a/n: ohh I love Jackson - i got hold of a copy of the eclipse script!! happy girl!! lol

WARNING: OK this is getting even darker in this chapter, I do apologize but it will begin to turn soon. The issues in this chapter is from the characters POV and not mine,

Some readers may be sensitive to the topics and i only hope you are not put off by this.

Chapter 6

BPOV

My eyes met the box, then they met Edwards eyes, his expression totally blank as he looked back at me with the box in his hand.

All I wanted to do was to wait until he was better able to deal with the news.

I though about kids since I had heard Rosalie's news but I never expected this to happen, not for me to be already pregnant. It was like some twisted messed up reality.

I wanted children, I did. But I also wanted to plan when I had them and also with Edward agreeing to it.

But that decision had been taken away from both of us.

"Bella?" he called my name and my eyes landed back on the incriminating box.

Why did I have to hide it in the cabinet? I could have smacked myself for my stupidity.

I still never spoke, to afraid of my own words and his reaction.

"What's going on?" he asked me and my eyes went straight to him. I couldn't lie, not to Edward, not ever.

"I'm pregnant." I shrugged, shrugged as if it was nothing.

"You're what?" he asked surprised.

I closed my eyes, the pressure of the situation getting to me. I sighed. "Edward, you're a doctor. You know what I'm talking about. I'm having a baby, we're having a baby."

His eyes narrowed and he dropped the box back into the sink before combing his hand through his hair.

"How?" he asked incredulously. Come on Edward. I didn't need answerer him.

"You're on the pill." he reminded me, like that thought never entered my head.

"I know, it…I don't know. You know better than anyone how these things work, and that they don't work all the time." I had to have him thinking logically, it was the only way to try and keep his emotions in order.

"Why were you trying to hide this?" he asked accusingly as he stepped forward to me looking me in the eyes.

"I…I was waiting. I just wanted you to be in the best mind set when I told you." I told him truthfully, fearing he thought that I was trying to keep secrets.

"You think I can't handle it just now?" he asked angrily. "You were trying to keep it from me." he pretty much answered his own question.

"I needed to make sure you could handle this, that we could talk about it properly. I wasn't trying to keep it from you, I was just waiting for the right time."

He blinked a few times, taking in my words before he shook his head. "I can't talk about this just now." he mumbled as he headed out the bathroom.

"Where are you going?" I asked in panic as he headed towards the front door and shuffled into his black Nike's.

He shrugged at me. "Just leave me alone Bella." he almost gritted out.

"No, we need to talk about this, you need to stay. Please." I told him as I raced to stand in the front door grabbing hold of his hand.

He pulled away form my touch and reached for his keys, picking them up off of the hook at the front door before glaring me down.

"Let me past." he told firmly. I felt myself begin to shake as he looked down.

"I said let me past, Bella." he let out aggravated and pulling on his hair again.

I reached up for his hand again, trying to get him to slow down and stay.

He knocked my hand swiftly away from him, not letting me touch him, he pushed bye me as I felt the door go into my back.

The door slammed behind him leaving me alone.

I dropped to the floor wanting to know where he had gone, and why he couldn't have stayed with me.

I finally made it back into the kitchen and finished preparing the food. The pasta had been ruined after it had boiled so long so a fresh batch was put on as I continued to chop.

If Edward would be back he would still need to eat.

It was something for me to do too. Something else for my mind to focus on, to try and distract me from Edwards disappearance. I cut away on the peppers and tears rolled out my eyes as I went.

I didn't have a clue where he had went or what he was thinking but I knew it wasn't good if he just walked away from me.

I felt the tears pour out of my eyes as I continued to chop, my sight blurring. I would be lucky not to cut my own finger.

I finished making diner and placed it in the oven to keep it warm in the hope that Edward would be back and he would eat to keep himself healthy. To try and keep his head where I needed it.

