{.x.o.} | Rapture's Remorse | {.o.x.}
{x| Chapter 7: Remnant |x}
Our Father, who art in heaven…
"Hey, she needs help! Now!" Inuyasha shouted the moment he rushed into the ER of the hospital she just had to go to, no, he couldn't call an ambulance to pick her, she had to go to Saint Dismas. The limp girl had been in and out of consciousness on the way over, mumbling things that made no sense, half the time it wasn't even words.
"What's happened?" A nurse rushed to him and the limp body in his arms.
Hallowed be thy name.
"You have to stay out here," another ordered after they got the stilled girl onto a gurney to roll her past the big, flapping, doors.
"Why?" he retorted swiftly, "is she going to be OK?"
"I'm sorry, but you can't come back, just wait here, someone will come get you once we know," the mahogany eyed girl explained before she rushed back to follow the other. He couldn't do a damn thing, never before had he felt so… fucking helpless, he could just stand there dully staring at the fading figures behind the doors until they turned a corner.
She'd be OK… wouldn't she?
Thy Kingdom come, thy will be done,
"Suikotsu-sensei," a nurse started, "she's—"
"I know who she is, I know what's wrong," he assured, "how long has she been unconscious?"
"We don't know."
He nodded with pursed lips as his beige gaze glanced about her, his stethoscope, it was only then that his brows bent together, "get the paddles charged."
On earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread.
He couldn't stay still, who could just sit in the stupid white room with flaking blue paint and pretend everything was fine? He bit his bottom lip as he folded his arms tighter upon his chest; it was a constant circle around the area that kept him sane. She had to be OK… that was the only thought he could process.
What… was wrong with her? What had that damn bastard done to her? Damn it all, why did she have to help him?
Why did he have to ruin everything?
And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.
Vaguely, she could understand what was going on, the shouts, the shocks, and the spark pricks in her arms. Something was going wrong, very wrong. Everything was fading away into that darkness she knew so well. What was behind the veil? Would there be light? Was all that she believed in true?
Yes, she thought so, that was the whole point of faith, wasn't it?
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
"You were the one that brought in Higurashi Kagome, weren't you?" The same mahogany eyed nurse in green and pink scrubs inquired as she walked out of the back and into the waiting room, that question got the hanyou's ears to twitch and his feet to finally stop. The look on her face was the very opposite of reassuring, whatever breath he had lodged itself in his throat like a rock.
He was suffocating as she rubbed her hands together and pressed her lips shut before a sigh left her lips.
"What?" he meant to sound fierce, to sound pissed and he had every intention of feeling those things too since she was dragging out the inevitable but all he could feel was dread, absolutely and undeniably consuming terror.
For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory, for ever and ever.
Amen
[…]
"Hello," a lull of a whisper weakly caught her attention, it was all entwined in that darkness she knew so well but she wanted to wake up, she wanted to see the light, she didn't want to be alone… not there, not where there was nothing.
In between bleakness behind her lids and the rays that blinded her blinking eyes she could see a figure, a feminine one, but the luminosity was too much, she couldn't see a face just the halo around her… she could just hear the voice, the one object that kept her attached to the world when everything else pulled her under, down, down, down to the next life, whatever it might hold.
"Hello?" For once, she managed to keep her lids lifted, the sun that used to be so staggering had faded.
"Are," she swallowed the dryness that had made it so hard to speak, "you an angel?"
"No," the fair-skinned woman smiled as she leaned down, her cocoa colored eyes wavering over the girl before her, "how do you feel?"
"Am I dead?"
"No," she soothed once more before lifting her hand up to brush her black bangs away, "do you not remember where you are?"
If she was not dead, then there was only one answer, "the hospital?"
"Yes, there were complications with the surgery, you've been in a coma for a week, but damage has been done. It was a success, Higurashi-san."
The surgery, how often had she been cut up since birth? How many more times would she have to? It was not fair, she was born like this, and she had done nothing to deserve such a fate so why? Why was she bestowed with her deficiency? She would never live to be an old lady, she doubted she'd ever reach the age of twenty-one. She did not understand. Her young mind could not grasp why. Everything fell around her because of her and because of her weakness.
