Title: Damn you Chuck Bass. Damn you to hell.
Summary: A very shocked Blair must deal with the news Serena just revealed to her. Chuck's been shot. Prior a very drunk Chuck fights for his girlfriend's ring…the one she never got to see. What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger right?
Disclaimer: They don't belong to me…as much it hurts to say it.
A/N: This was by far the hardest chapter to write. I'm not really sure about this yet- but this might be the concluding one. There might be more but I'm not really sure about it yet. Thanks to everyone for all the great reviews and thanks to Wills for the awesome J.P quotes I would never have discovered otherwise. This is the longest chapter so far…and just might be the last! Let me know what you think!
"If you loved someone, really loved them, would you let them go?"
- (Mercy)
Notes to Blair, Chuck never sent
(In Bangkok, after fleeing his father's funeral.)
Blair,
It wasn't that I wasn't going to say it.
I had it all planned out.
You would say it. I would hear it. Some stupid butterflies would nonsensically flutter. As soon as I'd catch my breath- I'd kiss the life out of you. And as soon as you'd catch yours, I'd say it back; you would hear it and you would smile.
Blair.
I know I asked you to say it. I know that was wrong.
I made you tear away from your dreams, your ideals. You wanted Prince Charming. I made you settle for the Dark Knight.
It's not that I don't want to say it.
It's just-
I love the way you love, but I hate the way I'm supposed to love you back
- CB
Blair smiled at his watchful face, uncurling herself out of the settee she had napped in.
"Good morning princess," he murmured. "How was your sleep?"
Blair rubbed her eyes, smiling tiredly. "It could have been better."
Chuck sighed. "I told you not to spend the night. Couches do not make cradles for wallflowers."
Blair rolled her eyes. "I didn't mean that, Bass. I meant…" she stood up and crossed the room to cuddle into his awaiting arms. "I meant this."
Chuck smirked, shifting to make her more comfortable. "You're making it very hard for me to make you go to our hotel. You're more fatigued than I am, Blair."
She sighed. "I'm fine…except for my head. Moreover, I don't really want to sleep anywhere else."
He looked at her questioningly.
Blair sighed. "For the past day…I've had this really bad headache. Exceptionally bad. It went away when I came here." She pressed deeper into his hold. "It goes away when I'm with you."
"Maybe you should get a check up," Chuck suggested seriously, smoothing back her hair.
Blair shook her head. "It's nothing. It was probably just out of dread. I'm so much better now." She reached out to fix his ruffled hair. "How are you?"
"I'm great," he replied, "Better then ever. It takes a gunshot to get a guy's perspective together. I'm never going to look at life the same way again. Sometime's…I really think I had it coming."
Blair glared at him. "What's that supposed to mean?" she demanded.
Chuck sighed. "I had everything I'd ever wanted. I was perfectly happy. More than that- I was at the top of the universe. I owned the world and I threw it away. Why?"
Blair shrugged. "Because you're an ass."
He laughed at the prompt way she said it and leaned down to kiss her. Within a minute, they were lost to the world.
Sometimes I think that I wanted to live, Chuck thought, feeling pure elation as he lost himself in Blair, So I had to die.
….
Notes to Blair, Chuck never sent
(In his limo, the night of the debutante ball, knowing Blair was sleeping with Nate this very moment.)
Blair,
I didn't think it was possible to really hate someone until tonight.
If it were medieval times, I would have cleaved Nathaniel's throat and locked you up in one of those towers. I would have imprisoned you until you were willing to be mine. It sounds like an excellent idea, even now.
But I can't.
You looked so damn happy in that split second. You looked so beautiful and so happy.
This is your dream, right? This is what you've always wanted.
God, I hate you right now.
I hate your inflated attitude, your big doe eyes, your willowy curves, your wit which is parallel to mine.
I loathe Nathaniel. I loathe the knowledge of what I have to hide from him. I loathe the fact that he has, this very moment something that was once, only mine. Which is no longer only mine.
I hate that I don't hate him after all. I hate that I can't hate him at all because he's my best effing friend.
