Optimistic Lights

Well I blame me…

It's true. I do blame myself for the state of things as they were. I blame myself for saying yes to Michael. That in turn led to the souping up the monsters thing and I can't remember much of a damn thing that Michael had done. Now there are monsters out there that can't be killed in the traditional way. And because of me… Ninja did what she thought was right and that led to Angie leaving. I was the cause of Angie leaving Sam.

I know Sam would punch my lights out for saying that. He'd say that Angie didn't leave him. It's an attitude I would say is naïve, but in a way, he's right. She never left him. She came back. She stayed in touch. But truth is, I am the reason she is scared; scared that our group of hunters will take it into their own hands and try to kill her no matter the fact that she is a mother and Jess and Ayana vouch for her. Because Ninja found the proof that Angie was once an angel and released it.

I admit that it was somewhat cool that she was souped up. I mean, Angie has a rep. She's the scariest thing out there. Ask a demon and they'll tell you. And Sam and me have seen what she has been able to do and then what she learned after she and Sam discovered the soul twin and mate bond thing. Now… seeing her hunt… I get it. I get it and I'm not letting anything happen to her. I just… I just don't know what to do. But Jack seemed to have the right idea.

I feel bad for the kid. I mean, it's not Jack's fault that he is literally the son of the devil. I know I tried to kill him and said real nasty things to him but… it's not his fault. He's a good kid. He wants to do the right thing and I have Sam and Angie to thank for that. Sam taught him things that a father would, and it makes sense. He's done it before with Ninja, when Angie was her mini self and now with Jess and Jack. Angie is a mother through and through. And truth be told, I am glad she is home.

Jack seems to be happy she's home. When he saw her, there were no angry words, just relief. He saw her, and everyone went quiet. He then walked right up to her and grabbed her in a hug. It was one of those chick flick, Hallmark card moments. But it still doesn't negate, yes, I used a big word, the fact that I was the one that messed things up. With us, it's true. Road to damnation is paved with best intentions. I'm the damn poster boy for that one and I does have me wonder why I am here on a job with Jack.

The kid was hardly subtle about going on a job. He wanted to go and didn't fail to point out the jobs he and Cas went on. I can't deny that he did well on those. I just didn't understand why he wanted to go on one with me. I mean, I was the one that said he was bad, he was dangerous and if he went dark side that I would be the one to kill him. I was rude to him and used it as an excuse to hurt Sam. Yet he still wanted to go with me and even presented his research to me.

Take him, Dean. It's a good learning experience.

Oh, I know what that means especially when Angie says it. She meant it as a means for me and Jack to bond. Forget the logic of having hunting partners and all that. Ever since Jack came to live with us, she had been making opportunities for all of us to bond. Even hunting was seen as that and she was sneaky about it. And the kid made the argument about needing to feel useful and making things right; things that I got.

Being with Jack on a job… my God it was like when I first took Cas on the job. I forgot that Jack really is a baby in all things human despite looking like a young adult. His honest and innocent expression came off as awkward and yet it was endearing to the tough nuts that we had to talk to. It was cute and adorable as Angie would say. It makes me wonder how she could stand it when she first met Cas. Now I get why she would occasionally call Jack her baby Cas and Jack just smiled, accepting it. No doubt she explained it to him and… I get stuck with the weird family.

Turns out the honesty and innocence really works out. At least for Jack. The kid really played the role well and got the girl Harper Sayles to talk. I didn't appreciate the fact he called me an old man. I actually didn't think he had it in him to call me that. And we all know for a fact that the oldest one in our crazy family is the matriarch and she merely humors us, me especially when I pull the big brother card.

I can tell ya though that like Cas, Jack's sense of timing sucks. He tried to have me give him the talk right in the middle of a case when I found one of the girl Harper's co-workers dead. Don't get me wrong, any other time, I would be damned proud that the kid managed to score. Now wasn't the time, not on a case. Well… I take that back since I have managed to score, and I know that Sam did during the year he was running around with Grandpa Samuel. So yeah, you can score, just not when a zombie is chasing after you and it didn't help that Angie had to call right in the middle.

It's funny when she and Sam are discussing family matters while fighting because it does end up annoying the people they are fighting. Talk about inappropriate timing and yet it works. For them at least. With me and her… I don't know how to talk about that one.

How's the hunt going?

"Fine," I tell her. Yeah right since a zombie is trying to break down the door to kill me and Jack.

No problems?

Like I am going to tell her that I was in the middle of trying to keep a zombie from breaking in. I know she can hear what's going on since she had super hearing. And after what Ninja did, it was ten times what I knew so I know she was hearing everything.

"Is that, Mother?"

"Mother?"

Okay, I definitely have to talk to the kid about calling Angie by her name when on a case. I know that he asked Angie to call her that and she let him. In all fairness she was the mother figure for him. She had accepted him from day one, showing no fear of him. Still…

"My mother, well… not my real mother…"

"Jack."

I know that Jack was trying to explain things, but now wasn't the time. We had a zombie trying to break down the door and it was the guy in the picture I saw on the end table. Turns out he's the girl, Harper's, boyfriend, who is now undead. The best thing for this is silver and luckily, she has some and Jack seems to carry one of Angie's knives. No matter. It works.

Of course, I didn't see it coming that the girl was a fricking necromancer. She was the one that made Vance undead Vance. Talk about plot twists and I'm sure that Angie would find it amusing… after she chews me out for letting Jack get in harms way. After all I did pretty much tell him to take Harper out and they went to the library where we managed to corner Vance and trap him. She got away, but we got him. The kid did good.

I have to admit that taking Jack on the hunt… not a bad thing. He's eager to learn and he knows the pros and cons of it. He knows the pain it can bring and yet he is willing to do it. He sees it as helping people. Saving people, hunting things… the family business. That is what we do.

I know that Sam and Jack say that no one blames me or holds me responsible for what Michael did while riding around in my meat. Maybe so, but I do blame myself. I was the one that said yes after all. And yet… Jack drove the point home why we do what we do. He's a good kid and I know I don't show that often, but, like with Jess, he gave me a reason to see past the dark hole I feel that I am in. Even though I was adamant about hating him in the beginning, the kid grew on me. Jack is family, a part of our family and I am more determined to make this right. Not just for him… for him, Ayana and Jess.

A/N: Dean knows it's his fault that things are the way they are. Yet a hunt with Jack pulls him out of it. Tag to Optimist. Enjoy.