When Eric walked out of the dorm I felt relieved and a peace of comfort came over me. I was still confused of who I have more feelings for. Sure, it'd be great if me and Eric got together, lets face it. He is a leader and I am an initiate still. It's not like anything can happen right now because of that fact. That kiss just made it even more confusing. I am not even sure what to do anymore. I felt sparks and my stomach did a little flip flop. With Zeke I feel nothing. With him though I can have something in an instant. Eric, I may have to wait till I am through with initiation. While I am thinking about this a song from the past came into my mind. I love lyrics I always thought that I would be able to write songs and sing them in front of every body. A secret obsession of mine. The only person who knows about this is Eric. The thing is, he used to play as well. I wonder if he still does? He was the one that found me in Erudite strumming along to a guitar and writing lyrics. I never told anyone else. I miss my guitar. I sigh and I eventually fall asleep.
At around 6 am I hear banging and Four's voice. Telling us to get up and get ready and be in the training room in 5 minutes. I followed orders and I get into the training room before everyone else. I see Four setting up knives and I walk up to him and start talking. Him and I have become really good friends. "So, how was the party?" I say hinting towards him and Tris. He just smiles. "It was good." Was all he said. I sigh in frustration. "Come on that's all I am going to get!" I playfully hit him. He smirks. I just roll my eyes. "I should be the one asking that question. I saw you get up and walk out in the middle of the song." I sigh I go and open my mouth but before I can Eric comes in and he looks at me and Four. "I'll tell you later." Hoping Eric didn't hear anything. "Whatever you can tell Four you can tell me as well initiate." Eric said staring me down. "I was just saying that I am excited to start throwing knives at a target." I sigh walking away and slightly bumping into his shoulder. Four smirks and starts the training.
"Okay guys today we are going to practice the art of knife throwing. I am going to demonstrate how to properly stand and throw. Pay very close attention cause I'm only going to do this once." He says. He gets into position and I try to stare at every move he is making, making sure I memorize it. "Stare at Four much?" I hear Eric whisper. "Shh I am trying to learn how to throw a knife." I roll my eyes and walk away. "Okay, Initiates come and grab a knife and start throwing.
We are five minutes into it when I can't get a single knife thrown in. I get upset and I am not sure what to do. I see Eric training Tris and she is getting the hang of it. He is touching her hips and I start to get this pain feeling in my throat. I try to calm my self down and I turn and look at Four and he is has is hands in his fists. We make eye contact and we both sigh at the same time and we end up laughing. Which caused everyone to turn around and look at us. "Something funny you two would like to share?" Eric said walking towards me. "I was just laughing at the fact that I can't aim this stupid target at all." He looks between me and Four. "Ya I said she should picture it as you and maybe she will get somewhere." Four said. Eric looks at me and he has a slight of annoyance looks to his face. Then he looks like he has an idea. I start to worry cause he has a smirk on his face.
"Okay so you can't aim at the target?" I sigh and say, "Yes sir." He looks almost giddy. "Everyone stop throwing! Jessica go stand in front of the target." I look up at him in shock! He wants me to do what. I can hear gasps filling the room. I see Four in panic mode. "Four you throw knives at her." Four speaks up. "Fine." He sighs and picks up the knives and I start to feel my heart race. I trust Four and I know he wont hurt me, but why is Eric doing this? "I want you to pay attention to everything that Four is doing Jessica. So that means your eyes have to be open while he is aiming at you." I didn't even realize my eyes were closed. I sigh, so this is supposed to be a learning technique. Why did I get to be a target and Tris got to be the model? I get a little mad.
Four starts throwing the knives one by one. One hits above my head, the other by my right shoulder. Then Eric says, "Come on Four I know you can do better than that." Four looks at me "You want me to give her a trim?" I can see Eric smirking. "Ya lets see what she would look like with short hair." Four then throws the knife and it hits just right above my ear cutting my skin a little, making it bleed. I touch my ear and stare Eric down. "Lets take a break and go to lunch, we will come back and finish."
We all start to walk out even Four was half way out when I get drugged back into the training center. "What Eric." I say, not really sure how I want to act around him. I am obviously mad and furious but these other emotions that are building up I just don't know. "I hope you learned something just now." He said staring down into my eyes. I look up at him and with a smirk I say, "Yes, it's obvious. I read you loud and clear." I say and I turn to walk away when he pulls me back in again I just roll my eyes. Doesn't he understand that I want to be alone? "Jess come on. You know I wouldn't have done that if I didn't trust Four. I knew he wouldn't hurt you. Don't you be rolling your eyes at me. I know what's going on between you two. You don't think I am more hurt?" My mouth is now hung open. Four and I? Really? "Uh, Eric you got that wrong we are not together we are just friends and he is my trainer. We talk." I shrug. "Talk about what?" I sigh in frustration. "I don't have to answer to you Eric. Ever since I've gotten here we've had this bickering war, and it has to end. I am sick of having my emotions all up and down." I then walk away and this time he lets me leave.