I hate that I couldn't stop you because I had no claim on you to begin with.
But you know what I hate the most?
The realization that even after all this time, after all those stolen kisses, that staggering chemistry- all I have ever been able to do…is make you lust me. Not care for me. Desire was the only hold I had on you.
I don't want it to be that way.
Mark my words. By the end of this life, I will make you mine.
I will make you care.
You know what they say. The love that lasts the longest is the love that wasn't returned.
-CB
…..
Chuck Bass was sleeping deeply when a deafening squall jerked him out of his slumber.
He opened a single eye to see what all the commotion was about.
"Chuck!" Serena squealed, rushing at him. For a moment Chuck was blinded with the view of thick blonde extensions.
And then-
"Ouch." Chuck blinked amid the awareness that Serena was hugging him as though trying to choke the life out of him. "Uh…Hi to you too."
"Oh, Chuck," Serena flashed him a gratified smile. "We were so worried!"
"Yes, S, I missed you also."
"How I've missed your witty banter," Serena cried, her eyes filling up.
Chuck frowned. "I wasn't bantering."
"I couldn't imagine not having you to make sleazy comments."
Chuck looked at her. "This feels all wrong."
Serena sighed contentedly, hugging Chuck firmer.
He looked at Nate. "Is she feeling alright?"
Nate simply clutched his shoulder. "Thank God, you're okay man."
Eric leaned over to greet Chuck over Serena.
"You scared the hell out of us," he accused.
Chuck raised an eyebrow, overwhelmed. "So much love. Are you all sure you haven't reached the wrong memorial service?"
Lily was close to tears. "Don't you dare say that!" she cried. "Memorial service, indeed. You're alright, Charles and we could have asked for nothing more. Please don't be inappropriate."
Eric grinned. "Well, at least that means Chuck's on the road to recovery."
"Recovery, my ass. I feel just great. Ahem. Where's Blair?"
Nate and Eric grinned at each other and Chuck frowned.
"Seriously. Where is she?"
"She just went to get some coffee, she should be back soon. She did after all spend the night here, after all." Nate said, with a bemused smile.
"The things we do for love," Eric muttered. "Including the implausible."
He looked at his sister who was flashing Chuck a fond smile.
"I'll go look for her. Tell her you're asking about her. You sure you're feeling alright?"
Chuck nodded slowly, watching Serena with a thoughtful expression.
When she actually reached out to ruffle his hair, he leaned back, horrified.
"Take care, bro."
And Serena skipped out the room, chirpy and elated.
Chuck turned to Nate, troubled. "Did she just call me what I think she did?"
Nate grinned. "I think she's trying to make up for the time you first called her your sister and she threatened to murder you…."
Chuck smirked. "Ah yes. Good times."
"She was seriously freaked out Chuck. She must have called you her brother more often today than she's insulted you for sixteen years. We were all freaked. When they shocked you-"
Chuck blinked. "They did that?"
"I'm just glad Blair missed that part," Nate muttered. "She would have beaten up the surgeons- the state she was in."
"She didn't witness it?" Chuck asked, immediately sitting up in bed. "She doesn't know about it?"
When Nate shook his head, he leaned back, relieved.
There was a scamper of footsteps.
"Blair's busy fixing her appearance- she'll be there in a bit. I got you coffee!"
"Is it me or has Serena been replaced by the pod people?" asked Chuck curiously.
Nate grinned. "I think you just got the sister you always wanted."
"Hmm," Chuck smiled sweetly at Serena as she danced in his room, with a steaming cup of Espresso, clearly splashed with a spot of Single Malt, exactly the way he liked it. "I could get used to this."
…
Jenny Humphrey lay sprawled on the Pottery Barn hodgepodge quilt, watching the beaded curtains dance against the window.
They made her windows seem like stained glass.
She was filing her nails furiously when the doorbell buzzed.
"Jenny! Can you get that?" her mother called.
Jenny rolled her heavily raccoon-done eyes and snapped the filer back in its place. Sighing crossly, she slithered off the bed and stomped to the door.
