On Saturday night I went over to Grace's house. It was the first time I'd been over since the accident. When I got inside Grace's dad leaned in and practically crushed me with a hug. I remembered that he and Dad had been best friends, so I hugged him back, too.

"Hey Jo. Glad to see you over here again, I hope you're doing alright. We're all so so sorry about what happened." he let me go but still looked at me closely. I wondered if he was trying to find Dad in my features. Ever since the crash I had seen my parents in my brothers more. Darry could almost be Dad's twin, Soda looked like Mom, and Ponyboy got traits from both. "Grace said you'd be coming. She back in her room."

I thanked him hurriedly, and left. Over the past few days I had become an expert at talking to adults. They don't need the conversation to be too long; just be polite. I stepped into Grace's room. Nothing had changed since I had last been in there, which surprised me, I didn't know what I was expecting to see. She was sitting at her desk. When she saw me walk in she jumped up.

"Jo! I gotta show you something!" she pulled me over to her mirror, and pushed the side of her hair behind her ear. "Ta-da!"

I squinted, then stepped back, shocked. Her ears were pierced! I managed to choke out a few words. "Those are great."

"Katherine pierced them for me. She said they make me look older." she stared at herself in the mirror then back at me. She was right; they did make her look older. Too old. It was like Grace had gone from 12 to 16 overnight.

"They do…" my voice cut off.

Grace looked at me excitedly. "Want me to do yours?" she offered casually, like she wanted to know if I wanted to stay for dinner. I was stunned.

"What? No!" Even when we were younger Grace could always rope me into doing reckless things. Most of the time I said yes. It was never been something this… stupid.

She waved her hand at me. "Oh, lighten up. We aren't little kids anymore, Jo. My sister did mine in her bedroom. I could do yours right now. It doesn't even take that long." She snapped her fingers, to show me how quick it would be.

Mom had offered to let me pierce my ears before; she even took me to the mall before to have them done. I had chickened out in the last second. I was regretting that now, maybe I wouldn't be in this situation had I just done it then. It wasn't that I didn't want to have earrings – I was more than petrified of needles. "Won't it hurt?"

"Mine pinched. Just a little, though, you can hardly feel it. And my ears felt sort of hot for awhile after. But I can't even feel them now," she pinched her ear lobe just to prove it to me. I cringed at the thought that there was a hole there.

"Really?" Grace could sometimes stretch the truth ...or not stretch it enough. She looked like she was being honest right now, though.

"Have I ever lied to you?"

"I don't know." I felt the air leave my lungs.

Grace looked sort of offended, but she hid it well. She crossed her legs and stared at me patiently. Her eyes were begging me, though. "I haven't, I swear. And if you're worried about your brothers being mad...I bet they won't even notice it. My Dad didn't. Both our Mom's had pierced ears anyways."

I hadn't even considered what Darry might think about this. I had always thought of him as not caring about 'girl stuff', but I guess now, because of me, he had to care. I also wondered how Grace knew whether or not her mother's ears were pierced. They hadn't seen each other since Grace was a baby. Nobody even knew where she was.

"Your's look nice Grace, but I think I'll pass. Thanks." I was trying to be as polite as I could. I stayed quiet for a minute, thinking up a better excuse. "I don't have any earrings anyways."

Of course, there was a solution for that. "Katherine does. She's got so many pairs she won't notice if you take one. I swear Jo, you'll look so good. Please just let me do it." Grace was pleading with me. There was no way I could say no. Things were just starting to go back to normal with us.

I sighed deeply. "Fine, do it. Just hurry up. I hate needles."

"Yes!" Grace jumped up and yelled. "I'll be right back. Stay here?"

"Sure." Where was I going to go?, I thought. After Grace ran out of the room I sank back into her bed. What was I doing? I squeezed my eyes closed, trying not to picture a needle going through my ear. It was hard not to. So many things could go wrong.

Grace stepped back into the room with her hand behind her back. She set whatever it was carefully onto the nightstand so that I couldn't see it. At least she was trying to preserve me. "Ready?"

"Um, sort of."

Grace nodded. "Alright. Don't be nervous Jo, it isn't that bad, I promise."

