Chapter 7 – Andrea Ahoy!
It's been six months since our amazing personal assistant, Laura moved to California. In those six months, Christian and I have gone through almost a dozen PA's. None of them has made the cut. Even the specialized headhunter we used stated they were out of qualified candidates. The complaints were pretty typical – it's too much work for one person, so we hired two and they both quit stating Christian is too demanding – that's why he's a billionaire sweetie so don't let the door hit your bulbous ass on the way out; four of them could only sit there and day dream about Christian or bat their eye lashes at him – needless to say, he kicked their asses to the curb; and never mind our last PA, who lasted just a few hours. Taylor walked her out the door personally when she was caught taking pictures of Christian with her cell phone. All I knew is that if we didn't find a competent PA soon either I was going to murder Christian or vice-versa.
Manning the PA's desk for the past week has been one of the security team – Luke Sawyer. When he was in the military, he'd been injured and for six months he did office work while he rehabbed – so in other words, he was fucked. He was computer literate, smart, and organized, but he appeared out of place and absolutely miserable. Hell, there were days I was afraid he'd put a gun to his head when Christian was a grumpy ass. I have to hand it to him though, he was better at it than any of the near dozen we kicked to the curb or had left voluntarily. Okay, so more like running out of here practically screaming.
As for Luke, well, I think what made him absolutely miserable were the not so subtle taunts of the rest of the security team. The fucker drew the short straw because he was the most computer literate when it came to basic office software. I had a soft spot for Luke Sawyer. He saved my life after that dinner a couple of years ago. So what do I do? I'm a bitch, so I send him a large bouquet of flowers every day to be delivered to his new workstation with tacky, yet anonymous cards.
The day I sent roses the card stated: You look so hot and studly behind that desk. Bet you look good in fuck me pumps.
The next day I sent carnations and the card stated: Is that perfume for my benefit? Pheromones make me moan.
The third day I sent peony's and the card stated: A male personal assistant yummy. Do you swing my way baby?
The fourth day I sent orchids and the card stated: Bend over for me baby. That ass is sweet.
The fifth day I sent a mixed bouquet and the card stated: Are those quarters or are you happy to see me. I saw him receive that bunch and all he did was mutter under his breath, no Ros, it's an '1846 Ecuadorian 8 reales' coin roll and I'm downplaying it. Fucking awesome bitch. I make a mental note to google that coin.
The sixth day I mixed it up and sent a massive box of expensive chocolate and the card read: You're a good sport Sawyer. All my love and affection, CTG
What can I say? I'm an evil bitch. Oh yeah, and Christian was not amused. He fired me the day of the chocolates, but I still came back the next morning. He'll never mean it. Sawyer on the other hand plotted his revenge. I have to hand it to him; he did a really good job. It took all of three weeks for my condo to be flooded with magazine subscriptions to Playgirl and other periodicals full of naked, aroused men. It was the gift that kept giving all year long. The fucker even managed to bill it to my personal credit card with automatic renewal billing. Luke fucking Sawyer – you just have to love him. I spent two days on the phone trying to cancel all of them at the end of the first year. Even stick-in-the-mud Christian found the situation amusing, but that's another story for a later time.
Christian and I both felt Luke was actually doing a decent job in the roll of PA, but we also knew that he was absolutely miserable. That's an understatement. At the end of the fifth week, an appointment popped up on our calendars for a combined interview of someone just noted as Andrea in conference room one. We both looked at each other hesitantly as we waited in the conference room.
"Any idea what this is about? Fucking Sawyer didn't have any notes in the invites," Christian asked impatiently.
I merely shrugged in response. When the door finally opened, Luke held it for a tall impeccably coiffed natural blonde in her late twenties wearing a power suit and sky high Jimmy Choos. She could have been model. Her features were feminine, beautiful, and she radiated intelligence. Luke handed us each a copy of her resume.
"Mr. Grey, Ms. Bailey, I'd like to introduce you to Ms. Andrea Fields. She's the latest candidate for the PA position," Luke explains. "In fairness and total disclosure, Andrea is my cousin and is considering moving to Seattle from New York City if the right, stable opportunity presents itself."
"Have a seat Ms. Fields," Christian began as he reviewed her resume. Once Ms. Fields took a seat opposite us and Luke left the room, the annoying interview process began.
"I'm a very difficult man to work for Ms. Fields. As Luke said, in fairness and full disclosure, we've gone through nearly a dozen assistants in six months. They've either felt it was too much work, even when we hired two at a time to share the workload, they get too personal with me, which is not appreciated or desired, or they act inappropriately. Do you understand?"