The pizza guy gave her a toothy smile. "Special delivery of one large pepperoni pie, with extra cheese, for a Miss Jenny Humphrey?"
She stared at him. "What? Do you want a hug? Hand over it over."
That wiped his smile right off. "That- that'll be-"
She handed him a twenty and flashed a saccharine smile. "Keep the change. Buy yourself some mouthwash with it. My treat."
He stared at her openmouthed as she slammed the door in his face.
Shaking her head, Jenny sauntered into the kitchen.
Her mother frowned at her. "Somebody's not in a good mood today."
Jenny tried to keep calm. "It's nothing, Mom. Let it go."
Truthfully not even she knew what was bothering her. But something sure was…and it seemed suspiciously like the recall of a spoilt teenage billionaire.
With the gentlest touch.
The most searing kiss.
The devil's smirk.
And such sad…sad cognac-brown eyes….
Something in Jenny ached to make his sadness go away. The thing was it wasn't her place to achieve that.
Her cell phone buzzed and she whipped it out automatically.
Hey Upper East Siders,
You heard it here first. According to reliable sources, Manhattan's richest teenager may be no more. Oh Chuck, even we didn't expect you to go this way. Drunk and mugged in an alley? Alone and abandoned in a far away land? Unloved and unnoticed as you bled to death?
On second thought, you were exactly expected to go this way. Say hello to Satan from us Bass. We expect his Spawn will be welcomed home with open arms.
XOXO…
Gossip Girl
She was a callous bitch.
Alison frowned at Jenny's pallid face.
"Everything alright?"
Jenny raised her face and for the first time, deeply ringed with black makeup, her crystal blue eyes were visibly scared.
"Mom," she said, "I want to back home."
….
Notes to Blair Chuck never sent.
(When Blair was with Nate.)
Blair,
He was a blind fool because he couldn't see your mischievous little smile. He couldn't esteem your beautiful curvatures, your gorgeous eyes…they're sable in color…. Reminding me of the finest wine…
My love for you Blair was not blind. How could it have been?
For otherwise how it was that it made me see what others couldn't see?
My love for you wasn't blind, because it made me see you clearly for the first time.
It made me want you to see me.
It made me realize that the most painful emotion is to watch someone you love, blatantly love someone else.
-CB
….
…
"Apparently, according to Gossip Girl, Chuck is dead," Serena stated, scowling at her blackberry.
"Well, you gotta give her some credit," replied Nate. "Considering a few hours ago he was."
"Everyone's gonna freak," said Serena, sipping her double Mocha, dark. "Hmmm. I wonder if Jack Bass reads Gossip Girl. He might celebrate a victory party too soon."
Nate frowned. "My cell won't stop buzzing. It hasn't stopped buzzing since an hour."
"Probably because of a billion shocked souls wanting to know first hand if Chuck Bass is deceased or breathing," Serena sighed. "You know what? None of these people really give a damn about anything except the gossip. I'm not replying to any of these messages."
Nate tossed his cell aside. "Good idea. Let Gossip Girl be blatantly wrong for once- without us caring."
Jenny Humphrey frowned into the phone. "Nate," she thought unhappily. "Why won't you pick up?"
…..
"I know you love me. The question is, how much?"
-J.P
The officers approached Nate and Serena, looking inquisitive, accompanied by a frightened looking Nurse.
"Mr. Archibald?" Julia squeaked.
Nate blinked at the intimidating figures and the petite Nurse towering over him.
"Yes?" Nate asked, as he and Serena stood up simultaneously.
"Sir, an investigation occurred at the site Mr. Bass was shot. The attackers have been caught and we recovered something from them that we need Mr. Bass to identify."
Nate frowned while Serena hovered protectively over Chuck's room, "Mr. Bass is resting right now."
The younger officer sighed. "We came yesterday but left due to the same reason. We really need to speak to him now."
Nate stood tall. "Whatever you need Chuck to identify, I'm sure I can do it for him."
The officer's exchanged a look before one of them ejected a zip lock bag out of his overcoat.
"Sir this was just recovered from two Spanish muggers..."
