Being paralyzed pretty much sucked.

I was trapped in the dark world behind my closed eyelids, and to make matters worse, my senses seemed to have abandoned me completely. I was still conscious, but that was all I was. I felt that maybe this was what unconsciousness was like, but with the thinking part as an added bonus.

Of course, I immediately began to think about my current situation. Envy was probably dragging off my prone body to dump it in a river and laugh, and lightening boy couldn't do a thing about it. Who was he, anyway? I thought. Ed and Al never described anyone like him. I think he was my age… And he was a pretty talented alchemist too. If I ever manage to wake up I'm going to have to find out more about him. I wonder why he used water in his alchemy. I guess it wouldn't work without it. Man, what I would do for some water right now… My thoughts continued in such a manner, fluid and mostly unworried, despite the fact that my future was probably going to end up bad. I was honestly too tired to worry anymore.

"… Should have done this years ago," a voice said. Envy? I thought. I guess my senses are back. But I still can't move. Typical.

"Hey," Envy said. "Lima or whatever it is that the Flame Alchemist called you. Are you awake?"

Yes, I thought.

"I guess not," Envy sighed. "Probably a good thing. I have a feeling you aren't going to be a very good hostage when you wake up, and you're so peaceful now."

Peaceful? I raged. That stupid asshole. I'm paralyzed; otherwise I'd rip his throat out!

"You're lucky to be alive, you know," Envy said. "I should probably just kill you and move on, but you make great protection against the lightening alchemist kid. He's a lot more dangerous than I told him. He has the power to blast me into a million pieces and blast those pieces into nothingness. It would take me forever to reform, and he could probably short out the power of my red stones if he could figure it out." The homunculus sighed again. "I'm just being careful. It's an idiot idea, I guess, but after everything I've been through I think being careful could have its merits." There was a pause, and then Envy most likely hit something, because there was a crashing sound.

"Damn it!" He yelled. "I've gone soft. There's no human in Amestris who can hurt me! There's no need for me to be lugging around this stupid girl." He froze and released me, and I fell to the ground with a painful crack.

"Goodbye, Lima," he said. "I'll even get rid of you as a dragon, to clear up the evidence in case the kid comes looking. I can keep my nature and still be careful after all, I suppose."

I heard a scraping sound, and panic overtook me. There was no way I was going to die paralyzed and with my eyes closed! Slowly, with more effort than it had taken me to fight Envy before, I opened my eyes.

Sunlight glittered off the green scales, and I blinked at the magnificent creature above me blearily. His sinuous body was marvelous, all muscle and sinew and elegance. I ached to touch the cool scales, despite the fact that my hand would probably get ripped off if I tried it. Obviously I was delirious, because the image above me was making my head spin. Just opening my eyes had taken up a lot of my energy, and now I could feel my paralyzed stupor digging its claws into me. Still, I couldn't help it. I had loved the dragons in the bookstore back home, but this one far surpassed all of them. There was something about the way he moved, a graceful slither that could morph into a terrifying thrash in an instant. He reached down, sparkling, and his violet eyes winked at me in the light. The dragon opened his jaws wide to reveal a row of glittering teeth, and the words rolled off my tongue. "You're beautiful."

My eyes snapped shut and my will became my own once again. Idiot! I thought. Why the hell did you just say that? Crap, crap, crap… And you didn't even mean it.

I did, though. I found the dragon stunning. Envy himself was another story, but his dragon form was amazing. I couldn't help but think it, and I was a little biased, seeing as I myself was sometimes a dragon too.

There was silence from the dragon. I waited for him to tear me limb from limb for my impudence, but I didn't feel any pain. The silence stretched for an eternity, and then Envy spoke. "… human?" He asked, almost tentative.

I'd love to answer you, I thought, but I'm basically unconscious.

"Are you unconscious?" Envy asked.

I refuse to answer that question. Also, my tongue betrayed me again, so I can't.

There was silence again, and then Envy spoke. "Now what do I do?" He groaned. He sounded conflicted, and my heart soared. I had a chance of survival. It wasn't a huge chance, but at the moment it would have to do. "I guess I'd better wait for her to wake up," he growled. "God, I hate humans."

"You'll be awake in a quarter of an hour or less, by the way," Envy said. "That kid hit us with a lot of power. So don't worry, it's not like you're in a coma or anything." He made a strangled noise and hit something. "Why am I even talking to her?" He asked. "She can't hear me! I'm an idiot."

