Hello again! Here's another chapter which I'm posting a lot earlier then I thought. Thankfully I haven't been plagued by the dreaded writers block yet.
I just have to say a massive thank you to Jessica who has made me happy with the great reviews! They mean the world to me and is one of the reasons why I'm posting this chapter a lot earlier. It is also the reason why I'm dedicating this chapter to Jessica as a way to say Thank you. Even though it's another sad chapter I needed a way to say Thank you. :D
Enjoy! Oh, and sadly I don't own the Klaine boys or Glee. :(
Chapter 7
Rachel woke up to the sound of screaming. She didn't even register that it was still very early in the morning; she was just really worried about her friend. She had been sleeping on the couch, letting herself drift off into a light sleep just in case Kurt needed her in the night, which looked as though she had been right. As she hurried down the hall and to Kurt's bedroom the screaming never stopped but load sobs could also be heard now through the door.
When she flung open the bedroom door, she found Kurt sitting up in bed, his whole body shaking as he sobbed and screamed in the darkness of the room. She quickly hurried over to him and pulled him into her arms, sitting him on her lap as she rocked him backwards and forwards, leaning her chin on the top of his head. He sobbed loudly, whilst clinging on tightly to Rachel's t-shirt.
"I can't do this Rachel…. I just can't," he managed to say whilst still sobbing.
"Kurt listen to me," she answered putting her hands either side of his face, resting on his tear stained cheeks. "I'm going to help you through this." Kurt answered her by shaking his head, closing his eyes and letting the tears stream down his face.
"It hurts," he whispered, looking into Rachel's eyes which he noticed were starting to tear up. "And now, he's in my dreams," he choked out.
"Well he will be Kurt, you loved him and still do, the memory is still raw in your mind." She got confused when she saw Kurt shaking his head.
"Blaine is in my dreams, but I'm not talking about him. I'm talking about the man who murdered him. I keep reliving that monster killing Blaine over and over in my dreams." He said looking away from Rachel's eyes. "Even when I'm asleep I can't get away from it."
Rachel just looked at her friend with worried eyes. She really didn't know what she could to do relieve just some of the hurt Kurt was feeling. She knew that it was going to take time, but seeing her friend this low really scared her.
"I just want to feel Blaine's arms around me and tell me everything is ok." He started sobbing again, as he curled up in a ball, wrapping his arms around himself.
Rachel didn't know what to say as she couldn't think of anything that would comfort her friend, so instead she lifted the bed covers up and draped them over Kurt and herself. She lay down and put an arm around her friend, rubbing Kurt's back with her other hand. Kurt gripped onto her hand, desperate to feel some comfort from all the pain. Even though he knew it was Rachel's arms around him he couldn't help but pretend that they were Blaine's. Rachel's warm body pressed up against his back made him feel safe, but how he wished that it was his fiancés heartbeat that was beating against his shoulder blade instead of his best friends. He realised at that moment that nothing was ever going to be enough, nothing was going to replace Blaine. With that thought in his mind and Rachel's hand rubbing circles on his back he drifted off to sleep once again.
When Kurt opened his eyes the next morning he was alone. His eyes stung from all the tears he cried the day before and the heavy feeling in his stomach still remained. His body ached from the longing of having Blaine's arms around him. He decided that he really needed a shower as he realised he still was wearing the blood soaked clothes from the night before. With this thought in mind he all of a sudden felt bile rising in his throat and had to make a quick run to the bathroom. He only just made it in time before he was throwing up the remainders of his stomach into the toilet; his knuckles were white as he gripped onto the sides of the toilet trying to manage the pain in his stomach that was being caused from all the heaving. When he was finally finished he sat on the floor, leaning up against the wall with his head in his hands, trying to manage the sobs that had started to take over his body once again.
He concentrated on his breathing as he slowly stood up, looking at himself in the mirror. He didn't recognise himself. His bloodshot eyes were surrounded by puffy red skin, which was a result of all the crying. Tear tracks stained his un-moisturised cheeks, which stopped on his jaw bone. If Kurt was in his right mind he would have been freaking out at his messy hair that stuck out all over the place. He let a small smile grace his lips as he remembered Blaine loved his morning hair. They had had many an argument over his appearance in the morning, with Blaine's opinion being it was adorable.