Nate looked at the little box and his jaw dropped.
Serena clutched her heart and let out an unintelligible sound.
The officer added dryly, "That's not it."
With gloved hands he captured the little cube with two fingers and snapped it open.
A brilliant sparkle blinded them both.
Behind them came an otherworldly scream.
Nate and Serena whirled around.
Blair Waldorf was staring at the radiating halo, her eyes fixed on the officer's hands, crying "OH MY GOD!"
….
(The night of graduation)
Blair,
You said you loved me.
Again.
I am not a coward. I know I'm not.
Then why is it that the idea of facing a hundred pound, bombastic, overemotional, Grace Kelly obsessed teenage girl is making me shit in my pants?
It's just…
People say those three words all the time.
We love our dog, our parents, the weather, chocolate chip ice-cream.
How can one word conveniently cover up a thousand sensations?
We say we love our childhood but we outgrow it, we say we love nature but we corrupt it, we say we love our pets but we put them to sleep, we say we love flowers but we pluck them, we say we love our friends but we hurt them.
Is it really any wonder that some people are still afraid of being told they are loved?
-CB
…
Nate turned brightly to Serena.
"Isn't this great?"
Serena looked worried. "Did you see Blair's face?"
Nate shrugged. "What did she look like?"
The door of Chuck's room slammed shut.
Serena cringed. "Like," Serena stared at the shut door. "She's going to kill him."
…..
"I once heard someone on a bus say that this guy had gotten under her skin. And it struck me as a remarkable thought - that someone would affect you so deeply they'd always be a part of you."
-J.P
….
Blair stormed into Chuck's room. He took one look at her wild face and raised an eyebrow. What now?
She showed him the little box, removing her hand from behind her back.
Chuck turned white. "You have got to be kidding me."
"This?" she cried. "This is why you got shot? Because of me?"
"Calm down Blair-"
"CALM DOWN?"
The officers looked at the gorgeous, crazed brunette a little nervously.
"Er- Mr. Bass, we need you to identify the object- and claim it of it is yours-"
"It's mine," Chuck sighed. "Thank you officers."
They nodded and after another wary glance at Blair, left.
The second the room slipped close, she launched at Chuck.
"Clarify yourself."
He stared at her tensely, "Look, it wasn't supposed to happen this way."
"Happen this way?" she ricocheted. "You mean you weren't supposed to get shot, protecting a ring?"
"It wasn't just any ring," he retorted, his face stubborn.
"Oh, really?"
He looked at her. "It was for you, Blair."
And she saw the whole disaster in her mind again.
Chuck had let out a sharp breathe. "Blair…Will you…"
The disastrous interruption that had been caused by Humphrey (damn him to the deepest pit of hell). The truth, killing her as it was revealed.
And Chuck Bass was left…left alone with a small box still clutched in his hand.
Blair turned to him, white faced.
"Why?" she cried.
"Why, what?"
"Why do you have to do this to me? Why call yourself the dark knight, when your not, not really. You're an effing prince charming Chuck. One of these days you'll be the death of me."
He frowned. "Not quite the reaction I was looking for."
She threw her hands in the air. "You could have died!"
"At least you'd lost me knowing that I loved you, with one solid proof by your side."
"I- I don't believe this," Blair whispered.
Chuck sighed. "Blair, I get it. After what happened, I get it. There is nothing I can do to gain forgiveness. All I can do…is wait. I'll wait Blair. I'll wait forever if you want me to."
"Stop!" she cut in. "Stop talking! Stop making me feel like- like- the most awful-"
"Why do you feel so awful?" Chuck asked defensively. "Is the idea of marrying me that horrendous?"
"I'm only nineteen!" she said a little hysterically.
"Well so am I!" he yelled.
"Was this some- some sort of joke to you?" her lips were trembling. "Some- gag to get me back?"
"Joke?" Chuck winced slightly and sat up in bed. "God, Blair. Chuck Bass gets a ring and you think it was just for laughs?"
"It can never be anything but forever for me," she snapped.
"I'm well aware of that."
