Monster Under the Bed

Disclaimer: "Merlin" is the property of Shine Television. I'm just borrowing for a little non-profit fun.

Necessary Conversations: Part II

Arthur was still stewing over his thoughts when Merlin returned with his breakfast the next morning. The moment Merlin opened the door the prince demanded, "Why did you save me that first time? And don't give me any crap about what a great king I'll be; you couldn't stand me then."

Merlin offered Arthur a teasing grin, "The first time I was told that... I asked if we were talking about the same Prince Arthur."

"Who told you?" Arthur demanded.

"Of course, that was before I got to know you," Merlin continued with a gentler smile.

Arthur glared at him, tired of half answers and evasions.

Merlin threw up his hands, "I saved you from Mary Collins for the same reason I tried to stop you from tormenting poor Morris: What she was doing was WRONG. I don't know if Tom Collins was using his magic to make the crops grow or to murder his neighbors. It didn't come up when the king was giving his speech explaining why he deserved to die. Either way his mother still had no right to go after you in revenge."

"Every other sorcerer seems to think so," Arthur pointed out. "Why are you different."

"I don't know!" Merlin gave a frustrated huff, "They're wrong! Beyond that it's all so short-sighted and stupid," he ranted. "What do they think is going to happen if they actually managed to kill you? Sure it'll hurt your father, but then he'll start another purge and where will we be?"

"The Druids pretty much have the right idea... well at least they don't make things worse, but most of the other magic-users I've met? I just want to shake them and ask if they want everyone to believe we're evil." Merlin grimaced. "Not that I ever get to do that, because by the time I meet them they're already in the middle of attacking you or Camelot and I have to kill them."

"Why didn't you go to the Druids?" Arthur asked, his thoughts shying away from Merlin's statement about killing for him.

"What? When? Instead of coming to Camelot?" Merlin stammered, thrown by the non sequitur.

"They would have welcomed you and your magic. They wouldn't have cared about your father," Arthur pointed out.

"The Druids... er... um... creep me out," Merlin mumbled.

"What?"

"Well... er... while I was little I mentioned a prophecy," Merlin flushed and looked away.

"You said there was a reformed Druid in Ealdor and she'd given up believing in it," Arthur prompted.

"I wish you wouldn't call her that, there's nothing wrong with being a Druid," Merlin said. "And she didn't really quit believing it, it just didn't come soon enough to help her. The prophecy is about Emrys aiding the Once and Future King to unite Ablion and restore magic to it's proper place."

"And..." Arthur asked impatiently.

"I didn't actually know the prophecy until I came to Camelot," Merlin stalled. "Growing up in Ealdor I just knew that Mayellen and Cedwick hated me and that they'd been Druids."

"Get to the point Merlin."

"According to the Druids I am Emrys," Merlin admitted. "They either revere me for what I'm supposed to do or they're like Mayellen and despise me for not getting it done fast enough. Like I said, creepy."

"And I supposed I'm this 'Once and Future King'," Arthur said. "Someone in Camelot told you this? Who?"

Merlin hesitated.

"Gaius?" Arthur asked. "I know he knows about your magic."

Merlin blanched and Arthur's temper exploded. "You go on about this great king I'm going to be, but you don't trust me. You believe these prophecies about me, us, but even when I tell you I'll keep your secret you don't believe me!"

"Arthur-"

"Get out!" Arthur snapped. "Just get out!"

That night it wasn't Merlin who prepared Arthur for bed and the prince realized he hadn't seen a trace of his manservant all day.

When he slept, Arthur's dreams were full of confused images: Finding Merlin dead, torn apart by wolves or frozen by the cold. Of Camelot swallowed by a stultifying silence, the stuffiest of his father's advisors circling around him their mouths moving without sound.

The next morning when Arthur woke to the soft sounds of dishes clinking as his breakfast was laid out rather than an obnoxiously cheerful greeting as his curtains were flung wide, he was certain that Merlin had fled Camelot and had probably gotten himself in trouble already.

Just a few days earlier Arthur had been telling himself that Merlin leaving was for the best, really. That Camelot was no place for someone with magic, even if magic wasn't intrinsically evil. But Merlin wasn't just someone. The last few days had shown Arthur that Merlin hadn't changed just because Arthur knew about his magic and Merlin's place was at Arthur's side. Well, technically a servant's place was at his master's heels but Merlin had always had the manners of someone born in a barn.

'Or had Merlin changed?' Arthur wondered. Before Merlin had always been ready to stand up to Arthur's temper. 'Am I going to have to start being careful about yelling at Merlin? Stop throwing things at him? Now that I know he probably feels a lot more vulnerable.'

'He's probably headed for Ealdor. Riding hard I should be able to catch up with him by dinner even if he left right after we fought,' Arthur thought. 'I hope he doesn't need an apology. Sometimes he can be such a girl! And he did lie to me. No, an apology isn't necessary, I just have to convince him that I'm not going to hand him over to the executioner just because I raised my voice.'

