Phil's P.O.V

"Uhm, it's nothing", Dan said, but I didn't believe it. It was clearly something, 'cause there was blood coming from Dan's wrists. I took Phil's hand and rolled up his sleeve without caring that he resisted it. "Stop!" he tried, but I just wanted to know what was wrong.

"Dan, wh-what is this?" I asked as I saw the cuts in Dan's perfect skin. I stared at them terrified. Those little lines, but why? I lifted my gaze to Dan's eyes. "Is this because of me?" I asked.

"Why do you care?" he asked and pulled his hand away. He tried to walk into his room again but I grabbed his hand again. "Phil, please, just let go", Dan said and looked me in the eyes. I shook my head and led him to the livingroom. I placed him on the couch, even though he didn't look at me.

"Dan, don't do this."

"What?"

"This", I said an took Dan's hand again. I rolled the sleeve back up and pointed the cuts in his skin. His head went down and he kept his look on the floor. "Dan, why would you do this? This isn't right. Cutting is never an answer. Never, do you hear me?" I felt how one lonely tear rolled down on my cheek. Dan didn't say a word. I took some breath and tried to calm myself down. "Do you know how hard it is? To watch how you do this to yourself. You hurt yourself and it's wrong. Ju-just stop it, please."

"You think I can just stop cutting?" Dan asked an lifted his gaze to me. "You think I don't have a reason to do this? You think thi is easy to me?!" he shouted me and stood up. "You don't have no idea what I'm going through and what my life is. So please, just stay away from me!" I couldn't stop Dan as he ran into his room. I stood up and followed him to his door, but it was locked.

"Dan, please, I just wanna help you. Let me in please" I tried to say through the door, but all I heard for answer was crying. It broke my heart to hear that. Just Dan crying, and I couldn't even comfort him. I couldn't wrap my arms around him and say that everything's gonna be fine. I couldn't do that 'cause he didn't let me in. "Dan, I promise I don't yell at you. I don't judge you, I promise."

"I want to trust you", I heard Dan's cracked voice. "But I don't."

"What do you mean?" I asked, but Dan was quiet again. I sighed and knocked the door again and again and again, hearing nothing for answer. I continued until my knuckels were numb. Finally I just fell down to the floor, still trying to knock on the door. "Dan, please", I tried to beg as tears run down on my cheeks again. I lost the time of track and fell asleep on the floor.

Dan's P.O.V

I couldn't hear anything anymore behind the door, so I stood up and went to the door. I had a headache and I wanted painkillers. Phil had probably headed to bed already, so I wouldn't run into him in the hall. I opened the door and the first thing I saw was Phil laying on the floor. Sleeping. He looked so cute I wanted to cry. But instead of crying, I walked pass him to the bathroom. I opened the cabinet and took the pillers. I saw my razor blade on the corner of the cabinet. I looked to the hall, where Phil was and sighed. I took the razor blade, but instead of making more cuts to myself, I threw it in the trash. I could try to stop it. I tried to smile myself and took only one pill. Then I walked back to the hall. I needed to get Phil into his room.

"Phil? Phil?" I tried to just wake him like that. But of course, he didn't react. I poke him for a while and he stood up looking pretty messed up and confused.

"Wh-what?" Phil asked immediately and then he realized where he was and who was with him. "Dan", he whispered and before I could say anything, he had already his arms around me. "I'm sorry that I yelled at you", he said, his voice was sad and tired.

"Phil, go to bed", I said and pulled away from the hug. He just shook his head and hugged me again. "Phil, just go to bed, your not helping", I said coldly and pulled away from the hug again. This time I just went to my room and locked the door. I wanted to be happy with Phil, but I knew it was impossible and I needed to do something about it.

Phil's P.O.V

If this keeps going, I will lose Dan. I don't want to lose him. His the best thing that has ever happened to me. I know he loves me, and I love him too, but that could never work out. We have something that I don't wanna ruin. We have friendship that is too precious to be ruined. Not everybody gets this kind of frienship like we do. I can't just go tell him that I love him. Or I could, but then if we would start a relationship and we would broke up, I would never forgive myself that.

I sighed and slouch to my room. Me and Dan should do something fun together. Something that Dan can't resist, something that he loves to do. I smiled a bit and curled up on my bed. Maybe I could change things tomorrow.

I looked at the clock, it was only 10 am. I would have time if Dan is still sleeping. I stood up and went to my closet. I took black skinny jeans and t shirt from there and went to the kitchen. I didn't saw Dan anywhere, so I thought he was in his room. First I made some tea, just because I haven't had a tea for a long time. Then I started to collect all the ingredients on the breakfast bar.

"Phil, what the fuck are you doing? Its only like 10 am" I heard Dan's voice behind me and I turned around smiling. "Could you wash that stupid smirk off your face, you look stupid", he added. Unleast he acted like the old Dan I knew.

"I thought we could do something, like make pancakes together" I said as Dan sat down on the breakfast bar. He shook his head a bit. "Don't you wanna make pancakes with me? I just wanna see you smiling, I want you to be happy."

"No", he said and looked me in the eyes. "I mean, I would love to make pancakes with you, but I don't wan that", he tried to explain, but I just didn't understand. All the time he said that he wanted to do something, but he didn't. How could I understand something like that? "I don't want you to say that. I don't want you to pity me. I don't want that you wanna make pancakes with me only 'cause you you want me to be happy and smiling. You don't put me first, okay? You make pancakes 'cause you're hungry, or 'cause you wanna have fun making them. Not because of me. You understand?" I nodded a bit confused. But I wanted to put him first, I wanted Dan to be happy. "Now, we shall make pancakes", Dan added smiling and stood up.

"Delia Smith recipe is on the table", I said smiling and pointed the little paper on the table.

"Don't worry, I remember that without the recipe", Dan said and started to cook. I smiled and joined him. Finally we were doing something together, and we had fun. Unleast I had, I couldn't tell was Dan just faking all the smiles or not.

Dan's P.O.V

"Well this was fun", I said as I finished my pancakes smiling. I really did had fun. "You wanna do something together, like play video games or watch the TV?" I asked and leaned on the breakfast bar.

"Actually, I was going to get dinner with Katelyn", Phil said and my smile washed away immediately. "Dan, Katelyn is my girlfriend, I can't cancel things with her", Phil added as he saw my face. I dind't know that Phil was dating with Katelyn. I knew Katelyn was Phil's friend, not girlfriend. I stood up and placed my plate in the sink. "Dan, are you jealous?" Phil asked, but I didn't answer. He could find that out. Of course I was jealous, but it wasn't my decision was Phil dating or not.

I walked to the bathroom and took the razor blade out of the trash. I washed it quickly under water and then I stopped. What was I doing? Cutting again? Even though I promised to myself I could try not to. But I needed those little lines, they were keeping me here. Somehow.

"Dan, what are you doing?" I heard Phil's voice from the hall. I didn't think about it all, I cut a deep wound in to my right arms skin, and I tried to not scream. "Dan, stop whatever you are doing now, and open the door", Phil said. I dind't listen. I blocked his voice out of my mind. All I could think right now was the pain and the blood. Fascinating.