"I only want to do this one time," she warned.
"I know," he said, exasperated. "I have watched every Audrey Hepburn movie, thanks to you."
She shook her head, her dark curls dancing, "How could you ask this from me? Right after sleeping with that bitch?"
He felt his temper rise. "Are we really going to do this again?"
"Were you really planning to base the most important relationship in the world over lies?"
"Fine!" he yelled. "Fine, so I was! I lied, I cheated, and I'm an ass. Just tattoo that to the back of my eyelids Blair so I never forget it."
"I'm not even sure marriage is for us!" she cried. "I never expected this!"
"What were you expecting then?" he asked his voice getting dangerously quiet.
"I only meant-"
"What, Blair? Am I only a phase in your life you're meant to outgrow? Didn't you want this to happen eventually? Is there some pretty Prince you're holding out for?"
"It's not that!" she cried, completely flustered. "I just think we both have a lot of growing up to do!"
….
Commotion was erupting from the room.
Nate looked worried.
"Maybe we should-"
Serena grabbed his hand. "Let them sort it out," she insisted. "This is Chuck and Blair, we're talking about. Drama is their thing."
Blair could be heard yelling something.
"I don't know Ser-"
CRASH. Something had clearly smashed in the ward.
Serena went pale. "You're right. We totally should."
Nate grabbed her arm. "Stop. Maybe we should call the doctor or something-"
Serena ripped away her hand. "Don't be a coward! I'm going."
Nate followed her reluctantly. "It's your face."
….
(As Chuck waited for Blair, peonies in hand, meaning to tell her he loved her.)
Blair,
If you turn me away now, I'll deserve it.
The thing is…I'm not letting you turn away.
I made you wait an eternity to hear it. I took an eternity to realize that it does take courage to be happy.
I was just afraid, you see. Afraid that if something as wonderful as you would be in my life, I'd have end up paying for it.
I'm not afraid anymore.
I'm not going to let myself hurt you ever again.
And if you turn me away- so what?
The worst you can say is no- fine, I'll deserve the consequence.
Because it's better to lose your pride in front of someone you truly love, then to truly lose someone you love over worthless pride.
For the record- I really do love you, Blair.
You are enough.
You have to be.
-CB
….
Chuck had thrown the vase straight across the room.
"I can't believe you're yelling at me for this!"
"I can't believe you had the guts to sleep with Jenny Humphrey and minutes later-"
Serena rushed to intervene. "What are you guys doing-?"
"Just say yes, dammit!" he roared at her, "How effing hard is it to say yes?"
"I'm thinking!" she yelled back.
He faced her, looking homicidal, "You have to think about it?"
"B, the timing is all wrong," Serena said as patiently as she could, "You should be happy-"
"Happy that my boyfriend planned to propose minutes after he'd slept with Jenny Humphrey?" cried Blair.
"But Blair, Chuck-"
"Yes, I know, he almost died, that's ancient history-"
"Actually he did die-"
"I beg your pardon?" Blair shrieked, freezing in place.
Serena looked flustered. "Well, the doctor had given up after shocking him-"
"Shocking him?" Blair burst out.
Chuck glared at her. "Thanks a lot, sis."
"Hey, don't shoot the messenger, "Serena retorted. "Anyway, B, just calm down, alright? The only reason Chuck is even alive right now is because Mom through a fit until the doctor tried to shock him again-"
"What?" Blair and Chuck chorused, incredulously.
Serena chickened out. "You know what? I think you guys can sort this out."
She shut the door behind her.
Blair sank into one of the plastic seats by the bed.
"I think I'll need a minute," she murmured.
"Thank God," Chuck muttered.
…
Blair and Chuck walked out of the hospital, arm in arm, after visiting Anastasia.
"Despite the false start earlier, this night is perfect," she said brightly.
He raised an eyebrow. "Well. There is one thing… that would make it even better."
Without breaking eye contact with her he pulled his hand out of his coat and gave her smile just suppressing excitement.
Chuck let out a sharp breathe. "I am so sorry." He shook his head, "For the pain I've caused you. I know I can't take it back but I want to make it up to you..." he smiled softly. "Even if it takes me the rest of my life."
