What do I even call this?

Is this depression? Is that what I'm feeling? I figured I've always dealt with depression, but I've never felt like this before.

Raven's whole body felt heavy, like she had been wrapped in a wet tarp. Any possible energy that was once held in her body has now left her; all she could do was lay in her bed, wrapped tight in a blanket. Her head spun like a carousel and she gripped the blankets around her as if they were holding her person together.

She closed her eyes for a moment, trying to meditate, when she heard a thump above her.

Her eyes flew open to see that one eye staring back at her.

He stood above her still and ominous, the gold side of his mask reflecting in the afternoon sun's glow. Raven's blood ran cold in her veins. Her heart stopped.

"Hello, Raven." His calm tone echoed through her hollow chest.

She rose from her bed, vibrating with panic as he lunged for her, she hit the floor, scrapping her knees against the violet rug, she stumbled to get up and run. He grabbed her wrist and squeezed hard, pulling her off of her feet and off of the ground by her wrist. He placed his other hand on her stomach.

"Are you ready for what I have planned for you, little bird?" He asked with a sickening chuckle.

Raven struggled against his grip. She reached up with her free hand and brought forth a beam of dark energy. She thrust it into his face, causing him to release her and fall to the ground. She stumbled to get up again and bolted out of her bedroom and down the hall, her feet thudding against the floor.

She skidded into the OPPS room and screamed the name she had been unable to speak out loud to herself with an uncontrollable tremor in her throat;

"SLADE!"

The titans wasted no time, jumping to their feet and rushing from the OPPS room and down the hallway. Beastboy stayed behind, grabbing Raven's shoulders as she stuttered in a hysterical rhythm of Azerathian dialect that he had never heard before.

"Raven! Raven snap out of it! I can't understand you!" Light bulbs were popping above their heads, showering down around them with shards of white glass and metal.

"RAVEN!" Her name roared from his throat with a volume that stopped Raven in her tracks. Her voice stopped. She stared at him, remembering the last time he had yelled like that. It had been when Terra had betrayed them, years ago. She broke his heart in ways that Raven could never relate to but could empathize. She felt his pain radiate off of his aura for months after she died. When it started to fade, Raven felt relieved for Beastboy; at least he had been smiling again. She could feel that sadness and anger again staring at his big green eyes. How could she make him feel this way again?

"I…I'm sorry." She uttered, still trembling as she spoke. Beastboy's eyes squinted, his eyebrow raised in confusion.

"What did he do to you, Raven?" Before she could say another word, the other titans entered the OPPS room, looking disturbed and concerned.

"What's wrong guys? Did you find him?" Beastboy asked. Raven turned to face her teammates. Her heart sank at their expressions.

"There was no one there." Starfire stated, slow and cautiously, as if she was afraid of the response she would receive with such a proclamation.

"No sign of entry. No fingerprints or foot prints. Raven, your windows are still locked." Cybord chimed in, also slow with his words.

They all stared at her with a look that Raven couldn't bear. She wasn't going crazy.

"I saw him. He grabbed me."

"There's no sign of him, Rae. Maybe you-"

Raven cut Beastboy off. "No, I saw him. I'm not crazy."

"We never said you were crazy, Raven; maybe you dreamt it." Robin offered. Raven's voice got firm.

"I didn't dream anything, he was there!"

"Rae-"

"Don't Rae me." Beastboy's eyes narrowed again.

"What the hell is going on, Raven? You've never freaked out about Slade like this before." Raven's throat lumped at the sound of his name. She didn't answer.

"Well?!" His voice got louder.

"Beastboy, it's not your concern." Robin ordered, Beastboy released Raven from his grip and approached Robin.

"The hell it isn't! We're a team! I want to know exactly what we're dealing with here! If he's got some new weapon or some new sadistic way of torturing people, Starfire and I have a right to know about it!"

"Cyborg and I are handling it Beastboy." Robin stated, firm in his leadership.

"Why are you hiding this from the rest of us?! The way Raven is acting isn't normal! How are we supposed to function as a team while she's behaving like this?!"

Beastboy was right; Raven knew she was acting irrationally. But she couldn't help it.

"Your only concern is to take orders and protect your teammates! This is a private matter and-"

"How could this possibly be private Robin? How could we go about our jobs with no information about what happened to our-"

The words came up from the deepest part of her abdomen, bubbling up and spilling out like vomit.

"I WAS RAPED!" It felt like the world had stopped. The silence was unbearable. Starfire's hands rose to her mouth, sadness in her eyes that Raven didn't want to see. Beastboy looked heartbroken. Cyborg looked down.

" Raven…I…I'm sorry…I didn't mean to-" Beastboy started to speak, reaching towards her, but Raven could feel the flashbacks of that day pushing through her subconscious to right behind her eyelids. It was too much. She turned away and started to walk to her room. She didn't feel safe outside. She didn't feel safe inside. What was she supposed to do?

Beastboy attempted to go after her, but Robin held him back.

"Let her go. This is difficult for all of us."

Raven walked with haste to her room, but once she made it to her door, she couldn't bear to go inside. She pressed her back against her door and slid down, wrapping her arms around her legs. She cringed when her wrist hit her leg and glanced down at her arm. Her wrist was bruising into a hand print shape…

She almost laughed at herself. Maybe she wasn't crazy after all.