This isn't her, this isn't Shepard. She's not the badass super heroine she made me believe she was and… I like it. Their lips separated and Jack found those teary, emerald eyes staring back at her but, this time, in a far different light. Jack smiled possessively. "About damn time." Cera scrunched her face.
"I'm crying and I kiss you and that's what you have to say? Jee, thanks." Jack grew surprised for a moment before her face flushed.
"No, I mean, I'm here and all that fluffy bullshit, but I just-" Shepard cut her off with a finger to her lips.
"Cool it. I'm just messing with you." Now it was Jack's turn to look perturbed as Cera grinned triumphantly. She placed a hand along Jack's jaw and caressed it softly. "In all honesty, I'm really glad you're here. Much better than the Illusive Smoker smearing my face in his problems." Jack grabbed Cera and pulled her close, her head resting on the crimson hair of her commander. Shepard closed her eyes and breathed softly as her head rested on Jack's chest, drifting in the rise and fall of her breaths.
As Shepard fell into a light sleep, Jack found herself berated by her thoughts. She had developed a wall around herself over the course of her life and the only people she'd ever let past it were dead. That wall had only gotten stronger as she grew older. She figured that it'd always be that way with her just using and killing everyone on the outside to serve and save herself, not caring for another living soul. Then this red-haired vixen just had to crack her out of cryo. Jack didn't trust herself around Shepard, believing distance was favorable. Maybe a little fuck here and there, but that wall was to stay erect. And she still had that ideal. But the grout was coming out.
"You're lucky I'm here to kill people." Jack stroked the sleeping woman's hair softly. Her heart caught when she parted the hair to see Cera's features. She'd never seen the woman asleep or without stress lining her face. Even when she came forward a little while ago, it wasn't nearly as revealing as her sleeping form; yet another side of her she didn't make public and the amount of trust required to see this was not lost on Jack. She hoped she was a harder nut to crack than Shepard but, if that were the case, then Cera was a damned mallet. Ah piss.
Kenneth turned his head to the sound of shouts and crashes coming from the bottom deck. "The hell is she doin' down there?"
"Who knows, but just leave her and she'll stop. Just as long as she doesn't-" Gabby was cut off when another pound shuttered the lights of engineering. "Let's go." The two engineers quickly ran through the door behind them and bounded down the grated stairs to find the local biotic powerhouse destroying what was once a very nice table. It now resembled a modern art sculpture with a leg nearly piercing a pipe behind it.
"Jack, yeh crazy bitch! Quit trashin' ah baby!" Kenneth attempted reaching the biotic and was sent crashing into the far wall, knocking the wind out of him.
"Just fuck off; I'm not fucking breaking your lousy ship." Gabby pointed to a hole in a tube near Jack while helping her companion to his feet. It was expelling gas and Jack was slightly surprised that she hadn't noticed that. "Oh shit, I didn't-" Gabby glared at her and Jack kicked the floor. "Fuck! I gotta… AHHHH!" She screamed as she ran from the room, snapping one of the stairs as she leapt up to the next floor.
"Hey, we might need to watch her more closely from now on."
"Yeh think?" Gabby gave him a look and he shrugged. "Jes' sayin'. 'Er crazy was a wee bit obvious teh me." Gabby rolled her eyes helped her friend up.
"Now you've been proven right, happy? Let's go get our tools and fix this mess." Kenneth sighed as they got to work.
"Shit." Jack bit her nails roughly, piercing the skin on her thumb. The taste of iron calmed her slightly and she fell back on the bulkhead with a heavy sigh. "I hate complicated shit." Jack was sitting in a tiny crevice in the back of the hanger, the bizarre Hammerhead vehicle suspended above her. While the rest of the ship was loud, crowded, or both everywhere else, the only sounds from the hangar were creaks and groans accompanied by the complete absence of any life.
The windowed hallway overlooking the hangar was empty as well, though Grunt could be seen through his window messing with a data terminal. Zaeed's room was dark as he had been taken on a mission with Shepard. She had business on the Citadel and Jack wasn't up to deal with a bunch of haughty rich people at the moment. In fact, she was glad she hadn't gone. She might have hurt someone in her current state of mind. "Wait… what?" I don't give a fuck if I kill a thousand Citadel preps!
She roared as she pounded a neat hole into the pillar next to her. She stood to deal more damage but kept herself from pounding the floor mid-swing, collapsing in a heap of sobs. "Shepard, you bitch." Words meant to sound threatening came out quaking and quiet. This would have enraged her more if she could see.
"Oh, Keelah." Jack's head jerked up to see Tali observing the con's handiwork. Jack did her best to compose herself as she stood again and made the most threatening stance she could which consisted of her leaning forward with balled fists.
"The fuck you doin' here, bolt brain?" Tali was taken aback by the tears in her ally's eyes.
"Well, you weren't necessarily being quiet in here, so Gabby and Kenneth sent me here to see what I could do. But you clearly need more time. Try not to break too many things." The Quarian turned to leave but was stopped by a strong force tugging at her shoulder. She looked to Jack to see blue dissipating from around an outstretched hand. "I really don't need you wasting my time, Jack." Jack looked down solemnly and hugged her sides.
