AN: Thank you to everyone who's been reading this story! Hopefully you read the title carefully. This is not THE end. Things might get a little dicey after this chapter.
Feel free to leave me a review. I love getting your feedback!
The next few days went by slower than Alison would have liked. According to Hanna, you had to multiply the amount of time you were in a psych ward by 6 to calculate how long it would feel. She assumed Hanna made up those numbers, but she probably wasn't too far off. While she was dying for time to go faster so she could be discharged, she also wanted time to go slower because the inpatient unit was a place where it felt like nothing mattered and, in a way, it was a luxury. Alison didn't have to think about anything serious while she was in here. She didn't have to think about school or anything in the real world and she didn't have to worry about defining what her and Emily were. Though Alison was scared of how serious this relationship was getting, she wouldn't dare to stop it. She was excited to get out of here and see where this relationship could really go, but the implications that came with something that wasn't just a one-off scared her to death.
Explaining to Jessica what she had with Emily might be a little strange because she had never expressed interest in girls and she had a rule of never letting her mother meet any of the guys she had flings with. Jessica's acceptance wasn't a concern, it was just the awkward conversation she wanted to avoid. Her mom had a similar personality to Emily's mother and if she went the Pam route, her teasing was going to slam into Alison ten fold. Alison had not forgotten what her mother did, but she was just about ready to forgive her. Blaming her mother for what she was going through was illogical and unfair, and if she was being honest with herself, she really missed her. If she was going to irrationally blame it on anyone, she was going to blame it on Kenneth. It was always easier to blame everything on him. Tsunamis were Kenneth's fault. Child hunger was Kenneth's fault. Sparkly vampire movies were Kenneth's fault.
"What time are they discharging you tomorrow?" Alison sat sideways on the loveseat with her legs across Emily's and her head resting on the swimmer's shoulder.
Hanna, Mona and Spencer smiled at the two cuddled up. They had all noticed that the couple had gotten extra touchy-feely with Emily's discharge date so close.
"I think around noon," the brunette sighed.
Emily had been excited to go home and sleep in her own bed, but now when she left she would be leaving Alison behind. She had seen Alison mouth off to Nurse Peggy in just the right way so that she made her point, but she never got in trouble. Nurse Peggy never cross them again once Alison asserted her dominance through an articulate rant riddled with thinly veiled threats. Her ability to break someone verbally made her that much more intriguing. Her way with words was almost frightening, especially if she was having a bad day—which was often because the Lexapro wasn't working for her, as expected. Alison may have been depressed, but she sure as hell wasn't weak. The blonde's ability to handle herself wasn't what worried Emily. It was the thought of Alison alone again that didn't sit well with her.
"So this'll be your last dinner in here?" Alison asked, trying to mask the hurt behind an exaggerated inflection.
Emily nodded.
"Are you excited to finally go home and see your dad?" Hanna asked, giddy with excitement as if she was the one being discharged. She and Spencer still had a couple more days until they were discharged and Mona had to stay for another 2 weeks for acclimation as one of the stipulations of her release from Sanitarium.
Emily silently nodded again and gave Hanna a small smile. She was a bit anxious to be going home again and didn't want Alison to feel any worse than she already did.
Alison was happy that Emily was getting out, but she didn't want to be stuck in here without her. Part of it was selfish because she loved cuddling up the the brunette at night and the other part of it was actual concern for how Emily would feel being back home. What kind of nightmares would she have once she was back in the house where it happened? Emily woke in a cold sweat to violent panic attacks on the nights when they had to sleep separately because Eddie wasn't doing bed checks, so Alison would sit on the floor next to Emily's bed and hold her hand through the night. She always kept a book in her lap as an excuse for when the nurses came by and asked why she was awake and sitting on the floor. Emily didn't like that Alison was losing sleep because of her, but helping Emily was not something that Alison was willing to budge on.
"I don't know what I'm going to do without you here," Alison said quietly.