Her family, was ruining a marriage that used to be blissful not enough? Must she be the reason for their demise, too? Why, why God? She asked that question each night in her prays and would wake the next morning with no answer.
They say hardship can strength faith but for her… all of them waned it, why believe in something that would never reply to her?
"Good morning, Kagome-san," her ever so friendly nurse said with her usual amiable smile upon her face. There was rarely ever a need for her to come visit so often and though she never confessed to it, young Kagome often believed she visited her even when she was not really working.
"Good morning, Kikyou-sama," she'd always reply, her own meek attempt a smile gracing her lips, only for her, always only for her. Her angel, her light, the one person that could slowly pull her out of the darkness that had infested her heart.
What a lovely lady she was, always smiling, always in good cheer, "please, I'd feel better if you simply called me Kikyou. I feel so old when you say that."
Her laugh would win a real smile from the aching adolescent.
So many times she pretend as if she could not hear the conversations that had swarmed around her, whenever the adults thought she was out of earshot, it was the same when her parents were alive, it was the same when her grandfather took over her care, but she knew. She always did, but for them she'd imagine the whispers did not find their way to her.
"She needs a transplant or else…"
"It's hard with her though… to find a match… it'd be a miracle."
"How long does she have?" Her loved ones would always ask the doctor, her mother, her father, and finally her grandpa. Now, too, Kikyou would inquire. The answer would always vary but as time went on, that answer would always become shorter and shorter…
"It is normal," she would whisper whenever Kagome shared her fears, the way the nurse took her hands with sweet candor always loosened the knots in her heart, "you have been through more than most ever will have to. To question your faith in such a time is completely understandable."
"What should I do?" She'd always ask back in a hush, "Kikyou-sama, I'm scared. I want to believe, I want to go to heaven, I want to see my family again there but… but…"
A serene 'sh' would be her reply as one of her slender fingers lifted up to whip away the tears that began to slid down the torn teenager, "it is up to you in the end, Kagome. I will not insult you by saying the usual cryptic responds like 'God is there, if only you look' or 'He works in mysterious ways' but I believe… that in the end, all is for the better. You are a dear child, He loves you, that much I am certain of."
Only to her, to the good-natured nurse, could she cry freely. If not for her she would have given up, if not for her she would not have fought against each fit that tried to take her frail life, it not for her she would have lost the faith that gave her a steady heart.
"How are you feeling today, Kagome-san?" Suikotsu inquired like he did each day she was stuck in one of the many staunch hospital beds that had consumed most of her life.
"Fabulous," after so many years she had learned to live with her fate, to smile, to laugh, to feel joy once again, "but isn't every day when I'm here at Saint Raphael's, Suikotsu-sensei?"
"I'm glad to see you in such good cheer," he replied as he walked to the bottom of the bed to check her chart, "everything looks good, I think you'll be out of here by tomorrow."
"But then I'll be back in another month or so," she reminded with a laugh, one they both knew was not completely real.
"And each time you come we will see that you leave in excellent health," he swore with a grin, "I will make sure of it, Kagome-san."
"We will make sure of it," Kikyou corrected as she came in, her fingers slid down Suikotsu's arm as she walked by him to sit down in the chair beside Kagome's bed—his beiges were fixed on her cocoa the entire time, a similar smile upon both of their lips.
"Yes, I'm sorry, of course, we will," Suikotsu assured, "I have to go check on my other patients. I see you are in good hands now, Kagome-san."
"Good bye, Suikotsu-sensei," Kagome chimed, she waited only a while before turning in bed to look at the woman she had grown so close to over the four years that had passed since her family's death, "Kikyou-sama, are you two…?"
"Kagome," she laughed, "is that how it seems?"
"Oh, very much so," Kagome giddily replied, "I'm so happy for you! I always thought that you two would make the cutest couple, it is a match made in heaven for certain."
"Hm," she hummed with a weak smile, her heavy gaze wondered to the door as she folded her hands in her lap, "he is a very kind man. I care for him a great deal but…"
"But?" Kagome coaxed as she leaned over more, "please, Kikyou-sama? I'm stuck here all the time! I know the drama that goes on here better than I do in my own high school, will you really not gossip with me about your handsome man? Please?"
"Kagome," she whispered as she looked back to her, "I can never give Suikotsu what he deserves."