She looked at him mystified.
"Blair," he said quietly. "Will you-"
And then the Brooklyn bitch boy came out of nowhere.
"HUMPHERY!" Blair screeched. "Have you lost your mind- what are you doing?"
Dan spared Blair a glance before turning to Chuck. "You. Tell her." He demanded.
"Tell me what- what's going on," Blair said, her eyes not leaving Chuck.
Chuck slowly got to his feet and looked at her, his expression full of dread.
Blair's eyes travelled to Jenny and the first real tears she had ever seen the skank shed.
Blair shook her head.
Chuck was looking at her pleadingly.
"You didn't."
In that instant she truly believed that he would never do that to her.
"Blair-" he was shook his head, his eyes begging her not to do this.
That was when she knew.
"You."
Jenny gave her the look of a startled fawn.
"Get out of here now," Blair's voice was so urgent, it might have been asking Jenny to run before a tornado came. Asking her to leave for her own good.
"And not just off of this hospital," Blair raved. "But this island. GO. And never come back. Because if you ever step foot in Manhattan again, I will know," her voice was so threatening it seemed to chill the air. "And I will destroy you," she added calmly.
Jenny shook her head, sounding exactly like the fourteen year old asking Blair to excuse her innocence. "Blair, I'm sorry-"
Dan spoke over her at once. "No- you have no reason to be sorry," he turned to Blair as though she would comprehend. "This BEGINS and ENDS with Chuck."
And Blair knew he was right.
Serena was there.
"You okay?" she asked- all concern.
Blair gave her friend a tolerant smile through her tears, so she wouldn't worry.
Dan took Serena away leaving Blair and Chuck alone.
For a moment she really had no idea what to say to him.
Chuck's eyes were pools of desperation. "Blair- I-I thought you didn't love me anymore," he explained his voice growing frantic with each word. "I didn't care if I lived or died- Jenny Humphrey was-"
"No-no- DON'T SAY HER NAME," Blair's voice ricocheted off in the silence of the night. "Or anything else to me…ever again."
His expression, when she said those words, actually scared her. He looked like he wanted to kill someone. He looked like he was just restraining himself from violently hauling her towards him; imprisoning her and never letting her go. For one frozen instant, his face was savage.
And then the moment passed, his eyes softened and pleaded with her.
Blair took a deep breathe.
"This whole night…didn't happen."
She walked away…leaving Chuck alone…still clutching a miniscule box and a broken heart.
….
Blair wearily glanced at Chuck who was staring at the wall, with a sullen look on his face.
You only hate someone when you really, really want to love them. But then find that they have made the terms of that arrangement impossible.
You grow to hate them because they have stopped you from loving them.
She had sworn she would never forgive him for what he had done to her. Never. But he was still here, desperately trying to fix things, going to every impossible length to make her happy. When she was in pain, he was in pain. When she cried, he mourned with her, even if she couldn't see it, she knew it. Whatever in the world she wanted, he would get for her. She had waited her whole life for someone like that. And it had turned out to be the individual with the stance of the devil and the heart of an archangel, the boy she had known her whole life.
I have either loved or hated you, there was never any intermediate. Maybe there was but that so was so long ago that I can't remember what it felt like. Either way no matter what, you always mattered.
What happened to us, Chuck? We used to be effortless friends. I could complete your sentences. You could read my thoughts. We were close, because we were alike. What happened?
Did love make us?
Or break us?
You can only hate that deeply if you have once loved fiercely. You could have once cherished the country you ended up setting afire.
The day you know you've truly recognized someone is the day you have finished hating him and known loving them.
They could never work for long without messing up. She could never look at anyone as she did him.
He would always remain a Basshole. He would always remain the love of her life.
Many a time she hated him. But wasn't hate really a passion that rang alongside love?
She looked at him again. He looked miserable.
She realized suddenly that the box was still clamped in her fist.
The realization both surprised and saddened her.
The thing is… The one who loves you will always make you weep. Since you kind of granted them that allowance.