What came across as an "I'll miss you" to the others, registered as a warning sign for Emily. After spending about a week with Alison 24/7, Emily had learned that the blonde felt her worst at night. She didn't need the indication of the scars on Alison's upper thigh to know that the girl was still deeply wounded. She could feel it when she held Alison's warm hand at night and felt the slightest tremor. She could hear it when she woke up to the blonde's audible sniffles and pained breaths echoing through the endless darkness. She saw it when she looked into Alison's watery blue eyes that shimmered under the glow of the bank's sign and wiped the tears from the cheeks of the broken girl who wanted so badly to be happy.
"I need you to promise me that you won't stay in our room unless you're sleeping," Emily said suddenly.
Alison lifted her head from Emily's shoulder and looked into the brunette's unequivocal eyes.
"I need to know that you'll keep people around you," Emily pleaded. The thought of Alison finding something to self-harm with had her stomach in knots. She didn't know how old those scars were, but she hoped they weren't recent and that there would never be new ones.
Alison smiled at Emily needing the reassurance. She needs to know that I'll be okay. "I will," she whispered and pressed her lips to Emily's before bringing her head back down to rest. Those two words were big for Alison. Not only did they constitute her promise to Emily, but they embodied the tiny fragment of hope she had that one day she would be okay.
"DiLaurentis, Vanderwaal, visitor!" Nurse Peggy routinely yelled from the front desk, startling everyone in the rec room corner.
"Geez, why does she have to yell? Doesn't she know we're fragile!?" Hanna said exaggeratedly and held her hand to her rapidly beating heart. Nurse Peggy would yell every time they had a visitor, but it was just as jarring and obnoxiously loud every time.
The girls smiled when they saw Aria and Mike coming toward them.
Over the past few days, Aria had been subtly pushing Alison to remember fond memories of Jessica. Alison was incredibly stubborn and Aria's final hint pushed her to realize that thinking about what could have been—being treated for ADHD earlier—was not going to get her anywhere. The secrets her mother kept broke her trust, but it was nothing that could not be rebuilt. Plus, those secrets led her to Emily. They led to friends who were going through this with her and to a closer bond with a friend who would do whatever she could to understand.
Whether it was during her lunch break or after school, Aria drove to the hospital every day to visit Alison. Every now and then, Aria would spout off a surprising amount of complex information that reminded Alison of her best friend's willingness to learn about mental illness for her. The tiny brunette would never know how much she was helping Alison. The girls had taken a great liking to Aria. Mona enjoyed having someone just as small as her around to share the brunt of the short jokes, not to mention how thankful she was to Aria for getting her back together with Mike.
###
After saying goodbye to Mike, Mona walked over to the table where the girls were sitting. Mike had thought about staying for dinner, but Mona wanted to sit with the others for Emily's last dinner and he wasn't too big on being the guy stuck in the middle of their girl talk.
The dinner cart was rolled in and Nurse Peggy handed Aria a tray with a surprisingly appetizing salad and walked away without saying a word. Even Nurse Peggy liked Aria and occasionally gave her the extra tray they had on the cart when she visited around dinner time.
"Why does she like you so much?" Alison said in a hushed shriek as she stared incredulously at Aria's salad and juice box.
Aria shrugged.
"What did I ever do to her?" Alison huffed.
"You told her your brother was a lawyer and that you'd sue her for mistreatment and malpractice for everything she had," Hanna chimed in.
"Jason's not even licensed yet. He's not even done with Pre-law," Spencer said.
"She had no way of knowing that. And maybe what I said was harsh, but she deserved it," Alison contended. She knew no one would argue with her on that, especially Spencer. The woman didn't treat patients fairly and it was the charge nurse's call whether to leave someone in Kennel.
"I feel like they should make Cheetos stained pants so that when I get Cheetos stains on my pants, it looks normal," Hanna randomly mused.
The girls laughed and Spencer smiled at the blonde. Making jokes about weight and food had become an easy coping mechanism for Hanna during her recovery. After a certain point, people commenting on her weight stopped bothering her because she was already commenting on it to herself all day. Eventually she started to crack jokes because if she said it before someone else did, it wouldn't get to her. People had said humor was just a mask, but Hanna wasn't covering her pain anymore. Now she was healing it and by continuing to be a refreshing source of humor, she was helping other people heal too.
"But imagine how gross those pants would look," Mona grimaced.