"Why?" She frowned back, both her lips and her brows.
"I made a promise," she lifted a hand up to her chest, right where her heart beat, "that this will always belong to just one man. I will never break my word, you see, Kagome, promises are sacred always, no matter what. Never make a promise in less you intend to keep it, no matter the circumstance. At least, that's how I feel."
"Kikyou-sama…"
Season changed with less frequency than how she entered and exited the hospital that she almost spent more time at than her own home, those that resided there had become as close to her as her lost blood, but none were as precious as the older woman that she considered the sister she never had.
"I remember," she reminisced with a tired smile as she leaned back in the chair she so often sat in, "I was just starting out as a nurse when I met you. You were my very first patient; I could not help but become attached to someone so adorable."
Kagome returned her weary grin as she cuddled closer to the pillows, it was so late and they were both drained from the day's long endeavors, "I'm glad I met you."
"I want to tell you something, something I have never told another, will you let me burden?"
"Of course," she whispered back, was it not easiest to tell secrets to someone that would shortly take them to her grave, after all?
She took a deep breath in before she sighed and closed her eyes, leaning her head more to one side than the other, "I have a brother who means the world to me… it's been years since I've seen him. I miss him each day. I think of him every moment. I love him and he feels the same way about me, I am sure."
"Why would that be a secret, Kikyou-sama? I feel the same way about my little brother, Souta. I miss him every day."
"You don't feel the same way, I am certain," she murmured back as she opened her eyes slightly, "I love my brother in the wrong way and he me. He is the one," she lifted her hand to her heart, "that will always have this. Is that not revolting? We are siblings. It is why I devoted my life to helping others so that perhaps God will forgive me for my transgression. I pray every night for him and then I pray for our souls. I sin in no other way, and that is why I could never even dream to return Suikotsu's feelings. I will never 'biblically' join with a man..."
"Kikyou-sama," Kagome mumbled, "you should not feel that way."
"I know," she winced as she shut her eyes, "I know… I know."
"No," she weakly replied as she held her hand out to Kikyou, "no, that is not what I meant. I mean you should not feel so… shamed. Love is love, no matter what form, I don't think it's your fault. It's not disgusting, Kikyou-sama."
Kikyou opened her eyes to look at the candor on the ill girl's face; she pursued her lips as she took Kagome's hands, "thank you, Kagome. You have been the one thing that has consistently brought me light throughout all these years. I believe… God let us meet so you could free me."
"Funny, I was going to say the same thing about you," she jested on her short breath.
"Will you allow me to saddle you with one more thing?"
"Anything," Kagome assured, it was the first time she ever witnessed a tear trickle down the strong woman's face, "please, don't cry…"
"When you get better will you go to him? My brother, to Inuyasha? He must have gotten himself in a great deal of trouble over all these years. I'm certain you can help him."
"I promise if I get better I will help him," she swore as she squeezed her hand.
"When you get better, Kagome, when. Not 'if', never 'if', you will, God would never let anyone so precious perish."
"I promise when I get better I'll find your brother and I'll help him, for you, Kikyou-sama, I'd do anything. You gave me hope," Kagome corrected, she sniffled back the tears that threatened to breach her lids. Always, Kikyou and Suikotsu would motivate her; always they would say she would get better than that she could. It worked to heal her at times, but it would not save her. It would not fix what was forever broken with her. They could give her hope, but not heal her.
For that hope, she was thankful.
[…]
She would most likely be fine, the nurse had told him, but she needed to rest… it was agonizing to have to sit in one of the uncomfortable chairs and hope each time a nurse or doctor came out from the flipping doors that they'd come over to inform him how she was doing. She had to be OK, she couldn't be… no, he there was no way, he couldn't even think about that. So he closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths in. He had to let his mind wonder elsewhere, anywhere else…
When was the last time he'd been to a hospital? He hated them so he avoided them at all coasts, he hated to go to the doctors, too, but he was forced to do that every once and a while. The last time… he could remember that vividly, she was so stupid. How many times had he told his most precious little sister not to get into a car with her friend, Tsubaki, who would never really pay attention while she was behind the wheel? It was no surprise when he heard the idiot finally crashed her brand new toy her daddy bought her.
