"Can you believe it?" Leif asked, stumbling over a book he dropped. "It's tonight...Halloween." He said, dropping his voice as he muttered the last part.

"And I have two goldfish." Bruised said, absentmindedly tapping her wand against her Astrology book. When everybody just stared, she continued blankly. "I'm sorry, I thought we were talking about shit no one cares about."

Leif scowled, causing others to laugh at his hurt feelings, but they didn't have time to dwell on the situation.

"What is going on?"

Bruised, Axle, Leopard, and Leif all groaned at the nasally voice of their Potions professor. Sassy tensed; she had not spoken to him since their detention, choosing to remain silent in class. "Ugh." Axle scrunched up his nose. "You smell like cheap deodorant."

"Five points from Gryffindor." Snape snarled, his sweeping gaze examining them all one by one. No one but Sassy noticed that his gaze lingered on her half a second more than the others. His eyes narrowed as he looked at them all. "What trouble are you five plotting?"

"Nothing, sir." Leopard bowed, not realizing how he could easily perceive it as mocking.

"Five points from Gryffindor." Snape, realizing that they probably weren't doing anything wrong, decided to make things up. "Mr. K-Brooks, you are standing too still. Five points from Gryffindor."

Leif's mouth dropped open, but what he was about to say was quickly killed by Sassy's shriek of outrage. "You're such a shitty teacher! I would know, I'm homeschooled, I'm used to dealing with incompetence!"

Before Snape could give a scathing reply, Leopard broke into a sprint and bumped into him, causing him to stumble. "Neville! Neville!" Leopard called, waving her hands in the air madly. "I need help on that vampire report!" The round-faced boy in question gave her a fearful glance and started to run away from her, knocking some first years down in his attempt to get away.

Snape pinched the bridge of his nose, muttering "five points from Gryffindor." He glared at the now four people standing before him before turning on his heel and stalking away, ignoring the group of Slytherins beating up a Hufflepuff.

Bruised looked at him lazily, and muttered to Leif quiet enough where Sassy wouldn't hear. "Ten eem that he and Sassy will screw before the year is over."

Leif sniffed, looking at the retreating form of Professor Snape and then at Sassy. "I'll take that bet."

The Five's last class of the day was Divination.

The only person who actually liked Divination was Axle, but everyone knew his love for the subject was half-assed and he just wanted to impress girls.

The fifth year Gryffindors settled in the cramped, perfume filled classroom, coughing and wiping their watery eyes. Professor Trelawney emerged from the shadows, her frail body covered by a cloak and her bug-glasses staring intently at the Five. She always stared at them, and Sassy was an inch away from smashing a crystal ball in her face.

"Today we will be studying tea leaves." Trelawney murmured in a whispery voice, moving about the room with a trying-too-hard expression.

"Um." Harry raised his hand. "We already did this, remember? You told me the Grim was after me or something."

Trelawney gave him a cold stare and continued to sweep about the room. "As you can see, there is a filled teacup placed in front of each of you. Drink it and study the remains on the bottom cup and tell me what you see." Axle nodded vigorously at her words, fumbling with his tea and trying to drink the scathing hot liquid in one gulp. The others sighed and reluctantly sipped at their tea.

"I see a...a..." Bruised squinted in her teacup, holding it nearly upside down. "A phoenix." She decided, nodding. "I see a phoenix."

"Dumbledore owns a phoenix." Harry told her absentmindedly, running his cup through his hands, a bored expression on his face. Bruised just smirked.

"I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to see." Leif complained, twirling his cup to alter the bits of tea. "It's just a clump of fucking tea. God."

Sassy had broken her cup by now, and Axle was talking loudly about his tea so Lavender and Parvati would hear him. "I think mine is a heart, a heart for love. Hmm." He looked pointedly in their direction. "I wonder who the lucky gal will be..."

Trelawney was watching them all sharply, her face scrunched up. As her gaze flickered on Leopard she let out a screech of indignation, snatching Leopard's teacup from her hands. "You're not supposed to lick the cup clean! That ruins the very point of the assignment!"