He was better today but the look on his face when he got home from work worried me a little and I knew he wasn't ready to hear the news just yet, so I waited because I thought it was best.

And I really did think it was best at the time.

After the food was in the oven I returned to the bathroom and began to place all the bottles and packages back into the cabinet and out of the sink.

I opened the box that Edward had dropped and pulled out the used test, praying it had been wrong. But it wasn't, I was still pregnant and my boyfriend had still walked away from me after I tried to keep it quiet.

I knew looking down at the test though, that I was going to have a baby and I was going to cherish them. I had always wanted a family when I was younger, one that I built and kept together, unlike how my own mum and dad managed it.

There seemed to be some kind of contentment in me at the knowledge, as if it was just simply meant to be.

I just didn't know if I would be doing it alone now. Maybe I was destined to be just like Renee, a single parent.

Surely Edward wouldn't leave me. I could never have left him if it was the other way around, I could never walk away from the love of my life and my child.

I made it back though to the bedroom where only a couple of hours ago Edward held onto me as if I was going to break, as if I was made of fine glass.

He lay small delicate kisses all over me and I thought I was going to die of anticipation from his touches.

I had been afraid of it being like last time, for any of it to be like any of last time. But as he gently and slowly kissed me my need for him turned to desperation. I needed to be one with him, for us to be as close as physically possible.

His tenderness had made me fall even deeper in love with him if it was at all possible and I could remember the feeling of serenity as I lay next to him knowing he was coming back to me and that I could share our news soon with him.

I had fallen asleep in his arms and I felt I was back home again, that the past few days had just been a blip in the road. We always seemed to just carry along. It was what we had to do, we couldn't dwell on the past, we had to live in the moment and accept it for the good it was when it was with us, and we looked to the future when times were hard knowing that, eventually, we would get through it.

The sky was dark outside and I worried where Edward could be. I didn't want to speak to the others about it, not until I had discussed it with Edward first. It would only add fuel to the flame if I was to do so.

I lay against his pillow, smelling his warm smell and prayed he would come back soon, more tears continued to slip from my eyes as tiredness took over and I fell asleep.

"Bella…" I heard his gentle tone waking me from my slumber with an equality gentle shake.

"Bella..?" I finally managed to open my eyes as he called my name for the second time and I looked into his jade green pools. He seemed calmer, more centred but I still worried what would come out of his mouth.

The room was in darkness with the exception of a small bedside lamp that was lit. I fought against the brightness to focus on Edward.

He had come back to me.

"Edward?" I asked, still not quite believing it was him and that he seemed to be as cautious around me.

"I'm sorry, sorry that I…just walked out." he hung his head down in shame at himself. "I shouldn't have done that." he sighed heavily. "It was just a shock."

I nodded understanding, I was still in shock myself and I had a few more hours to digest it than him.

"I just have to ask though, are you sure..?" he treaded carefully, not trying to upset me.

I nodded again, "I've been sick…" I shrugged "and I'm late."

"How late?" he asked

"I don't know, a few weeks." I shrugged.

"A few weeks?" he asked surprised his tone making me jump. "Sorry, just… a few weeks, Bella. Shit. Didn't it click?"

I shook my head. I really hadn't. It was never something I worried about, I never gave it a second thought since I took birth control.

"It's ok, we will get though this." he told me with a small smile and for the first time today I felt some of the pressure dissipate.

He climbed up on the bed beside me and pulled me into him, his free hand reaching for my face, cradling my cheek and pulling me in closer to him.

"We are going to get through this?" I asked because I really needed to hear that we would, that Edward would be able to cope with it.

"We will be fine. Just like we always are." and I relaxed further into him when he seemed so sure.

"I don't want you to worry ok," I nodded silently into his chest, relived. "I'll take care of it all."

I never expected him to take it like this, for him to be so willingly to handle the responsibility. I felt appalled at myself for not having more faith in him.

Here he was, stepping up to the plate, and I had been doubting him.