Terror tore through him when he heard dear Kikyou was in the car, too, and they had to be rushed to the hospital. He didn't have to linger in the stupid waiting room to ponder if his sibling would be safe, they told him once he got there she just had a broken arm, a pretty bad bump on her head, and would need to be kept overnight to make sure she was fine.
She was already asleep when he walked into her dark room, her skin glowed brilliantly in the moon light from the opened window, and the spring breeze flowed in to make the stale air breathable. His parents weren't there, he didn't care, he found his way to her bedside to brush some of her bangs out of her bruised face. So stupid, she had been warned, why didn't she listen?
Stupid girl, but she was so pretty in her slumber, his eyes washed over her countless times and always landed upon her lips. It would be wrong, no, it was immoral but he leaned closer and closer to her… she was asleep, Jesus, what was twisted into corruption within him?
Her lips were soft…
The footsteps that thud outside the door caught his attention in plenty of time for him to pull away, her father opened the door to give him that dirty look he always did, he never said it, he never had to, but there was no doubt in the hanyou, his human 'father' hated him with a burning passion.
"You were the one that came in with Kagome-san, weren't you?" A voice broke him back to the now his eyes snapped up to see the same nurse as before, "she's awake and asking for you now. If you'll you follow me I will show you to her room."
[…]
"Hi," Kagome murmured the moment he walked into her room, "how long have you been waiting?"
"A few hours," he replied, his eyes wondered over every bit of her, besides looking tired she seemed fine, and frail… "you OK? What happened?"
"I'm fine, I'm sorry to make you worry," she shifted in her bed to sit up and gently wave her hand towards the chair beside her bed, she didn't continue until he sat down, "Naraku did not hurt me, nothing happened, it was really self inflicted. I had to taser him a few times and I shocked myself."
"You get shocked with a taser and passed out later because of it?" he questioned with a cocked brow, "I've been tasered, it's not that bad."
"My heart… my heart," she mumbled as she raised her hand to clench the fabric before her chest, her eyes stuck t the bottom of her bed, "I was born with a rare heart defect, it's never worked right and I've had so many surgeries to make it better… when I was younger I could never be on the track team, I could never go on school trips, I couldn't ever do anything to overexert myself, I'd always get these fits of pain and it felt like my heart would explode…"
"What?" he sped as he leaned forward, "what are you saying? Are you dying, Kagome?"
His words pierced through her and snapped her out of her daze, slowly she glanced over to him and smiled, "I'm fine. It's nothing to worry about. It's just… you know, the shock wasn't so good for me."
"So your heart… it's better now? It's fixed?" Inuyasha inquired with bent brows, his golden gaze wondered all about her face as she answered, looking for any sign of a lie.
"Don't worry, I'm fine, Suikotsu-sensei won't let me leave for a few days though. He says that he wants to monitor me to make sure everything really is OK," she sighed, "I hate being stuck in hospitals, I haven't had to for so long now… this is going to suck."
'Suck', that got a smile out of him for some reason. She always seemed older than him, far more mature, but to hear such a childish thing reminded him of the simple fact that she was younger than him, probably quite a few years at that.
"You are an idiot," he scoffed all the same, "never do something so stupid again, got it?"
"It's your fault," she stated sharply, letting her glare lock with him, "isn't it?"
He felt a pang of guilt for that so his ears flattened upon his head, "keh, you went there by yourself. I didn't tell you to..."
"You want me to feel better, don't you?" She pouted as she leaned back in the bed, her eyes fixed with his.
"Yes," he assured on a weak breath, of course he did, what kind of question was that? She was a sweet girl, she had her heart in the right place, though he'd never be able to understand her actions nor why she bothered with him of all people, but he would never ever want anything to hurt her. "I want your heart to get better."
Her heart would never be cured, her heart would always be defective no matter how many times surgeons cut at it, her heart… she looked away and blinked a few too many times before sighing shakily and closed them, "do you know what would make my heart feel better?"
"What…?"
"If you stopped using, if you promised me you'd stop, I'd feel so much better," she whispered earnestly as she turned her head to look at him, a glimmer of water in her eyes.
