Love and Loathing

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Twilight characters nor am I receiving monetary payment for my stories. The only payment I receive, not need but receive, is in the form of wonderful, glorious reviews! And let the choir say 'awe'. *Choir awes* ^-^

Leah can't help but feel a small bubble of excitement and adrenaline coursing through her body as she makes the walk back home. She had seen Jacob, finally, after so many years – she'd finally seen him with her own two eyes. It had been years since she was allowed a glimpse of what Jacob must've looked like as he continued to grow from the twins but eventually the heads of the camp put a stop to that. As an alpha female Leah wasn't allowed to interact with a potential alpha unless it was closely monitored. They couldn't risk her running off to go see him and causing trouble along the way.

Even though Billy hadn't issued a command, this time, forbidding Leah from seeing Jacob before the allotted time, she knew better than to press her luck. She was the alpha female but it didn't mean she could just go around throwing her clout and weight. Besides, she loved and respected Billy greatly and wanted to prove to him that she more than deserved the birth right bestowed upon her.

"You're late." Moira, one of the heads of the camp, comments once Leah is through the door.

"Yes, I ran home to grab a couple of things," Leah answers motioning to the huge bag on her back. "My father needed to talk to me about a few things and my brother had shown up as well." Leah continues explaining.

When Leah first arrived it was hard giving in to the lower ranked wolves that were the so-called 'heads' of the camp. The wolf in her despised the structure, rules and the authority that was being forced upon her. Leah had gained enough control over herself that day to realize that she was leaving her family, friends and Jacob behind. That she'd not see them for two years with the exception of her mother and any other females that phased afterwards. Then she was introduced to one of her soon to be many 'new' caregivers who had run out to the middle of a meadow within the bears' territory, before her father gently rubbed his head against hers and a soft 'behave' was issued in the form of a good bye.

Leah knew that long, drawn out and emotional good byes would've been seen as a sign of weakness on both father and daughter's part. Harry was a beta and couldn't let up even for a moment in front of another wolf, especially from another pack.

From there it had taken Leah four weeks to learn how to calm down enough to phase back into her human form. It was frustrating for both girl and wolf to witness lesser ranked wolves from those of betas line, like her, to worthless omegas phase back with ease. The smug grins on their faces as they all would turn and look at Leah as if rubbing their success and her failure in her face. Leah and her wolf had quickly put down such arrogance with her sharp teeth and merciless claws. It took Leah three weeks to bring the other females under paws and once that matter was in order was she then able to phase back.

Leah silently regretted her lack of patience and the dominance in her as it turned out that her actions had then doomed her to remain at the camp for longer than the usually necessary two years. The heads of the camp worried that Leah's dominance would carry with her as she interacted with the other wolves, especially the males that would either challenge the alpha female or submit.

Of course, there was also the run in with Tico, the son of the dominant male bear's cub, that ended in a blood soaked meadow and the two kids collapsed one on top of another, panting and desperately gasping for air. Sure the silvery grey wolf and black bear had somehow worked out their differences and became 'friends' but the fact Leah had challenged a shape shifter outside of her species was, apparently, need for concern.

"Okay, well just so long as your father can vouch for this you're in the clear." Moira states with a cool nod of her head. "You do have patrol tonight."

"No problem," Leah says with a smile. "Just let me drop this stuff off and I'll report back immediately." Moira nods her head as Leah sprints for the stairs, taking four to five steps at a time. The girls' camp was 'supposedly' always moving but that was only because in their wolf forms they continually moved around. However, in their human forms the girls stayed inside a huge dormitory, the cover being a women's facility for gifted girls and young women that was financially backed by possibly the High Council and the small jobs that the packs take on for money.

Leah easily reaches her room on the fifth floor with ease and gives quick greetings to her friends and sisters that are either lounging out in the hallways or inside their rooms. Reaching for the key around her wrist, she quickly slides it in and unlocks it, quickly turning on her desk light and unceremoniously dumping her bag on her bed. The room is huge in comparison to the other girls' rooms, looking more like a suite if anything. The walls are a light sky blue with intermittent white puffy clouds, some seagulls while the base is painted like a beach with tufts of grass blowing in the breeze. Leah painted her room out of sheer boredom one day and it just evolved from a blank white wall to a beach – the beach, in fact, where Leah had spent her last hours of her childhood with Jacob and Seth.

