Disclaimer: see chapter 1.
Rated T
Chapter 7.
Tony didn't know how long he had stood outside Ziva's door without knocking. He had rehearsed this scene in his head a dozen times on the drive over from Gibbs' house and was still unhappy with it.
He had to know what she was going to do. It was driving him crazy thinking about it and he doubted he'd get any sleep tonight until he found out. Best just to come straight out and ask her wasn't it? She was his partner after all. Didn't that give him a right to know?
Suddenly the door flew open and Ziva stood before him wearing a short toweling wrap, her feet bare and the ends of her hair still damp and curling from a recent shower.
"Do you plan to stay on my doorstep all night, Tony?" Ziva asked in a tired voice. "You have been deciding whether to knock for at least 20 minutes now yes?" she stepped back to allow him to enter the apartment.
Tony's eyes traveled down the length of her body, her long, honey coloured legs were shapely and well toned and he was surprised to see pearly pink frosted nail gloss on her toenails.
"Well, Ziva, had I known you were taking a shower I would have knocked sooner and offered to scrub your back," he immediately cursed himself. Hadn't he decided that he would not try to agitate her? They would sit down and discuss the situation calmly.
Stepping inside, Tony looked around the familiar room with its comfortable lounge topped with overstuffed throw cushions and a small coffee table with an array of magazines strewn across the surface.
The screen of Ziva's small television was predictably black. He knew she rarely watched it; in fact she usually didn't bother to switch it on at all except when he brought over a DVD to watch together.
They would sit together on the lounge and he, remote in hand his bare feet perched on her coffee table, would pause whenever he saw her forehead crease at an idiom that she didn't understand. Laughing at her confusion he would try to explain, all the while entertaining her with a very 'uniquely DiNozzo' critique of the plot.
He smiled……all part of his mission to help her assimilate to US culture. They were good nights. He would miss them. He would miss her….
"Would you like a drink, Tony?" Ziva's voice broke through his thoughts and he looked up to see her move into the small kitchen and remove a beer from the refrigerator. He followed and stood leaning against the doorframe watching her and she turned and handed him a bottle.
A silence stretched between them and Tony knew she was waiting for him to speak. He took a long swallow of the beer and tried his best to feign a casual interest.
"So, Zee-vah, have you decided if you are going to take the job in Israel?"
Ziva searched his face before replying. "Why do you care, Tony?"
"I care, Ziva,"
"Do you, Tony? Do you really?"
"Ziva…"
"No. Tony, I am sorry but I do not think you know what you feel. I have been very patient; I have waited for you to….to learn to trust in me. I watched you fall in love with that, that woman, and I was there for you when you were hurting, Tony."
"Ziva, I don't understand what you….."
"No of course you do not understand!" Ziva practically screamed it in his face.
"I have these………these feelings for you, Tony and I……… I do not know what to do anymore. I have tried to ignore it, to carry on as normal because you are my partner and….." Ziva struggled for words to describe how she felt.
"Believe me I did not plan for this to happen and I know that it is not strictly allowed but…the heart wants what the heart wants yes?."
Tony was stunned, his mouth hanging slightly opened as his mind tried to process what she was saying.
"And do you know what, Tony? I think, deep down, you care for me too. You are just too scared of getting hurt again to let yourself admit it."
Ziva watched the range of emotions chasing across his face. The initial shock quickly replaced by a look of cautious denial. "Well, I am tired of waiting for you to work it out, Tony. I just can not wait around any longer."
'There, she had finally done it! She had taken the chance and bared her soul to him.' Ziva waited for his response but it didn't come.
He saw the moment her eyes registered his uncertainty and watched as the hurt in her face was replaced by anger.
"I think that I will accept the position in Tel Aviv. As soon as this investigation is over I intend to resign."
A pain not unlike a knife's thrust pierced his chest and his muscles contracted as though he had been punched in the stomach. It was enough to snap him out of his stupor and realise that his silence had only made things worse.
"Ziva.."
He put out a hand to take her arm and she swung around and hit him hard in the chest with a small fist. Ziva was really angry now and just wanted to hurt him as he had hurt her.
Tony rocked backward with the shock of her reaction and put up a hand to catch her by the wrist. "Hey, will you stop it, Ziva?"
"I think you should go now, Tony," she demanded and turned to leave the kitchen.