She promised. I let her do her work without entirely knowing what was going on. After all, my eyes were closed. I kept on waiting for the prick of the needle but it didn't come, until Grace asked me if I was ready for it.

It hadn't even happened yet?

"Just do it," I said with clenched teeth.

"Ok. It's gonna be quick, Jo."

It better be. Then I felt it. I wanted to scream but held it in. Was that a needle or a knife? My hand flew up to clamp my mouth shut. I could see Grace standing above me. My eyes started to water. "You said it wouldn't hurt!" I yelped.

"It doesn't, I said it would pinch."

That was more than a pinch. "It feels like someone stabbed me," I complained, but the pain was already going away. I could feel the needle still in my ear. It didn't exactly hurt though, just felt hot, like Grace had said it would.

"You're being dramatic," Grace moved to my other side. She did the same thing, this time poking me without warning. I jumped a little. Both of my ears felt like they were on fire. I sat up, feeling dizzy. The rooms surroundings blurred and swirled around me. I focused in on Grace.

She was sitting across from me, grinning. "See? I told you it wasn't that bad."

My hand instinctively went up to the needle in my left ear. Grace swatted it down. "Take them out!" I demanded.

"Not yet. We need to leave them in for 30 minutes so that the whole actually stays."

"30 minutes?" I was crestfallen. I felt my stomach sink down. I hated the 3 seconds it took for the doctor to give me a shot, how would I live with this? "If I really wanted to pierce my ears, I would've just gone to the mall, you know."

"That costs too much. This is free service, Jo, you will thank me later."

I just stared at her. I noticed the makeup around her eyes, which had never been there before. Grace had changed a lot. I wondered what made her want to all-out grow up.

So I sat with her for 30 painful minutes. Grace and I talked like we would have when we were younger. We were both still into horses; I was relieved that she hadn't grown out of that. Grace's Uncle Dave, who lived in the country, had just leased 2 new ones. This summer she would get to go down and ride them. It reminded me that Dad still owed me and Soda a rodeo. We were supposed to go to one last summer but then Dad got sent on a roofing job faraway. After that we just never got the chance. Now it seemed like I'd never get to go to a rodeo again.

After the time was up Grace went into her sisters room to get a pair of studs. She held them out to me. I held one between my fingers and squinted at it; I couldn't believe that thing would be in my ear.

Taking the needles out and putting the earrings in hurt way less than everything else. She finished pussing the back on the second earring in and pulled back to admire her work. "Wanna see?" she asked, grinning.

"Sure." I could feel my palms starting to sweat. I was nervous to see what I looked like; I wasn't as fired up to be a teenager as Grace was. Heck, I had pretty much just turned 12. Grace pulled me over towards the mirror and I sat down.

I was shocked. I looked older than I had, but in a good way. I stared, transfixed at my reflection looking back at me. The girl in the mirror was still Josephine Curtis, but she also wasn't me.

"What?" Grace looked nervous to see what my reaction would be. "Do you like them?"

"Yeah, I do."

I saw her step into the reflection. "If you don't you can just take them out and let the holes close -"

"No, Grace. I really really like them. Seriously." I was telling the complete truth. She looked surprised, but I really did love what I saw. I actually wanted to get up and hug her.

"Really?" her eyebrows shot up.

"Yeah. I sort of always wanted to do it but -" I was too scared. Scared of what? That hadn't been so bad. And now that it was over, I was happy. "I just never did."

Grace grinned with excitement. She started telling me exactly what I should do so I don't get an infection; keep the earrings in for a few weeks before I got new ones. "Katherine said she'd take me to the mall when it's time. You wanna come?"

"Um, yeah, that's real nice of you," my hands were practically shaking with nervous excitement. Grace grabbed my forearms and and pulled me off the chair into a hug. "God, Jo, I love you." we stared at one another for a long moment. For a second it felt like we were back in 4th grade. "My dad can drive you home."

We shuffled out into the kitchen. Mr. Fletcher was at the kitchen table, eating a lonely one-person dinner. Katherine was nowhere to be seen. "Hey girls," he looked up when he saw us enter. "You need a ride Jo?"