Once he had the water from the shower as hot as he could bear he took off all his clothes, folding them up and throwing them in the bin. Yes, they were designer and the blood stain would most probably wash out but they would only be a constant reminder of that night, Blaine's blood would always be visible in Kurt's eyes. After all, those were the clothes he was wearing when he held Blaine's dead body in his arms and had to say goodbye to the one he loved. Kurt stepped in the shower and let the hot water fall down on him, wanting all the hurt and the grief to just wash away with the water. He closed his eyes and revelled in the hot water that numbed the aches from all the grief.
He reached out and grabbed the bottle of shower gel, only realising when he brought it closer it was Blaine's. Kurt liked more feminine smells and so his shower gel was silk and orchard making Blaine comment on how baby soft his skin felt, which was also helped by Kurt's vigorous skin routine that he carried out every day; today being an exception. In that moment he forgot about his necessity to have soft glowing skin and instead decided to use Blaine's shower gel, revelling in the fact that he would smell of Blaine, which would be a huge comfort to him. He never wanted to forget his smell, because Kurt felt that once he forgot the smell of Blaine, maybe he would forget him all together and he never wanted that to happen.
The hot steam intensified the smell of the shower gel as Kurt lathered it up on his skin. Once he felt much cleaner he stepped out of the shower, feeling the cool air hit his wet skin, which made him dry himself quickly and put on the white silk dressing gown that hung behind the bathroom door along with… Blaine's. The dark blue dressing gown hung beside Kurt's. He lightly touched the blue material, trying to forget that he would never see his fiancé wear this again. He let his fingers ghost down to the pocket where a red 'B' was stitched; matching Kurt's which had a navy blue 'K'. Kurt had gotten them embroidered when he knew that he and Blaine were moving to New York. He had used the colour scheme blue and red to remind Blaine of Dalton. The familiar ache that he had become accustomed to overnight suddenly made its self-present as he remembered how perfect their life had been. It only seemed like yesterday that Blaine had walked into the common room and shared their first kiss. From that moment they thought they were inseparable…. How they were wrong.
He walked over to the cupboard above the sink, to get some painkillers for the headache he had, which was most probably a result from all the crying.
"Oh," he spoke as he opened the cupboard door and saw Blaine's hair gel bottle sitting on the middle shelf, half empty. "I can't do this anymore," he whispered as he quickly shut the door, just wanting it to be shut away so he didn't have to look at it. As he looked around the bathroom he realised it wasn't just the gel that reminded him of Blaine, it was also his razor that sat on the window ledge, his toothbrush in the cup with Kurt's and his Marc Jacobs cologne that sat on the shelf. He had no intention of ever getting rid of any of his stuff as he never wanted to accept that Blaine was gone. All this was too much though. He put his hands in his dressing gown pockets and walked into the bedroom, just wanting to put on some unflattering, baggy clothes and just curl up and cry himself to sleep.
As he was putting on a pair of Blaine's sweat pants (as he didn't own a pair and because they were Blaine's) he all of a sudden became aware of people talking. The sound was coming from the living room. He could distinctly make out Rachel's voice, however there were two more voices that he could hear but didn't recognise. He quickly put on one of his oversized cardigans, wrapping it around his slight frame and made his way to the living room. He stopped just outside the closed door, trying to listen in to what was being said.
"I'm really worried about him; he really isn't handling it very well." It was obvious that Rachel was talking about him but to whom?
"Well we won't be here long; we just need to ask him a few questions. We understand that he is no fit state to talk but it's important that we get some information to help with the case. After all it is a murder investigation, which means we have to go through all the procedures."
The police. It was obviously the police wanting him to go over what happened the night before. He wasn't ready, it had only happened that night, why couldn't they just leave him to grieve in peace for his fiancé?
There was no way of escaping them so in that moment he decided he just wanted it over and done with so he could be left alone. As he walked through the door, his arms still hugged around himself, he saw the police look up from Rachel and look across to him. Each of the three faces looking at him showed sympathy and concern which Kurt knew he was going to have to get used to. The two police officers were sitting on the couch, both clasping a notebook in their hand which already had notes scribbled all over them which he assumed was Rachel's' account of what happened. Rachel was siting opposite them on the love seat.