"There's a doctor I know, she's really nice, she will take care of you, and no one will need to know, ok?"

No one needs to know? Was I supposed to hide my pregnancy?

"What do you mean?" I asked confused.

"She's friendly, and…discreet, sometimes thing get around the hospital but she will keep it quiet, my father doesn't need to know."

"Need to know what?" I turned t o look at him. What was he talking about, was he worried about it until the first three months?

"You know…the termination." he whispered out as if he was ashamed to even say it. "all you need is a little pill but she will check over you, you know..." his tone still soft.

He wanted me to get rid of my baby? My child, the life that was already growing inside of me.

I jumped up at him, "You want me to have an abortion?" I asked loudly and thoroughly disgusted.

"Wait, what, what did you think I was talking about?" he asked me looking confused as I felt.

"I thought you were talking about us keeping it quiet in the beginning. You want me to kill my baby?" I shouted again, needing clarification.

I pulled up away from him completely and moved to my feet at the side of the bed waiting for an answer.

"We can't have a baby, Bella." he told me as if I should know. "And honestly, you will be ok, don't worry about the procedure."

"Don't worry?" I asked rhetorically, what the hell was he thinking? "Why not, don't you want a baby?" I asked.

"We can't have a baby because…because we never planned on it."

"I know we never planned on it but it's happened." I told him sharply.

He stood up to face me, to take me on. "But it doesn't have to happen, it doesn't need to be like this."

"Are you serious, you are telling me to get rid my baby?"

"Christ Bella, it's not a baby, it's a bundle of cells, like a tumour." he shouted.

I gasped in shock that he could ever refer to baby like that, that that is how he thought of them.

"A tumour?" I asked, seething.

"Yeh, you know, like cancer or something to be cut out." he told me flatly.

"Edward…" I called out his name in complete horror.

"We are not having a baby, Bella. We haven't even discussed it before."

"And who's fault is that? Every time I try to bring it up, you would walk away."

"That's because I'm not having one." he shouted.

I wasn't having him talk like this, he wasn't saying these things to me and getting away with it. "Well guess what? You are now." I shouted back, firmly.

"No, I'm not. If you want me you will have to get rid of it." His brows risen high as if he was so sure of himself, that I would pick him.

My heart shattered into a million pieces. I knew that arguing with this Edward was pointless, he could carry it on for hours and I wasn't going to give into him, I wasn't going to falter.

I couldn't ever think of making Edward choose between me and our child, it wouldn't ever be fair.

I headed straight for the wardrobe and opened it up and reached for my holdall that I used when I went away for meetings.

"What are you doing?" he asked a bit surprised.

"Leaving." I shouted at him as I threw it down on the bed and began to head for my drawers. I was going to stay strong. I could lose control when I left.

"No you're not. You can't." he was angry and his words were aggressive.

"Guess what, Edward? You can't make me stay. You cant make me do anything I don't want to do." I practically spat the word anything at him and I seen him flinch at its meaning.

"So what, your just going to leave and come back for my family's money. Was this some kind of set up? To try and get a ring on your finger, I know that's what you want." he stood with is arms crossed trying to intimidate me. He couldn't, he never had and he never would.

"Don't kid yourself Edward. You know I don't need anything from you, I don't want anything from you. Not anymore." I bundled the clothes into the bag. The rage pulsating through me.

Edward was mad, you could see it all over his face. He had only just started to gain some control over his emotions again when he found out the news and now, with it, he was losing me.

"You can't leave." he shouted as if it meant something. "You fucking promised that you wouldn't."

"We'll that was before you made me choose, I'm not picking between you and my child, you forced me into a decision and your angry because for the first time in my life I'm not putting you first." I screamed at him.

I had always given into him, all the choices of the future we never made because he didn't want to face it.

"It's a bunch of damn cells, Bella and where the hell are you going to go?" he asked.