For a moment, she softened him to the point that a 'yes' was on the tip of his tongue, but that was only a fading fancy before the vulgar need swirled around within him, so he swallowed the word and never answered. He never wanted anything to hurt her… but him.
[…]
"Shin-kun?!" An all too familiar voice caught his attention, sending a cringe down his body as he walked into Saint Dismas for the third day in a row, he didn't dare look in the direction of the call. "It is you!" He heard just before a pair of slender arms wrapped around his neck, "Shin-kun, this is the first time I have seen you outside our little 'dates'!"
That was because he never wanted to see any of his clients outside of their 'little dates', ever. He swallowed back a gag as he pushed Jakotsu away and looked at her warily, "what are you doing here…?"
"I'm visiting, my brother is a doctor here and I'm meeting him for lunch," Jakotsu sung, "what are you doing here, Shin-kun? You aren't sick, are you?"
"A friend of mine's here," was really all he felt comfortable saying, "I gotta go."
"Right, I'll see you soon," Jakotsu chimed with a wave before he seemingly skipped off.
"Weirdo," he whispered to himself before he headed down the hall, to the right, and up the stairs to the first door on his left. As always, she was sitting in bed staring out the window, but she wasn't alone, she tended not to be. Apparently, she had become close friends with one of the nurses there, a Sango? But she was not the one there, a doctor was at the foot of her bed, neither were speaking. Even a dense man like him could feel the tension in the air that was thick enough to suffocate all that stood there.
Should he leave and come back later? He didn't have time to act, the doctor looked up to notice him there, he pushed his rimless glass up his nose to cover his beige eyes before he looked back to the patient, "I see you have a visitor, Kagome-san."
That got her to look to him before over to the door, a smile upon her lips the moment she saw Inuyasha, "hey. Thank you, Suikotsu-sensei."
He simply nodded before he walked to the door, for a moment his eyes locked with Inuyasha's, the man gave him that look before the hanyou stepped aside to allow him out. His golden gaze followed him down the hallway, what was all that about? Why'd he get a shiver down his spine from that cruel stare?
"You OK? That seemed kinda… intense," he inquired as he walked in to plop down in the same chair as always, "what was he here to tell ya'? It didn't look like good news."
"I'm fine," she assured as she wrapped her arms around her knees, "don't worry about it, Inuyasha. Thank you for coming to visit me again."
"Kagome," he dragged out, "are you lying to me?"
"Suikotsu-sensei wasn't here for professional reasons, he just came to check on me, don't worry," she kept up, "really, I've known him since I was… fourteen, I believe, he was my doctor back in Nikko, too. He moved to Tokyo, apparently most his family lives here, around the same time I did. So I'm lucky that someone who knows my condition so well is here."
"Oh, alright," he nodded. Fourteen, wasn't that when her parents got in a car crash? When she was left all alone? How she smiled and laughed so much after such a thing… he couldn't understand. "Where's your grandpa live?"
"Grandpa?" She mused, "he still lives in Nikko. My family's lived in the same house for generations, it's right by a shrine that we've taken care of for… well, generations," she laughed lightly, "he still tends to it. The neighbors check on him for me and I talk to him daily on the phone."
Before either could continue their conversation a small series of thuds caught their attention, "how are you feeling, Kagome-sama?"
"Miroku-sama," she chimed as she leaned forward to look at the door, "I'm perfectly fine. How did you know though…?"
"It's been three days and you have not showed yourself at church once? I thought that was very odd and asked around," he replied with his charming smile as he walked in, "may I ask what is wrong?"
"It's nothing, they really just want to observe me, I could have left after twenty-four hours but they begged me to stay. Oh, Miroku-sama this is Inuyasha, Inuyasha this is Miroku-sama," she introduced with a wave of her hands, "please try to get along."
"It is nice to meet you," Miroku nodded.
"Yeah, you too," he muttered back, if they were to play the part of strangers so be it, wasn't that essentially what they were anyway?
"Kagome-san," the all pink nurse began as she walked into the room, she stopped for a fraction of a moment and glanced at her patient's guest before walking to the opposite side of her bed than them and handing her a little white cup and then another filled with water, "here's your medicine."
"Thank you," she replied, "oh, Sango-san these are my friends, Miroku-sama and Inuyasha, Inuyasha and Miroku-sama this is my friend Sango-san."