"I don't like this. And I'll waste your time if I damn well need to." Tali usually tried to ignore the insane biotic, her attitude being somewhat distracting to her personal work, but now her ear was caught by the sound of utter defeat in Jack's voice. The usual cocky persona was now replaced by that of a little girl huddled in a corner waiting for her mother. Tali chose to take that challenge.
"Fine. You have my attention." Jack felt somewhat relieved but uncomfortable at the same time. She kicked the ground once in an attempt to bolster her confidence. Violence was safe, familiar, and the one thing she could trust.
"I don't do this kind of shit, alright? I break necks, smash ships, and ruin lives. If someone smiles from something I've done, I rip it off and tear their jaw out. I don't…" Her thoughts spilled out of her mouth, forcing the little girl back in her, and her arms slinked around her waist again. She turned away from Tali's faceplate, finding it somewhat condescending. "I know who I am. I know what I do. This isn't me." Tali wasn't fully aware of Jack and Shepard's newfound relationship, but she had seen the two enough to piece together what was happening here.
"Each of our lives are a journey. There isn't a single thing that is certain. We start out believing things from our youth and change our personal thoughts as we are introduced to new things, foreign experiences. Making a plan is foolish. You can only live with uncertainty and an open mind."
"Pretty words but they don't mean a whole lot. Not when I'm so black." Jack looked at the floor for a moment, watching dust flitter through the air. Each tiny speck intrigued her, flowing in a world of freedom and without limitations. She had lived her whole life trying to be that way and now it was all falling apart.
"You need to realize that the past is gone; you can't hold onto childish beliefs forever, Jack!" Jack's face flew up and glared at the Quarian.
"Don't tell me to forget everything that's been done to me! Don't tell me to forget all the people who used me, all the assholes who said they'd help me and just ended up adding another scar to my skin! Don't you dare tell me to forget who I am!" An uncomfortable silence overcame the two after Jack's last syllable screamed past her lips. She balled her hands into fists and shook her head violently. "I… go. I need… space." Jack was visibly tense and quaking. Tali wasn't about to question the woman and chose a nod of departure rather than a goodbye.
Jack watched the engineer leave the room and waited till she was out of earshot to collapse to the cold metal of the floor. She buried her head in her hands, tears leaking between her fingers. Her body shook as her cries grew more desperate, attempting to relieve every emotion from her mind. The salty liquid fell to her legs, soaking the pants in a dotted pattern. She removed her hands, revealing reddened eyes and quivering lips.
"Everything… everything's… different…" Her last word was a whisper.
The shuttle bay was cold, the creaks groaning from the walls and beams merely furthering the solitude of the one within its confines. Dust settled on the figure lying prone in the bowels of the massive room, small whimpers coming forth occasionally.
A loud clang reverberated through the space, shuttering Jack into a sitting position, tears still clinging to her cheeks. She wildly pawed at her face in a futile attempt to remove the uncertainty from it. The clanging grew closer and Jack panicked, curling in on herself with head in her knees. The clanging stopped as it grew its loudest.
"I thought I'd find you here." The voice was soft, calm, understanding, and somewhat of a miracle to the distraught woman. Her red eyes looked up to see her Shepard looking back at her, a gentle smile gracing her strong features. The sight of her miracle brought on another salvo of tears, rendering her head back between her knees. Cera rushed to the woman's side and wrapped her arms around the frail form.
"What… what took you so long?" The mumbled words were soggy with tears, inaudible to all but the closest ears. Shepard softly stroked Jack's bare back and kissed her shoulder.
"Garrus had some business with a… an old friend of his. But it's over, I'm here."
"You bitch," she replied, face still concealed. Cera smiled as she continued caressing the shivering woman. A soft pitter patter sound came from beneath Jack and Cera looked to see drops coming from between her knees. She quickly lifted up Jack's head to find tears cascading down her contorted features. "Don't look at me. I'm pitiful." She turned away from Shepard, wiping away some of the tears.
"No you're not, so stop this." She grabbed the crying woman's cheeks, turned her face, and planted a kiss on her damp lips. They held the kiss, eyes closed, for what seemed like an eternity. When Cera released, Jack looked somewhat disappointed. She leaned into Shepard with a sigh.
"You smell like a rotten verran."
"Oh thanks, that's what I want to hear after a kiss," she said with a smile. At least she's back to her old self, ironically.
"I'd… like to keep this a secret." Shepard looked to the girl leaning on her with bewilderment.
"That's not like you. Shouldn't you be like 'Fuck what they all think!' or something along those lines?" Jack shrugged.
"Not with this. I still need time before people start bitching at me. I don't wanna hear it. This is me and you, got it?" Shepard nodded, caressing the girl's shaved head.
"Not a soul." Satisfied with the answer, Jack took Shepard's arms and wrapped them around her.