There was silence for a time. I waited with bated breath while trying to gain some control over my movement. It wasn't much, but I found that if I worked for it, I could briefly twitch my fingertips. If nothing else, it was a start.

"Heh," Envy said. "That hospital gown is ridiculous, and by now it's all ripped."

I don't like where you're going with this, I thought nervously. A wind blew right through the paper, and despite myself I shivered a bit. Right in front of Envy, too, I thought unhappily.

"Oh," Envy said. "She's cold. How typical. Humans really are pathetic."

Well, I thought, maybe I'd be less pathetic if I wasn't wearing the "ridiculous" hospital gown. Jerk.

I winced internally as something dropped onto me from above. I wasn't sure what it was but it was soft against the patches of bare skin that were exposed, and I had to admit I felt warmer already. "And there you go," Envy said. "Now you won't freeze until you wake up. I want to know exactly what you meant earlier. Oh, crap, I'm talking to her again." He shut up.

There was a sudden flash of pain through my entire body, and I moaned. As soon as it subsided I knew I could move again. I fluttered my eyelids and sat up, looking down at the black leather jacket covering my torso. Envy was leaning up against a wall, and I realized that we were in an alley. How many alleys are there in Amestris? I thought to myself, grumbling internally.

"Um," I said, looking up at the homunculus. For once his expression was inscrutable, even though he was in human form. "Thanks for the jacket?"

"Give it back," he said, and I tossed it at him crankily. He put it on and it immediately melted away into his skin; obviously it had just been a product of his ability to shape-shift.

"So..." I tried again. "It was nice of you not to kill me, but I really have to go…" I moved to get to my feet, but Envy was in front of me in an instant.

"Creepy much?" I snapped at him.

"All the time," he replied. "You think I'm beautiful?"

"I was… delirious," I muttered. "Not that you're an eyesore as a dragon, I suppose."

"Huh," Envy said. "You're the first person to ever say that to me."

"There are reasons for that," I grumbled.

"Such as?" Envy asked.

"Well, people are probably afraid that you'll kill them by saying it," I replied. "Also, I'm probably the only in the history of the world that would find a dragon attractive. Not that I think you're attractive," I added hurriedly. "It's just… you know what, forget it."

"Alright," Envy said, a bemused expression flitting across his face. "Are all humans so weird?"

"No," I growled. "I'm a special case." I got to my feet and looked down at my hospital gown. There was a jagged slash near my collarbone and one of the sleeves was gone, the one that my arm had been in, typically. The hem of the gown, which had originally come up to my knees, was now considerably shorter, making it about mid-thigh length. "Damn it," I muttered. "I hate hospital gowns."

I started to move past Envy, grumbling about my gown and paper in general, but he sidestepped, standing in front of me. "Envy," I said. "Is there anything else you wanted to chat about? Otherwise, it would be really nice if I could go change." The slash near my collarbone chose that exact moment to begin to droop, exposing a lot more flesh than I would have liked. I shrieked and pushed it back up.

"I do have more to talk about, actually," Envy said. His body began to morph, and the black leather jacket appeared again. He shrugged it off and tossed it at me. "Keep it," he said. "You look like an idiot in the gown anyway, and if you run off because you're embarrassed about what you're wearing we'll probably never finish this conversation."

"Thanks," I said without much conviction, slipping the jacket on over my gown and zipping it up. It had a fur-lined interior and was a lot warmer than the stupid gown.

Envy shrugged. "Your friends want to kill me, right?" He asked.

I shrugged back at him. "Probably," I said. "The fact that you just attacked them didn't really endear you to them." Envy frowned.

"I was only following orders," he said. A chill ran down my spine.

"Orders," I said. "What is it about you homunculi that you can't go five minutes without following somebody's orders?"

"She was waiting for me in the Underground City," Envy said. "And I couldn't refuse her."

"Why not?"

"I'm not telling you, human," he said. "Unless…" He paused, and looked at me expectantly.

"Unless what?" I snapped. "Don't be vague."

Envy cocked his head at me. "Do you want to be allies?"

I blinked. This was what Envy had wanted to talk to me about. "Is this because I told you that you were beautiful?" I asked, suspicious. "Because before that I'm pretty sure you were trying to kill me."

"I was," he said, "and I still can. And no, this isn't because you think I'm beautiful. That has nothing to do with it." I waited, but he didn't say anything else.