Leopard just shrugged, scribbling something in her Divination journal. Trelawney glared at her for a moment before walking to the front of the classroom and clearing her throat. "Tonight, as you all know, will be the annual Halloween feast. I predict uh..." She squinted her eyes for a moment. "38587 deaths. Yes. 38587 deaths."

Bruised rolled her eyes.

The whole school shuffled into the Great Hall, whispering excitedly. One by one the Five sat down at the Gryffindor table, poking their empty plates with their old and rusty silverware. The teachers were already seated, and Bruised was busy staring at Dumbledore, a small smirk on her face. As the chaos settled and students looked around, Dumbledore slowly rose to his full height, smiling happily at the students.

"Today is Halloween! Hurrah!" He raised his arms out, as if to give an air hug, and a few of the students begrudgingly copied him, returning his air hug. He dropped his arms soon after, shaking his head happily. "Halloween…an exciting holiday! Full of ghouls and spiders and creepy things and shadows and knives and Snapes and puppets and…"

Flitwick coughed, and Dumbledore reluctantly sat down, muttering "Eat now." Piles of food appeared on the students' plates, and everyone started to stuff their face happily, spilling food all over their clothes.

"Ugh, this shit is disgusting." Sassy complained, reaching for a plain piece of bread and then coughing in disgust at the blandness of it.

"Oh shut up." Axle speared a potato with his fork and shoved it in his mouth. "Why are you always so negative? Enjoy the free food, for the love of god."

"Axle!" Leif scolded, picking glumly at a piece of lettuce. "I didn't know you had it in you."

Axle shrugged, tapping Leopard on the shoulder to pass the salt. It was Leopard's turn to shrug, pointing at the empty spot where the salt just was. Axle looked around, his gaze resting on Ron. "OY! GINGER! PASS THE DAMN SALT!"

Ron glared at him, picking up the salt, walking over, and pouring all of it in Axle's exposed eyes.

"OH NOES, I AM BLIND!" Axle screamed in pain, falling off the bench as the salt seeped in his eyes and porcupine wounds.

"Get over it." Bruised poured more salt in Axle's eyes, grinning when he rolled over, crying.

"Ugh guys." Leif complained, picking up Axle by his shirt collar. "Stop it. His screams are annoying." Leif grabbed his goblet of Pumpkin Juice and attempted to wash Axle's eyes out with it. Ten minutes later Axle could finally see again, sniffling and looking around sadly.

They all sat down, trying to enjoy their meal, their fellow Gryffindors talking loudly around them and food spilling out of their mouths and onto the table.

It all remained peaceful for a while; it was quiet and friendly up until Filch busted through the Great Hall doors, Mrs. Norris yowling in his arms. He ran down the center aisle, panting and wheezing from age.

"TROLLLLLLLL, IN THE DUNGEON!"

Everyone visibly tensed, going silent. Harry and his friends all groaned, slamming their heads on the table. Dumbledore stood up, all serious like, his voice booming across the Hall. "All students report to their common rooms and stay there until further notice. Your House prefects will lead you there."

The Five stood up with the rest of the students, looking around. Finally, Leopard voiced what they were all thinking. "Er, what is a prefect?"

Leif stroked his imaginary beard. "I assume it's a misspelling of 'perfect.' Hmm…." He sighed. "Who do we know is perfect?"

Sassy huffed angrily. "No one is perfect, you fucking moron." She too looked around though, her gaze resting on Hermione. "But some do come close. What about that bushy haired, buck toothed nerd over there?"

They all scrambled to where Hermione was leading some first and second years out of the Hall. "Move along children, move along." Ron stood beside her, looking almost pissed, as he reluctantly pushed the younger students out of the Hall.

Leopard squinted for a moment, thinking as they were led out into the corridor leading to their dorm. "Guys, I have an idea."

They all looked expectantly at her, and soon they were huddled together, whispering urgently.

"This is a shitty idea." Bruised grumbled as they pushed their way through the crowd and down into the dungeons. "How will defeating the troll score us popularity points?"