"And I swear to god, if you tell anyone that I'm into this fluffy shit, I'll kill you." Shepard laughed loudly, but Jack continued. "I mean, dead. Blood pooling, limbs flying, the combo pack of pain and suffering. Don't. Tell. Anything. Not even a journal or a diary or even a napkin. Don't even talk to yourself about it. Death. First degree murder. I'll do it." Shepard had been laughing the whole time, but finally stopped, swallowing the amusement.
"You got it. Not even a wall." Jack looked at her.
"Good." She readjusted herself in Shepard's arms. "Now tell me about what happened on the Citadel." This would be the second object to usher Cera's surprise. "Look, if we're gonna do this, I need to be interested in the bull shit you do. So just tell me about… your…" She worked the words in her mouth, making the face of someone who had just eaten a handful of salt. "Day." Shepard squealed and kissed her serial killer on the head.
"It's not even my birthday!"
"Shut up."
"You're sounding… normal."
"No! I am not normal! Don't even fuck with me! Just… AHHH! Just start talking." Shepard laughed once more before composing herself and settling down for a lengthy retelling of her day.
As if Garrus's somewhat coaxed decision to not kill Sidonis wasn't enough to knock Shepard off her heels, now she returned to the Normandy to find her… girlfriend? huddled in the furthest corner of the hangar bawling her eyes out. She'd seen some mind-blowing things in her time, but Jack's normality towards their newfound relationship topped even the Collector/Prothean connection. A cold, ruthless murderer had forsaken herself to the furies of romance and it was, without a doubt, the cutest thing Cera had ever witnessed.
Shepard now sat at her desk in her luxurious cabin reviewing previous mission reports and trying her best not to stare at Jack's dossier. Liara's photo was turned face down resting beside something Cera truly considered at the moment. Despite her feelings for the resident convict, she still had duties to fulfill; even duties for an old flame. A single manila folder beside the fallen frame contained documents of very crucial information pertaining to the whereabouts of the Shadow Broker. She owed Liara enough to see at least this through. Jack's accompaniment wasn't going to be an issue as she was likely eager for a reason to get her mind off herself. How she would handle Shepard's ex, however, was another issue entirely.
With a sigh, Shepard grabbed the documents and placed them beside her bed. She left her cabin and took the elevator to the command deck where a very cheery redhead filled her view as the doors parted.
"Hi, Cera." Her voice was saturated with a pastry sweetness only she could manage. A clipboard was held against her chest as she stood tall, a smile gracing her friendly face.
"Hey, Kelly." She said as she embraced the yeoman. The two walked back to Kelly's station where she placed the clipboard down. "I'm gonna call it a day, but we're gonna start making our way to Illium, um… tonight? I can never tell." Kelly giggled.
"I think that's one of the great things about space. You won't feel bad no matter what time you sleep."
"Except the fact that this is a military vessel so there's a specified schedule that-"
"You're exempt from it." Kelly replied hastily. Shepard gave her an odd look and Kelly reddened under the scrutiny.
"Well whatever. I'll be gone for probably a long time once we hit Illium so I just wanted you to know that. I'll be taking Garrus and Jack with me so could you inform them of that so they get sleep before we arrive?" Kelly nodded quickly.
"Yes, of course, right away." She turned to her station and began entering the code on her console to contact Garrus. Just as Cera was walking away, Kelly said, "I'll, um, talk to you later, then." Cera nodded back and continued making her way to Joker.
The crew around her spoke as they worked, speaking of personal issues and a few conversations of Shepard's folly a few weeks ago. Many seemed in agreement that the Illusive Man had dropped the ball once again, but others weren't so sure. Cera prayed she wouldn't have to talk to them, too. That time had long since passed.
Joker cycled his seat around as she approached a scowl on his face.
"About time you got here. EDI's been heckling me all day! She doesn't let me do anything with my ship!"
"It is against Cerberus regulation to put imagery of flames or racing stripes on the hull of the ship and replacing the viewport window with stained glass is a security risk. I'm not heckling you, Mr. Moroe, merely trying to keep the crew from being sucked into space."
"We could reinforce it easy! Just put a few layers in there, some sealant, it'll be as good as any viewport on the ship! And not to mention stylish."
"No."
"Gotta say, Joker," Shepard added. "I'm gonna have to agree with EDI on this one."
"Psh. You two are no fun." Cera smirked at his odd sense of humor. "But I doubt you came to the bridge just to say no to spray paint, so what is it you needed, commander?"
"I need you to get us to Illium. It's time I used that Cerberus intel to help out our old friend." Joker appeared excited at this and quickly rotated his seat back to the controls.
"Alright, we'll leave immediately. Can't wait to see Liara again, eh?" Shepard nodded slowly even though Joker couldn't see her do it. "It'll take a while to get there so you should probably get some rest before we arrive. But that's just my opinion, in case you'd rather be an insomniac or something."
"Trust me, I'm crashing as soon as I hit my bed. Wake me and my team before we reach orbit."
"Roger that, commander. Oh, tell Liara I said hi when you get down there."
"Will do." She said off-handedly as she left for her cabin. She had to rest more than her body at the moment in order to be prepared for tomorrow's confrontation.