Harrmione

Or

The Consequences of Being Awesome

Having his classroom attendance privileges reinstated, Harry looked forward to his first class with Professor Snape and the Ravenclaws-which interestingly enough could both be labeled as pretentious droning intellectuals.

Harry entered the smelly dungeon classroom and marched right up to Snape's desk. Poor professor Snape raised his face only enough to see who was accosting him; when he saw Harry standing there, his left eyebrow began to twitch quite remarkably.

Oh yes, he and the other teachers had been warned what today would bring. They had known all along that this day would come, but they had hoped against hope it would come much later than it did.

"Any particular reason why you are silently standing in front of my desk and staring at me as if you were a lobotomized idiot?" The notorious curmudgeon finally droned.

"Hehehe." Harry giggled, much to the apparent chagrin of Snape's eyebrow. "I missed you most of all." Harry said softly, in what was alarmingly close to being a seductive manner. "I just wanted to tell you that you are one sexy mama." He winked and skipped over to his desk that he once again shared with his unhappy-looking Weasley friend.

Snape remained staring into the place where Harry no longer stood. His mind was a torrent of chaos and for once in all his snarky life, Severus Snape was beyond words. Well, more accurately, this situation was beyond his arsenal of words, but that is saying something of far greater significance and also quite a disturbing thought.

As the last flustered teenager rushed into the room and nearly tackled her seat as to not be tardy, the students silenced for they knew this particular professor demanded quiet as soon as class began.

When the good ol' potions Master remained frozen as a statue, one impatient and particularly self-righteous Ravenclaw boy raised his hand. When he received no acknowledgment, he took the risk of doing something that was forbidden in Snape's classes: he spoke without being called upon. "Professor Snape? Class has begun."

Snape shook himself a bit. "Right…um…" He muttered distantly.

The shock of this utterance was so great that the students for a moment all felt their little teenage worlds begin to fall apart, but just as soon as the fabric of reality began to unravel, their vision refocused and their stomachs re-ascended. The shock was over at least, but the feeling of foreboding remained.

Ron, as he does best, uttered an utterly rhetorical but appropriate question, "Did Snape just say 'um'?"

Hermione immediately turned to Harry; he looked innocently back at her, although there was the tiniest bit of a smug smile on his lips. "I'm going to assume this was your doing?" She asked.

"You would be assuming correctly." He said, by now the smugness was so great, it was impossible for him to retain it.

Hermione looked back at Snape, he was still trapped within the thousand-yard stare, a trap so fantastically ingenious that even the brightest and/or toughest of human and beast could not escape until it chose to let them go.

"He better snap out of this soon Harry, today was going to be a very crucial lesson." She tried to remain calm as an attempt to defeat her devious friend, but her irritation was steadily increasing.

"Hehe." He giggled once again. "Snape's gotta snap! Hehehe."

Hermione's head hit the desk with a thud. On Harry's other side, Ron gave a muffled laugh and smiled at the two, despite his status being that he still hadn't forgiven them for being relentlessly cruel.

Unsurprisingly, and helpfully as to give one's imagination a small repose, Snape did not recover from Harry's brilliant psyche-out and class failed to resume as planned. The Ravenclaws and Hermione with their superiority complexes had all opened their books and studied on their own. The Gryffindors mostly spent the class sleeping, talking, or enjoying the nice day outside.

The exception to this was Harry, who was at first happy to merely stare at Ron while the boy in question nearly cried from the stress it caused; but then it seemed that he needed to engage in something a bit more stimulating. He went up to Snape's desk and began making kissy faces at the man.

At the beginning of this harassment, Snape still appeared unable to escape his stupor, but once Harry took to licking his upper lip in an exaggeratedly (and unsuccessful) sensuous manner, Snape finally came to. He yelled very loudly for everyone to leave the room immediately, which they did. Even Harry had enough sense to scoot his hiney out of there with great haste.

Once outside however, it was Hermione's wrath he had to face, but she was a small threat-though her power and cunning far excelled that of anyone they knew, her understanding and stable nature ensured his safety.

"Harry!" She chastised.

"Hermione!"

"When you disrupt class you hurt all of us!"

"When I disrupt class I hurt all of you."

She levelly stared at him. "Oh, don't even start that game."

"Oh, I won't even start that game." He said with a great amount of cheek.

Hermione looked less affected than he was hoping for; she appeared neither annoyed, nor frustrated, only very bored. She turned and walked away without another word.

Harry nodded approvingly and turned to Ron. "She's good." He stated appreciatively. "I think I'll steal her identity today."

Ron had taken to glaring to his friend rather than speaking to him these days, but at this idea he felt the need to at least attempt intervention, "What?"

"Oh Ronald, you are such a delightful mixture of amusing and frustrating with your simpleton rhetorical questions. You see if you knew how to read, perhaps you would have gathered a more extensive vocabulary by now; you could be able to accept one's words and comment on them with insight or accurately request they elaborate. But alas, you are forever trapped in your cycle of regurgitated single syllables." Harry primly admonished.

"Harry, what the bloody heck are you talking about?"

"My name is Hermione; can you not tell us apart by now? Allow me to help you. Harry's female, I'm male—sort of—he has long light brown hair, I have short black hair. See?"

After this impromptu lesson, Ron had clearly lost the ability to keep his mouth closed as he stared at Harry in an uncomprehending manner. "Okay, whatever" he lamented, and then he realized something. "Hey! I can read!"

"I wouldn't expect any other kind of response from you." Harry said condescendingly.

Just then Hermione walked back over, she had a different set of books in her arms, and her face took on an involuntary look of annoyance when she met Harry's eyes. "Are you done copying me?"

"Yes, Harry. I'm not going to copy you anymore; those games are for the immature anyhow."

Hermione did not react beyond turning calmly to Ron, and asking, "What is he doing now?"

"He decided he wants to be you today."

"Of course he did." She muttered.

Hermione-Harry interrupted their conversation in an authoritative voice, "we should head to class now, we wouldn't want to be late". Before he started off he made sure to give Ron a pat on the buns.

This did finally make Hermione react; though, only very slightly as not to give Harry the satisfaction. "I have never, nor will I ever smack Ron on the ass."

"Of course Harry doesn't like Ron; but please, we all know that Hermione likes Ron."

Harry-Hermione didn't get flustered as Hermione-Harry had expected her to. She merely looked bemused and a tad harassed. "How could I want Ron? He's a ginger, first of all, and beyond that he's a complete lout. Perhaps if I were anyone else I could possibly find something of value in him, but I am perfect and therefore I also need perfection or as close as one can get to it. Now let's drop this nonsense."

A pouty-looking Ron trudged behind his friends. "Do you guys think I'm deaf, or is this some elaborate scheme to get rid of me?"

"Oh Ronald, don't be silly." Hermione-Harry and Hermione said at the same time, they then both turned to glare at each other.

"You're absolutely within the right to be upset. I am truly sorry; we really shouldn't pick on you." Hermione apologized with sincerity.

"It's just so easy." Hermione-Harry added, earning an impossibly powerful elbow from Harry-Hermione.

Hermione said nothing more and they all went to class.