Grace was right; the earrings went unnoticed. I felt slightly guilty. "If you can," I told him quietly.

He smiled sadly at me. "Anything for Darrel Curtis's daughter."

The three of us piled into the Fletcher's car. I felt sort of weird being squished in the backseat again with Grace. It felt just like old times, when we were younger we drove back and forth between each others houses a lot. As we got older we walked more often. Me and Grace exchanged a look. She was thinking the same thing.

We pulled up at my house to an empty driveway. Darry's truck was nowhere to be seen. Mr. Fletcher stopped me before I could get out of the car. "Is your brother home?"

"Maybe he's working late. Someone is home, though." I knew that because there was a light on in the living room. We never left lights on when we left; it drove up the electricity bill. My heart sank, knowing it was probably Ponyboy in there.

"Ok," Grace's dad looked cautious about letting me leave. "Remember to call if you need anything, Jo. Anything at all. We'll answer."

"Thanks," I got out of the car. I stayed to watch them drive away before going into the house. Mr. Fletcher had known my dad since they were kids, which was longer than I could even imagine. Maybe this was all surreal for him too.

Just as I had thought, Ponyboy was there, on the couch. He didn't seem to be doing anything, just staring off into space. His face was red like he was been crying. He talked like normal, though.

"Hey, Jo. Darry'll be home soon. He's doing the late shift." We stared at each other for a minute. "How was Grace's?"

"Good," I paused. "Pony?"

"What?" he didn't sound annoyed. I wasn't sure whether or not to be frustrated that he was acting like our fight hadn't happened. It wasn't really something you just forget.

"Are you ok?" I asked it carefully. The last thing I needed was for him to get upset when we were home alone again.

"Yeah, I'm fine." he obviously wasn't. He looked exhausted and beat. "Why are you asking?"

"Cause you were crying," I said matter-of-factly.

Ponyboy suddenly got defensive. I saw him visibly tense. "No I wasn't!" he stood up and rubbed his eyes like they were evidence he had to erase. Why did he not want me to know he had been crying? Did he really think I wouldn't notice?

"Yeah, you were. Ponyboy, I ain't stupid. I can tell when someone was crying."

He stared at me for a long moment. I could see him trying to decide whether or not to right this battle. Personally, I didn't want to, but if he fired back I would be ready. Then his green eyes locked with my face. His jaw slackened and he looked shocked. "Jesus Christ Jo! Who the hell pierced your ears?"

I cringed. Normally Ponyboy didn't swear, not even words like 'hell'. He must be really mad - or really scared. "Grace did. And I like them, and I'm gonna keep them."

He was already on the way to unspiraling. I followed him as he ran for the phone. He was dialing numbers as he spoke quickly and loudly. "Why would you do something like that? Darry's gonna have a fit! It could get infected or something!"

"Don't tell Darry!" I yelled, reaching for the phone. Ponyboy caught my wrist in his hand before I could get to it. I stared at his glare. "He doesn't have to know! He's not even gonna notice if you don't tell him!"

He just stared at me like I was crazy. I hated it when he treated me like a dumb little kid. He wasn't that much older. "Oh, he's gonna notice, Jo. I - I can't believe you! What the hell has been wrong with you lately?" He let my wrist loose and put the phone back on the holder, slowly.

"Nothing is wrong with me!" I exploded, everything coming out all at once. "You keep on acting like you're the only one who's allowed to be sad. My parents died too, Ponyboy! And just cause you mope around the house all the time doesn't mean I have to."

"Jo," I see the tears coming before the did. Sometimes I feel like I have psychic powers like that. "This isn't about Mom and Dad, this is about you. I've seen you with Grace. She grew up, you didn't. But you're still trying to be like her."

He thought he knew everything about me. I wanted to bang my fists on the wall and cry but I held it in. "Well, maybe I grew up, too." I said roughly. "Besides, since when are you in charge of me? I didn't know it was your job. I thought that was Darry's thing."

Ponyboy looked closed to deflated. He rakes his hand through his hair. "It sort of is mine too," he said without much energy.

"No it's not!" I knew I sounded like a little kid. That's what I felt like, right then.

