Title: I Melted Wax To Fix My Wings
Author: TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel (aceofannwn on LJ)
Pairings: Sam/Gabriel, Dean/Castiel
Setting: Set across season 4 & 5. AU.
Summary: After four torturous months Sam has his brother back, but Dean is accompanied by an angel with a terrible task for them both: help stop the impending apocalypse, or see the world destroyed. Sam has no idea what to do next when the Trickster turns up, blonde and female this time but as maddening as ever, promising assistance. As time Sam finds himself slowly coming to depend on the pagan Trickster god, but just when it looks like the apocalypse can be averted, the Winchester luck kicks in and threatens to ruin everything - including Sam's friendship with Loki.
I Melted Wax To Fix My Wings
Chapter Seven
Loki didn't return for two days, and when she did she was glaring, eyes still molten-gold with wrath. It was clear that she was still incandescently angry.
Sam opened his mouth to blurt out an apology, but the god beat him to it.
"You yahoos!" Loki was seething. "I have laid my very existence on the line for you two, I have sworn an oath. And just when it looks like we'll be able brush through this thing relatively painlessly, you two screw it all up!"
Sam found himself flinching back at the sheer rage in her voice, and the heavy feel of electricity blanketing the air like the lead-up to a thunderstorm.
Loki's tirade didn't end there, though.
"We could have been free and easy by now, but no, you stupid fuckers stopped that. Because you Winchesters? Are grade-A fuck-ups, starting with your daddy and working down to you. Do you muttonheads have any idea how much harder this is going to be, now that Lucifer is out of the time-out room? It's practically impossible! Well done guys, you doomed the world!"
The Trickster's words burned like acid, but the truth in them slammed home.
Loki had, practically single-handedly, gotten things to the point where the apocalypse has pretty much prevented – and then, in one fell swoop everything had gone to hell thanks to Sam and Dean. Loki had devoted herself to stopping the world from ending, and for what? Just for the Winchesters to mess it up.
Everything the god had just said was totally justified.
Sam took a deep, unsteady breath.
"I can release you from your oath, if you want," he said quietly.
His chest constricted at the thought.
Loki glared at him.
"Fuck you, Winchester. I promised I'd help, and I'm going to help. I just want you to know you're both dumb shits who couldn't find their asses with a map."
Somehow, in spite of himself, the furious comment made Sam snort with laughter.
He pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes, and tried to hold back the near-uncontrollable mirth that wanted out.
"I'm sorry," he choked out, and he wasn't sure whether he wanted to laugh or cry.
Probably both.
Loki abruptly sagged.
While Sam blinked at the rapid change in demeanour, the Trickster ran a hand over her face.
"Hell, kiddo, I'm sorry too." She sounded so bleakly weary that Sam actually felt guiltier than when she'd been cutting into him. "Jeez, I'm in a bitchy mood today."
"Yeah, I think that's kind of justified," Sam said dryly.
Loki managed a wry chuckle, and reached up to ruffle his hair.
"Don't worry. We'll figure it out."
"How?" Sam asked. "This is – I mean, we're talking about Lucifer. We're talking about all of Heaven and Hell working against us, here. I don't think that this is something that can just be fixed."
"Not all of Heaven," the Trickster said sombrely. "And probably not all of Hell, either, although I doubt that'll help much. I do mean it, though, Sam, there are always options. We've just gotta stand up to what's coming."
She looked depressed and tired. Sam couldn't blame her.
"I'll go talk to Castiel," Loki said. "He's angry, justifiably so, but I'm pretty sure he's on our side in this, even if it means rebelling a bit. Although I'm sorry it's going to come to that. The kid angel doesn't deserve the shit they'll try and put him through, upstairs."
Her expression was fierce and somewhat protective.
It stirred something warm and painful in Sam's chest that he'd rather not contemplate.
"How come you always call him the kid angel?" Sam asked, because it was something that Loki sometimes did; never to Castiel's face, but when she was talking to Sam or Dean.
Loki shot Sam a look of mild surprise, swift enough to almost cover the uh-oh, someone caught that expression that flashed ever-so-briefly over her face.
