And I've been a fool and I've been blind
I can never leave the past behind
I can see no way, I can see no way
I'm always dragging that horse around
All of these questions, such a mournful sound
Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground
So I like to keep my issues strong
But it's always darkest before the dawn
*Katniss*
"Gale."
Gale tenses and turns to look at me, a huff of air coming out through his nose. Okay, so he is mad. I've been trying to talk to him for the past few days, but I can never seem to catch him. I'm lucky that I saw him at the Hob, trading a few rabbits for some cheese.
"I don't want to talk to you," he says, turning back around and thanking the person he was trading with.
I come up next to him. "Well, I want to talk to you. We need to."
He turns to me angrily. "There's nothing to talk about, Katniss. We're friends."
Gale grabs the cheese off the counter and stalks off. I chase after him. I have finally found him and I'm not letting him go that easily.
I grab his shoulder. "Don't be angry," I say. Gale doesn't say anything so I take this as a signal to continue.
"I really want to stay friends with you, Gale. I know you don't want to hear it but I like Peeta, I do. And I love you, but you're my best friend and I don't want you to be angry at me. I hate you ignoring me and I'm sorry that I didn't tell you. Please, I'm sorry."
Gale's angry expression softens to a degree. "You like Peeta? You're dating him, but you can't date me?"
I frown. "You're my best friend-"
"Peeta's your best friend, but he gets to be more? I don't get it, Katniss," he snaps, his face angry again.
"I don't have the same feelings that you have for me. Would you rather me be your friend, or you like me and my feelings don't go past friendship? So, we'd date, you'd fall in love with me, but I would only want you as a friend. We get married, have kids, but I'd never love you like husband. Do you want to go through that pain, Gale? Because I don't want you to. It's what's best for both of us." I hate to bring a snappy attitude into my speech, but Gale tends to only listen when I'm angry. And I am. I can't return his feelings, I just can't. He has to understand it, and if I have to hurt his feelings in the process, so be it. We'll still be friends...I hope.
Gale scowls at me. "Fine," he says. "Fine, okay? Whatever you want, Katniss." He turns on the rubber heels of his boots, but I grab his shoulder again, a little forcefully.
"Don't you dare," I say, my anger rising, but I keep my voice down, remembering we're still in the Hob and a few people are watching curiously. "Don't you dare say 'Whatever you want, Katniss'. This is not my fault. We're going to stay friends, Gale, and you're going to get over being rude to Peeta, and everything's going to be fine, do you understand?"
Gale glares, breathing hard through his nose again. Then his shoulders drop from their tense state. "Yeah."
For some reason, I have a feeling he wouldn't be so forgiving if the reaping wasn't in a week. He could be picked or I could and I know Gale would hate for us to be angry at each other if one of us was going to die.
Then he surprises me by pulling me into a hug. I hug him back.
"Did you talk to Gale?" Peeta asks, holding out his hand for me to take. I shift my coal mining book into my left arm and take his hand.
"Yes, actually." He raises his eyebrows.
"What happened? Are you guys still friends?"
I explain to him what I said. We reach the classroom, and when we walk in, still holding hands, we get the usual stares from the kids. They're not cruel stares, but just looks that show merchant kids and Seam kids don't usually date each other. Peeta walks me to my seat and rests his forearms against the top of my desk.
"I'm glad you and Gale are friends. I wouldn't want to come between you two."
I smile and my gaze drops to his hands, curled into fists with scars on them from years of pulling cookies and bread and cakes out of the oven. I know how they feel, their warmth and his surprisingly soft skin. My hands aren't soft. "You aren't," I say, pulling my gaze back up to his face.
He sort of is, but I like him- a lot. I've never had these feelings before. Well, except for Prim. I don't think it's love, not yet at least. The only person I'm sure I love is Prim.
"Mr. Mellark, if you don't mind," our teacher says. Peeta stands up. Everyone else has taken their seats and is giggling. Peeta doesn't look flustered or anything. He just grins.
"Of course not," says Peeta. He's very comfortable with an audience. I am comfortable with an audience at all. I don't even like people.
Peeta saunters to his seat and when he sits down, the teachers begins to explain the homework for tonight. He does this, starts with what teachers usually say at the end of class. He's a peculiar teacher.
I make a face at Peeta, showing him how I feel about his being comfortable around people. He grins and flips open his book. I scowl. Like he's actually going to pay attention. No one pays attention to coal mining. It's been inscribed on our brains since kindergarten.
Peeta slides his arms around my waist and kisses me again. I sigh and wrap my arms around his neck
Peeta walked Prim and I home after school. Prim immediately went to our room, shutting the door quietly to play with Buttercup. I know she purposely did that to leave us alone. As soon as the door clicked shut behind her, Peeta had kissed me.
Without my mother home, I'm not embarrassed to be kissing Peeta in my kitchen. He moves his hands to the small of my back. I don't know why he does that when we kiss.