"Think about it," Hanna shook her head as she finished chewing a bite of her burger. "If Kanye West wore them, teenagers would blindly follow and wear it too. Remember when he wore shutter shades like once and then everyone started wearing them? I hope the next trend he sets is carrying around a golf club everywhere. It would be hilarious!" Hanna laughed to herself, banging on the table.
"Keep it down, Marin!" Nurse Peggy yelled.
Hanna's laughter quickly dissipated, "Stupid Peggy," she grumbled. That seemed to be everyone's favorite phrase around here.
"So, Em, your dad is coming home?" Aria asked.
"Umm, yeah," Emily responded quietly with a shy smile. She was so excited to see her dad, but she had kind of hit the jackpot when it came to dads and she didn't want to rub it in Alison's face or push her to think about Kenneth. From what she knew about the other girls, they didn't have the best father figures and Mona didn't even know if hers existed. "He was stationed in Texas for a while before he was redeployed to Afghanistan last year and I thought he would have to go back, but I think they're going to let him stay in Rosewood for now."
Alison already liked Wayne. Emily had gotten her to talk to him a little bit when he called the unit. Even through the muffled phone, she could hear how dominating his deep voice was. She was intimidated at first, but he had a warm tone in his voice, similar to Pam's, that made her feel at ease. Before Emily had hung up, she covered the phone's mic with her hand and leaned to Alison saying, "He said to hang in there." Wayne was clearly the one Emily had taken after. She had Pam's charm, but like Wayne, she was generally more reserved unless someone or something was a threat to her friends and family.
"How long has it been since you've seen him?" Alison asked.
Emily had to think about that one. Her sense of time was shot when she was depressed because of her spotty sleeping schedule. She couldn't do the calculation in her head anyway, "I don't know. Almost a year, I think."
Spencer noticed Hanna staring intently at the med student who ran the yoga group across the room, "Han, what are you doing?" she said loud enough for only their table to hear.
"I'm staring at her to make her uncomfortable."
"Why?"
"Because, Spencer," Hanna whispered, keeping her eyes locked with the med student, "Emily is leaving and I need something to entertain myself. I can stare out the window and wait to be discharged, or I can stare at Yogi M.D. over there and get some entertainment out of it by making them uncomfortable."
"Really, Han? This is going to be your new thing? Holding intense eye contact with the PhD dunces to make them uncomfortable?"
"Why not?" Mona backed Hanna, and playfully nudged the taller brainiac, "It's fun to see them squirm."
"Well I was going to suggest board games," Spencer joked.
"They don't even have the real Monopoly pieces, Spence!" Hanna cried.
Spencer chuckled. Hanna really loved Monopoly and when they finally got it on the unit, the metal pieces were removed for safety reasons and replaced with clear bingo chips with different symbols drawn on. There was no dog, no car, no top hat, nothing. Kids played as Bingo Star, Bingo dollar sign, Bingo dot, Bingo asterisk, or Bingo ampersand symbol. You either played as a keyboard character or you didn't play at all and Hanna chose the latter because this was "A disgrace to the Monopoly dog."
"DiLaurentis, pack up!" Nurse Peggy yelled, startling the girls again for the umpteenth time.
"What?" Alison let out, startled from her daydreaming.
"You're being discharged," Peggy clarified.
Alison's eyes grew wide. She thought she'd feel happier when she heard someone say that to her. She looked at Aria, but the small brunette shook her head, at a loss for words. Jessica hadn't told her anything. Nurse Peggy had told Aria that with the exception of Peter, patients usually stayed in 21 West for two to three weeks and Alison had only been here for 8 days.
Alison looked to the others seated around the table and they all looked just as shocked and confused.
"Your mother will be here to pick you up in 10 minutes."
Thanks for the warning, bitch. Alison's heart began to pound and she felt her chest tighten.
"Ali, are you okay?" Emily hedged, putting a hand on Alison's thigh where Nurse Peggy couldn't see.
"Don't leave anything behind," Nurse Peggy added dryly.
Alison's throat ran dry and suddenly the air felt thin as if she were on top of a mountain.
"Ali?" Aria called, trying to break the blonde from her unnerving, silent state.