Tony reached out to grab her arm, to pull her around to face him and she stumbled back against him. A strong arm snaked its way around her waist and pulled her into his body as his other hand rose to cup the back of her head and he lowered his mouth to hers in a punishing kiss.
Straining against him she moaned encouragingly when Tony lifted her off the floor and sat her backside on the kitchen bench top. Pushing her thighs apart he moved between them and dragged her closer in a bid to appease the pressure in his groin. He pushed the toweling robe from her shoulders and down her arms. His mouth found the hollow between her shoulder and neck and he breathed deeply the fresh, just showered scent on her skin.
She needed to touch him and tore at the front of his shirt with impatient fingers. Giving up she yanked the fabric apart uncaring of the buttons that flew through the air and bounced across the kitchen floor. Ziva buried her face in the soft hair that covered his chest, her small pink tongue finding first one then another flat male nipple.
Tony inhaled sharply and struggled, one handed, to release the buckle on his jeans. He grasped her hips with both hands and dragged her against his length, hesitating for just a moment, he lifted Ziva's chin and stared deeply into her beautiful brown eyes seeking the reassurance he craved.
"Ziva?"
"Please, Tony…." Ziva begged wrapping her legs around his back and he was lost.
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It was early morning, very early if the thin light poking through the lace curtains of Ziva's bedroom window was any indication. Tony lay on his right side, one arm wrapped around Ziva's waist, the other a pillow for her head as she fitted her back against him. He listened fondly to her gentle snoring and recalled the first time he had heard and been kept awake by it.
He stretched his left leg, careful not to wake her as he eased himself into a more comfortable position.
The room still held the faint scent of a long night of passion. Tony smiled and replayed every amazing moment in his mind.
'Gosh, she was fantastic!'
Once their initial, almost violent passion had been sated, Tony had carried Ziva through to the bedroom where they had spent the next few hours slowly and deliciously learning every inch of each other's bodies.
He felt a familiar stirring in his groin at just how detailed an inspection Ziva had made and pulled her closer to his side.
'She certainly was thorough,' he thought, a self satisfied grin splitting his face.
What now Tony?
It took a moment for him to realise that Ziva had woken and had actually said those words out loud.
He searched her face for signs of regret and seeing none dipped his head to touch his lips to hers in a long and lingering kiss.
"Hmmm……Good Morning"
"What time is it?" she asked.
"Just before 0500 I think…….hey, considering the workout that we had last night, do you think we could skip the run this morning?"
Ziva laughed and punched him lightly in the arm.
"Ouch!!" pretending that it hurt he rubbed it better, his eyes sparkling as he teased her some more. Green eyes stared into deep brown and the teasing glint disappeared to be replaced by a look of uncertainty.
"Ziva….. I need you to know why I acted the way I did the other day," Tony lifted a length of her silky brown hair and looped it through his fingers.
"I would like to understand, Tony."
He paused and thought for a moment before continuing. "I've spent a lot of years keeping people at arms length. You see….. if you let people in they have the power to hurt you, to disappoint you."
Ziva knew something of Tony's background including his childhood; she had made a profile of him for Ari before she came to work with NCIS. Remembering what she had found out made her angry at the way Tony had been emotionally neglected as a boy and then virtually disowned as a young man. Oh yes he had had all that money could buy and appeared to have grown up in luxurious surroundings but he had, for the most part, been ignored by a father who was too interested in making more money than in being anyone's "dad".
Was it any wonder that he found it so hard to trust? He had learned from an early age that he could depend only on himself.
"I got in too deep with Jeanne. I let my guard down and I got burned," he grimaced with self disgust. "I don't know if I can go through something like that again, Ziva. It hurt too damn much."
"What is it that you really fear, Tony?"
"We don't exactly have the safest jobs, Ziva. The risk is enormous. Look at Kate, Paula…If I let myself care for you ………. I'm scared that it will only end in more pain."
"Tony, every day that we walk out that door, one or even both of us may not come back. That is who we are. At Mossad we are trained to be alone, to avoid commitment because it will make us weak, vulnerable."
Tony drew small circles on her arm as he listened. "But I am stronger when I am with you, Tony, and I do not want to be alone anymore."
Tony closed his eyes. He wanted to take the chance. To see where this would lead but....
"I'm sorry, Ziva. I just don't know if I can risk it."
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