A/N: So thanks for the reviews guys and the feedback regarding whether or not Liv and El should have an "affair". This story is really about redemption. Redemption for wanting what you know in your head you should not have but in your heart you want it anyway….and it's fan fiction so let's just go with it!

Olivia looked at him stunned. He really just said that he wanted to have an affair with her. She knew she wanted him. She loved him. Was he really asking her to be the "other" woman? The one that sneaks around to see him, while he goes home every night to his pregnant wife and family? What kind of person would that make her or him? The one thing she always loved about Elliot was his morals. Having an affair went against everything he'd ever believed in. At the same time, Olivia thought to herself again when does she get to be happy? Elliot loves her. She loves Elliot why shouldn't she be with him. The heart does want what it wants…

"Liv, did you hear me?" he asked.

"Yeah, El. I heard you. I'm just a little surprised.

"Shit Olivia so am I. This is not me. You know me. You know I'm not a cheater, but somehow this doesn't really feel like cheating. I mean, yes, I am married to Kathy, but we are in no way together. We agreed to live together for the sake of the baby. I'm sleeping on the fuckin couch for God's sake."

"Elliot! Calm down! I know you are. I know this isn't you. Are you trying to convince me or justify this in your own mind?"

"I…Liv…I don't know. The only thing I know for sure anymore is that I'm in love with you. I want you, and you want me so why the hell shouldn't we be together?"

Olivia thought about his words. She searched her head for reasons to say no, but in the end her heart won out. "El, you're right. I do want you. I don't know how to let you go. The last few months without you have been painful or me. I miss you. I want to be with you. If that makes me a horrible person, so be it."

Three months had passed and Olivia and Elliot continued their affair. It was not easy. They tried everything they could to keep their feelings out of work, so as not to let on to anyone what was going on. For the most part, they were able to. Kathy was now eight months pregnant and Elliot seemed to be spending less time with Olivia, as they were preparing for the baby. Olivia understood, at least she tried to. She knew what she signed up for having a relationship with a married man who had a baby on the way. Things did seem to start taking their toll on her though.

Elliot continued to try to juggle a "so-called" home life along with his relationship with Olivia. Trying to make it to all of Kathy's doctor's appointments and trying to make time for Olivia was beginning to take its toll on him also.

When they were together, however, things were calm. They were good. Great, in fact. Olivia just continued to wait for the other shoe to drop. As happy as she was when she was with Elliot, a soon as he would leave, a part of her died a bit inside. She felt alone, empty and guilty. She wasn't sure how to deal with the overwhelming guilt she was starting to feel. When all this started with Elliot, she had decided in her head that she deserved this. She deserved the happiness he bought to her life, and the consequences be dammed, but every time she was with him, she felt a part of her self-respect slipping away. The guilt didn't stem from the "affair" necessarily. He knew Elliot didn't love Kathy anymore. She knew she was the one he loved. The guilt seemed to stem from the feeling of them sneaking around. She hated that they had to keep their feelings a secret. A dirty secret. What she felt for Elliot, there was nothing dirty about it. It was love, pure and simple. The happiest she had ever felt, and yet no one would understand how she could be with a married man who had a baby on the way, not even if he was only with her for the baby.

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Elliot and Olivia were having another romantic night at her place. They had just come out of the shower when Elliot's phone rang. It was late, so they both knew it had to be Kathy.

"Answer it" she sighed.

He looked at the caller ID. It was Maureen not Kathy, which sent a chill of worry through his veins.

"Maureen? Everything okay?" he asked.

Elliot stood there listening to his daughter speak from the other end of the phone. After a few minutes they said their goodbyes and he hung up.

"Jesus, El what's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost." Olivia said moving towards him.

"It's…it's Kathy….she had the baby. Went into labor and had the baby." He stammered.

"Why didn't anyone call you?" she questioned.

"I guess they tried. My phone was turned off." Elliot replied as he hurried to put his clothes on.

"Wow. She's a month early. Are she and the baby okay?" Olivia questioned.

"Yeah…yeah…they're fine Maureen said."

"Hey, are you okay?" she questioned him with concern.

"Yeah, I'm just….I missed my son's birth. I was here with you and I missed him being born. What kind of person does that make me?" he asked.

"Elliot, you had no idea she would go into labor a month early." She said trying to make him feel better about the situation.

He glared at her. "Like I would have been in a different place a month from now, Liv? I would have still been here fucking you while my child was being born!" he yelled.

Immediately, he saw her mouth drop. He knew that came out wrong. He didn't mean it like that. He could see the hurt in her eyes and on her face.

"Liv, I…I didn't mean…I'm sorry….that came out wrong" he said trying to back pedal.

Sighing Olivia said "Whatever, Elliot. You said it. You meant it. The sad part of it all is I never held a gun to your head. You wanted to be here."

"I still do, Liv. This doesn't change anything. I love you. You know that" he replied.

"I believe you, Elliot. I do. But this is done. We are done. This is killing you inside, whether you want to admit it or not. It's killing me also. That statement you just made, that sealed it for me. We're over. "

"Liv, no. I can't lose you."

"You just did, Elliot. You made me feel like some cheap whore you were banging during the birth of your child. That's not me. I'm not a whore" she said calmly.

"Liv, I know you're not. I never meant to imply you were. Shit! I just….I missed his birth…I feel guilty."