She nods. "I can assure you Mr. Grey, attractive though you are, you aren't my type." She looks over my way and adds, "Neither are you Ms. Bailey, so I can assure you both, I will not cross that line. In the continued theme of full disclosure – I have limited tolerance for stupidity, disorganization, ignorance, and slackers. Luke explained what the job entails, along with the hours and the flexibility needed. It seems to me that you need one personal assistant, and perhaps two interns for perform the more mundane tasks that would waste the time of a trained professional PA. You can get two interns or more for the price of one fully trained PA, and the satisfaction of knowing that your primary PA is focused on the most important tasks at hand and not the repetitious ones that can be completed by someone else."
"I can see based on your resume that you haven't worked in mergers and acquisitions before," I ask. "How much do you know about the industry?"
"It's fast paced, cut throat, and it can change on a dime. Confidentiality is key," she replies and the excitement is clear in her eyes. "I've worked as a PA for the President of a major health care system for the past five years. It's boring and the same routine day after day. I hate monotony. I enjoy being challenged. I wasn't. This is why I left the job two weeks ago. I guess you can say I'm looking for a new adventure, preferably closer to family. I've read up on mergers and acquisitions. I like the idea of being a pirate." There was no missing the excited gleam in her eyes.
"Do you speak any foreign languages?" I can't help but ask.
"I'm fluent in both Spanish and French, and I understand Korean when spoken."
I'm surprised when Christian asks her when she can start. This is the first interview that felt right and it's shorter than all of the others.
"I need a few weeks to move my belongings from New York City, sell my condo, and find an apartment here," she replies.
"If you can begin this coming Monday morning I'll have Luke arrange movers and packers for your belongings, he'll set you up in a hotel for a eight week period on GEH so you can explore Seattle and find the right apartment or condo here, so it's not a rushed decision. I can arrange the sale of your New York City condo with my realtor and in the meantime, you can begin shopping for a place here if that is your preferred housing route and GEH will cover the down payment and we can square away once our east coast residence sells. Luke can take you out shopping for clothes and other necessities you might need for the two-week period or so until your belongings arrived. All of these expenses will be covered by GEH, along with whatever security deposit and first months rent you require once you find your apartment," Christian explains.
I know the man follows his gut, but wow. Yes, Andrea feels right. She feels like an ice queen and that's what we need at that desk – someone who isn't easily rattled or intimidated. Hell, I can see her being intimidating ass all hell to some of the employees here. It will be fun to watch. I think he's a smart man to jump on this hire. What he says next though, floors me.
"If you agree, your starting salary is one-hundred and fifty thousand dollars per year, four weeks vacation, and expense account, full benefits, a clothing allowance as you represent GEH at the highest level so I expect you to wear only the absolute best, and you'll need to visit Human Resources today to get the ball rolling on hiring two interns. I'm not an easy man to work for and Ros isn't exactly a picnic either. I need you to fully understand that. There will be frequent after hour calls due to my international business, late nights, early mornings, and more weekends than you'll care to imagine. I reward high performing employees and like you, I do not endure stupidity, ignorance, or slackers. If you have a suggestion, I expect to hear it when you have it, not after the fact. You will be part of a team, and all members contribute and bring differing points of view to situations. You will be in a position to know all of my business and personal dealings, so a signed NDA is required. The position comes with a company car, as given your access to data, I need to make sure you have safe, reliable transportation. Moving from New York City, it's safe to assume you don't currently own a vehicle." She nods in agreement. "Whatever apartment you select will have to meet security standards and require a secure office for those times when I need you to work after hours. This will avoid wasting more of your normal down time by avoiding traveling. You will be issued a company laptop, phone, and tablet. GEH will completely furnish your home office, along with the security system for the apartment."
I don't know Andrea, but the shock and excitement on her face are evident. "I wholeheartedly accept and look forward to being part of the GEH team."
"Ros, will you take Andrea down to Human Resources to get the ball rolling. Once she's done there, fill Sawyer in so he can handle the rest." With that said, Christian gets to his feet, shakes her hand, and welcomes her to the GEH team before leaving us alone in the conference room. The shocked look on Andrea's face makes me laugh.
"He's a piece of work," I inform her. "He's a pain in the ass to work for, but it's worth it. He's brilliant, quirky, and underneath the asshole exterior has a heart of gold. He's the first guy I've ever worked for who didn't give a damned about gender, just intelligence. GEH is known for having the highest percentage of females in both management and executive levels. You'll hate him at first, but then he'll grow on you like mold and turn into his version of penicillin. I'm sure Luke gave you some idea what to expect. At Grey House we work hard and tend to play hard. Where are you currently staying in Seattle?"
