carla. Everyone needs to know so we can all start to move on.

Any ideas on how we should tell my parents?" I ask. I genuinely have no idea how to have that conversation.

Ana pauses "Let's wait a few weeks, maybe even a month or two. That way you and Noah will have had time to get to know each other without any other new people. Noah and I can come to Seattle, and we'll tell everyone together. They can't kill us with our two-year-old in the room. Ana smirks when she says the last part, but I can see how nervous she is to tell everyone.

"I don't know Ana, between Kate and my mother, we may really be testing that theory." I say smiling and then I add, more seriously, "Thank you for agreeing to come, I honestly don't think I could do it on my own."

She's still in my arms as we talk, my hands are making slow circles on his back, and I've leaned in to say the last bit so our mouths are about an inch apart. One forward move from either of us, and our lips would touch. I know she said she doesn't want to talk about us right now, but she also said she missed me, and the playroom, and I can see her desire when we get close. I just want to remind her what we're like. I want her to remember the draw and the spark.

The air is getting thick between us and I see Ana bite her lip and look down at mine, trying to decide what to do.

She looks back up and me and says, "I know what you're doing Christian."

I move in just a fraction and say, almost against her lips, "Is it working?"

I can see her waring with herself. The attraction between us is still there, it never went away even when everything went to shit.

"It might have," Ana whispers, backing away slightly and then says in her normal voice "but we were supposed to call Dr. Flynn five minutes ago. I'll have to thank him for that later."

Her eyebrow is raised and she's smirking at me.

"I'll have to kill him for that later," I mutter as Ana laughs and hands me the phone to dial his number.

We get off the phone 45 minutes later with high praise from Flynn as to how we've handled things. It feels good to actually hear praise from him. In the last few years, he's not been happy with how I've handled things, reverting to my own ways of seclusion and short temper.

Flynn's happy that we are going to go slowly, and that I'm going to be a consistent presence in Noah's life before we tell him I'm his father. He suggests 3 or 4 more visits before we tell him, and likes Ana's idea about explaining it to him by using Ray as an example. I hate the idea of waiting that long, and say so quite a few times, with Flynn reminding me each time that this was not about me, it was about Noah. Before hanging up, we agree to do a weekly family call with him to address any may arise.

"Christian," Ana says when we hang up with Flynn, "We've not talked about when you have to go back to Seattle."

The thought of leaving them makes me sick to my stomach, but I know I have to go, I have a company to run.

"I'm scheduled to leave very early Tuesday morning," I say reluctantly. "I can return on a late flight Friday, and see you guys first thing Saturday morning."

"Sounds like a plan." Ana says, and then continues, "I have to teach tomorrow night, and I assume you have a reason besides us that brought you to Charleston, but my dad usually watches him on Monday nights. Would you like to come over and hang out with them while I'm gone?"

I need to talk to Ray so this is perfect, I'll go see GreenSpaces in the morning and then see Noah and Ray in the afternoon.

"I would love that, I do have some work I need to attend to in the morning, but I an free in the late afternoon and evening."

We both relax then, the plans are made and we have a schedule, at least for the next few weeks. Ana looks exhausted, and I'm sure I do too. Today has been wonderful, but the anticipation of it was so stressful. I'm sure she didn't get any sleep either. As we chat quietly, waiting for Noah to wake up, Ana puts her head on my shoulder and we both lean back into the couch and fall asleep.

xx

I was intentionally vague about Christian's time away from Ana in regards to woman. I keep going back and forth about whether I want either of them to have slept with other people while they were apart. If you have strong thoughts, one way or the other, I'd love to hear your reasons.