The hospital doors were thrown open. "Where is he?!" cried the Joker, racing down the hall and shoving doctors out of the way. "I came straight over when I heard the news! How is he?! He's gonna pull through, ain't he?! Does he need mouth to mouth?! I can do that!"

"Mr. Joker, Batman is perfectly fine," said one doctor nervously, intercepting him. "In fact, we allowed him to be released a few hours ago. He had some minor cuts and lacerations, but his armor took most of the damage, and he's a strong man who recovers quickly."

Joker beamed. "Well, thank goodness for that, eh, Doc?" he chuckled, clapping him on the back. "The news was making it out to be so serious, but they're a miserable bunch, ain't they? All doom and gloom!"

He laughed, lighting a cigar. "Still, as long as I'm here, seems a shame not to do a gag, huh?" he asked, looking around.

"Uh…a gag?" stammered the doctor.

"Yeah. Here, have a cigar," said Joker, offering one to him.

"No, thanks…this is a hospital," said the doctor slowly.

"Yeah, which means some guy somewhere in here is a Daddy right?" asked Joker. "Traditional to have cigars when a guy has a kid. C'mon, Doc, gotta respect tradition!"

"I really don't think it's appropriate…"

"Gee, Doc, you and the media both need to lighten up!" exclaimed Joker, shoving a cigar into his mouth and lighting it. The cigar exploded and people began screaming and panicking. "Just as I thought!" chuckled Joker over the chaos. "Can't take a joke! What about the rest of you guys? Wanna hear a real gasser?" he giggled, spraying gaseous Joker toxin from the flower in his button hole.

He cackled gleefully at the dying laughter as he strolled from the hospital. "Ah, in desperate times like these, it's important to have a few laughs!" he chuckled. "Glad my trip over here wasn't a total waste. And I guess it was good to get outta the house."

…

Harley Quinn was glancing nervously out of the window, waiting for the Joker to return. She clutched something tightly in her hand as her heart beat nervously in terror. She had begged Mr. J to let her come with him to the hospital, but he had completely panicked when he heard about Batman and had just raced out of the house without listening to a word. Harley had immediately locked the doors and bolted the windows, but she had seen enough vampire movies to know that wasn't going to do any good.

"Good evening, Miss Quinn. I did promise to see you soon," murmured a voice from behind her.

She whirled around with a gasp to see Dracula standing behind her. "How did you get in here?" she demanded, hoping she sounded more aggressive than scared.

"I am a man who goes where he pleases and takes what he likes," said Dracula, smiling at her. "And I like you very much, Miss Quinn."

"You stay away from me!" snapped Harley, holding up the garlic bulb she clasped in her hand. "Or this thing goes in your face! And I know you get a pretty bad allergic reaction to it!"

"My dear Miss Quinn, there is no need to be uncivil," murmured Dracula. "You must understand that I am only trying to help you."

"Help me?" repeated Harley.

"Yes. I wish to help you live forever, in an eternity of pleasure and love, at my side," murmured Dracula.

"I ain't interested, all right?" snapped Harley. "I got a boyfriend."

Dracula smiled. "What you have got is a man who regards you so little that he will not even marry you and make an honorable woman out of you."

"He is gonna marry me," snapped Harley. "Someday."

"I admire your optimism," replied Dracula. "But unlike me, you do not have all the time in the world. Why waste it waiting for something that is never going to happen?"

"It is going to happen," insisted Harley. "Mr. J loves me."

Dracula smiled. "Let me explain to you what I understand of love, Miss Quinn. I have lived a lot longer than you have and I have experienced many things that you have not. I too have been in love, a very passionate and committed relationship with a beautiful woman, many years ago now. Her name was Elizabeth. We were everything to each other. She was my world, and I was hers. Do you know what happened to Elizabeth, Miss Quinn?"

Harley shook her head. "She died," murmured Dracula. "As people do. I was very upset at the time, completely inconsolable. But as time passed, the pain grew less. I began to forget our love. And when a few years had gone by, I found another woman who brought me just as much joy and happiness as Elizabeth had. But I grew tired of her, so found another one, and another. And so you see I learned about love, Miss Quinn. I learned that it is nothing. The most meaningless thing in the world. It never dies because it can always be found again in another person. That was the lesson I learned from my love. And then many years afterward, Elizabeth…came back from the dead. At first I was overjoyed, and we were happy again, as we once were. But then, as time passed…things began to go wrong. I spent so much time with her that I began to despise her. By the end, we hated each other, and I destroyed her gladly, laughing as I did so. That is the true end of love, Miss Quinn. Death, and hatred. That is what all love eventually transforms into."

"That's not true," retorted Harley. "I could never hate Mr. J. Even if we were together forever. I would never hurt him."

Dracula smiled. "My dear, if I command you to, you will," he murmured, approaching her.

"I told you to stay away!" shouted Harley, holding up the garlic bulb. "Now just back off!"

"I do admire your spirit, Miss Quinn," he whispered. "But if you think I cannot outwit you, you are sadly mistaken."

Harley shrieked suddenly as a bat flew through the window, knocking the garlic from her hand. Dracula had seized her wrists in an instant, slamming her against the wall. "I am going to savor you, my dear," he whispered. "I have been forced into haste since arriving here, but I much prefer to take my time and enjoy the slow sense of surrender from my prey, as their defiance turns into submission," he murmured, sliding a finger down her throat and tilting her chin up. "My kiss will start to slowly affect your mind, enslaving your wills and desires to serve my own. You may try to fight against it, but the poison will gradually consume your mind and body and soul, making you into one of my creatures, my slave, and my bride for eternity."

"I won't ever be…anyone's bride but Mr. J's," gasped Harley, trying not to let her terror show.

"Look into my eyes, Harley," he whispered. "Look into them, and lose yourself in them."

Harley shut her eyes tightly, but Dracula tightened his grip on her wrists, making her cry out in pain. She opened her eyes to meet his, and was immediately transfixed. "You are mine now," whispered Dracula. "You will obey only me. You are a slave to my will. Now just relax and enjoy the kiss of eternity," he whispered, bringing his lips down to her throat.

He bit down and Harley screamed in pain. She continued to scream and writhe and struggle against him, until she was too weak to fight anymore. Dracula drew away, tilting her chin up again. "Look into my eyes," he repeated. "You are mine now, are you not, Harley?"

Harley shook her head, shutting her eyes tightly, gasping and moaning in pain and clutching her head. There was some struggle going on inside her. "No," she gasped. "No, no, no…"

"Harley, look!" commanded Dracula, seizing her chin and forcing her eyes into his. "Tell me you're mine!"

Harley let out a sob, and a final scream of agony. And then something in her eyes changed, and she gave him a small smile. "I…always liked pale guys," she whispered.

Dracula grinned, and then bit into her throat again. Harley moaned, pressing him tighter against her. "Oh, hurt me, Mr. D," she whispered. "Please hurt me some more."