"Because he is a kid," she said. "Or close enough, anyway, by angelic standards. He's young. Why else would he be so different to the others? Your pal Anna was a bit older than him, but she was pretty young herself. They still care, and they're flexible enough to learn and change. Kid angels."
Sam stared, and tried to wrap his brain around that one.
The idea of Castiel being a child…
"Not a child, exactly," Loki clarified. "More like, I dunno, early college years?"
Even so, it was still kind of mind-boggling.
It just reaffirmed Sam's conviction that angels were weird.
"More than you know, Sam," Loki agreed.
"Stop reading my mind," Sam told her mildly.
"Sorry. Anyway, I'll go track him down, have a chat, bring him back here so we can make sure we're all on the same page."
Loki shifted, ready to vanish, but Sam put a hand on her arm to stop her.
"Thanks," he said quietly.
He received a subdued, but genuine smile in return before the pagan god apparated out of there.
In the weeks after Lucifer was set free Sam and Dean found that most of their time was taken up with hunting.
A whole lot of demons had escaped Hell when Lucifer had, apparently, and all kinds of apocalyptic omens had started manifesting, so that the brothers barely had any time to actually think about what to do about the Devil himself.
Sam had gotten the shock of his life when, calmly smiling, the fallen archangel had turned up in his dreams one night. He'd told Loki what had happened the moment he'd woken up, and for an instant had experienced an entirely new kind of fear as the Trickster's eyes had blazed golden with wrath just as they had after Lilith had escaped, and for several tense seconds the air had carried a feeling of intense pressure.
Loki had regained control of herself after a minute or so, and promised Sam darkly that she would take care of it.
So far the god had been true to her word; and well, if Sam suspected that she watched him sleep the way that Castiel sometimes did with Dean, it was worth it to keep Lucifer out of his head.
Despite the recent influx of nasties, about a month after the Lilith incident Sam, Dean, and Castiel stopped by to visit Chuck in the hope that he had some kind of advice on how to handle the projected big archangel showdown.
"Oh God, it's you," Chuck greeted them as he opened the door, sagging.
"Hey, Chuck," Sam said pleasantly. "Mind if we come in?"
Chuck looked between the three of them like he was trying to decide exactly how hard it would be to get rid of them. It seemed that the answer was 'really, really hard,' because he sagged further and open the door wide.
"Sure," he said morosely. "Why not."
"Awesome," Dean said breezily, and stepped inside. Sam and Castiel followed him in.
"So," Chuck said, surreptitiously wiping his palms on the back of his pants, "uh, what can I do for you?"
"You can tell us if there is any way to stop what is coming," Castiel said, point-blank.
Chuck grimaced.
"Look, guys, I don't know everything. I only know the stuff I see, and that's…" He waved his wands around a bit. "Usually focused on you guys, somehow. I don't know how much I can help. But–"
His words were interrupted by a great rumbling beginning somewhere above the house.
Everyone's eyes involuntarily turned upwards.
"That, uh, that doesn't sound good," Chuck stuttered, eyes going wide.
"It's the archangel," Castiel said, his own eyes widening.
He spun to face Sam and Dean.
"Go," Castiel said urgently, as the whole house shook and bright light began to gather at the ceiling. "I'll hold him off."
He looked pale but determined.
"But–" Dean started.
"Go!" Castiel shouted as the ceiling threatened to fall in, shining brightly now. "Both of you go! Now!"
"Dean, come on!" Sam grabbed his brother and dragged him from the room towards the front door.
Dean cursed, but went, and the two of them ran for the car.
Glancing back Sam could see that the top of Chuck's house was engulfed in blinding white light even as a terrible ear-splitting whine started up.
Clutching at his ears Sam fumbled for the car door handle, even as he realised in a jumbled sort of way that there was no way Dean could drive with the sound spearing through their skulls.
The door fell open, and Sam tried to fold himself inside –
– and staggered onto plush carpet, into a room that was blissfully noise-free.
