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Chapter 7

Jude was never afraid of the dark.

Sitting under the awning, cast in the pitch black of the midnight sky, and the convenience store devoid of light at this hour of the night made the men's faces seem like unmoving statues, and it did nothing to make her fear them. Their leathery russet faces were akin to the Timber wooden wolf, calm and fierce all rolled in one. In a sense she admired them, it was hard not to.

The headlights of cars had stopped passing by the longer they waited, and the night-life of the forest came alive with the hoots of owls answering one another, twittering of bats as they flew above the pine's canopy, and other unseen animals trudged through the underbrush of fallen leaves before them. Off in the distance, the roar of the far off Pacific ocean answered, even in the night it could be heard, the tide rushing and retreating made for a promise of undiscovered beauty, so unfair to ignore it, even now.

A long and undulating cry of a wolf cried back, and the howl made Jude shiver in her wooden seat, a seat between Old Quil and her father, on the largest bench, yet so close to one another, after all these years, and still, they had refused to speak for the past three hours.

They were waiting for Jude to do so.

To start off the conversation by begging for her place back in their community.

To scream and spit that they dare make her speak first, make her be the one to give up her shaky peace, in order to answer for what she did to her father, her mother, to her whole family.

To do… anything, say anything, explain!

Jude fought with herself to remain still.

To remain silent, and not say anything stupid enough to push her father away.

It was difficult, because everything that came to her mind was not very appropriate.

All the while, Seth was sitting on the floor with his legs crossed in front of them, and in the most uncomfortable position because all their faces remained looking forward to him, their ramrod backs too stiff to relax, and matching grim lips made it look like they were lecturing her younger brother, rather than waiting to interrogate Jude.

It brought Jude back to a memory of her baby brother put in another uncomfortable position.

Many years ago, when her parents went on a vacation to Canada, she- as the elder fifteen-year old sister- had been left to watch over her nine-year old toy-truck playing brother. Leah had gone to stay with Emily on the Makah Rez, they called it an extended sleep-over for the girls, and so Seth and her had braved out the empty home underneath the security of their tented fort, with only a lone flashlight between them both.

A storm had come that night. The lightning strikes and booming thunder brought Seth so close she could cradle his head against her chest, "I'm scared Jude!"

"Don't be," she remembered saying, "let me tell you the story of the Third Wife."

Seth jutted his lip out, still very much afraid, "I already heard that one, I want mama, I want papa, I don't want to be alone," he started crying, and Jude shushed him, scrambling in her teenage mind on how to get him to shut up, and stop making this a cry fest over parents that would complain that she couldn't keep him occupied for only two days.

"Okay, okay," Jude came up with something, "how about the Spirit Warriors, how about Taha Aki and the shifters that fought the Cold Ones, ever heard that one?"

That got Seth's attention, and so Jude told him the story of the warriors that protected them from those that would do great evil.

Jude was so stuck in her memory of putting a child Seth to sleep that she didn't notice Billy wheeling himself out from the dark of the front room. How long he had waited for them to start talking, Jude was sure it was too long for him, "Seth go inside, I need to talk to your father."

"Sure Billy," Seth left her.

The way Billy looked at them all, it was as if Jude was not here, as if she was not the problem sitting between them all, and she could feel her father flinch in his seat, no doubt ready to argue for the Chief butting his head in.

"Billy, I got this," was her father's low grumbling response at Billy's unflinching glare, the first words Harry had said all night, it was far better to have his attention on someone else for a change, for Billy to take charge of the silence.

Billy pointed at Jude, and she was no longer grateful, "are you going to let her sit there Harry, or are you going to ask her your questions?"

He answered swiftly, "I don't have anything to tell her," Jude peeked over to see her father put his hands over his chest, a stony expression, "I came here in respect for you Billy, this is what you wanted," and that was when she felt downright feral.

Jude gritted her teeth, noticing Billy's eyes fixed on her as she crumbled her aggressive answer, and let it simmer within herself, truly understanding that her father didn't want this, it was so… believable, so very much like him to carry a grudge.

Old Quil had the gall to chuckle after that little hurtful comment, "you're a liar Harry, you have been complaining for a week," and then he was looking at Jude, pushing her, "no words girl? You have plenty to say when your friend is here? Is this a conversation you can't handle?"

Jude lost a breath, "that isn't why I'm being quiet!"

"Jude."

