Music Choice: My Stupid Mouth by John Mayer

Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin, but I was dressed up as a power ranger for Halloween . . .

CHAPTER 7 - Decisions

Morgana had the best sleep of her life.

Her slumber was void of any nightmares and her bed has never been so comfortable.

She remembers the embrace that she allowed herself to be in; content in a position where she ended up falling asleep in the arms of a servant, her servant to be exact.

Morgana's view of the world has been skewed by the tragic events in her life and the perspective she takes of those events. As a result, she has become cynical and hasn't had a meaningful and real relationship since her sister passed away. The relationships she builds with people are purely for selfish motives, created only to fulfill her needs.

So naturally, this thing, or whatever it is she has with Merlin is now entirely foreign to her. In her mind, Merlin is merely there to fulfill his duties for her. He is there to be her servant, an object to be used when needed.

At the moment, she enjoys using him as a pillow, but she is forced to open her eyes when she feels him tapping her shoulder.

"Morgana . . . Morgana . . ."

"What?!" she answers grumpily and proceeds to close her eyes again.

"I have to go back to Camelot," he answers. "I have to fulfill my task."

Morgana grumbles incoherently, "okay . . . a few more moments."

Merlin is lying back on the bed with his whole body facing the ceiling; his left arm is stretched out with Morgana's head resting on it. Morgana is lying sideways facing Merlin. Her left arm and leg are resting on top of Merlin's body which does not allow Merlin to leave the bed.

Several minutes pass and Merlin prods Morgana once more, "Morgana . . . I still have to ride out to Camelot. I need to be there early to avoid any suspicion."

"Fine!" she answers annoyingly while simultaneously kicking him off the bed. "Go leave then."

Thud. Merlin falls to the floor, "Ow . . . that hurt."

"Quit whining and just get out of here," her voice is still annoyed. She continues to lie in her bed.

Merlin collects himself from the floor and rubs his hip which took the brunt of the fall. "Okay then . . . so I'm off."

Merlin walks somberly to the door, stretching himself in the process. Before he could open the door to leave, Morgana addresses him in her prone position on the bed, "Merlin?"

"Yes Morgana?"

"I need you to come back tonight."

"Okay," he answers, and without a second thought, he is out of the hovel riding back to Camelot before the sun rises from the horizon. Of all the commands that the Fomorroh has forced him to obey, his master's last command is something that he is happy to follow.

###

Gwen and Gaius are already suspicious of Merlin. They both believe that Merlin is not of his own mind and is planning to kill the king. They race off to look for him in the castle before bumping into Sir Leon.

Gwen addresses Leon, "Have you seen Merlin?"

"He was in the armoury," Leon answers with a smile.

"What did he want there?"

He chuckles, "A crossbow. I think Arthur must be getting on his nerves."

"Why?"

Leon takes a moment to check their surroundings before whispering back, "He said he was going to kill him."

Leon bursts out laughing and walks away.

Gwen and Gaius finds Merlin in Arthur's chambers and Gwen promptly knocks Merlin out with a water pitcher. They bring him back to Gaius' chambers, where Gaius removes the Fomorroh on Merlin's neck. Gaius and Gwen eventually leave to attend to errands as Merlin lies down unconscious in Gaius' bed.

Merlin wakes up at a very late hour in the evening. He instinctively rubs the back of his neck and finds that the Fomorroh is not there anymore. He notices he is in Gaius' chambers and assumes that he must've removed the Fomorroh. He feels free. He has control again. He is no longer Morgana's servant.

However, it would not be true to assume that Merlin wasn't himself when he was under the Fomorroh's control, he just couldn't make decisions on his own, especially decisions that go against Morgana's will. So every question she asked, he answered them all . . . truthfully.

He recalls the long conversations they had, the arguments, and the apologies. He was truthful in everything he said to her. His apologies were sincere. His confessions were true. Being truthful to her was beneficial to him too, in that it gave her an opportunity to be transparent. In the arguments they had, he fully saw the pain, the anger, the loneliness, and the betrayal she felt. It is then that his fears came true, when he came to the realization of how big a part he played in her transformation. Of course he understands that Uther played a bigger role, but he knows his decisions didn't help the situation. He saw all the bad emotions and feelings that he had caused her. His bad decisions pushed her away. He always did try to make decisions to pull her away from the path to evil, but all he really did was push her towards it.

His decision not to share his magic with her forced her to seek answers elsewhere. Sources that were not good for her, people that led her astray, bad influences that distorted her convictions. He believes that he should've been the one to guide her, the one who held her hand, the one who opened her eyes. But he didn't, he made a bad call.

Then there is her poisoning. He acknowledges that he should've told her the situation. He should've trusted her as his friend. To think that minutes prior to that event, she had called him "a good friend." Those words always come back to haunt him, and now, he feels the error of his ways.

He misses her. He misses her a lot. He understands that he pushed her away, and presently, he wants her back. He wants the woman who called him a good friend back. He wants the woman that he spent the last few days with to return. He believes that she has hope. He wants to believe that there is hope because he can't live with the thought of not kissing her again.

"I kissed her. . . I kissed her . . ." he scratches his head. "But she didn't kill me . . . also, I think I confessed that I may have loved her too!"

Merlin stands up and starts pacing. The thought of the kiss makes him smile. He remembers how much he relished it, and now, how much he cherishes it. If he had to relive the situation he was in with her again, he would not change what he did, he would still choose to kiss her. He also ponders about his admission of love. It is true that he had very strong feelings for her before, "but did I really love her? I know that I was obligated to give her a truthful answer . . . was that really what was in my heart?"

He replays their last night together in his head. How Morgana tried to comfort him, "comfort me with absurd reasoning" he thought to himself, and how she fell asleep in his arms. She looked so peaceful, so serene, "if only she was like that all the time."

He pictures her face when he woke up before her this morning. Her strong cheekbones accentuating her face and her pursed lips tempting him for a taste. The way she crinkled her nose when he decided to wake her up makes him want to be there to wake her up all the time. He longs for the closeness that they had. He loves the openness in their relationship, now that she knows about his magic.

He continues all his thoughts about her as he relocates himself to lay down on his own bed. He decides he shouldn't go to her hovel tonight since it is already very late. He allows himself to close his eyes but he doesn't stop his thoughts about her. He sees an image of her, her closed eyes that are facing him, her ebony hair spilling all over his arm as she crinkles her nose at him, moments before he falls to sleep.

###

"What is that? Arthur's socks?"

Merlin coughs at the smoking canister. He has just made another attempt at Arthur's life. Apparently, the Fomorroh that Gaius removed from him yesterday grew back and his will did not become his own once again.

Gwen has left already, leaving Gaius and Merlin to figure out how to completely remove the Fomorroh.

"There's only one way, I'm afraid," Gaius states. "You have to kill the mother beast."

"The creature that lives in Morgana's hut?" Merlin asks with a smile.

Gaius nods at him, "What are you smiling for? I think Gwen must've hit you in the head far too many times."

"No Gaius, I'm fine," he answers. "How long have I got? How long before this thing wakes up?"

"A day, no more. And I wouldn't face her alone."

"Don't worry Gaius, I have it all under control."

Merlin stands up to leave. He looks all too excited to journey to an enemy's lair. Gaius looks suspiciously at him, "You're going alone? Why don't you bring someone with you?"

But Merlin is already out the door even before Gaius could finish his sentence. He is thrilled to go see Morgana again.

What?! FanFictionEngineer updated two days in a row?! What kind of sorcery is this?

Next chapter, we'll see how Morgana is doing. :D

Again, thank you so much for all the support and reviews. You guys are the best :D