"Why, then?" I prompted. Envy looked uncomfortable.

"Never you mind," he said, and I knew he was lying. That egocentric jerk just wants to have someone around him who thinks he's pretty! I thought, incredulous. But I need as many allies as I can get. Maybe… I can use this to my advantage.

"Alright," I said, and Envy smirked.

"Great," he said, and grabbed my hand.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Making sure you keep your promise," he said, and slit open the back of my hand with a briefly sharp nail.

"Oww!" I yelped, trying to pull away, but Envy held me fast. He reached into the pocket of the strange skirt-like garment he wore and pulled out a Red Stone, or at least what I was pretty sure was a Red Stone. Ed and Al had described them to me, but I'd never seen one before and couldn't be certain.

Envy looked me in the eyes. "Do you promise to be my ally, and in doing so, never attempt to kill me? Say yes," he prompted.

"Yes…" I said slowly. Envy dipped the Red Stone into my blood, and I winced as electricity crackled through my body.

"I agree to the same conditions," Envy said, and popped the Stone into his mouth. His violet eyes filled with a strange light, and he sighed. "Human blood," he said. "Delicious."

The tingling through my body subsided, and I yanked my hand out of Envy's grasp. "What did you do to me?" I asked.

"I just made sure you'd keep your promise," Envy said. "When a human and a homunculus swear over a Red Stone, the human dips the Stone in their blood which the homunculus subsequently eats. After that, they can't go back on their promise."

"What the hell is that?" I asked.

"Alchemy," Envy replied. "My mistress told me about it; she made it as an added security measure to keep her homunculi with her. She didn't use it on me, though, I wouldn't let the bitch come close."

"You're so sweet," I muttered. "What would happen if I tried to kill you, right now?"

"Go ahead," Envy said. "Use one of your claws."

"Suit yourself," I said, spreading my wings. One of them sliced through the leather, and Envy made a face.

"You're lucky I can't kill you," he said. "Leather's expensive."

"Not when you can magically make it appear on your body," I retorted. "Now, hold still so I can gut you." I waved one claw in the air and brought it down towards his neck. At the last possible second, it froze, as if someone was holding it. "Damn," I said. "Dante knew her stuff."

"Yup," Envy said. "It was really too bad that she died, but my new mistress is better."

"Are you going to tell me who she is?"

"Sure," said Envy. "But you have to promise me this: you won't tell anyone else about her. Or about what we're doing now. That's a part of being allies, anyway; we only look out for each other. All other sides are obsolete."

"Oh, hooray," I said. "So you think the Red Stone you just ate will keep me from revealing your secrets?"

"Probably," Envy said. "And if it doesn't, I can always rip your tongue out."

"And you wonder why no one else thinks you're beautiful," I retorted. "Asshole."

"You know it," Envy said. "Anyway… her name is Inferna."

"Inferna?" I asked. "That's original."

"Not really," Envy said. "It's not her real name. She picked it after…" He froze, and cocked his head to the side. After a moment of listening, he straightened and shook the dark green hair out of his face.

"I have to go," he said. "That alchemist boy is coming up the alley." He sprang on top of the row of trash cans, and then another leap carried him onto the roof of a nearby building. "Bye, Lima," he said.

"That's not my name!" I hissed, and he laughed.

"Whatever," he said, and was gone.

"Stupid…" Now I could hear the sound of running feet too.

"Leoma!" A voice called, and I realized that the strange alchemist was only a few meters away from me.

"Here!" I called, leaning against a trash can and doing my best to ignore the smell. Whatever the boy had done to my system had left me bone-tired.

He came charging up the alley, looking right and left with fists raised, as though he expected Envy to pounce from behind a trash can. When he saw me, he didn't even slow, slamming into me bodily. "Oww," I snarled. "What are you doing?"

He held me close to him and I realized that he had a pin in his hand. He stabbed it into my shoulder, and I shrieked and yanked it out, wincing at the bead of blood that ran down to the stump of my arm and then dripped onto the cement.

"What the hell was that for?" I growled.

"I was making sure that you weren't Envy," the boy said gravely. " Obviously you're not, because you didn't heal. He's used that trick before; pretending to be someone you love and then using their form to kill you."

"Hang on," I said. "Someone you love?"

