"Who is that Lady Katherine Howard?"

I can no longer live in this blissful ignorance, pretending nothing is happening. Therefore I summon our ambassador and ask, no, demand to give me an explanation. How long will they make a fool of me? Mr. Erleken obviously feels uneasy by this conversation, but he has no choice.

"She is a distant relation to the Duke of Norfolk, one of the senior noblemen of this realm. Although she herself is an orphan, and it seems that her family has not cared much about her so far."

"Then how old is she to need her family's care?"

"About sixteen or seventeen."

Almost a child!

"She is new at court. Your Majesty might have seen her. That young little blonde."

The court is full of young little blondes, how can I distinguish one from another!

"So what kind of relations does she have with the king?"

"Madam, how to put it…"

"You may speak freely, Your Excellency."

"She entertains the king, renders him some services, so to speak, of intimate nature."

"To put it simply, she is his mistress."

"Hmm..."

"Your Excellency, I have already asked you to be frank with me."

"Well, Madam, if so… I would be glad to advise you not to pay attention to that person. You see, entertainments of this kind are usual thing, especially for the kings. But I'm afraid everything is much more serious."

It cannot be more serious indeed. I thought my husband ignored me because of his dislike of my person. Now it turns out that he wasn't going to live with me from the beginning, because he had that mistress, that Lady Howard. But, probably, he met her later, after…

"A reliable source close to the King informed me that my lords Suffolk and Bryan purposely presented her to His Majesty in hope that he would, well, you understand."

Suffolk and Bryan want to ruin my marriage? Why? What have I done to them? Had I time to do anything to anybody?

"They have nothing against Your Majesty. They want to overthrow Lord Cromwell. He has associated himself too closely with your marriage and now, when the King is looking for a scapegoat, against whom his anger will turn?"

Slowly I begin to understand.

"I've been told also that they together with Lord Seymour, a brother of the late Queen, your predecessor, conceived this scheme even before your arrival as one of the possible means. Certainly, their hatred of Lord Cromwell is boundless."

Indeed. And in order to satisfy this hatred they will do everything in their power – will ruin someone else's marriage, will break the life of a woman who did them no harm, even will make that child a whore. All this with the single aim in mind – to destroy their enemy. I remember how the Duke of Suffolk taught me to play cards there, in Calais. He seemed to be so pleasant, so gallant gentleman. Nevertheless, he had already decided to ruin me. He staked on my failure.

"So what shall I do now?"

"I would advise Your Majesty to have patience and wait."

Wait for what? For my dismissal which is already at hand?

"The king is very changeable. Perhaps, he will soon be tired of this lady's charms. In any case, our alliance retains its importance."

I am sitting in my chambers and sewing. I no longer come to the throne hall, don't watch the courtiers' entertainments. I am simply unable to see all these people. I've become very sensitive and suspicious. Each sidelong glance seems to be directed at me, each phrase seems to have double meaning. I constantly hear some whispering behind my back. I even cannot be in the company of my ladies. That's why I've asked them to leave me and now I am sitting completely alone. Sitting and thinking.

Katherine Howard, a young little blonde of seventeen. What does she have which I have not? Of course, beauty and youth. I am not beautiful and already not very young. The king calls me Flanders mare and refuses to share bed with me. His closest friends and advisers do their best to rouse his hostility. In order to win the court struggle. This is life, rather than romantic dreams. This is my life.

My husband demands to be delivered from me. But is he really my husband? Yes, Archbishop of Canterbury said so in church, I made my marriage vows, we exchanged wedding rings. Rings, but not looks. How many words have we said to each other so far, banal greetings apart? What do I know about him after six months of marriage? I know that he has ulcer on his leg which stinks and that he cannot perform an act of love. With me, at least. Surely, with this Howard everything is different. He does not feel repulsion towards her. But she towards him? What does she feel when he touches her? What do they talk about? Does it matter, after all?