"Don't you see? It is. When Darry and Soda are gone you're my responsibility. If anything happens to you right now it would be all my fault and I can't let that happen." He really was crying. I didn't know what to do, I had run out of things I could possibly say. Part of me didn't want to comfort him either. All I did was stand in shock while rubbing my new earring.

Just then Darry stepped in. He dumped all of his work gear onto the floor, looking exhausted. "Hey guys. Where's Soda?" Then he saw us. We were still standing in the center of the room by the telephone. "What's going on?"

Ponyboy wiped his eyes. "Nothing." he gave me a look, like he was daring me to contradict. For once I actually agreed with him. Darry didn't need anything else to worry about. "We're just fine. Soda called around 4, he's out with Sandy right now. I'm gonna go to bed. Night."

Darry frowned. "It ain't that late Pony."

"Well I'm tired."

He walked away. Darry stared at me now. "Jo? Is everything alright? What happened…?"

My mouth felt dry. "I don't really know, Darry."

By the time Soda got back I was in bed. I layed there, listening to him and Darry talking in low voiced outside. I had gone to bed shortly after Ponyboy. There really wasn't anything else to do. Besides, I was tired. My ears still felt hot from Grace piercing them, but I didn't mind it.

Darry wasn't stupid. He knew something had happened between me and Ponyboy. Soda had told Darry to go to bed; I could hear him in the bathroom washing up. Ponyboy's door squeaked open. I assumed Sodapop was going in there to talk to him. I felt slightly betrayed knowing this time he had decided to side with him instead of me.

Then my door opened. I felt the bed sink down with Soda's weight on it. I pretended to be asleep.

"Jenny?"

"Mmm?" Really, I was wide awake, just annoyed.

"Did Grace Fletcher really pierce your ears?" he didn't sound mad. If anything, I think he was in awe. I smiled under my sheets.

"Does Darry know?"

"Yeah," Soda paused for a moment. I pushed back the seats and sat up, meeting his eyes. He stared at me. "Pony told him."

I couldn't help it when I rolled my eyes. "Of course he did."

Soda frowned. "Don't be too mad at him Jo. He's really upset about what happened." I felt like I had crossed a line. Soda was not the person I could complain about Ponyboy too; he couldn't take both of our sides. I nodded.

"I'm upset too." There was an awful silence. Soda stared at my desk, which he had pulled Pony out of the night. The scene is still burned in my mind. I rubbed the sheets in my fingers. "Darry's gonna ground me forever, right?"

Soda smiled at me. The tension between us dissolved. "We he definitely isn't thrilled about it. But I wouldn't say forever." his face turned serious. "What made you wanna do that Jen? Mom always asked you if you wanted to get earrings, but you always said no cause you were scared of needles."

I didn't really have an answer for that. Soda would think I was crazy. I shrugged. "I dunno Soda. I just ...I sort of thought about how I'm not gonna live forever. And if I don't like them I can always take them out and the holes will close up again. But I never would've known if I didn't do it."

"Well, you could've just asked us," Soda looked almost offended. I shrugged again. The thought of me asking Soda or Darry to take me to get my ears pierced almost made me want to laugh; it was so impossible. Soda grabbed my wrist. "And, Jenny, I know it's been a lot lately. It ain't easy for any of us but ...especially you. You're only 12 though. You don't gotta start crossing things off your bucket list yet. You still have plenty of time." he smiled again. "If you come home with a nose ring tomorrow, I don't know how Darry'll hold up."

I laughed at the thought of that. "Soda, I ain't ever sticking another needle in my body ever again."

"Good," he got up and went for the door. On his way out he closed the window, which made me thankful. It was starting to get cold in there. "Love you Jen."

I slid back under the covers. "Night Soda." What would I do without him always making things right?

And so it unfolds…

Alright, so I'm officially on summer vacation, but I have lots of field hockey training to do this summer so updates may be far apart. Oh the life of a student athlete…

Please review :)

Edit: I just realized in chap. 4 Grace says her mother will bring Jo a casserole, and here I said her mother was gone. Oops; I went back and changed it in chap 4. Honest mistake:)