Rachel gave him a sympathetic smile as she patted the seat beside her, gesturing for him to sit by her.
"Hello Mr Hummel, we are sorry for your loss and we know that answering our questions is the last thing you want to do right now, but you must understand that this case is our top priority and so it's important we get information as soon as possible." One of the police officers said as Kurt sat down beside Rachel. Rachel placed her hand on his back and rubbed gently, trying to comfort him.
"I understand," Kurt whispered.
The police officer gave him a small smile and looked to his colleague.
"Mr Hummel, I'm Detective Banks and this is Detective Myers," he said, gesturing to the detective beside him that had just spoken. "We are just going to ask you a few questions that will help with finding the man that murdered your fiancé. Just take your time." Kurt nodded reluctantly, wrapping his cardigan tighter around his body feeling some comfort from it.
"Mr Hummel could you please tell us, in as much detail as you remember, what happened last night?"
"Erm…. Well," Kurt stuttered, already feeling sick from just thinking about having to talk about the night before.
"In your own time," Detective Meyers spoke, already putting his pen to his notepad ready to take notes.
"Well…. Me and…." He closed his eyes knowing that speaking his name was going to hurt. "Me and Blaine were leaving the theatre after watching Rent. Blaine…" He whispered his name, not wanting to say it too loudly. "He had parked the car a couple of blocks away from the theatre as parking isn't great. We were walking to the car when we could sense somebody walking behind us."
"How did you react?" Detective Banks interrupted, looking up from his notes.
"We both started to quicken our pace as we could tell that something wasn't right." Kurt saw the detective give a small nod. "It was when we turned around the corner away from the theatre that Blaine…." He had to say it again, every time being more painful than the last, "turned around to confront him. The man said he wanted his wallet." Kurt closed his eyes feeling the warm tears return in his eyes. Rachel's wrapped an arm around him, rubbing the side of his arm, knowing that the worst part was about to come.
"Did you manage to get a good look at the man?" Detective Meyers asked.
"I can't really remember him," Kurt's voice sounded broken. This was the most important question and he wasn't able to answer it. He had been too focused on Blaine that he hadn't really seen him.
"It's ok Mr Hummel," Detective Banks said giving Kurt a sympathetic look.
"All I remember is he had a shaven head and was wearing a long parker coat," Kurt said sounding defeated. He felt as though he had failed Blaine. After all it was his statement that was going to help find the bastard that had killed his fiancé. "I was too focused on the gun…" He stuttered remembering the fear that had shot through him when he had noticed the gun the man had in his hand.
"You're doing really well Mr Hummel, sometimes shock can stop you thinking straight so you may not be able to remember much at the moment," Detective Banks said. Kurt nodded his head and looked down to the floor, letting the tears fall from his eyes. "If this is too much we can leave and come back later," he said noticing Kurt's discomfort.
"No, I'm ok." Kurt replied wiping his tears away with the back of his hand. "I just need a moment."
"I'm here for you Kurt, just take it slowly," Rachel said, looking at her friend with a worried expression.
"I just want this to be over," Kurt sobbed, finally letting his emotions out. The scene was once again playing in his mind causing him to collapse with grief with the thought of what he had lost.
"Ssshhh, it's ok, it's ok," Rachel soothed, pulling Kurt's head to her chest and stroking his hair.
"We'll come back tomorrow Miss Berry," Detective Banks said putting his notebook in his pocket and getting up from the couch. Rachel just gave them a small smile, too concerned about Kurt. He really was a mess. She allowed Kurt's tears soak her top as she cradled him, pressing her lips to his head and allowing her own tears to fall into his hair. The quiet sobbing was all of a sudden drowned out by the shrill ring of the telephone. Kurt slowly got up allowing Rachel to go and answer the phone. As soon as Rachel got off the couch he cradled himself, curling up into a foetal position, just letting the last few tears fall slowly down his cheeks. It was then that it suddenly dawned on him that he hadn't told anyone. Even though it only happened last night he should of got Rachel to call his dad to let him know, after all Blaine was going to become his dad's son in law and was also considered part of the family already. He slowly sat up and leaned back against the couch, closing his eyes and trying to find the strength to tell his dad. He heard Rachel's footsteps come nearer and nearer to where he was sitting. When he opened his eyes she was standing above him.