The painted walls and an old photo from that summer were a few of the reminders Leah had of Jacob Black. The boy who, when she was little, was always there whenever she tripped and fell to hold her as she cried and kiss her cuts to make them feel better. The boy who always spent his allowance on getting her something if there was a certain toy or childish trinket that had caught her eye. The one waiting for her before and after school, he helped her learn her multiplication table and always remained patient with her even when she was being a brat.

Leah lingers for a moment looking down at the picture of a grinning Jacob next to her. Attachment to a male isn't 'healthy' according to the heads and the feedback from the 'High Council'; an alpha female already sharing a 'bond' with another male will only cause pain in the end if he is unable to prove himself. Harry had mentioned this to Leah, reminding her to be mindful of this when bringing up Jacob's lack of phasing. Deep down Leah knows its best that she doesn't try to encourage or discourage anyone at this point especially when she's so close of 'age'.

Placing the picture down, Leah quickly changes out of her clothes and slipping on a simple oversized tee, she walks out her room, locking the door and moves back down the hallway at a run. She runs down the stairs full out trying to push away any and all thoughts of Jacob Black from her mind, she needs a clear head for her patrol but…she can't deny the fact that…well –

I love him.

Leah has watched plenty of movies with her sisters about love at first sight, unrequited love and other romantic plotlines but she brushed them off. Even when the twins, secretly, teased her about loving their little brother, it was a whole other matter when she saw him again, face-to-face, after so long. Leah shivers as her hip tingles and breaks out into goose bumps thinking about the way Jacob had touched her. The way he looked into her eyes made her and her wolf want to submit and give in to any request he would've made.

"You must be feeling pretty good, princess." Leah comes out of her thoughts and stiffens realizing that she's been caught blushing. Looking over Leah sees Kira frowning at her.

"Kira, I see you'll be joining me tonight." Leah states with a nod. The two girls haven't really gotten along since that day but Leah couldn't help but find herself goading Kira into challenges. Maybe it's because Kira is the closest thing to a potential rival to her. Kira was big for a female only a few inches taller than Leah but everyone felt certain that would change once Leah was full grown. She was also fast, agile, intelligent and a decent strategist as proof from their simple games of tag. "Who else?" Leah asks walking past her and looking up at the board that kept the patrolling schedules.

"Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum will be joining us." Kira throws out as Leah rolls her eyes.

"Your cousin, Mira, will be too." Leah adds before turning around and heading towards the rec room.

"You changed your clothes." Kira comments with a short nod at Leah's attire. Leah looks down and shrugs her shoulders at the observation. It was true she had changed out of her clothes but it was no big deal, most girls did anyway often times choosing to go for a simple long tee or dress for faster changing. "Don't want to lose your boyfriend's scent, huh?" Kira sneers with a malicious smirk.

"What?" Leah breathes out before turning around to stare at Kira. It was true, that was the reason why Leah had changed her clothes Jacob's sent was all over shirt and she wasn't quite ready to let it go. But Kira, especially, wasn't supposed to know that.

"Nothing." Kira chirps, a huge wicked smile gracing her full lips as she brushes past Leah and calls out for the twins and Mira to report for patrol.

Patrol is uneventful as the girls skirt the outside of Port Angeles. Their world is filled with much more than shape shifters and vampires as there are other dangers lurking in the shadows from witches, warlocks, werewolves, demons, fallen angels and every other kind of creature that people in the modern age think up as only mere legends or stories to tell around a campfire. As shape shifters the only creatures they are equipped to deal with are the vampires but all others are to be reported immediately.

So far throughout their patrol there wasn't much to get excited about. They did happen upon a few Wiccan wanna-bes that were dabbling with some old spells but they were commercialized spells and are of no threat. However, the four girls would have to be reported and monitored, in case they decide to take their spell casting another step further.