"I'm so glad to see that Kagome-san's health is in such lovely hands," Miroku could not help but say, too bad he only got a dull look in retaliation from the pretty nurse.
[…]
"You don't look so hot tonight, Kagome," Inuyasha proclaimed as he folded his feet upon her bed and arms upon his chest. "You sure you're doing OK?"
"I'm tired," she grumbled, "how about you come and visit at normal times instead of sneaking in after visiting hours and most likely a meeting of yours," she muttered the end as she readjusted herself in the bed and pulled the covers over her.
"Keh, if you don't want me visiting—"
"That's not what I said," she sighed as she shut her eyes, "you just come because you love me," she teased, "because you are worried about me, because—"
"You are a moron," he said in the same taunting tone, "and tase yourself and end up in the hospital for three days and four nights."
"I get to leave tomorrow," she reminded, "and I still stand by the fact that I don't need to be here."
"Then why are you?"
"Because Suikotsu-sensei said he wanted me to," she stated simply as she turned onto her side to face him but still kept her lids shut, "and I respect Suikotsu-sensei and I'd do anything for him…"
She was just a step away from being asleep, he could tell that form the way she spoke, but he couldn't help but latch onto the last part of it even if it was a mumbled it sounded so… sincere, so heartfelt. She'd do anything for him? Did she have a little crush on the doctor that had been tending to her since she was a teenager? He couldn't help but let a scenario he hated to think of, maybe she moved to Tokyo to follow him? Maybe… he moved to Tokyo to follow her? There was a grand age difference between the two but there was a similar gap between her and him—whoa, wait, that didn't matter. He didn't care about her, not like that. Surely not.
"Suikotsu-sensei," he mocked lightly but so slightly that the almost slumbering girl didn't catch it, "and you met around the time of your parent's death, eh?"
"Yeah," she whispered, "I don't know what I would have done without Suikotsu-sensei."
"You like him a lot, huh?"
"A lot," she assured, "I met him before the car crash, he started to treat me earlier that year. I don't know what I would have done without him."
"You said that already," he scoffed as he glanced away grumpily.
"My parent's didn't have a happy marriage, 'cause I was always getting sick when I was little it was a real strain on them… I really believe that if it weren't for my brother and me and if they weren't so pious they would have divorced… I think maybe they were planning on it once we were older. I wonder if they were fighting when they got hit… I always imagine they were."
So things weren't happily ever after to start out with? He didn't bother to comment, he didn't have anything to say either way, he could tell from her steady breath that she had fallen asleep finally. She probably needed to rest, even if she was 'perfectly fine'.
She looked too adorable when she was sleeping, so peaceful, so…
[…]
"This is always the most embarrassing part," she grumbled as she closed her eyes, "I don't get it, I mean I do, the hospital wants to make sure you are out of it in case you faint or something and break a bone, right? That's why we have to be wheeled out but I am fine, I can walk myself."
"Blah, blah, blah," Inuyasha grunted, "just stop your whining."
"Meanie," she pouted as she glanced up to him, "you could go faster."
"I could push this thing into a wall."
"You wouldn't do that."
"Watch me."
"You are so mean," she muttered before looking ahead again and sighing. "I hate hospitals…"
"You spent a lot of time at them, huh?"
"Lots," she whispered, lots and lots.
He didn't want her to end up at one again, then, and… and if it helped, maybe, just maybe, he could? "Hey," he mumbled back, "I'll stop using, if it'll make you feel better."
A warm smile graced her lips at that, "it would make me feel fabulous. I don't like being at these places myself, but… I worry more often about ending up here because of you."
"Keh," he grunted, "I wouldn't hurt you, I can't believe you—"
"That's not what I meant," she assured as she reached her hand behind her to place it one of his as they exited the hospital, "I imagine... if you don't stop, I'll be here to watch as the doctors do everything they can to save you."
And what was it about that? Why was it of such importance that someone save him? Why'd it matter to her?
All the same, "I'll stop, just don't worry about stuff like that anymore."
A/N: thank you for all the reviews, as always. I just got the idea of Suikotsu wearing rimless glasses in my head and I couldn't help myself, I think he'd look so handsome~
I hope you all continue to enjoy the story.