"Nowhere. I was planning on spending the weekend at Luke's."
"Give me one minute," I inform her as I pick up the conference room phone and dial the Fairmont Olympic's Manager's private line. When he answers I arrange for the Corner Suite to be reserved, starting tonight, for a period of eight weeks and bill it, along with any room service or expense to the GEH account. "The tenant will be Andrea Fields. University Audi will be delivering a new S5S for Ms. Fields use. Please ensure she has assigned parking during her stay so she's not inconvenienced."
"Do you have any advice for me?" she asked.
"Work hard, think outside the box, and throw yourself into the job. Be both a shark and a pirate. You'll come to see how much we all rely on our IT and security teams. They do a tremendous amount of research for us when we set a target. You'll grow to know them all quite well. Keep your eyes and ears open. As you learn about the M&A world, you'll find yourself listening to other people's conversations when you are out on the town. You will be like me, when you get home, power up the laptop and start digging into the company in question. Christian will love that. Don't take shit from anyone. Set the tone on your first day – tough but fair. No one other than me, walks into Christian's office unannounced. He's ridiculously private. I only do it to annoy him." I can't help but smirk. "We're both workaholics. There are also few people whose calls get put through to us if we are free. For me it's my partner Gwen and Christian's crazy brother Elliot. For Christian, it's Elliot, his parents, or his sister Mia."
"How long have you been at GEH?"
I grin. "I was the first official employee hired at GEH. Christian dropped out of Harvard at twenty, borrowed money to buy his first company, where I was working at the time and we clicked. I call it Mr. Grey's Wild Ride because that's what it's been since day one and I wouldn't change a thing." We both laughed, but I can see the woman before me wasn't like Sawyer. He was serious but had a twisted sense of humor behind the façade. Andrea, well, she strikes me as the hardworking, serious type, which is what we need.
"So what do you recommend for a dress code while I'm here?" she asked.
"Think upscale New York City female CEO meets ice queen - feminine but tough. The way you are dressed today is perfect right down to your make up. You're professional, attractive, yet you don't look like you're on the prowl. Luke will take you to Nieman's to meet with a personal shopper named Carolyn Acton. You'll love her. Trust me when I say, don't look at the price tag. On Fridays we have a dry cleaner that comes in and picks up our business wear for the executive staff, of which you are now one, and they return everything on Monday morning. Christian is of the belief that you shouldn't wear the same outfit more than once every three weeks, so be prepared for Carolyn Acton to treat you as her own dress up doll, clothes, shoes, accessories and all. It's annoying as all fuck, but she's amazing. She even arranged for the two thousand dollar suits that the security team's CPO's wear. They each have a dozen or more of them. Trust me, it's ridiculous, but it's Christian."
She nods. "Is there much travel to arrange?"
"We travel multiple times per month, but we just closed a deal on a corporate jet for any trip greater than four hundred miles. For trips between one and four hundred miles Christian has a helicopter that he calls Charlie Tango. The security team will take care of all travel arrangements that involve flying, while coordinating the hotel accommodations with you. He's a rich kid with his toys." I laugh. "If he's traveling, he flies Charlie Tango, if I'm taking it, we have a pilot named Joe to chauffeurs my sorry ass around.
"GEH is a young company. The average employee age is twenty-seven. The company believes in giving back. We support numerous international charities with donations of both cash and food. Locally we support food banks and reputable charities that care for victims of abuse. Christian does not believe in publicizing the charitable work. He's insistent about that. He expects his employees to be active in some type of charitable work. Between the two of us we get invited to a few dozen fundraisers and galas per month. We always attend those thrown by Coping Together, and the rest we pick five or six on any given month and split them down the middle and attend. There will be times when you might be needed to attend. During those times, GEH will provide the wardrobe and transportation since you will be representing the company. Over time, you'll see how much control you really have here. We travel a great deal, so you are the exclusive portal to us other than the security team."
My phone vibrates and I give it a quick check. We get up and head out of the conference room. Human Resources is ready for us. "This place is very monochrome," Andrea comments.
"I have theories about that. The first is Christian is colorblind, but I'm not so sure," I comment as we push the elevator button. The other is he's ironic and is playing with the Grey on gray, but again, he's generally just not that funny of a guy; though he does have his moments. The third is the most likely theory – he's afraid it will clash with his hair or mine. Who the fuck knows what's locked inside that rainman head of his. Then again, who really knows what goes through the brain of a twenty-three year old visionary. I've been working by his side sixty hours per week for three years and I'm clueless half the time. He's just brilliant but color challenged.