Alison bolted out of her seat towards her room and Emily and Aria swiftly followed. She ran down the hall as fast as she could and let her body fall to the ground in front of the center nightstand. She pressed her back to the side of Emily's bed, facing away from the door, and brought her legs up to her heaving chest as she tried to catch her breath.
Emily and Aria came rushing through the door way and halted when they didn't immediately see Alison. Emily's eyes darted around as she scanned the room for Alison and stopped when she caught sight of blonde popping up from the space between their beds. Aria quietly lowered herself to the linoleum tile and leaned against the bed opposite her troubled friend. Emily got down on the floor with Alison and held the blonde as she convulsed through dry sobs.
Aria patiently watched as Emily coached Alison through deep breaths. She remained silent, not wanting to intrude on the moment. Just like when she'd go over to Alison's house and keep her company, she didn't have to say anything. Just being there for Alison was enough. When Alison's breathing calmed and she settled into Emily's side, Aria leaned forward and gently put a comforting hand on Alison's knee, "I'll start packing your stuff," she said softly.
"Thank you," the blonde said in a strained voice.
Aria nodded and walked over to Alison's dresser on the side of the bed closer to the window. She opened the dresser and sighed at the sight of Alison's clothing in crumpled piles. Alison was usually a very neat person and it was apparent that she was too drained to care about folding anything. At least she had kept her dirty laundry separate in the side pockets of her duffle bag.
"Ali, what happened back there? Aren't you happy that you're going home?" Emily asked. She had barely had time to gauge Alison's reaction to the news before the blonde had shot up from the dinner table and bolted.
"I am, but once I leave here I have to start thinking about everything again, I have to tell Jason what I want to do about Kenneth, I have to face my mom again, think about school, and college essays and now I have to go to Day Treatment and—" Alison cut her rambling off when she realized why she was so freaked out about being discharged from 21 West. "I have to go to Day Treatment tomorrow…and you're still in here."
Emily raised her eyebrows with a sympathetic smile and beckoned Alison to keep going.
Alison inhaled deeply, "I'm scared," she admitted, faintly.
Aria's ears perked up and she paused her folding. Alison would usually admit to being angry, depressed and sometimes even being wrong, but she had never heard Alison admit to being scared. Even when it was painfully obvious, she struggled to admit she was depressed because it made her feel weak.
"What are you scared of?" Emily pressed gently, wiping away the remaining tears and tucking a strand of hair behind the blonde's ear.
"Everything," Alison whispered.
Emily and Aria were heartbroken for the girl whose voice held nothing, but pure anguish. The psychiatrist in 21 East better get you on a different anti-depressant ASAP, or I'll light a fire under their ass.
"Day Treatment, the new kids, the new doctors, new nurses…"
"Hey," Emily took Alison's hand, "I'm scared too. We're basically starting a new school."
"I don't want to leave you here," Alison.
"I'll be fine, Ali," Emily assured the blonde, "I've been here for two and a half weeks. I can handle another day. And they're letting me out at noon so it's a half day." Emily tilted the sniffling blonde's chin up, "Remember what my dad said?"
Alison nodded and let out a watery chuckle, "Hang in there."
Emily smiled, "One day at a time. Just make it through the first day and then I'll be right there with you. Once they're discharged, Hanna, Spencer and Mona will be there too."
They sat there for a moment and eventually got up to help Aria finish packing.
"Okay, all set?" Aria asked.
Emily looked around the room and realized how empty it felt without Alison's clutter on the nightstand and the bits of her clothing that would hang out of the drawers.
"I think so," Alison said, taking a quick sweep of the room.
Aria started to zip up the duffle bag, "Wait!" Emily exclaimed, putting a hand up to get Aria's attention. "You forgot something," the swimmer said as she crawled across her bed and reached for the bottom drawer of her dresser.
Alison smiled when she realized what Emily was grabbing.
"I saw you put them back in there yesterday," Emily said, handing Alison the old swim apparel she had let the blonde wear when she was stuck in the paper scrubs until her bag was searched. "I gave them to you."
"Em, you earned these. This has your name on it," Alison said, holding up the shirt with FIELDS printed on the back. "It's basically your varsity jacket. You can't just give that up."