Still uncertain as to what he was going to say when he caught up to Merlin, but determined not to let him go without a fight, Arthur threw off the bedsheets and finally looked at the servant who'd brought him breakfast.

Merlin stood by the table, head down, fiddling nervously with something in his hands. Once their eyes met, Merlin held the object up and Arthur saw it was a jousting ring. "I do trust you," Merlin said quietly. "I wouldn't hold these for you if I didn't, not even if you threatened me with a month in the stocks. But when I let you snag one of those out of my hands I don't just trust your intentions, I'm also putting my faith in your skills. I trust that you're good enough with a lance to never make a mistake, because it would only take one slip and you'd have killed me."

"So you trust me not to deliberately get you executed?" Arthur asked, unimpressed. Still his earlier frustration and anger had been mitigated by the fear that he'd driven Merlin away.

"How long was it before you stopped sending for Morris every time you needed a shave?" Merlin asked lightly.

"That's different!" Arthur sputtered. "Everyone knows you're a clumsy idiot."

"And you have a temper," Merlin replied. "One careless or angry work from you on this subject and I'll die. Or, at least, I'll have to flee Camelot."

"I've told you I won't. Do you doubt my word?" Arthur demanded.

"You won't consider the fact that I have magic the next time Camelot is threatened by a magical attack?" Merlin asked. "You won't suspect me... or even try too hard to shield me from investigation? Won't look to me for answers about magical threats?"

Arthur's mouth gaped open helplessly. He didn't have an easy answer for Merlin.

"In Camelot the suspicion of magic can get a man killed." Merlin sighed, "And even if you don't suspect me, if you act like I have something to hide or like I'm an expert on magic others might start suspecting." Merlin spread his hands equally helplessly. "I can't withstand much scrutiny. Like you said, I'm a terrible liar."

"So you're going to leave." Arthur winced at how sulky he sounded, even to his own ears.

"No, I'm going to take my chances," Merlin said. "But that's why I didn't want you to know. I did want to tell you sometimes... Maybe I would have taken the chance if it were just my life, but it's not. You don't just know, you know Gaius knows."

"I'm not going to tell, what more can I say?" Arthur exclaimed in frustration.

"This is hard for me," Merlin said. "You do know it's not just you, right? My whole life I've kept this secret. My mother knew, of course, and she told Gaius. She needed help figuring out how to teach me even basic control. And when I was eleven I told Will because he was my friend and I didn't like keeping secrets from him."

Arthur looked caught between feeling vindicated that even Merlin agreed that keeping secrets from friends was bad and feeling hurt and affronted that Merlin had told Will but hadn't told Arthur. Merlin's eyes begged Arthur to hear him out.

"Mother was so upset when she found out what I'd done," Merlin continued. "I told her that Will would never betray me, he was my best friend. And she told me pretty much what I told you about accidentally giving me away... Then she asked me to think about what could happen to Will if I ever got found out. What if people suspected that he'd covered for me? What if he got hurt trying to defend me? Arthur, a few people have found out about my magic since then, but I've never told another person since Will."

"That's horrible," Arthur said, shocked at the weight of guilt that Hunith had laid on her son to enforce his silence.

Merlin smiled grimly. "What Mother couldn't bare to say was that my telling probably wouldn't matter. What do you think will happen to Gwen if it comes out that I have magic?"

"Guinevere knows?" Arthur sputtered.

"Is there cotton in your ears?" Merlin demanded. "Gwen doesn't know, but do you think it'll matter? Her father was killed for consorting with sorcerers and she's my friend. If I get caught your father might think Gwen knew and didn't tell. Or he could think she should have known but turned a blind eye. Arthur, you know he's executed people for less than that."

Arthur closed his eyes, his gut churning as he began to understand.

"My father was probably right: leaving was the best protection he could offer us. Sometimes I think I should go live in a cave where I don't endanger everyone I care about just by being near them." Merlin smiled weakly. "Now that I think about it, you're pretty much the only friend I'll ever have who's life I'm not risking. You're the Crown Prince of Camelot, who'd believe you'd shelter a sorcerer? All you have to do is say nothing and-"

"I wouldn't-" Arthur protested.

"I'm asking you to," Merlin said gently. "If I get caught, don't try to save me. Don't risk your father's anger; when it comes to magic he's not sane. Do what you have to, become the king I'll know you'll be."

"What kind of person would I be if I just stood by and let you be killed?" Arthur demanded.

"One who listens to what I want," Merlin said. "If I get caught, I don't want a futile gesture. If you can do something to convince him I don't have magic, great, I'm all for survival. But if you can't... We both know you'll never be able to convince your father that magic isn't evil. Just... Remember me? I've always known I'd likely be killed for my magic someday. I've accepted that. Just, when you're king change things so that people like me don't have to lie to their friends."

"Fine," Arthur agreed grimly. "But you're promising me something in return. If I agree not confront my father, you have to promise that if you're caught you'll do everything in your power to escape. And I've seen sorcerers disappear into thin air."

"I don't have a clue how they do that," Merlin pointed out

"Then learn," Arthur ordered.