Gradually, my thoughts turn to Lord Cromwell. Now I understand his persistent pleas to me to do my utmost to attract his majesty. And his nervousness at my first appearance at court. And the looks he gave me. I have not answered his expectations, proved to be the wrong stake. Now this card is covered, and the king is looking for a scapegoat. Well, certainly in his life he did the same to other people, it is his turn now. That is life. However, for some reason I remember the words of Mr. Erleken, Lord Cromwell repeatedly demonstrated his ability to survive changing friends. Surely, he will act the same way now. In any case, I shall be the only one to lose.

"Lord Cromwell, Your Majesty." What? Does the maid have the gift of reading my thoughts? "Asks for an audience." I awake to reality. No, I don't want to receive him. What can he tell me in addition to the things he has said before? Besides, today I am not in a mood for receiving anybody, I don't look well, please, leave me alone, you all. But no, it's impossible, I am the queen, this position implies certain responsibilities. Furthermore, it occurs to me, Cromwell would not have come here just for the sake of idle visit. He is not the man to waste his time on such trifles. Only something very important would induce him to do it. So, with a look I give my consent, and milord enters my rooms.

I wonder why he is so embarrassed at the sight of me, as if he didn't dare to glance at me, couldn't find the proper words? Do I really look so ugly? Or maybe he is to tell me something so unpleasant that it requires all his courage? Now he will announce that I must pack up my belongings and go back to Germany. Or worse, to the Tower.

"How does Your Majesty find your new country? You are already familiar with everything here, aren't you?"

What a strange question. However, one should start a conversation somehow.

"Thank you, my lord. I have nothing to complain. Everybody here is very attentive and kind to me."

Practically I don't dissemble, saying that. In fact, except the king these people treat me very, very well. The courtiers are eager to execute all my wishes, always pay their respects. On those rare occasions when I leave the palace for a walk, the crowd enthusiastically welcomes me. But, I remind myself, it's all disingenuous. These complaisant lords and ladies, who bow and curtsy so respectfully to me, wouldn't shed a tear, if the king intended to get rid of me. On the contrary, they would eagerly help him at this honorable task. As for the people in the streets, well, they would have another queen to welcome.

"I am glad. Glad to hear it. And His Majesty, he continues…"

That's what he is interested in. May the king be smitten with love for me all of a sudden? This miraculous amour is his only hope and advantage now, if I understand something in their intrigues. All the same, why does he ask a question the answer to which he knows beforehand?

"My lord", I smile bitterly. "As you can see, the king is not here, in my chambers. So you may guess that he doesn't like my company very much."

He doesn't know what to say. Our silence lasts too long. How shall I break it, perhaps, suggest a glass of wine or a game of cards?

"My lord", - again, as at our first meeting I speak before I can think. – "I beg you, don't conceal anything from me. What does His Majesty say about me? What is he going to do? Surely you know everything."

My naivety truly knows no bounds. He'll reveal their plans to me, forsooth!

"He wants a divorce", Lord Cromwell says plainly.

Divorce… Here it is. The word is uttered at last. But on what ground…

"On the ground that there existed a precontract between you and the son of the Duke of Lorraine. According to His Majesty, it was not annulled and that fact troubles his conscience. He said so the other day: 'I am married to another man's wife'."

I've expected everything, but not that! The contract concluded when I was a child, the engagement about which everybody forgot to think long ago. My God, show me any royal family, which would not enter into such alliances. The king himself promised his daughter's hand either to the French or to the Spaniards so many times, and her future husbands changed as often as his allies. Does it mean that now she cannot marry Philip? Or anyone else?

"Your Majesty", Lord Cromwell says with a sudden passion. "You have nothing to worry about. I have carefully examined your marriage contract and other documents concerning this case. Legally your position is flawless. One word of yours will be enough to repudiate all your previous obligations. Your marriage is absolutely lawful, you should not doubt that."

In this case how will the king divorce me?

"You tell me that one word of mine can prevent the annulment of my marriage. But what if I don't want to say it?"

Lord Cromwell loses the gift of speech by amazement.

"What? Don't you want to be the Queen of England?"

