A/N: First, I want to take a moment to thank everyone who has reviewed. Seriously, I'm so amazed by all the kind words. A special shout out to ishotsherlock for being my 100th review! Also to those who haven't reviewed but are reading my story I want to say thanks to you as well. I hope you keep enjoying the ride!
A/N2: Major props goes out to my fabulous beta, graciebutterfliedgsr. All mistakes remaining are mine.
A/N3: If you're thrilled the chapter is being posted earlier than expected, then thank jenstog. She's insane, very bossy, and my new GSR BFF. She demanded I post if I knew what was good for me. She also just posted a new story so you should check it out because it is pretty awesome.
Disclaimer: Nope, I still don't own CSI. Yes, I'm still depressed about it. I also do not own the Emerson (my fav!) quote or the "sayings/clichés" I have used.
Grissom made his way back to Sara's bedside in a daze. This really cannot be happening. Right? This was the kind of stuff that TV movies and novels were made of. The doctor had said Sara had amnesia, and it was beyond clear by Sara's answers to the doctor's questions that her memory was not undamaged. What was he going to do?
Sitting back down again in the chair that was still by Sara's bed, his mind began to wander back to about six months ago. It had been February.
It was the Russian mail order bride case. That case had changed everything. It really wasn't so much the case as what it had resulted in. Sara had been insubordinate to Catherine, according to Ecklie, and Ecklie had suspended her for a week. He had gone to Sara's apartment to see if she was okay. That day she had told him about her childhood. He could still bring to his mind the look of vulnerability on Sara's face as she told him, calmly and dispassionately, that her mother had killed her father. She had only been twelve years old. He sat there and listened to her although inside his heart was breaking for the little girl Sara had been and for what she had gone through. However, he didn't let any sympathy or pity show because he knew that Sara wouldn't have wanted nor welcomed them. Instead, he had laid a hand on her arm. He meant the gesture to be for comfort –to show her that she wasn't alone. It was that day Sara Sidle had cried. In front of him. She had broken down and cried gut-wrenching sobs that wracked through her slender frame. She had trusted him with her deepest, darkest secret. That day had changed something inside of him forever.
Since he had first met Sara, he had thought she was beautiful. She really was, even if she didn't realize it. Despite this, however, it was her brains, her ever curious and questioning mind, that was the main attraction for him. They had met when he was in San Francisco. He was a guest lecturer at a forensics conference, and she was there. After giving his speech, he had opened the floor to his requisite question and answer session. Hands were raised and questions were shouted from all over the auditorium except from where Sara sat. She remained silent. While the remaining stragglers left, he gathered his papers at the podium and was surprised when Sara came up to him. With a small smile and a slight hesitation, she had informed him that she hadn't asked any questions because she had so many that she didn't know quite where to start and had not wanted to dominate the entire session. He began answering some of her questions and realized that she was incredibly bright. In the end, he had extended an invitation to her for dinner, which was something highly unusual and out of character for him. He reasoned with himself at the time that it was late, they had to eat, and it would be rude not to answer all of her questions. Dinner had turned out to be great, but the conversation was the true highlight of the evening. His dinner companion was also a pleasure to be with and to look at. Nothing, however, happened that night. He had taken her back home and left. It was still something he wasn't sure if he regretted or was thankful for.
He didn't see Sara again until he called and invited her to Las Vegas to investigate the murder of Holly Gribbs although they had kept in touch with each other by email. When he saw her smile again, it was like everything was all right in his world once more. He wasn't sure if he wanted or expected anything to happen between Sara and him when she showed up in Vegas or not, but things quickly became different and much more complicated. No longer were they just two people who were interested in each other (and possibly in a relationship). They were now coworkers. And not just coworkers –he was her supervisor. If anything ever was forbidden or taboo, then it was that. There was a tacit acknowledgment that a supervisor/subordinate relationship was strictly against the rules and regulations of the Las Vegas Crime Lab. He had seen their possible budding relationship become a flickering flame until it became extinguished due to everything against it. Exploring their feelings for each other was something left best undone. Friendship would be all that could ever happen between them. He could live with that, or so he tried to convince himself he could.