His brother Elliot owns a big construction company and is building our new office tower a few blocks over. It should be ready in about eight more months. If it's anything like Christian's condo at Escala, it's going to be pretty much the same color scheme. Be prepared, you're Elliot's type. I love him like a brother. He's a big, perverted teddy bear and the best friend I ever had. He tends to push Christian's buttons, so the boss is sometimes grumpy after his brother leaves. That's how you'll know Elliot pushed him too far. On those days, just don't take it personally. It's Elliot, not you. Generally though, Elliot is nice enough to send flowers to the PA as he is very much aware he ruined their day as well as Christians."
It's exciting starting a new week at GEH with a new PA who feels right. I have to admit, I talked Gwen's ear off all weekend, worried that Andrea might get run off by Christian's moodiness. Gwen reassured me that Christian would be fine. They'd struck up an unlikely friendship during ZumbaCallan-gate. Hell, we even went out to dinner every few weeks with Christian. He never ceases to surprise me.
Rumor around the Grey House is people are taking bets on how long the new PA will last. The past six months have felt like a revolving door of hookers as they made their way on board, then either were terminated or quit. I knew Christian followed his gut when it came to people. Hell, the offer he made Andrea Fields was ridiculous. The others weren't paid half of what he offered Andrea or received the side perks other than a few outfits. My money is she'll go the distance. At least that's what my hundred-dollar office bet was and I was the only one who thought she would last.
Andrea arrived and the security team, PA Sawyer and Barney helped her settle in. Barney, who was all of twenty-one now thought she was hot – like hooker teacher hot. How do I know this since Barney isn't capable of conversation that isn't business related? He's been humming Van Halen's Hot For Teacher every time he walks away from his desk. Yup, she was going to give him a nerdgasm if she bent over one more time. That kid needs to get laid something fierce. Christian wouldn't allow Elliot and I to buy him a weekend with an escort for his twenty-first birthday. What a fucking killjoy.
Barney's an odd guy. Christian can scream at him like a maniac and the kid doesn't react. I swear he must go all Yoda and turn his mind off, because even Barney's breathing doesn't change. Christian knows when he's yelled too much at the kid, as he puts him onto the GEH jet for different comic conventions. Last year Barney went to Comic-Con in California, Indie-Cade also in California, and Dragon Con in Atlanta. He also made sure Barney got to all the big conventions in Seattle and there were quite a few. This is the Christian Grey I know. He may not interact a great deal on a personal level with his team, but he knows them, their interests, and their needs. He's a lot like Barney in that way – not very social, but a smart guy with a heart of gold.
I was surprised when Andrea added a meeting to both my calendar and Christian's for eleven am. I have to admit, I was intrigued as I headed toward Christian's office. Andrea followed me in and we sat in front of Christian's over-sized desk and she began.
"I'm certain you are wondering why I called this meeting. I thought it would be best to ask a few things point blank first. Do either of you have any food allergies I need to know about since there will be occasions where I order in food for meetings? If no allergies, any dislikes. Are there any medical conditions I need to know about, like diabetes? I ask because my last employer neglected to tell me and I found him passed out on his office floor. Thankfully he recovered, but if either of you are diabetic, I want to ensure anything I order follows your dietary needs and if you are in a meeting that runs over, that some type of refreshment is served to ensure blood sugar is stabilized. I know it sounds odd," she explains blushing slightly "but there is nothing worse than finding your boss flat on his back in a coma."
Christian and I look at each other and smirk. "No medical conditions on either side and no food allergies," Christian responds. "Ros isn't fond of anything remotely healthy, which I'm hoping you'll be able to change."
"Screw you Christian," I snap back. He's such an asshole sometimes. I have to hand it to Andrea, she doesn't even smirk, but I can see her clenching her fist with her nails digging into her palms to make sure she doesn't. I like her already.
"Based on my research you have quite a few dealings with South Korea. Since I understand Korean, I thought I might be of assistance by taking meeting minutes for you during those interactions. This will allow me to send you real time translations of anything they are stating in Korean so you don't understand. I asked Barney about software for that and he explained it's possible to do using a PC which will then send what I type into a small ear piece that won't even be visible as words."
I don't think I've ever seen a smile this big on Christian's face. He already knows he's made the right choice for a PA. "Where were you hiding these past six months?" he asked seriously.