"But what did my marriage give me, tell me honestly?" – The words again escape from my lips before I can hold them. – "What does it mean – to be the Queen of England? To live in a permanent fear not knowing what next day will bring you? How many humiliations I have suffered over these months, how many tears I have shed and perhaps will shed even more. I know I am unattractive and cannot expect the king's love, but I am a woman too, I have pride. And I am of the royal family, how is it possible to say such things about me, such…"

I cannot bear it any longer. One minute and I'll start crying and it will be the end of my royal dignity.

He comes to me so close that I seem to feel his breath. And besides it seems to me that he wants to put his hand on my shoulder, but does not dare to do it.

"Madam", - he speaks softly. – "Why are you saying that? Why have you decided that you are… you are unattractive? You are full of dignity, queenly dignity, you immediately engross everybody's attention once you appear somewhere. And you are… a beautiful… woman."

I am smiling through tears.

"The king obviously thinks otherwise. You are not going to deny it, are you? What has he told you about me?"

Lord Cromwell makes a strange grimace, something between condescension and contempt.

I have almost calmed down. I don't want to look silly and miserable in his eyes.

"I am not complaining, my lord. I don't overestimate my charms, believe me. I know that men are looking for pleasure in a marriage, and when wives cannot give it to them, they begin seeking elsewhere. Only I didn't expect that it would happen so rapidly and irrevocably."

"Not all men are like that."

What a strange conversation. Why have I started it?

"You are certainly not, are you? But it would be better to ask your wife about such things. By the way, I haven't met her yet. Is she presented to court?"

"She died", he says simply.

"I am sorry, I didn't know. I didn't want…"

"Never mind. It happened long ago."

"How long?"

"Thirteen years."

I am so surprised that I hold my breath for a moment. Thirteen years – it's almost an eternity!

"And you haven't got married since then. Why?"

No, I really have lost my mind, if I ask such questions. Now he will tell me that his private life is not my business. Though no, he will not. I am his queen, he must answer me.

But he does not hurry to answer. As if he never thought about it himself.

"I don't know. At first it was simply impossible. It was like cheating, you see? Or admitting that she was gone, finally and for good. It's silly, of course. But then, there was other business, a lot of things to do. Besides, I had children, it was necessary to arrange proper marriages for them in the first place."

I nod my head.

"And how many children do you have?"

"Only one son. Daughters died, also long ago. Besides, there are my sisters' children. But they all have grown up, all stand on their own feet now."

There is calm satisfaction in his voice. They have grown up and stand on their own feet, they are well, I have taken care about it.

I also want to tell him something about myself.

"I have a sister too. Amelia. She is two years younger than me."

"I know", he nods.

"Of course", – I say with laugh. – "Of course, you know."

We both feel well from this laughter.

"You have not been at the throne hall today". – It's half a statement, half a question. – "And yesterday too."

Yes, and the day before yesterday and all the other days.

"Is it so important?"

"Certainly. Many people want to see their Queen. The court is not full without her."

"I simply wanted to stay alone with my thoughts."

True, there is something regal in me. Otherwise why would a woman like me confuse a man like him?

"Madam", - he has already made his bow and turned toward the door, but suddenly stopped. – "I want to tell you. I want you to know. I didn't wish that it would happen this way. I had no such intentions - to offend you. Honestly speaking, I didn't even think about it while arranging your marriage. I ask your forgiveness."

So, the king wants to divorce me. Well, I already knew it. Lord Cromwell did not tell me anything new, I was right. No, he said something. Yes, that I am a beautiful woman. Well, it was just a compliment, and in truth, I asked for it myself. I can dispute my divorce, now it's necessary to weigh everything, to discuss the matter thoroughly. Tomorrow I shall consult with Mr. Erleken.

How many stars there are in the sky now! The day will be fine tomorrow.

I should think about my marriage, how to handle it now, when I know everything, I must think.

I wonder if his wife was beautiful. Of course, she was. What was her name? And why did she die? I could have asked about it too. No. These questions would have caused him pain.