Leopard didn't respond, instead pulling her wand out and muttering "Lumos" as they went down the stone stairs that led into the dungeons, where they had Potions. They walked silently, making an effort not to slip on the grime that covered the stairs, trying not to cry when they saw a bat swoop down and nearly hit them in the face.

"Where do you think it'll be?" Leif asked, peering around a corner to make sure it was safe. They were so deep into the dungeons they could no longer hear the rumble of students above them. Bruised had poked her head in Snape's classroom, making sure the troll wasn't in there.

"No idea." Leopard whispered, the cold biting at all of them. Axle was trying to hold Sassy's hand, but Sassy just scowled and pulled her hand away.

A door stood at the end of the hall they were walking in, and everybody pushed Sassy in the front of the line so she could open it. This was their last hope. If it was not in here they would have to turn back.

"Ugh. Pussies." Sassy walked confidently up to the door, turning the knob and allowing the door to creak open so she could poke her head in. When she turned to look at them, there was a confused look on her face, but she didn't appear to be scared. "Uh, I guess this is it…"

They all walked curiously up to the door, peering in, and the sight itself made Axle laugh out loud.

The room was bare, the floor and walls covered with dirt. The only light came from a shabby bulb hanging from a wire attached to the ceiling.

But in the center of the room was a boy; he sitting cross-legged on the floor with his eyes closed and his hands on his knees. He wore only rags, and his ginger hair was tangled and smudged with dirt. He couldn't be older than 14, and they all looked at him with curiosity and amusement.

Axle once again chuckled, and they all walked up, standing a few feet away from him. Leif was the first one to speak. "Greetings. I am Leif K-Brooks, creator of Omegle and the greatest programmer in existence."

The boy's eyes flew open almost at once, and he turned his head to smile warmly at them. "Hello. My name is MI." As he said this he pulled out a dirty, cracked red M&M from his pocket, pointing at it and then at his eye. "M. I."

Axle tried to stifle his laugher. "Nice to meet you, MI."

Bruised was the only one who didn't look so amused anymore, folding her arms across her chest and frowning.

"I'd love to make some friends." MI said airily, staring at a large smudge of dirt on one of the walls. "I don't have many, you see." He turned his gaze on Sassy, and she couldn't deny how creepy he looked. His eyes were empty. "Friends?"

MI picked himself up off of the floor, brushing some of the dirt off. "Friends…"

"Uh, no." Leif snorted, looking at his dirty appearance with distaste. "Not friends."

MI's smile disappeared, and he turned to look at Leif, folding his hands in front of him. "Your mother is a dirty whore."

Leif gaped at him, his hand spread across his chest in indignation. "She is not!"

"I paid her two eem earlier today, and you would not believe all the nasty things she did to me for that. It was amazingly disgusting."

"Well I don't think-" Sassy tried to butt in.

"Shut the fuck up, you asexual piece of shit. No one can stand you!"

Axle gasped, and MI turned to him. "Why don't you run along and get abused, okay? Better yet, go get your wrist slapped. Though, I guess to you those are the same things."

"Nuh-uh! Shut the fuck up!" Axle attempted to hit MI, but the Troll pushed him back with an invisible force and Axle's back hit the wall. Hard.

"Aborted fetuses had it coming! Homosexuals should be treated as beggars and have no rights!"

By now the dirt that had collected on the floor was spinning around the room, making a small tornado that was flinging rocks at the Five. "Stop it!" Leopard screeched, pulling out her wand and shooting minor hexes at MI. The others did the same, but the Troll only laughed, increasing his insults and jeers.

"LEOPARD IS A COLD HEARTED BITCH!"

"BRUISED WILL GO NO WHERE IN LIFE!"

"AXLE IS A SHEEEEEEP!"

As he said the last bit he created a forced that caused all of them to slam against the wall, their wands flying over to MI like a magnet.

"YOUR MOMS ARE EVERYWHERE, AND I ASK, WHICH ONE IS THE CHEAPEST? WHICH ONE IS THE CHEAPEST?"

Beams of lights were shooting from MI's chest, and the static and force in the room were almost overpowering. They all were still screeching in rage, trying to claw their way over to MI.