"I'm not telling you." I told him firmly as I ignored the rest of his words as I zipped up the bag.

I had no idea what I had put in it in my hast but I knew that there would be something in it to last me a couple of days. After that I would come back when Edward was gone. He could call me if and when he decided to ever grow up. If not…I had no idea of the future now.

I felt tears well in my eyes at the thought of leaving him. I didn't want to go. This is where I belonged but right now he was making me choose and he wasn't even being rational about it. He gave me no good reason why I shouldn't have our baby so I had to go. I couldn't live with him, not like this.

I could only hope when I walked out the door it made him see, see that on this one, I wasn't letting him have it his way. I couldn't ever do that to my baby or myself.

I put on my jacket and trainers and placed my holdall on my shoulder. He tried to fight it out my hand, asking me to stay but I knew he wouldn't accept my words or my decisions that way. He needed to see I was willing to fight for this new life, like I had been so willing to fight for him over the years.

"No, Edward. It's too late. I…I never expected you to ask that of me, never…" I sighed hard, the stress of the day reaching it's maximum.

The argument would only spiral out of control if I stayed here.

I headed towards the front door with Edward pulling on me, against my every step. He wouldn't physically stop me, he would only try hard enough for me to know his desperation. He would be worried in case he ever hurt me. The irony was, he already had and it was more painful than any hit he could give out.

He pulled on my arm, pulling me forward to him. Least I thought he would let me go.

He wrapped his arms around me tightly and I fought to wriggle out.

"Bella you can't go, not like this?" he told me strongly in my ear, his tone pleading and his breath sending a shiver through me, but this time I didn't know if it was a good or bad shiver.

I looked him squarely in the eye "Are you ready to accept my decision, for me to keep our baby."

He looked down to the floor and let go of me. He retreated so easily it had me worried. Had he gave up just like that? Was he not willing to fight, to keep me? Did the thought of a child disgust him that much.

I gave him one last look before I opened the front door and walked out.

I only hoped one day soon, I could come back.

My phone rang and rang and rang. It rang the entire journey of my walk with the exception of short pauses when it went on to answer phone.

I didn't need to look to see who it was. I knew it was Edward.

My breath caught in my lungs as I looked up at the small column of buttons. I didn't want to go here, to wake them up, but I had no where else to go right now. I could have went to a hotel but I would have been alone and in this moment I really don't think I could have handled it.

I had left there spare key's in the house knowing Edward would be likely to follow me if he knew where I was headed and it wasn't fair for us to only move our argument around the corner. Edward needed time alone to think and so did I.

I presses the button again and again pleading with the gods for them to hear it.

"Hello." Jasper's sleepy voice called out from the small speaker.

"Jasper, it's Bella. Let me in." I gasped out, my breath still struggling, tears washing my face.

"Yeh, sure Bella." he replied back quickly, his voice sounding shocked. He buzzed me in instantly and I raced up the two flights of stairs to be met with Jasper and there apartment door wide open for me.

I crashed into him, hugging him and he wrapped his arms around me tightly.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry to do this to you." I mumbled into his shoulder making his t-shirt wet with tears.

He held on tight and shushed me, trying to sooth me.

"Bella." I seen Alice come from her bedroom as she pulled on her dressing gown.

"I'm sorry Alice. I had to do it. I had to leave." I felt more tears pour out my eyes as I gripped on tighter to Jasper as she walked up to me warily.

She cut in and held me, pulling me thought to the lounge with her. "What's happened?" she asked as she brushed hair out of my face.

"I had to leave him, he made me choose." I mumbled and I knew I wasn't making any sense to her but it was to me.

"Bella," she spoke to me so sweetly, trying to calm me. "you need to tell me what's happened."

"I'm having a baby," my breath stuttered. "Edward, he told me I had to get rid of it or I didn't get to have him." more tears fell and the reality of the words hit me hard. I had just walked out on my life with Edward and now I was alone.