"It's your dad, I haven't told him but he's wondering why you didn't answer the phone," she said, holding a hand over the speaker so his dad wouldn't hear her. "Do you want me to tell him?" Kurt sat there and tried to find the strength that he needed to tell his dad the three words which he hadn't yet had to speak.
"No I'll tell him. I think I'm ready." He sat up needing the strength to be able to say the words he had been dreading saying.
Rachel reluctantly handed Kurt the phone and walked out of the room, wanting to give her friend some privacy.
"Hello," Kurt whispered into the phone, unable to make his voice go any louder. He didn't even recognise his own voice anymore. It sounded so flat and the defeat was so prominent in his voice that it scared him. Would he ever be able to recognise his voice again?
"Kurt? Is that you?" Burt was hoping that it wasn't his son on the other end of the line because the voice that had replied to him sounded so broken that it scared him to think it belonged to his son.
"Yeh dad." Kurt held onto the phone tighter, trying to hold back the sob that was wanting to come out. However he wanted to hold it together until after he told his dad about Blaine.
"Is everything ok Kurt, come on son you're really worrying me now. Where's Blaine? Is he ok? Are you ok?" Burt knew he was asking a load of questions but he needed to know the answer, Kurt wasn't saying much which made him get impatient.
"Dad, I can't do this. I need you." Kurt couldn't hold it in anymore and let himself sob. Ever since he had come home he had just wanted his dad to hold him and tell him everything was going to be alright like when his mother had died. He just wanted an older adult then himself to reassure him that he was going to get through this, because at the moment he just felt like a lost little boy.
"Kurt, son, I can't help you unless you tell me what the matter is. I'm really scared Kurt. You're starting to worry me."
"It's Blaine." That familiar heavy feeling in the pit of his stomach returned as he said his fiancés name.
"What about him Kurt? Is he hurt?" Burt was starting to get impatient now.
"Blaine…. He's….. He's dead dad. Blaine's dead." Kurt sobbed even harder, wracking his whole frame. He slowly lay down on the couch, still managing to hold the phone to his ear. He brought his knees up to his chest and waited for his dad's voice to answer him. However there was just silence. His dad hadn't said anything since he had told him about Blaine.
"Daddy are you there?" Kurt softly spoke once he had allowed his sobs to die down.
Hearing Kurt say daddy shocked Burt, he hadn't said that since that night he had come home one night from school in tears because the jocks at McKinley were giving him hell. He had cradled his son until he thought he was asleep, lifted him up and laid him down on his bed. He had kissed his son on the forehead and whispered 'I love you Kurt'. As he was walking away he heard his son whisper softly 'I love you too daddy.' It was then that Burt had realised how broken Kurt was, just like now.
"Kurt I'm so sorry," Burt was really lost for words, it still hadn't sunk in. "What happened to him? He seemed so healthy."
"He… he was murdered," Kurt spoke. It had taken all his strength to say those words.
"What? What bastard would do that? They had better find him." Burt was both shocked and angry but most of all he just hurt knowing how distraught his son must be.
"I just wish you were here," Kurt answered closing his eyes and griping on to his cardigan with his free hand.
"I know son. I'm going to ring Carol now and we're going to catch the next flight to New York. We'll be there soon." Kurt felt some comfort just knowing that soon his father would be with him. With him there it would make all the pain go away slightly.
"I'll see you soon dad," Kurt whispered.
"See you soon son." And with that Burt hung up the phone. The dialling tone rung out through Kurt's phone making him throw the phone to the floor. He just wanted his dad.
Carol was on her lunch break when she heard the familiar ring tone go off. Bruno Mars 'Just the way you are' rung out signalling to her that someone was ringing her. She smiled at the words of the song, remembering when her Finn had sung it to Kurt, the reason being why she had it as her ringtone. She was confused however when she saw her husband's name lighting up. Burt never rang her whilst she was at work. She was a nurse so getting hold of her was hard as she was on constant shifts, which was the reason why Burt waited until she came home. You are very lucky I'm on my break she thought as she pressed the answer button.
"You're very lucky I'm on my break," she chuckled as soon as she answered.
"Carol, something's happened that I can't say over the phone. It just wouldn't be right. Just please come home." Burt replied, instantly wiping the smile from Carols face.