She blushes. "I was telling Luke that I wasn't ready to move. He's been on my back about this position since your long time PA Laura left. He knew it was a good fit, but it's Luke."
"You mean, every family is like a living organism," I can't help myself because I adore Luke Sawyer "and Luke is the asshole. Every family needs one."
She laughs and pleads the fifth about her favorite cousin. "I looked back through your appointment calendar and noticed you regularly meet with people of different nationalities. I then compared it to the historical food and drink orders, along with the stock room supplies in the executive kitchen. I'd like your permission to set up a separate smaller kitchen exclusively for use with those that meet directly with your executive team. All on this floor share the kitchen, which is unacceptable in terms of some religious beliefs. For example, people that follow Judaism and Islam do not eat pork and would not allow it into their kitchens. It would be a great offense if we were to heat up food or beverages for your visitors in a microwave that had been used to cook bacon. While I know it sounds like an extreme action to take, GEH does do a tremendous amount of work within Africa, which is a continent where the people are predominately adherers of Islam or Christianity."
"Make whatever changes you feel are necessary and spare no expense. You are correct in your belief that it is more respectful of their beliefs," Christian responds. There's no missing he's impressed by Andrea.
"According to HR recruitment for the internship positions will begin later this week. What role would you each like in terms of the applicants?" she asked.
"Work with Taylor and Barney on background checks. You can work with HR and perform the interviews as well as the HR Director. The finalist candidates, no more than five of them, will be interviewed by both Ros and I, then together the three of us will decide who we hire."
To say Andrea worked out would be the understatement of the year. While she was related to Sawyer, their mothers are sisters; she was nothing like the fun-loving guy I knew when Christian was out of earshot. Hell, he was the only one on the security team who showed their sense of humor and mischief. Off hours, Sawyer gave Elliot a run for his money when it came to women and overall debauchery. Andrea was the same both in and out of work – an ice queen with a good heart who lived for the job. She was just odd. It takes all kinds to make the world go around. Who am I, a lesbian, dominatrix, businesswoman, handcuffed (literally) in a wonderfully kinky gay marriage with the love of my life, to judge anyone? I mean really.
So about a year ago when I started receiving monthly shipments of dozens of frosted ejaculating penis cookies at GEH, I went after Sawyer, who looked shocked. After I ruled him out I went after Elliot, then the tag-team of Christian and Gwen. But it wasn't any of them. Was Andrea the perfect straight man of our band of misfit pirates? I never did find out who provided me one year of three-dozen ejaculating penis cookies, but they were awesome! I gained ten pounds in six months. It's not like I could just leave them in the break room at work or donate them to Coping Together. It was either eat them or toss them out and Christian had issues with wasted food. I was so screwed. Thankfully Elliot had no shame and brought the milk each month. He gained twenty pounds in six months and for once it wasn't all muscle. Christian gave us each a gym membership and told us to get our shit together. Fuck wad!
Interestingly enough, Andrea ended up purchasing a three-bedroom condo in my building because it met all of the security requirements and she needed a guest bedroom since one bedroom would become her home office. When Christian saw her coming out of the building after seeing a two bedroom and then a three-bedroom condo, he was thrilled that she was looking someplace secure. It was four weeks into her career at GEH and she was thriving. When he saw she loved the three-bedroom apartment but the price was more than she expected, he pulled out his checkbook and handed the realtor a deposit that was half the price of the condo. That's Christian for you.
Three years later and she's still awesome. I will always remember the day she came into my office because Christian was griping about having agreed to an interview for the WSU newspaper. He hated interviews and we all knew it, but he respected tenacious people so the asshole that he is, he agreed. It didn't hurt that he wanted to make in roads with Kavanagh Media and the interviewer was going to be the owner's college age daughter, so he reluctantly agreed. We had alert levels for Christian's moods and given his disdain for the media, today with the Kavanagh interview happening at two p.m. we were slowly building to Grey-Con V. Hell, Barney even developed an app for our phones that show the Grey-Con level in the left upper corner at every moment of every day. He has it feeding off Christian's blood pressure, which is monitored by his latest fitness gadget. Have I told you how must I love Barney? He's just fucking awesome! It's hard to keep a straight face when he asks me every Monday what Christian was doing last night as his blood pressure on Sunday nights was generally lower than it had been all week. I would love to say he's getting his brains fucked out, but that would be in appropriate, so I told Barney that was Christian's night to work as a gay male stripper at House of Cocks. Yeah, I'm a mischievous bitch, so sue me.
Little did we know how our lives were going to change because of one interview …