I get to the pit when I see Zeke in the corner talking to some other Dauntless members I hurry and avoid eye contact with him which meant my eyes found Fours I smile at him and he just nods back to me, I walk towards him when I see Tris and Christina walking up to him. I immediately change my course, I don't want to be stuck in the middle of that. So, I find myself alone in the line. I am in line getting food when I hear the speakers go on. "Attention Dauntless! We are having a keroke night tomorrow night! It's a tradition here and we expect the initiates to play as well." With that I smile, I love music. I have missed it so much. I wonder if I can find a guitar?
After lunch we go back to the training room to throw our knives. I am hitting the target. I smile as wide as I possibly can. Four comes up behinds me and pats me on the shoulder. "Good job kid!" I smile. I see Eric nodding his head in approval. I am ecstatic. Everyone is doing so well. "Alright initiates, I am very proud of you. Y'all can go and take the rest of the night off. Tomorrow morning I'll post the scores. Oh and we'd better see you tonight." Eric says while looking at me. Christina gives me the look and Tris just shakes her head.
*3 Hours later*
We start getting ready for tonight, when I noticed I don't have anything prepared. I am super nervous. I haven't sung for anybody since I was back in Erudite. "So, what are you guys going to sing?" Tris asked me and Christina. I just shrug. "I am not sure. I have so much going on in my head that I don't even know what to say let alone sing." I sigh while running my hand through my hair. They just nod fully aware of my predicament. "You know what I'll meet you guys there. I am going to take a walk around the compound." I said. "Okay, don't be late." Christina yells at me.
As I walk around I think of this one particular song that I have grown to love in the past. I fell in love with the lyrics. It's a story of a girl who has always just been the friend and I love the whole song because this song is my life. I look around and I ended up in the chasm. No one is here. Just me. I start singing. Guess I didn't know how to take it, that night we had that talk found out about my replacement, I just smiled and shook it offI didn't ask you any questions, didn't beg you to stay you said you knew that I would understand, then I watched you drive away when there's just no words to stay.
As I am humming along I hear foot steps I turn around and I see Eric, holding a guitar. I smile at him. "I thought you might want this." He said while handing it to me. "How did you know?" I said I am still grinning this huge smile and I can see Eric is smiling too. Man, I miss his smile. "You never sing without a guitar so, I figured I'd let you borrow mine." I for some reason got nervous and I looked down to my feet. Eric sensing this says, "You are going to great, and what was that song you were singing?" He said, I just laugh his Erudite is showing. I roll my eyes. "It's nothing. I just have alot of stuff in my head and that's just what came out." I said trying to change the subject. "Was it about me?" Darn it, I look away trying to avoid him. I hear him sigh. "Jessica I didn't replace you! I just chose Dauntless." I sigh as well. "You know what hear, I chose dauntless over you." I said and then walk out with his guitar in one hand.
I walk into the pit alone and I can see all the initiates getting ready. "Jessica your up first." I hear Lauren say. I just nod to her. I go and sit down on the chair and stare into the crowd. I see Four and Tris together. I smile at them, then I see Eric walking in I sigh and Four goes to turn around he just shakes his head at Eric and I see him give him a glare. I sigh and start strumming along.
Guess I didn't know how to take it, that night we had that talk
Found out about my replacement, I just smiled and shook it off
I didn't ask you any questions, didn't beg you to stay
You said you knew that I would understand, then I watched you drive away
When there's just no words to stay
I scream at the top of my lungs
Yeah, I come undone
I crash my broken glass when no one's around
I cry out
In the silence I can't take
To cover up the sound it makes when I let my heart break
I scream
I always say the right things, at all the right times
I know I'm not the perfect girl, but for some reason I try
To be the one who's smiling and laughing, to make sure everyone's okay
I can push those tears back inside like an actress on the stage
But when the curtains fall away
I scream at the top of my lungs
Yeah, I come undone
I crash my broken glass when no one's around
I cry out In the silence I can take
To cover up the sound it makes when I let my heart break
I scream, I scream
I can't hold it in no more
I don't feel like playing nice
When I feel like getting loud
I just gotta let it out
I just gotta let it out
I scream at the top of my lungs
Yeah, I come undone
I crash like broken glass when no one's around
I cry out
In the silence I can't take
To cover up the sound it makes when I let my heart break
I scream
I scream
I scream
Authors note: This song is by Katie Armiger titled "Scream" I suggest that you go back and re read while listening to the song. Thank you for sticking with me. Don't forget to review!