'Everything alright, Lee?' Rebecca asks walking up and sitting down next to Leah. The patrol party was taking a brief break before it was time to head back and report in. Generally, the time was used for goofing off; a few girls wandering into town to flirt and tease the regular human males who physically couldn't hold a candle to the boys back home or maybe catch a new movie. The Wiccans had ruined any plans of a movie night.

'Yea, I'm good.' Leah says with a brief nod. 'Just…thinking, that's all.' Leah sighs out, her huge shoulders rising and falling.

'Is something wrong at home?' Rachel asks joining the two and sitting on Leah's other side. 'I know you went home today.' Leah lets out a low rumbling growl as her lips curl back into a snarl and her eyes darken dangerously. The twins each take a few cautious steps back from the young girl. Leah was the youngest in their party but she was, without a doubt, the most dangerous. The alpha in her was strong, fierce, dominant and most of all inpatient for those that annoyed her. It was an eye opening experience when the twins learned that they could no longer pick or tease little Lee-Lee.

Suddenly there are images outside the Black home, Jacob standing in a light drizzle with another girl. Leah's eyes widen her heart races and confusion settles in. What she's seeing isn't any of her memories and doesn't feel like the twins either. The girl has long dark brown hair and she's standing close to Jacob – too close. Their words are muffled but the actions are enough as Jacob sighs and hugs the scrawny white girl and she eagerly hugs him back. With a smile the two walk inside of the familiar red house and the memory ends.

'Bella Swan?' Rebecca growls once the memory ends.

'That racist bitch? Jacob is going out with – oh!' Rachel snarls out, her claws tearing into the damp earth before she stops herself short. The twins eyes carefully drift over towards the stiff Alpha female, the fur along her back raised as if full of static electricity.

'Kira what were you doing in La Push?' Leah calmly asks never turning around.

The twins head whips around to look at the midnight black wolf, Kira. Kira had also been especially quiet during their patrol and the calm, lazy position she had taken up during the break is now gone. Kira is now standing up, her muscles tensed, her head ducked low and her eyes fixed on Leah. Mira seems to be just as surprised as the twins at the image and Kira's hand in it. The gray-brown wolf whimpers softly before leaving her cousin's side, tail tucked beneath her legs and belly grazing the grass.

'Unlike you, princess,' Kira growls, 'I can go anywhere I want. He's got someone else and doesn't need you.' Kira snaps as a dark grin graces her lips. The message is made clear to Leah that even though she is an alpha female it doesn't entitle her to just any male she wants.

'It's time to head back.' Leah states getting up and walking past the girls. Kira growls at Leah as she comes closer, the wolf in her telling her to slink away but her ego keeps her rooted to her spot. Leah simply walks past Kira giving her a cold, stern look before heading towards home.

The run home is silent and tense as Leah focuses simply on the beat of her paws, her claws tearing into the earth ripping and clawing over and over and over again. The subtle violence is unsettling for the other girls causing their stomachs to all twist and turn. Kira tries to act as if she's unfazed by Leah's thoughts but the simple image of Leah's silvery-gray paws clawing into something dark, almost black, hits much too close to an image of herself.

'You all go to bed and I'll turn in the report.' Leah firmly suggests once the dorm is in sight. The girls all nod their heads in obedience with the exception of Kira who glares at Leah. Kira had only meant to hurt Leah's feelings, knock her down off her high and mighty soapbox but instead it's seemed to have had a different result.

"Good night, Leah." Mira breathes out before heading towards the dorm.

"Kira, you're right, you know." Leah comments as she walks confidently past the young woman. "It's not unheard of for every male to not take an interest in the alpha female. However, if Jake has his eye elsewhere then I guess it means I'll have to settle for Lance." Leah smirks at Kira as she stands, gaping and shocked at the comment. "And you have a good night." Leah finishes up before walking away with the twins in tow, leaving Kira standing alone in the dark, her fists clenched tightly, her body trembling before she tears off running for the trees, silent tears streaming down her face. As Leah is giving her report for the night, a painful howl rips through the darkness earning a simple raised eyebrow from the head, Shana. Leah continues on with her report, no emotions slipping through.