"I have one of those too and you can wear it whenever you want, but these are yours now," Emily insisted and smiled, picturing Alison all cozied up in her varsity jacket. She took the shirt and sweatpants from the blonde and stuffed them into the half-zipped duffle bag.
The girls heard a knock on the doorframe and turned to find Eddie poking his head out before cautiously entering the room. "Everything alright in here?"
Alison nodded, hiking the duffle bag over her shoulder and slamming into the male nurse in an aggressive hug, "Thank you for everything, Eddie," she said in a muffled voice against his torso.
Eddie chuckled and pat Alison on the back, "For the tissues?"
Alison let go of the male nurse, "For being the only decent person who works in here."
"Always."
"Do you know why I'm being discharged now?"
"Your insurance company won't pay for you to be in here anymore. It happens sometimes," Eddie explained.
It happens sometimes? What happens when patients actually need to be in here?
"You are going to go back there and find the damn prescription or I'll make sure this place is audited every week!" a familiar voice rang out.
The girls and Eddie followed Alison as she lugged her bag up to the front desk to find her mother verbally obliterating Nurse Peggy.
"Ms. DiLaurentis, you need to keep your voice down," Peggy said, trying to stop this from becoming a bigger scene.
"Oh, like you do!?" Jessica questioned sarcastically. "You know what this little thing does?" Jessica pointed to the medication name on the prescription she was holding, "That little thing called Lexapro. You know what it does for her? Nothing!" she yelled. "So why don't you go back there and find the prescription that actually matters?!"
Everyone on the unit had their jaws dropped as they watched Peggy cower under Jessica's verbal gashing. The nurse disappeared behind the desk and Jessica quickly shut her mouth when she saw Alison staring at her. "Alison, I—"
Before Jessica could say anything else, Alison collided into her and hugged her harder than ever. "It's about time someone shut that bitch up," Alison whispered.
Jessica missed the feeling of having her daughter in her arms, "Someone needs to clock that bitch in the face. Who the hell hired her?"
"Everything is Kenneth's fault, remember?"
Jessica laughed, "How could I forget?"
"Ms. DiLaurentis," Peggy addressed Jessica, "Here's the Concerta prescription and here are the discharge forms you need to fill out."
Alison let go of her mom and turned to the other girls who had gotten dinner and a show.
"Ali, your mom might be scarier than mine," Spencer said, impressed with the DiLaurentis' ability to crush someone via oration in a way that rivaled that of her family. She was pretty sure the Hastings could beat everyone out in intellect, but the DiLaurentis' might have them pegged in ferocity and cunningness.
Alison chuckled and hugged the brainy brunette, "See you soon, Spence."
"Aw, us too. Come on, Mona!" Hanna yelled and ushered everyone into a group hug. "You too, Aria."
"I'm leaving with Ali," Aria reasoned.
"Aria, don't fight me on group hugs," Hanna playfully warned and snatched Aria in.
"Sweetheart," Jessica called to Alison, "I filled out your discharge papers. Ready to go?"
"Can you give me a minute?" Alison asked.
"Sure," Jessica nodded.
"I'll take your bag," Aria said, taking the duffle from her friend and waiting by the ward door with Jessica.
Emily brought Alison into her arms for a tight hug.
Nurse Peggy opened her mouth to yell at them for contact, but quickly rethought her decision when Jessica shot her the DiLaurentis death glare. It seemed her thick skin had significantly thinned after being crushed by both mother and daughter.
"One day," Emily whispered. "You can always do one day."
The blonde squeezed back and buried her face in the swimmer's neck as she let a tear fall. After a long moment, Alison let her hands fall to Emily's waist and placed a gentle kiss to Emily's tattoo. She brought her hand up to the brunette's tan cheek and pulled Emily's lips to her own.
Emily reveled in what had become her new favorite feeling—the blonde's heart shaped lips pressed to hers—and cupped the sensitive nape of Alison's neck.
Alison pulled away slightly, "One day, Mermaid," she murmured, lightly stroking the swimmer's cheek.