Sam shook his head, trying to clear it off the ringing, and wiping at his ears – looking at his hands, he saw that they'd come away bloody. Dean was doing much the same.
Blinking around, Sam realised that both of them were standing in the house where the Trickster had brought them for Ruby's interrogation.
Without a sound Loki was suddenly there: and to Sam's incredulous relief she was holding Castiel by the arm. The angel looked bewildered and rather the worse for wear, but alive.
"Cas!" Dean shouted, rushing forward.
Loki let go of Castiel's arm in time to avoid getting caught in the middle as Dean half-hugged the seraph.
"Dude, are you okay?" Dean asked, while the Norse god stepped back, a sort of wry twist to her mouth as she saw Sam staring at her in disbelief.
Something of the bewilderment drained out of Castiel, and the hardness around his eyes and mouth relaxed slightly.
"I am fine, Dean."
Castiel let Dean check him over for a minute or two, before turning to where Loki was standing.
Waiting, Sam thought, and wondered uneasily why.
"Raphael was preventing me from leaving," Castiel said, blue eyes boring into the Trickster's. "You should not have been able to rescue me. No Trickster god is that powerful. Who are you really?"
Oh.
Things began to click together in Sam's head, little discrepancies and odd inconsistencies that he'd noticed over the past few months.
"Excuse me?" the Trickster asked, raising her eyebrows elaborately.
"You don't act much like a Trickster any more, either," Sam added his own argument to Castiel's, because he'd wondered about this for a while. "Not really. How many tricks have you pulled these last few months? Then there's the fact that you act like you actually care about what happens to us, when supposedly all you want is to prevent the apocalypse."
"I –"
"We all know you're hiding something, so why don't you just tell us who the hell you really are?" Dean interrupted.
For a moment Loki stared between the three of them; then, huffing and folding her arms, she looked away sulkily.
"I'm Gabriel, okay? They call me Gabriel."
"Gabriel?" Castiel's eyes flew wide.
Gabriel smiled at him a little.
"Hey, little bro."
"Gabriel, like the archangel?" Sam repeated incredulously.
Gabriel smiled at him as well, looking slightly amused, and maybe a little satisfied at his reaction.
"Guilty as charged."
"You've gotta be kidding me," Dena said in disbelief.
"Nope." Gabriel was definitely looking amused, now. "I left Heaven ages ago, because my brothers are all asshats and I wanted nothing to do with their apocalypse plan."
"Why become Loki?" Sam asked, still trying to get his head around the fact that the annoying, unpredictable Trickster he'd come to depend on was in fact the archangel Gabriel.
"Well, I had to disguise myself somehow."
"You are the Angel of Judgement," Castiel said, with an expression of realisation. "That is why you chose to hide as a Trickster."
Gabriel shot a dirty look at him.
"The Angel of Judgement?" Dean asked warily.
"That, and the Messenger," Gabriel explained reluctantly. "Michael was the Commander, Raphael the Healer, and I was the Messenger and the Angel of Judgement. They're kind of the same thing, really."
"And Lucifer?" Sam found himself asking.
Gabriel's expression closed off.
"Lucifel, the Visionary," she replied curtly. "The one angel gifted with creativity and an ability to see things no other angel could."
"That… kind of makes sense," Sam had to say, because honestly, it explained a lot.
"Yeah." Gabriel hunched her shoulders a bit, sort of awkwardly, and Sam suddenly remembered that hey, she had wings, and wondered what they were doing right now. "The brightest out of all of us, and this is what he chose to do with himself."
Her tone was bitter and angry, but underneath that Sam could hear a wealth of hurt.
"So all this time, we've had an archangel on our side?" Dean asked.
Gabriel shrugged, her face still a little dark.
"Yup."
"But if you're an archangel, can't you – I don't know – talk to the other angels?" Sam had to know.
Gabriel's mouth twisted wryly, and Sam wished that he could take the question back as there was another flash of pain.
"What, you think I haven't tried? It's like talking to a brick wall." She glared at nothing in particular. "All I wanted was for my brothers to stop fighting each other and quit trying to destroy the Earth, but apparently that's too much to ask."