Axle was weeping, trying to get to the door, and MI directed all his rage onto him. "THE SHEEP RUNS AWAY, DOES HE? WHY LITTLE SHEEPY BOY, DON'T YOU WANT DESSERT?"

On cue, a pile of hay fell on Axle, covering him completely and nearly crushing him. MI laughed hysterically, and soon they all were begging to leave. "There is no hope!"

ALL OF A SUDDEN

Dumbledore barged in, wand out, eyes darting frantically around the room to assess the damage. "Yay! Dumbledore!" They all hurrahed, crawling over to Dumbledore's feet.

"HI ALBUS!" MI waved frantically from where he was standing, a lopsided smile on his face. "Did you just get back from the mirror, Albus? Did you have fun, staring at your dead sister? DID YOU?"

MI attempted to hurl a ball of fire at Dumbledore, but it wouldn't form and MI looked at his hands, confused. The Five gaped at MI and then at the Headmaster, mouthing "How did you do that?"

"You must ignore the Troll, children." Dumbledore told them, squatting down so he could see them better. "Trolls of this nature feed on reactions. You must stand completely still and not say anything, or the Troll will continue to live on your reactions. Got it?" They nodded and all sat down, staying quiet, as MI narrowed his eyes and looked at each of them.

He strode up to Sassy, looking down at her, and his lips turned into a smile. "Hullo there, Sassy. How are you doing?"

Sassy said nothing.

"I'm doing fine. I heard somewhere that you were pretty smart. But you do kind of bad in Potions. Maybe something…someone…is distracting you."

Again, nothing.

MI twirled some of his dirty hair with his finger. "I don't know about you, but I find Potions to be swell. Though I must say, Professor Snape is rather mean, isn't he?"

Sassy flinched.

MI looked bored. "Touch a nerve, did I?"

He made a few more jeers in her direction, but after realizing it would be futile, he moved over to where Leif sat.

"My my, Leif K-Brooks. Good at programming, no? Smoke a joint or two in you life?" MI picked at some dirt on his arm, seemingly uninterested.

"I heard your girlfriend was a pothead. Wanna know where I heard that, Leif? Wanna know?"

Leif was struggling not to respond.

"Your mother told me."

"SHE DID NOT YOU USELESS PIECE OF SHIT FUCK YOU!" Leif roared, jumping up and trying to claw at MI's face.

Almost at once a thousand beams of light shot out of MI's body.

"LIIIIIIIIIIIIFE!"

The tornado of dirt picked back up and they were all punished for Leif's mistake. Dumbledore grabbed them by their shirts and threw them out of the room, shutting the door and casting a spell to lock it.

"You dumb bitch!" Sassy screeched, flailing her arms around madly, trying hit Leif. "You nearly got us killed!"

"No." Dumbledore said calmly, silencing them all. "You nearly got yourselves killed." They all looked at him, confused, and he elaborated. "Going after the Troll was very, very foolish, and you all would have died if I had not shown up. Whoever thought of it needs to set their priorities."

Leopard grinned sheepishly.

"For your blunt stupidity and thoughtless actions, putting you all at risk I'm afraid I must take-" He paused. "–two points from Gryffindor."

"NOOOOOO!"

Dumbledore shook his head sadly, closing his eyes. "This is how it must be."

After a few more beats of silence, he raised his head and looked at them brightly. "Now, the Troll should be dying down right now, but we must wait until he is completely gone to leave. He can hear everything we say, so do not say anything to make it stronger." They all nodded, waiting.

The silence was almost unbearable, and they had nothing to entertain themselves except watching Bruised try to look up Dumbledore's lavender robes, which soon got boring because Dumbledore must have enchanted his robes not to raise.

As the minutes passed, Dumbledore finally signaled for them to get up, and they did, dusting themselves off, sweating with relief. "Man, I'm starved." Axle sighed, his stomach growling as if to prove what he said.

Leopard was looking curiously at the door that led to the room. "I wonder if he's still there." She questioned as Dumbledore shooed them away.

Leif scowled. "Yeah. I don't really care, though. I hated that Troll so fucking much."

One…

Two…

Three…

"LIIIIIIIIIIIIFE!"