"He told you what?" she asked, the surprise in her voice.

"He told me I was to get an abortion because we never planned on having a baby."

Alice jumped to her feet. "I'm going to kill him." she screeched. "I cant believe he said that." Neither could I.

"Alice, calm down." Jasper tried to still her.

"No, I'm going round their right now-" She was angry and I felt bad complicating her in this, he was her brother.

"No." I shouted. "he doesn't know I'm here. He will come around if he does."

"Where does he think you went?" Jasper asked, I shrugged in response.

"He will know you are here, just he doesn't have the balls to come around." Alice told me sure of herself.

"I just want to let it be, for tonight." I felt exhausted, I knew I would never sleep but I just wanted to lie down and have some space.

She nodded in response.

"What are you going to do?" she asked as she sat back down beside me.

I sighed, "I don't know, if he doesn't come around to the idea, I suppose were finished."

"But you can't. You're Edward and Bella. You two have worked so hard together." I knew she was feeling sorry for both me and Edward. She really couldn't pick a side because it just wasn't fair to her. I knew she felt I was right but Edward was still Edward.

"It's up to him." I told her simply. It was. The Ball was in his court. "I just don't know how Rose will handle this." I knew this would affect her, that she would be devastated for me to thrust this into her face.

"Rose will live. It will be hard for her but you need to concentrate on you and Edward first." Alice rubbed my back.

"It's just so unfair for this to happen just now. She will hate me."

"No she wont." Alice told me firmly. "She will cope."

"Listen, I'm sorry I came here, just go to bed, I'll crash out in the guest room." It suddenly dawned on me that they both had work in the morning and I was interfering with there sleep.

"No it's fine. Jazz make some tea." she ordered him as he swiftly headed for the kitchen.

"I just can't believe the way he acted. I was waiting to tell him once his mind was better but he found the test then went heading out the door."

"Where is he?" she asked confused.

"Home, he came back, all calm telling me that he was going to take care of everything. I thought he meant us, our family. He meant he knew a good doctor that could keep quiet so that your dad never had to find out." I lay back against the couch, tears still running down my face.

"I can't believe he would be so cold. I knew he avoided the topic with you, but to be like this... I'm honestly ashamed of him." I wouldn't tell her any more of his words. She didn't need to know the details, the horrifying words he came out with.

"Please Alice, don't take sides on this. Don't hate him, it's not his fault." I tried to be rational. Edward would need support too.

"No, this is his fault, him not facing up to reality and thinking…thinking that it could all just be flushed away. What was he thinking not even trying to talk about it, asking you, how you felt. It's selfish."

"It's Edward." I shrugged. She nodded silently understanding what I meant. This was him, for him to push for things his own way. I tried over the years to show him he couldn't always have it his own way just because that's how he wanted it but I had failed miserably and he could still be completely egotistical. I gave in too easily on the things that had no real worth, but this, this was priceless and I wasn't giving it up, even if it meant I was the selfish one.

I tossed and turned around in the strange bed. I had never slept in it before. I had never any need. The only strange bed I had slept in was ones of hotels, of other cities. My home was only around the corner. I thought about it, getting up and walking back home, but now I didn't know if it was my home, or if it ever would be again. I had done the one thing I had promised never to do. I had left Edward.

He would hate me, I knew he would. He pushed me away so many times but never once had I given into him, never him telling me he despised me that he wished I wasn't there, had I ever given up.

This time he never ask me to go, he practically begged me to stay but I, I had walked away from him.

Surely he would never trust me again knowing that I did actually have it in me to get up and leave.

How could he trust me when I had made one of his biggest fears come to life.

This was different from all the times I had left him in the apartment after he begged me to stay, because those times, I had to go away, I had to go to work and I would always return. I promised him as I walked out the door the many times it had happened. He had something to cling on to, this time he had nothing.

I feared for him, what he might do, what he may do to himself. With out my promises would he feel he had nothing left.