Someone clears their throat and I jump away from Peeta, heat flooding my face. My mom stands in the front door, holding a small bag of herbs I'm guessing she got from around the Meadow. Peeta licks his lips and glances at me, probably expecting me to say something.
"Hi mom" is all I say. Peeta shoves his hands into his pockets. My mom presses her lips together and makes her way into the bedroom. I hear Prim greet her before the door gently closes again.
"And to think your mom liked me," Peeta says quietly, turning to face me. I smile.
"She likes you, Peeta. Just not when you're kissing me."
He grins. "Right." Then he cups my face and brushes his lips against mine. "I should probably go home," he says, his thumbs stroking my cheeks.
"Okay." I kiss him again and then he pulls away, his face suddenly serious.
"I love you," he says. It's the first time he's said that without anything before or after.
"I know," I say, feeling my heart drop a little. I don't like not being able to say it to him, but I'm not going to say it unless I mean it.
Peeta's emotion doesn't even falter. He accepts that I won't say it. That's what he said when he told me he loved me in the first place. I like him for that because I know if Gale were to say he loves me and I said "I know", it would turn out badly.
Peeta kisses my forehead. "Alright, bye Katniss. See you tomorrow."
"Bye, Peeta," I say, biting my lip. Almost immediately after Peeta is outside, my mother opens the bedroom door. I don't say anything, I just get the meat I was keeping cool from this morning, two rabbits and a squirrel, and begin to skin them on the counter.
"So you and Peeta are officially dating?" she asks. She pulls some vegetables out of an icebox used to keep things cool and starts to chop them up. I'm good at making soup, just throwing a bunch of stuff into a pot with water is easy. It took a few trades to get the vegetables, and I've decided to put them with dinner tonight.
"Yes," I answer after a long silence.
"I heard him say he loves you. How long have you been dating?" I narrow my eyes at her. It's not her business. I answer anyways.
"About one week."
A little smile tugs at the corner of my lips. It's funny to think that tomorrow I will be officially dating Peeta Mellark for one week. I finish cutting up the meat and add it to the pot. A few seconds later, my mom finishes chopping the vegetables and drops it in on top of the meat. I add the water, light the stove, and set the pot on it.
"Don't you think it's a little earlier to be saying 'I love you'? It's only been one week, it's a little serious."
I feel my eyes narrowing again as I sit on the worn, very close to being broken couch and she sits next to me.
"No. I've known Peeta for eleven years and we've been best friends for five. It's not like we've just met, mother." I cross my arms and lean against the back of the couch.
My mom nods, not satisfied, but taking my answer anyways.
*Peeta*
I kick a flat rock with the toe of my boot and grin. I just kissed Katniss four times. I'm still not used to the fact that she's my girlfriend and I can kiss her freely.
I was right about last week, after the lake. My mom screamed at me for being dripping wet when I walked in the door. My dad had to talk her out of grounding me.
My shoe makes contact with another rock and I send it flying. It hits someone's ankle. The apology comes out of my mouth before I look up.
"I'm sorry-oh."
I slow to a stop and stare at Gale who looks like he's been waiting in the middle of the street for a while.
Great.
"Peeta," he says, just like the last time he confronted me.
I nod and accidentally blurt, "If you're looking for Katniss, she's at her house."
Gale stares at me. "I'm not looking for her actually. I was looking for you."
Me? Why would Gale be looking for me, we're not friends. "What for?" I ask, shoving my hands in my pant pockets.
"To...apologize."
This shocks me. He doesn't have anything to apologize for. Well, nothing I think he should for. His reaction to Katniss and I dating is expected. I would be angry if her and Gale started dating, not to mention sad and depressed. And moody. But that's not the point.
"For what?"
Gale gives me a look like I should most definitely know what for. "Because I shouldn't have been rude to you. Katniss choose to date you and I'm just going to accept it. You didn't do anything, really. I get jealous easily."
I grin. "I know that feeling too well."
He smiles too. I take a few steps forward and extend my hand.
"Friends?" Gale stares at my hand with a strange expression on his face that I can't place. I correct myself. "If not friends, then at least not enemies."
He reaches out and grabs my hand. We shake."Friends," Gale says. I can't help the second grin.
Maybe things will be better than I expected.
A/N: Qorkmfncmsalskdnfnrcmslkxmc! Second to last chapter! This is the first story that I've finish intentionally (with the next chapter). And after the next chapter is the sequel! I decided to name it *pause for dramatic effect* Easily Torn (Get it? Paper Thin, Easily Torn? Yeah? No...okay). I'm excited because it's going to be so much fun to write. :B
And you probably don't really care, but I just wanted to tell you what songs I listened to while a wrote this:
Boston- Augustana
Shake It Out- Florence and the Machines
Safe and Sound- Taylor Swift ft. The Civil Wars (which is on the HG soundtrack and is truly a lovely song! Check it out if you haven't already!)
Not Over You- Gavin DeGraw
Heart on Fire- Scars On 45
They're all good songs! :D Review please!