"I'm sorry," Sam said earnestly. Gabriel blinked, and glanced at him.
Some of the hard, hurt look drained out of her eyes.
"Yeah, I know. Thanks." She ended on a sigh.
"If you hadn't rescued me, you would not have had to expose your secret," Castiel said gravely. He'd been staring at Gabriel the entire time, and Sam wouldn't help but wonder what he was thinking right now "Thank you."
Gabriel's face screwed up, her expression torn between being gratified and annoyed and disgusted.
"You've really got self-esteem issues, don't you," she snarked, but her tone was somewhat fond. "Don't sweat it, baby brother."
Castiel's expression became conflicted, like he wasn't sure how to respond to being called a baby anything.
Sam had to hide a slight smile.
"Seriously," Gabriel asked, "do we really need to dredge up every painful thing that has happened like, ever? Is the Hallmark Moment over now? I mean, sure, I'm an archangel, but I'm still the same annoying pain in the ass I was before, you know. It's just that now you know I'm also an annoying pain in the ass who can smite you to atoms."
There were some nervous looks.
Gabriel rolled her eyes.
"Oh, please. If I was gonna smite you it would have been when you screwed up the Lilith thing. Besides, I'm kind of fond of you. You've grown on me, like a fungus or something."
"Wow, thanks," Sam said dryly. "My heart, uh, swells with joy at your words."
Loki snickered.
"Come on," she decided. "You almost got exploded by Raphael, Castiel. We should eat ice cream. To the kitchen!"
She stood and sailed off into another room.
"Ice cream?" Dean repeated blankly, his eyebrows up near his hairline.
Castiel appeared just as bemused, but pleased that his sister apparently cared about him.
Sam shook his head.
"Just go with it," he advised them, knowing the folly of trying to follow Gabriel's logic.
Gabriel.
That was going to take some getting used to…
While Sam and Dean were aware that thanks to them, the apocalypse was well on schedule, it had never occurred of either of them that this might have incurred the wrath of other hunters.
It definitely didn't occur to them that this could get them shot.
"Hi," Gabriel announced, popping up next to Sam, Castiel in tow. "You guys are in Heaven. Let's go before someone notices any of us."
"Wait, Heaven?" Dean asked in surprise.
"Oh, I don't have time for this," Gabriel snarled. "Castiel, grab your whatever-he-is."
Before anyone could say anything else, Gabriel was suddenly right up in Sam's face.
The next few minutes were really confusing: Sam was surrounded by a roaring, shining gold-white light that was warm and irresistibly familiar, and there was no sensory input whatsoever, just an awareness of the light that was overwhelming in its brightness and intensity.
Sam gasped into life like he'd been shocked, sitting bolt upright and inhaling desperately.
His heart was pumping furiously like he's just run a marathon, and his body felt weirdly familiar-yet-unfamiliar.
Next to him Dean was going through the same oh my God, I'm alive again routine, while Castiel watched them both with concern.
Sam paused.
Something felt… like…
He leapt off the bed and barged into the bathroom for a moment's privacy.
"GABRIEL!" Sam roared from the bathroom.
"You bellowed, Sam?"
Gabriel was suddenly in the motel room with Dean and Castiel.
Sam stormed out of the bathroom.
"Why the hell is there a handprint on my ass?" he demanded.
Dean snorted with laughter, while Castiel looked sharply at his sister.
Gabriel shrugged.
"It seemed the best place to grab?"
Dean lost his struggle with himself and went off into guffaws of mirth.
"Yeah, yeah Dean, it's real funny!" Sam snarled.
Gabriel just raised her eyebrows at him teasingly, and vanished.
Sam made an angry, frustrated noise, and stomped back into the bathroom.
It wasn't that he wasn't happy to be alive, he told himself, or that he was mad that Gabriel had retrieved him. It wasn't even that he entirely minded his brand-new angelic handprint.
But his ass?
If Sam had ever doubted that some aspect of Gabriel's Trickster identity was genuinely part of her nature, that doubt was definitely gone.