Throughout the years, Sara had tried to bring up something between the two of them. He knew he couldn't. There were rules, after all. He knew she thought she was in like -he couldn't bring himself to say love because that would be completely crazy, right? He knew, he convinced himself, that Sara would change her mind. She was beautiful, vibrant, and full of possibilities. On the other hand, he was the complete opposite. He wasn't being modest when he acknowledged that he wasn't particularly ugly or anything. He had had offers over the years of invitations for after dinner nightcaps with something more implied in the past, but he had rarely accepted. Still he wasn't fooling himself. He was fifteen years her senior. If he had decided to buck the rules and had gone after Sara (like his heart had wanted but his mind had refused to let him do), then maybe they would have dated for a while. It would have been great, he knew. However, it would have been unwise of him to think that it would have lasted. Sara would eventually leave him. She would wake up one day and ask herself why she had tied herself to some middle-aged man who worked way too much and whose idea of fun was to play with bugs. Yes, she would wake up and "smell the coffee" and realize that there were many other fish in the proverbial sea. And it would devastate him. He could and would admit that to himself now. Maybe subconsciously all along it had been his fear of Sara leaving him and not the whole work excuse (I'm her supervisor/she's my subordinate) thing that had prevented him from doing something about Sara. Maybe all along it had just been him trying to protect himself and his heart from getting hurt.
After Sara had told him about her childhood, he realized though that he had been wrong to deny himself a relationship with Sara. He really wanted to try something with her –a first for him. He began to consider the possibility of starting something with Sara. He was still hesitant and a bit unsure. After all, there was that saying "You can't teach an old dog new tricks" for a reason. Emerson, though, had said, "Always do what you are afraid to do." It was truly a great philosophy to live by because he realized that oftentimes some of the things that are the scariest and hardest to do can end up leading you to some of the best things life has to offer.
Not even a full three months later, there had been the Adam Trent case. He had assigned Sara with him on the case for the sheer reason that he had just wanted to spend some time with her even if it was just on a case, working. The dead body was at a mental hospital. It had been an intense case, and one that he wouldn't forget because of what had almost happened to Sara. They had been at the nurse's station, and he couldn't find a key to unlock some drawers. He had left her there with the door wide open, without thinking. That was when Adam Trent had attacked Sara. Trent had gone in, unnoticed by Sara, and closed and locked the door. He had dragged her down to the floor and held a pointed piece of hardened clay against her throat. When he came back with an orderly that is the image he saw. Sara struggling, and Trent holding her hostage. He had stood there –outside the door, helpless. He had stared into Sara's brown eyes, and he didn't know if he had ever been more terrified in his entire life. She had got away, and he was forever thankful. It was that night that he really truly began to understand and realize how much Sara meant to him. He cared for all the members of his team –Catherine, Warrick, Nick, and Greg. But Sara wasn't just another member of his team; his feelings for her went beyond that. Still he didn't make a move on Sara. He was still holding himself back. Admitting to himself that he, a man of intellect and forty-seven years of age, was too scared to ask a pretty girl out made him feel a bit like he was still in grade school. Unfortunately, it was entirely true.
A few weeks later, Nick had been kidnapped and buried alive. Something else he wasn't likely to forget anytime soon or ever. The team had found him in time, and that was the important thing. But all of the events from the past three months were piling up on him: Sara telling him about her past, Sara being attacked by Trent, Nick being buried alive. All of it was just too much. And all of it was like a divine wake-up call to act –to do something about Sara. To try.
So he made the decision that he would ask Sara out for a date. Just the two of them. Nick being buried alive only confirmed what he had already decided after Sara had been attacked at the mental hospital. Screw the rules and regulations. Sara Sidle was worth it.
It had been three months since his decision, and he had yet to act. His only excuse (as flimsy as it was) was that he wasn't quite sure how to approach Sara. How could he undo all the pain and hurt he had caused her over the years by always rejecting her advance for something more than just friendship? Would she even be willing to try anymore? He wasn't sure of himself at all, and for a man who prided himself on knowing things and always knowing what to do it was a bit disconcerting to say the least. He had never been a ladies man or a player (or whatever you called it these days) so he wasn't sure how to go about things. The only thing he did know was that he wanted Sara. He wanted a relationship with her. He was willing to take the chance and see where it took him. He was throwing caution to the wind. However, the most he had managed to do in the three months since was to compliment Sara on her work more often. And he had poured her some coffee on a few occasions in the break room and brought her dinner a couple of times. Another smooth move he realized when she seemed more startled and confused than anything else by his gestures.
That brought him back to today. Saturday. At the hospital, sitting in the much-loathed green chair by Sara's bedside –still reeling from the news that Sara had amnesia.
A/N4: Last chapter I was excited to post because my story concept finally came out, but this chapter is pretty special to me. I really enjoyed writing it. I love this chapter because it's just all about Grissom (his thoughts/his feelings). To me nesting dolls, committed, and grave danger were pivotal moments for the GSR relationship, and I wanted to show how it all kind of piled up on Grissom to give him a swift kick in the behind… Although I swear the man is moving slower than a freaking snail –and I'm the one writing him, but no he refuses to move faster! Insert: me mentally picking up the pencil ready to push/shove/kick him along...
A/N5: I'll shut up now so you can go do your thing and I'll send you a sneak peek (asap) as a thank you present.