He spoke to the others a little but he placed most of it upon me. I didn't mind, I was happy to take his load if it helped him. I knew many of the thing he would never feel comfortable with talking to his family about. I tried to talk him into counselling session on a few occasions but he hated that idea. He had hated them when he was in college and now he was his own man he wasn't going to be told what to do, even if it was in his best interest.

I let my eyes close trying to stop myself from acting out and giving up to rush back to his side.

I couldn't forgive him for the way he spoke about it needing to be removed, as if it was some diseased tissue. But I couldn't forgive myself for walking away.

I needed him just as much as he needed me.

I already felt so lost without him.

I wondered what he would be doing right now.

I had switched off my phone when I got here having enough of its constant ringing as I tried to think.

He needed to be clear when we spoke, he needed to be sure of what he truly wanted and I knew he hadn't though about it, not really. He needed to see that if he wanted his life without his baby then it meant a life without me too.

I heard Jasper shift around the apartment and I knew it was morning and that I hadn't slept a for a second, my brain constantly going around in circles.

I so badly wanted to see Edward.

I wanted to see his face, to check he was well enough. I worried that he never ate, that he hadn't touched the food I had cooked for him.

He most likely never.

If he was going to act out to me walking away then it would have been the easiest move for him in his protest.

I rubbed hard at my face, giving in.

I had to see him.

I had to check that he had at least eaten because I knew that he would never have slept.

I pulled on my discarded jeans and reached for my trainers.

I knew there would be fireworks. That he would only argue. But maybe now, maybe he had enough time to see things from my side.

I walked into the hall coming face to face with Alice.

"You're up." she smiled softly. She looked at me and she could tell I hadn't slept. She sighed. "You should try to sleep you know…"

"I'm going to see Edward. Check that he ate."

"No Bella. He's a grown up. He can take care of himself." I knew that in theory she was right but in practice, it wasn't quite as easy as that.

"Maybe if we try to sort though this I can sleep then." I shrugged, hoping that she would understand that sleep may come to me easier once I knew how Edward was, how he handled the night.

She nodded. "Call me if you need anything, anything at all, ok." she told me, her expression serious.

I nodded and grabbed my jacket before I gave a tight smile and walked out the front door.

I walked speedily back to the apartment clutching onto my keys.

I almost knocked a passer by off their feet as I turned the corner and only giving a quick mumbled sorry, never actually stopping.

Letting myself into the building I ran up the stairs praying not to come face to face with Emmett or Rosalie. This was the only problem with living in the same building as family. You couldn't avoid them.

I was lucky though and I never seen them. I turned the key in the door opening it and closing it behind me, quietly.

"Edward." I called out for him, there seemed to be noise in the apartment.

I scolded myself and closed my mouth in case he was asleep and I was going to disturb him.

I headed straight for the bedroom finding nothing there.

Was he even in the apartment?

I headed for the lounge next and found him lying out on the floor next to the couch on his front.

I quickly jumped to him, praying he was ok.

I turned him over to find he had been sick on the floor, his face practically lying in it. My stomach knotted as I called for him, trying to wake him up.

I shook at his shoulders franticly, his breathing shallow.

Panic rising in me.

Why did I ever leave him?

Why?

I reached into my pocket and pulled out my mobile, calling for an ambulance.

"Edward, wake up." I sobbed.

It was then I saw it, the half drunk bottle of vodka by the side of the couch.

What the hell have you done, Edward?

A/n: I know some topics in this may be hard for some readers to digest. If you ever feel like you can't cope and need to talk please seek some help.

Help lines are set up for you to discuss your feeling of depression, despair and even suicidal thoughts. This is a subject held dear to me.

If you feel you ever need to talk about these matters, please talk to someone - you can call the Samaritans if you live in the UK & Ireland or Hopeline if you are in the US

for other countries please call your operator for info.

Please review.