He blushed. "Sorry," he said. "I didn't mean… I mean, I did, but I… well…" I put a finger to his lips, which made him turn even redder, but it effectively shut him up.

"I know what you meant," I said.

"Great," he said from behind my finger, his face slowly returning to normal. "I'm glad. Because otherwise this whole situation might have been awkward." He laughed, slightly nervously, and I narrowed my eyes, removing my hand.

"Name," I snapped.

He blinked. "What?"

"What's your name?" I asked, exasperated. "You're shrouded in mystery, and I'd like to learn more about you."

"Oh," he said, and smiled at me winningly. "I'm Jay. Jay Archer." He extended a hand for me to shake.

I reached out for his hand, and the full implications of what he'd just said hit me. "Archer?" I yelped, pulling my hand away. He sighed and pulled his back too, rubbing his tousled black hair.

"Yes," he said. "Archer. The son of the crazy megalomaniac, in case you were wondering. And I think it's pretty rude that you just judged me based on my last name," he added, giving me a frown.

I swallowed. "You're right," I said. "That was rude of me. And, if it helps, you don't seem anything like what I've heard of your father." Jay sighed, and his tense posture relaxed.

"Sorry about that," he said. "It's just that everybody thinks poorly of me after they hear my name, and it's upsetting because my dad wasn't evil." I blinked. "Well," he amended, "he wasn't evil before the homunculi got to him."

"What do you mean?" I asked slowly. I didn't want to offend the teen, but Archer had clearly been evil long before the homunculi had turned him into a half-metal monster.

"The homunculi teased him with dreams of power," Jay said seriously. "He wasn't an incredible dad before that, I'll admit; he dumped my mother and me in the East and visited every few months, but he wasn't evil. Then the homunculi began to change him, and he stopped coming." Jay paused and curled one hand into a fist. "I can't honestly say that I loved him with all my heart," he said, "but he was my father, and like it or not, now I hate the homunculi for destroying him."

"Oh," I said. "So you want to avenge your father?"

"Something like that," Jay said. "It's more like this, though: now I can see the homunculi for what they really are, and I'm never going to stop until they're all dead." His icy eyes glowed with a weird light. I recognized the light; mine had once glowed like that, every time I'd spoken of visiting Amestris. The boy was suffering from an unhealthy obsession, but I wasn't going to play the hypocrite. He had to get rid of it for himself, just like I had.

"Okay," I said, anxious to change the subject. "Your alchemy: what is that?"

"Lightening alchemy," Jay said, his smile showing a hint of pride. "It's almost like Colonel Mustang's Flame Alchemy: but instead of using the dust in the air as a makeshift fuse, I wet my hands and use the water to wet the dust. Then I use the transmutation circles on the back of my palms to start the lightening, which travels over the surface of the water in the direction I sent the wet dust. It really is like Flame Alchemy, but I can control the amount of force I use. When I stunned all of you, I was trying to stop the homunculus, but he turned out to be immune. I would have just went for the kill, but lightening alchemy isn't exact. I could've killed someone. Next time I'll get him, though."

"So Mustang's a Colonel again?"

"Yeah. He got back his old rank after Amestris was attacked by an army of metal soldiers. I should tell you about that sometime."

"You mean, like, a date?" I asked.

Jay turned bright red again. "No," he stammered, blushing furiously. "That's not what I meant at all."

"Sorry," I said, "but ever since that little 'harm her and I swear, wherever you are I'll find you and rip your throat out' bit, I've been a little curious. It's almost like we've known each other for years and you needed to protect me, but I've never met you before."

Jay turned redder. "It's just that… I don't know, there's something about you. I'm already prone to helping out females in distress, but I really wanted to help you."

Crap, I thought. Something about me? Again? What is it?

"That's… sweet," I said. "Where's everybody else?"

"We all spread out to look for you," Jay said. "I'm sure we'll find them eventually." He beckoned to me. "Let's go," he said. "We have a lot to talk about. They'll all want to know how you escaped from Envy, and to be honest, so do I." He paused, and his eyes raked over my figure. I blushed and crossed my arms as his gaze lingered at my chest, but I realized that he was looking at what I was wearing, not at what I hoped was my attractive figure. "Where'd you get the jacket?" He asked.

"Oh," I said. "I found it." He smiled, easily pleased, and grabbed me gently by the arm, pulling me forward and back to my real allies, the ones that would always look out for me, unlike certain homunculi.

Probably.