"You always feel guilty, Elliot. Every time you are here with me, you feel guilty even if you haven't admitted it. I can't deal with it anymore. Take your Catholic guilt and get the hell out. Go see your wife and new son!" she said now yelling.

"Liv…I..."

She held up her hand to stop him from speaking. "I can't do this with you. Not now. Not anymore. It's done. I'm done."

"Liv, I don't have time to argue this with you right now, but this is not done." He said as he was putting his shoes on looking for his keys.

"Elliot! Listen to me! Dammit! You never fuckin listen! It's done! I'm done! Now go…go now!" she screamed, tears streaming down her face.

"I'll call you later" he said as he leaned in to kiss her. She backed away.

"Elliot, fuck! Did you hear me? Get out. Get out right now! Do not call me. Go live a happy life with you wife and kids and leave me alone." She said as she pushed him out the door.

She stood there with her back against the door and slid down to the floor. She buried her head in her hands and began to sob. Elliot was still standing on the other side of the door. He could hear her crying. He went to reach for the doorknob. He wanted to comfort her. Tell her he loved her and wasn't letting her go. But he couldn't. She told him to go. She practically begged him to. She needed space. He placed his hand on the door and whispered "I love you, Liv." And he was gone.

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Elliot arrived at the hospital and was greeted by his four children. He hugged them and then began asking a million questions. First and foremost was what had happened. Why had his wife gone into labor a month early?

Maureen explained that she was home with Kathy when her water broke. It was only a bit over two hours ago. They tried several times to call him but his phone went directly to voice mail. By the time they arrived at the hospital, she was already fully dilated. The birth itself only took about 30 minutes.

Elliot sighed running his hand over his unshaven face. He couldn't believe the overwhelming guilt he felt at not being there for the birth of his baby.

"You can go see the baby and Mom now if you want" Maureen told him.

"Yeah…yeah…thanks honey." He said as he kissed her on the forehead.

He walked into Kathy's hospital room and saw her sitting there talking to their son. Overwhelmed, again, by guilt at not being there and being with Olivia at the time, he was about to walk out and collect himself when Kathy looked up.

"Elliot. Hey, come meet your son." She said softly.

He walked toward them. He took one look at his child and beamed with pride. Things were more than awkward between himself and Kathy for the past eight months and this moment wasn't any different. Trying to break the ice, Kathy held the baby up for Elliot to take him. When he held his son for the first time, an array of emotions flooded over him.

The nurse entered the room to let Elliot know that visiting hours were now over. He would have to come back in the morning. He hated leaving his new son. If he had been here earlier he would have had more time with him, he thought to himself. He leaned down and kissed the little boy on the forehead and whispered "Daddy loves you." As he handed the baby back to Kathy. He leaned down to kiss her on the cheek and said "I'll be back first thing in the morning. Get some rest."

He walked out into the hallways and saw his other children standing there. They all had smiles on their faces.

"Isn't he awesome, Dad?" Lizzie asked.

"Yeah, yeah he is honey." Elliot replied wrapping his arm around his youngest daughter and pulling her close for a hug.

"Did you guys pick a name?" Kathleen asked.

"Your mom wants to name him after me. We decided we'd call him Eli." He replied.

"Eli. I like it" Maureen chimed in.

"Listen, Maureen can you drive the kids home? I'm gonna go hang out in the nursery for a bit if they will let me. I'll be home later." He asked his eldest daughter.

"Yeah, sure Dad no problem. Come on guys!" Maureen said.

They all kissed their father goodbye and walked down the hall. He didn't take his eyes off of them until they rounded the corner and were out of sight. Elliot then made his way to the nursery, where he was told he would have to come back tomorrow during visiting hours. He sighed and made his way to the elevator.

As he was walking through the parking lot, he grabbed his phone out of his pocket to check his messages. He was hoping there would be one from Olivia calling to find out about the baby. Nothing. He dialed her number, but it went straight to voice mail. She was avoiding him. He knew this. He drove around for about an hour. He didn't know why he didn't go straight home. Everything was weighing heavily on his mind. Before he knew it, he had driven straight to Olivia's apartment. He always seemed to find himself there one way or another. He didn't even remember consciously deciding to drive there. It was the pull she had on him. He wanted to see her. He wanted to make things right with her.

He sat in the car in front of her building for at least thirty minutes. He continued to look up at her window. He knew she wasn't asleep because her bedroom light was still on and yet every time he called her it went straight to voice mail. She didn't want to talk to him. He knew this, but he was being selfish. He wanted to talk to her. He wanted to see her.

The guilt then overwhelmed him again. He realized he was sitting in his car outside the apartment of his mistress, having just left the hospital where his wife just gave birth to his fifth child. "Mistress?" he said to himself. That word just seemed inappropriate when thinking about Olivia. It sounded cheap and tawdry, everything that Olivia was not. "What had he done?" he asked himself. "What had he made Olivia? A cheap whore? She was anything but. He loves her. She is everything to him, and yet he can't give all of himself to her and she deserves that. Maybe she was right, he thought. Maybe this whole thing was too good to be true and had run its course. He looked up at the window again, as if he was looking for an answer to all the questions running through his mind.

He noticed her standing in the window looking down at him in the car. He quickly grabbed his phone and dialed her number. Again, it went straight to voice mail. He looked up. She was gone. He saw the light go out.

He had the answer to all his questions.

A/N: Can they find their way back to each other or are the doomed to be star-crossed lovers? Stay tuned!

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