Emily leered into Alison's glistening eyes, past the fierce lioness that Peggy received and past the broken shell that most people saw. Beyond all that, she saw the girl who sat on the floor, holding her hand so she wouldn't have nightmares. She saw the girl who was willing to stay up all night so that she wouldn't wake up to panic attacks even though she herself was hurting. "I love you," she breathed against the blonde's lips.
Emily's warm breath ghosted over Alison's soft skin and a smile manifested the blonde's feelings before she could register what Emily had said. She didn't need to let her brain catch up this time. She had been scared to define what this relationship was, but she had thoroughly thought her feelings through. The girls had asked her if she was drawn to Emily because Emily saved her. Emily was fiercely protective, but she wouldn't fight Alison's battles for her. Alison wasn't with Emily because she saved her, she was with Emily because she loved her. She kissed Emily fervently and rested their heads together, "I love you too."
Emily's smile widened, "Go home," she said softly, placing one last kiss to the blonde's temple and reluctantly backing away.
"Holy crap, that was like some Notebook shit!" Hanna blurted, breaking the couple's gazes and the moment.
Spencer face-palmed at Hanna's lack of filter and Mona fought to suppress her laughter.
Alison shook her head, "Bye, Han," she said over her shoulder as she walked toward the ward door.
"Bye, Ali! Eat a waffle for me!"
Alison half-turned back to the blonde with a puzzled look.
"I just miss waffles and they only have pancakes here! Pancakes are just lazy waffles!" Hanna proclaimed.
Alison chuckled, "Will do, Han." She took her bag from Aria and looked at her mother.
"When were you going to tell me about this?" Jessica said sternly.
"Mom, I was going to, I-I just didn't think—" Alison stumbled clumsily over her words.
"So…?"
This time Alison recognized the teasing glint in her mother's voice and rolled her eyes. "Can we just go home?" Alison pleaded.
"Alright, fine," Jessica conceded and looked, or glared, at Peggy and gestured to the door. The now subdued nurse pressed a button behind the desk and unlocked the door. Alison stepped through the doorway and paused to look back at Emily once more before following her mother and Aria.
"So now we're at 'I love you,' huh?" Aria teased, nudging Alison with her elbow.
###
Mike had taken the car when he left and Aria happily accepted when Jessica offered her a ride home.
The car ride was mostly silent, aside from Jessica and Aria's small talk. The brunette kept her answers short. She was more interested in seeing how Alison was readjusting to being outside. Alison sat with her bag on her lap as she took in every detail of Rosewood after dark. Aria watched the blonde's eyebrows raise and furrow several times throughout the ride. It was like she was remembering things she hadn't seen in years and looking at other things and seeing them for the first time.
"Thanks, Ms. D," Aria said, sliding out of the back seat.
"Anytime, Aria." Jessica assured, "When are you going to call me Jessica?"
"The 6th of never," Aria joked and shut the car door.
Alison remained silent the rest of the way home, shrugging off the safe questions her mom threw over her shoulder from the driver's seat.
Alison changed into some sleep shorts and Emily's swim shirt and headed back downstairs to get a glass of water. The second she stepped into the kitchen, her mother gave her the third degree. Her mother needed to know about Emily before she turned to teasing again.
"You really love her."
Alison exhaled, "I do."
Her daughter answered her as if it were a question, but after listening to the way she talked about Emily, it was more of an observation.
"I'm going to bed," Alison said, stretching through a yawn. As she expected, her mother had thrown her every question Spencer and Hanna had thrown regarding Emily and it was absolutely exhausting.
She sleepily trudged up the stairs and plopped herself down on her mattress. Something felt off. The house felt familiar, but something about her room and the feeling of her sheets was foreign. She was home, but it didn't feel quite like home. She noticed the same glowing bank sign that she could see from the hospital window and it felt like she was sharing something with Emily. The only thing that could be seen from the hospital windows at night was the bank's illuminated logo that sat on top of the highest building in Rosewood. Every time she would look at that logo, she would make the connection to the hospital. She didn't know if always making that connection was a good or bad thing, but right now it connected her to Emily and that felt pretty good. Alison watched the sign intermittently flicker through heavy eyes, "One day," she whispered to herself over and over again as she fell into a deep sleep.