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Stay with Me

"There's a bit of magic in everything, and some loss to even things out."

Lou Reed

He hummed as he combed back his hair from his face. It was a song he'd heard many times as a kid. It was one of his mother's favorites. He looked at his eyes in the mirror and then scrutinized his nose and then his ears. It appeared that the dark circles he'd had for weeks were going away.

"You better stop primping and get dressed," he told his reflection rather sternly. "What would Morgan say, or even Rossi?"

He pulled his toothbrush out of its holder and proceeded to clean his teeth vigorously.

His phone beeped and he cursed. He spit out toothpaste and hurried out to the living room.

"Reid."

"I'm sorry to call you in, but we have a missing child in Ohio."

He sighed inwardly. "Alright, Hotch. I'll be there as soon as I can."

He called Hope as he dressed. He was pulling a pair of brand new royal blue cords onto his left leg when she answered the phone.

"You have to go," Hope said.

"Yeah, I'm really sorry. I know we had plans, but -"

"It's okay. I guess it's kind of like dating a doctor."

"Have you dated many doctors?"

Reid's phone slipped out of his hands and fell to the floor. He nearly tripped chasing after it.

"…you there, Spencer."

"Sorry, I dropped my phone."

"I said, it's like dating a doctor."

"Have you dated many doctors?" He repeated.

"That was a bad joke, Spencer. I won't lie, I hate that you have to leave this time of night. Please be careful."

"I will."

"Where are you going?"

"Ohio. There's a missing child."

"Oh my God. What's wrong with people?"

He opened his mouth to give some kind of statistics, but instead he said. "I'm going to miss you."

"Me too, I can't really believe that it's been two months since we met."

"I'm glad I stopped in to that Starbucks for coffee. I was going to my favorite cafe, but I was in a hurry."

"I'm glad too. It was the luckiest day of my life."

"That's what I was going to say."

"I know you have to go. Will you call me when you get a minute?"

"Yeah, I'll call you."

"Bye, please be safe."

"You too."

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"May I join you?"

Reid looked up at Rossi, who held a couple cups of coffee in his hands.

"If one of those is for me."

Rossi put one of the steaming cups in front of Reid and sat down across from him.

"What are you thinking?"

"I was just thinking about little Kathy Simmons. Every time we get on the plane for a case, I always think about all the outcomes, and statistics. I try not to think that way, but I can't help it. I try to tell myself to think about the good side, but…"

He shrugged his shoulders and sipped at the heavenly smelling, sugary cup of coffee.

"Perfect," he said and Rossi grinned.

"If you think you're the only one that thinks that way, you're wrong. I think about the same things. It's always more difficult to think positive. I don't know what it is in our psyche that makes us focus on the negative, but we do. You're just like everyone else."

Reid only stared at him over the rim his coffee cup.

"I'll be that's something you don't hear every day."

"No."

"Why don't you focus on the fact that we saved that little girl and one more pedophile's in custody?"

"Yeah, I just wish I had that attitude going in."

"I can think of one way to get your mind off the case. Tell me about Hope. How is she?"

"She's great," Reid, answered enthusiastically.

"Good, think about her and you might find some peace."

"Want to play a game of poker, Rossi?"

"Hey," Morgan interrupted from the aisle. "Stop trying to find new victims, Reid."

"I'm not looking for new victims."

"Right, because you don't cheat."

"I don't," Reid squeaked.

"I think I'll try to get some sleep."

Morgan smirked at Rossi. "Smart man."

"Very funny, Morgan, go away."

"Ooo, Dr Reid, you're getting brave in your old age."

Reid finished the last of his coffee. He picked up his deck of cards and began to make them fly through his hands. He dealt out two hands so fast it was a blur.

"Go away," He repeated.

Morgan picked up one of the cards and grinned. "The Queen of Hearts. Is your subconscious trying to tell us something?"

Reid snatched the card out of Morgan's hand. "Please go away."

"That's all I wanted, Reid, a little politeness."

Reid narrowed his eyes at Morgan. "Are you going to leave me alone?"

"Sure thing, kid. Get some sleep. You look beat."

"Nice one," Rossi said.

Reid continued to shuffle his cards. He flipped over four random cards and they were all aces.

Rossi laughed and Reid grinned. "Are you sure you don't want to play?"

"Yeah, I think I'll pass."

Reid put the cards away and leaned his head back on the seat. He closed his eyes and Hope was there, smiling at him.

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Reid turned on the light in his kitchen. The yellow glow showed his coffee maker directly to his right. A plastic container of peanut butter sat between the toaster and a role of paper towels.

He was reaching for the coffee cup in the stainless steel sink when doorbell sounded. He looked at his watch and frowned. It was nearly ten pm.

"Hope?"

Her eyes were red and puffy, and she was trembling when he opened the door.

"Hi, I'm sorry to just barge in, but I needed to talk to you."

"What's wrong?"

He led her to his couch. She threw her arms around his middle when he sat next to her.

"One of the kids died today."

"Oh, I'm so sorry."

"I know I said it doesn't get to me, but I lied. You remember the little girl I told you about."

"The one you nicknamed, Goldilocks."

"Yeah, she had such beautiful blond hair before it started falling out because of the chemo. I thought she was doing better, but when I got in this morning, they said she passed away last night. I've been there when other children died, but Goldilocks was different. She was so brave and sweet. She said she wanted to be a pediatric oncologist when she grew up. She loved gymnastics and all the other kids loved her. They were so upset. It just isn't fair."

He stroked her head with his right hand. His left hand covered both her hands around his middle. "I'm so sorry, babe. I know how much she meant to you."

She pulled away from him and sat up. "Oh God, I can't believe how upset this made me. We see death on the ward all the time. I cry but I never let it get to me like this."

"I think you're the kindest, most empathetic woman I've ever met. It's what makes you a great nurse."

"I'm supposed to be able to divorce myself from my feelings in my job. If I can't then how can I cope."

He reached for her hand and began to massage the back of it with his fingers. "You've been doing this job for six years. You wouldn't have lasted if you didn't have some method of coping."

She reached for a box of Kleenex on the coffee table. "Yeah, I love my job, that's why I can't think of why this is hitting me so hard."

"I think you let her into your heart more than the other kids."

"But -"

He held up one hand. "Don't misunderstand, Hope. I'm not saying you play favorites, but there was something about that little girl that pulled you in. What is it?"

"I don't know. I wish I did."

He squeezed her hand as she snuggled back up to him. "Why don't we go to a movie this weekend?"

She laughed. "I think that's a great idea. Thanks for trying to cheer me up, Spencer."

"I just want you to be happy."

She moved again and stretched her arms up over her head. "I'm just so tired. I don't want to think about anything until tomorrow."

"Why don't you stay here, instead of driving home?"

"Spencer Reid," she grinned. "Just what are you proposing?"

"I just meant you can sleep in my room and I'll sleep on the couch."

"Too bad, you're awfully cute."

"Hope, I think -"

"I know," she patted his arm. "I'm just teasing. Thank you for your offer. I really don't feel like driving home."

"Good, I don't want you to drive home. I know it's only fifteen minutes away but you're obviously exhausted."

"Thanks."

She kissed his cheek. He pulled her back when she attempted to stand and kissed her lips.

"Hm… Now that was worth waiting for. Oh, I'm such a selfish you know what. I didn't even ask you about your case. Was it all right? Did you find that missing kid?"

"Why don't we get some sleep," he suggested. "We'll talk in the morning."