"Sorry Billy," she lowered her voice out of respect for the peaceful night, and the men trying to hear her out, her father's face slaked into a smile for a moment, only to go back to his stony bravado, "this," Jude wet her dry lips, "has nothing to do with my ability to talk, it's just," she searched for the right thing to say, Billy gave her an encouraging nod, "I wanted my Dad to say what he wanted to say first."

"You allow me that now," her father responded to her, effectively catching her attention, and suddenly the space between them was far too close, "you allow me to speak first?"

"Yes," Jude felt her voice quiver, if he asked her another questions she would bawl like a baby, he had that much power over her, "I don't allow you to do anything, I have no control over you," that was the truth, "I don't deserve it."

"That's right," he agreed almost condescendingly, "you don't deserve a lot of things, but you still get it."

"Please," Jude didn't know what she pleaded for, what she hoped he would do, what her father would let her have, his permission to speak to him was enough, and Jude braced herself for what he had to say.

He said, "There is no point ignoring this anymore, that you are are finally here, and now I have to get some answers," Harry slapped his overall laps, clenching his fists, and calming himself to relax against his bulging thighs, "why did you leave?"

Jude opened her mouth, but he wasn't finished, "And I don't want you leaving anything out, tell me where you went, who you were with, and what you did?"

It was clear he wanted everything, every single thing, Jude prepared herself mentally, and knew she would never be ready, "Dad," her lip trembled, remembering her practice speech with Susan and Peter, "I am sorry I left, I never wanted to hurt you guys, I was stupid, and selfish, but that day, what was going on in my mind," the terror ate her still, the tears went down her cheeks, it was no use holding them back, "I couldn't let you guys be stuck with me like that."

He made no motion to speak, to give her a sign that he had heard.

It was all up to Jude, she swallowed her tears, "the day I left the house, after hitting mom," both Old Quil and Billy Black made noises of discontent, Jude felt her cheeks flush with guilt, but of course her father remained motionless, not helping her explain, she moved on, "I was attacked from something, and I knew I had to get out of town," it sounded like she was going through one of her episodes, but she could care less, it was real to her when it happened, "so I had Grant take me to the airport-"

"Granton Marks," her father interrupted, spitting the name of one of her dead-beat friends, "not Conner? Conner didn't take you?"

"No, he didn't know about me, he didn't know anything," Jude wondered if he would even believe her, her and Conner had always been connected at the hip, few people knew that they had in fact broken up a few days before, "I took a plane to California, and I stayed in Los Angeles for a while working as a waitress."

"We couldn't find you," Harry muttered, as if he was reminiscing, "we hired a detective."

It ached her heart to hear that, that they had assumed the worst, or on those nights she selfishly dreamed they cared enough to search for her, "I changed my name," she explained for the reason they couldn't have found her, "lived with some college kids, and I only stayed there for three months when I found out that I couldn't stay there anymore, it was too fast paced, not safe for me, but really...for us."

"You were with someone," Billy egged Jude on when she became thoughtful, looking down, and rubbing her belly for some time.

"I was pregnant," Jude said, and that effectively shut them all up, and then it was like a waterfall after that, "so I wanted a place where it would safe for me and my son, I wanted a place to start off fresh, so I went to New Mexico," Jude felt her father freeze, grimacing as if her choosing anywhere other than here was an unrepeatable sin, "I had Jordan in the summer, and it was hard at first, really," she chuckled dryly, "it was hard the whole time, but I got through it, there are so many good people, and I was luckier than most to find them. A year after, I met Susan and Paul. They took Jordan and me in, I stayed with them, until we all decided that they should adopt Jordan."

"So I lived there for awhile, but I really got to thinking about you, about mom," that was when it was unbearable to speak, that was really the shifting point in Jude, the change that made her come back, "what you must have gone through, having me go so far away, not knowing where I was, if I was safe, if I was even alive," she hiccuped, taking a deep breath, "I couldn't imagine being away from Jordan, and now that I am, it is horrible…"

"Oh Jude," Billy said, while the two men beside Jude made no move to comfort her, no words of sympathy, hell, even words of anger and betrayal would be nice, "are they coming here? To bring Jordan when you are settled?"

"No," Jude answered too quickly, "no I gave them full custody, I have full visitation but I want Jordan to feel like his home is with them. I don't want people judging him for the things I did. For the person I am," Jude looked directly at her father, "and I am sorry Dad, I am so so sorry. I wanted to to tell you I was wrong to leave, I am so ashamed for what I did, I don't know what I should do to make it up to you-"

Her father sat unmoving, only his chest raising showed that he was still there.