A gunshot didn't fix anything. No one could fix this but them, themselves.
A gunshot didn't fix anything. But the idea of losing someone you loved that deeply…losing out on all the joy that was theirs to have if only they wanted it…the thought of losing him when he was he completed her the way no White Knight ever had…made her realize that she had to fix this. Chuck and Blair had always been broken without each other. Together…they were invincible.
You could either spend your whole life hating someone for what they have done…or remember that life is short and savor the hours you have left… by learning how to forgive.
Blair turned to Chuck.
"We have to talk."
He sighed. "Of course."
"Chuck…there's something you need to understand." Blair whispered, shaking her head. Her mind was a whirl.
Chuck frowned at her irate expression. "Are you angry?"
"No," Blare retorted her voice furious.
The thing is…in order to repair something, we need to break another.
"Chuck," she took a measured step forward before wavering. "I'm thinking…"
He moaned. "Are we breaking up again?"
"I think…we'll have to."
Chuck went pale. "For how long?"
She looked at him and for a moment wondered how to reply. She looked at him and thought about how much he meant to her. How much she energy she had spent hating this boy and how many years she had spent understanding him. He was her whole life to her. Yes, she loved Chuck and yes she despised him and yes, sometimes she felt such a rage towards him that she felt she could instantly execute him and yes, sometimes she was filled with such tenderness for him that she felt she would eagerly die for him and what the hell did you call all of that?
Love?
Or insanity?
He stared at her and wondered why she looked as though she was crying and laughing at the same time.
"I thought we could normal. But that's not true, now is it? Nothing about us is ever going to stay normal."
Chuck frowned. "Look, Blair, you know that I-"
"I know you love me. The question is…how much?"
For love, we have to fight.
For love, we have to conquer.
"How…how much?" he repeated.
Saying it might hurt her. But it would also set her free.
"Do you love me enough to give me what I want?"
The thing is…sometimes in order to do the right thing, we have to perform what feels so wrong.
For love, we have to make sacrifices.
And for love…sometimes we have to forgo our ideals, our traditions…to do the unconventional. Sometimes we have to take a risk. Sometimes we have to do, what we had sworn we wouldn't be caught dead doing.
What we hadn't thought we were capable of.
For no two loves are the same. And no one was like them.
Blair gazed at him for a moment before freezing a determined expression on her lovely face.
And sinking down before him.
"Chuck Bass," Blair held tightly onto the edge of his bed. "Sometimes I think my whole life has been about discovering you."
He looked into her, his deep cognac brown eyes unfathomable. He looked at her and found her expression unreadable. And suddenly Chuck knew that without Blair he would die. This time he would die. Maybe not immediately, maybe not in a natural way but he wouldn't be able to stop it from happening. How many times could a heart break and still be expected to beat?
She was smiling. She probably enjoyed dropping the axe.
"Chuck Bass," Blair reached out to take his huge hand in her soft ones. "Will you marry me?"
….
From the Diary of Chuck Bass
Dear Stupid Diary,
I always thought that no one could love anyone as much as I loved Blair.
That was until I looked into Blair's eyes today.
She asked me the enchanted question on a hospital floor, her hair still disheveled from sleep, her hand in mine, with me in a hospital gown.
She asked.
Me.
In which alternate universe did I grow to deserve this?
She is no more healed than my wound is. Her spirit is still scratched and raw; in her eyes you can still see pain.
But she fought against all of that to make it here. To love me like this.
I don't have anything but a home with Blair.
I think it's the only home I've had in this life.
She is there. In my every memory, in my every childhood recollection. In all the ones that are worth remembering anyway.
All I ever wanted was to be loved. That thirst drove the worst of my deeds.
People say when you love someone nothing matters. But that's not true, now is it? You know…and I know…that when you love someone everything in the world matters a little bit more.
How did I get so lucky?
I remember there was a time emotions used to scare me. Now the idea of losing these sensations is unbearable.
I suppose it really comes down to this, doesn't it:
If you loved someone, really loved them, would you ever let them go?
-CB