There are quiet murmurs as Leah walks down the hall to her room as the other females look at Leah briefly before looking away. If Kira wanted to play a game as dangerous as Leah's heart well than two could definitely play that game. Leah has no love or interest in Lance and remembers him being arrogant, bossy and bullying. If that's who Kira loves than by all means Leah would personally deliver him on a platter if she could. But Leah was forced into a role she never asked for or wanted and because of it she's not only respected but feared and treated with kid gloves.

She hates it. But right now what she really hates, more than anything, Leah thinks as she slams her door behind her, frustration and aggression finally getting to her. With a deep growl she knocks her bag off the bed and it slams into the opposite wall. She freezes as she notices her clothes still on her bed, the clothes covered in Jacob's scent that she had planned on sleeping with, wrapping herself up in them imagining that the warm blanket and shirt was Jacob's body and arms holding her close.

With a sigh Leah removes the shirt she's wearing and tosses it in the clothes bin before climbing into bed. She debates with herself for a few minutes, looking at the shirt, catching a small whiff of Jacob's lingering scent. Turning off the light she hugs the shirt tightly to herself. Jacob had been hers for that one moment this afternoon. And as she drifts off to sleep, Leah agrees to let him be hers again for just this one night. If Jacob has found love with some girl other than her, then she'll be alright with that. After all Jacob's happiness is what matters to her the most. But she can't deny the fact, that right now, in this very instance –

I hate that Bella fucking Swan.

A/N: Okay, so here goes the next update. I can't tell you guys enough how much I enjoy your reviews.

But, on a more serious note I have an announcement to make. At my job I've been picked as the 'Safety Captain'! Oh dear God, what have I done to deserve this? Just to fill you all in, in case you didn't know, but…I'm like 5' 2 ½", black and without a doubt in desperate need of going to see the great and powerful Wizard of Oz for some courage. And I hate to be that stereotypical black woman that's scared of everything especially the crazed serial killer that is now somehow after me simply because I was hanging out with the brunette who survived his last onslaught…but I SO AM!

My immediate response to ANY type of danger is: GET THE FUCK OUT/AWAY! I'm that person who when I hear gun shots screams, ducks down and yells: 'DEYS SHOOTIN'!' And will find the quickest way out of the area. I've left park concerts because somebody's car backfired, 'bout made me piss on myself and leave my then boyfriend at the park cuz his dumbass wasn't smart enough to leave.

And yet they want me to be responsible for getting everyone out the building? You know what the means? It means I gotta be the last one out. I have to help the handicapped out before I can 'actually' grab my purse and calmly, while in a near state of panic, shuffling my feet and softly mumbling to myself, 'hurry the fuck up'.

And they have given me absolutely nothing. This guy gets a clipboard with some magic key to a gate which gate we don't know – yea, that's real safe and a neon vest. I just want the vest and none of the responsibility.

Okay, okay so I'm sure you're all wondering then how the heck did this happen? Why would they pick you when you're SO obviously scared of dying and have such a strong and resilent resolve to live unlike Bella who is completely suicidal and should be the safety captain, staying behind until the last person is out of burning and quickly collapsing building. But I will tell you how – cuz my big mouth.

Our last safety captain was fired over a year ago so we've captain-less for a year. I was talking to my co-worker about this oversight and told him, 'Don't worry, Scott. Just stick with me and I'll get us out. I'll be damned if I die at work.' And apparently, my supervisor, boss and major boss overheard and suddenly my name is dropped and BOOM! I'm the safety captain and why, 'That's great, *insert my real name* can get everyone out.'

I really wanted to tell everyone to hold their horses that I was only getting Scott and my boss out and that's because we're in the same cubicle. I didn't want to be everyone's savior. I do NOT have a knight-in-shining-armor complex. And so since they reminded me of my job I have been freakin' out every morning this week. Worried that there's going to be a fire, tornado, earthquake, bomb threat or shooting. It means that people will frown at me for running out of the building, getting in my car and driving home to watch the carnage unfold on the tellie.

So until I learn all the rules or find somebody braver then me to take on the job…I'm screwed. So pray for me! Pray there is no drama until I either find a new job or I'm actually away on my lunch break.

Again thanks for the reviews! *waves*