Billy outright said it when her father wouldn't say it, "It was hard Jude," their Chief nodded in understanding, "but you are here, and we are here for you- right? Harry? What do you say?"

He didn't say.

Billy said louder, "Harry?"

Her father bit back viciously, "You can't expect me to just-" Harry finally looked at Jude, as if he just noticed that she had been just inches away from him, that this was the first time she had told him about his grandson, that she was a mother, that she had been wrong, and that she… was not good enough for his apology.

"I don't expect anything Dad," Jude let the lagging breath come out and off her chest, "I just wanted you to know that I was fine now," as good as she could be, "that I am sorry, I was wrong, and I am not going anywhere."

"I won't allow you to terrorize Sue," he told Jude out of nowhere.

"I don't," that was so uncalled for, "I didn't, I just saw her, what else was I supposed to do?" She felt the old Jude flare up, the one that never took his shit, "I live here too now!"

He was quick to defend himself, "they aren't ready for you Jude, what you did to us, do you think they're ready?" He was not expecting her to answer, and she guessed they were both disappointed for that, the adult in her saw the depths he was willing to go to protect their family, she just felt… it was wrong, that she was being shut out for even trying.

"I am trying Dad, coming back here isn't supposed to be something wrong, it was not meant to cause you all pain-"

She hit the nail on the head, when she saw him stamp his feet for a moment, obviously reliving it, "What you did by coming back here, it was not a kindness," her father shook his head, disturbed, "after all this time, it killed your mother, Leah too, not knowing what happened, we blamed so many people, for a while we blamed ourselves too, and at the end of it," he nodded, "we understood it had been your decision, it would always be your decision."

"Dad."

"No, don't," he shook off her endearment, nodding to the pitch black mirrors of Mark's Mart, where her little brother no doubt was standing, "Seth hides it better than all of us, but you can't expect us to forgive you too?"

"I don't," Jude gritted it out, hating that her father refused to see the goodness she was trying to do now, and knew at the end of the day, she deserved nothing more than what he was willing to give, "I wanted to find closure, I wanted to give you guys closure."

They were silent, Billy for once allowing her father to control the conversation, "well, some people aren't ready for that," her father slapped his jeaned thighs, "well I guess that settles it, Seth will be in touch," and like that it was finished.

Her father stood, everyone did, and Billy would have too… for obvious reasons he stayed sitting, pensive in his seat, staring up at them all with his ancient dark eyes, a weight settled there.

"Damn!" Another equally upset man followed after her father, "Slow down Harry, I will walk you to your car," Old Quil said in a slow rush, chasing after Harry that ducked his head in to the front room to yell Seth's name, and then they were off. Not one of them talking as they went into her father's old pickup truck, getting in, and driving off, and none of them looking back at her still waiting for forgiveness, hell, she still hoped for it.

Old Quil and Billy Black were the only ones to stay, and Jude sat right back down in her seat, not knowing what to say to them, what to do, after saying the things she did? There was no going back now, she had said too much for them too look at her as they had before.

At least, the men that had listened deserved that, if they wanted to take her word, if they wanted to spread her truth all over town, for every gossip-monger this side of La Push… so be it.

She never cared much for what people thought anyways.

"Jude?"

"Hm?" Jude dropped her hand from running over her mouth, wiping the lone tear that had made it down her face.

"Are you going to be fine tonight?"

That was all Billy offered her after the first real conversation with her father. No judgment, just concern, thankfully not taking sides, and that was the best Jude could ask for.

"I'll be fine Billy," because Jude would be fine, she had done what she set out to do, she was still doing what she set out to do, and even if it fell short, even if she had not got what she expected, the good or the bad, she was going to be fine.

"I'll be here in the morning," Old Quil said, eyeing both Billy and her, "is Jacob coming?"

"In a little while, he'll get here," Billy said looking at his watch for the tenth time tonight, "I'll call you if anything happens."

Just like that Billy Black and Jude were the last people on the awning, sitting in the silence of what had just occurred, and then it dawned on her, the reason why she left, the unsaid truth that she had not wanted circulating around with the story.

If anyone would understand it, hell, even believe her, it would be, "Billy?"

"Yes, Jude."

She could tell him, she trusted Billy, she wanted to, "I am not sure if my father told you," she rubbed the back of her head, "but when I was kid, no, even on my last day here, I have always been able to see," she gulped past the fear, grabbing at the jade amulet around her neck, "I have always seen things that aren't there."

Billy nodded sagely, "I know."

He knew? After all this time? Did Old Quil know?

He answered the unsaid questions brimming in Jude's eyes, "all the Council knows, all the Elders, we thought you were a Spirit Seer," Spirit Seer?

He sighed, taking a moment to let the name settle, "When you were very small, you came before the Council," Jude had never heard of this, "your parents brought you, they were so sure that you were able to see ghosts, the spirits of our ancestors, so we put you under a test, and at the end," Jude was never so excited to hear something, this could be the answer, this could be the reason why the terror was so important, "you did not pass, and even the oldest members said you weren't able to, couldn't be a Spirit Seer, they died out a century ago."

Jude felt herself deflate.

Billy still continued, "It was decided that you were seeing things, that other practices should be notified…" his face became serious as he leaned towards her, "the things you see Jude, those ghosts," Jude winced, knowing what he was going to say, "they weren't actually there. They were figments of your imagination, at least that's what we hoped-"

Jude was so confused, as hurt as when her parents had sent her to her very first therapist, the anger that they allowed random people to stick tranquilizers just to calm her form screaming about the asylum filled with dead people, tortured and victimized, with demons snarling at her to shut-up, and… she touched her amulet, she explained to Billy, "but I visited a Spirit Healer in New Mexico, he told me that I was able to see ghosts, had an inclination for the supernatural, to see the realm that lies between our worlds and the next," that explanation made Billy shiver in his seat.

"You don't," he said very seriously, "and if you see anything Jude, if anything suspicious to you, then you call me," he made her promise, and she knew it was only implicate herself as the loony of La Push. Crazy Jude.

"I promise Billy," that made him nod, and then a car was pulling into the parking lot in front of Mark's Mart, it was not Jacob's car. That set off alarms for both of them.

"Billy!"

The driver called for him again, "Billy! Billy," a guy that could be a twin of Jacob, so familiar to the dangerous and sensual men that had loitered only just earlier that day, ducked his head out the window, as if he was sniffing the air, and then jumped out of his barely stopped car to jog up the front stairs to where Billy sat with her, "hey Billy."

"Need help Jared?"

The Jared guy was drenched from head to toe, only a pair of cut-off jeans as he eyed Jude carefully, marking her face, her blotchy eyes, and pink running nose, as if she was an outsider, waiting to steal trade secrets, "yeah, we have a problem, you need to come with me," he told Billy, "we'll talk at your place."

That little statement effectively distracted Jude from her own problems.

She eyed the guy suspiciously, "Do you need help Billy?"

"No Jude," Billy quickly shook his head, giving her a tight smile, probably to calm her suspicious mind from thinking the Jared guy was abducting him, "stay inside, and remember what I said? Call me," he said with a nod, and Jude could only nod back as he wheeled away from the dark of Mark's Mart.

She was left with the answers to so many questions, and questions to answers that she was still trying to understand were even possible… a lone wolf howled to the moonless night, it's sorrowful cry carried Jude's trudging feet to Old Mark's room.

Even in the dark, she had memorized the way up the rickety stairs, to her temporary bedroom, the dead man's things still there, his ruffling newsletters and forgotten newspaper adds fluttered against the wall next to her bed, the wind came through the one glass window, and her eyes widened at the very open, unlatched once again as she left the room.

"Fuck," Jude closed it, hoping no little animals got in while she was spilling her guts, "it's fucken cold," she wrapped herself in as many blankets as she could, and shut her sore eyes, replaying everything that had happened, until her restless dreams mixed in with the real events of the day, and she was met with the eyes of the Timber wolf, it looked back at her, calculating, marking her.

"You're alive," she couldn't believe it.

Unmoving yet alive, and then suddenly it was truly alive, padding it's large paws down the stairs into the forest, reddish brown fur rippling as it moved, dark human-like eyes looking back at her, and then brought it's head up to give a sorrowful song to the empty dark sky.

Like a scene from a movie, the Timber wolf, in one leap, turned into a man that raced along the coast of First Beach, the one she had yet to see, his footfalls sinking and disappearing in the rush of the salty tide, and her mind naturally put a face that matched his body type, the giant, with an incredibly muscular body, Jacob Black.

For some reason, Jude smiled in her sleep.