"Burt what is it? It's not one of the boys is it?" She said her voice shaking from the fear that one of her boys was seriously hurt. Since Blaine had been going out with Kurt, he also was one of her boys, which she remembered had earned her a hug from Blaine when she had told him.
"Carol I can't say anything, but please just come home as soon as you can." It scared her how different her husband's voice sounded. Its usual confident and gruff tone was unrecognisable. He now sounded broken and scared which she had never heard from her husband before.
"I'm coming now, just please tell me who this involves," she pleaded. She didn't know whether she could drive home without knowing who could possibly be seriously hurt.
"It's Blaine." That all she needed to hear. She instantly hung up and grabbed her coat already searching through her pockets for her car keys. She saw Anne on the reception desk and quickly explained what was happening which she was reassured would be all taken care of and to go home.
She sprinted across the car park to her car and instantly started it not even stopping to put her seatbelt on. When she was finally on the road, she fastened her seatbelt and put her foot hard on the pedal. She needed to know what was wrong with her boy and no car was going to stop her from getting to her house as fast as possible.
When she finally pulled up outside her house she rushed inside not even bothering shutting the door or taking her coat off. When she walked in the living room she was met by her husband who instantly hugged her to his chest. When he pulled away she noticed he was crying, which told her that whatever he was about to tell her was bad news.
"Carol, I think you should sit down, before I tell you this." He guided her to the couch and sat down beside her, holding her arms, ready to hold her when he told her the news.
"Burt just tell me," she pleaded. Why was he taking so long?
"Blaine's been murdered," he whispered.
She put her hand to her mouth and began shaking her head, not wanting this to be true.
"No, no, no…" she whispered gently shaking her head from side to side. "It can't be true. They were so happy; they've just bought an apartment together for Christ's sake." She shouted, whilst sobbing into her hand. Burt knew that Carol was about to have a break down and so instantly pulled her into his strong arms shushing her and rocking her gently.
"It's can't be true Burt. Blaine can't be dead." She whispered into Burt's chest, grabbing onto his t-shirt.
"Kurt rang me and told me. He was a mess Carol. I've never heard him sound so broken." Tears started to roll down his cheeks just from remembering his son's unrecognisable voice.
Hearing the emotion in his voice Carol sat up and saw her husband tear stained cheeks. Burt took her hand and gripped onto it just wanting to feel some sort of comfort. He wanted to be comforted.
"I promised him that we would get the next flight to New York."
Carol nodded her head. "Of course. I'll ring the airport now and see when the next flight is."
He watched her wipe her eyes and walk out of the room to go and get the phone. He just wished that he didn't live so far away. He could hear his wife's voice coming from the hall. He was so grateful in that moment that he had Carol as he wouldn't have even known where to start with ringing the airport and arranging a flight.
Half an hour later a sleeping Kurt was woken up by his phone ringing. 'Teenage dream' echoed off the walls of his apartment making him answer the phone quicker than normal, not wanting to hear the too familiar ring tone.
"Hello?" Kurt said groggily. He hadn't bothered to look at the caller ID so he had no clue who was on the other end of the line.
"Hey bud, Carol has booked a flight for 6 'o' clock tonight so we'll be there by the morning. How are you holding up?" Burt asked already knowing the answer.
"Not good but that's to be expected," Kurt replied, no emotion present in his voice.
"I'll see you soon Kurt. Are you on your own?" Burt suddenly realised that his son could be all alone which was a very bad thing thinking of the condition that Kurt was in. He shouldn't be on his own right now.
"Rachel has just gone home to get some clothes and freshen up but she'll be back soon."
"We'll be there soon Kurt." Burt answered wishing he was already there. All he wanted was to wrap his son in his arms and try to take some of the weight that was situated on his son's shoulders.
"I know," Kurt whispered. He listened to the quiet buzz indicating that his dad had hung up and closed his eyes and rifted into a restless slumber.
He was woken by a hand gently stroking his hair back and when he finally opened his eyes, he saw the familiar eyes of his step mother staring back at him. As soon as Carol saw that he was awake she pulled him into her arms and held him against her, letting him cry. He fisted her shirt in his hand and let the tears fall down his cheeks and onto his step mother's shoulder. She gently rocked him, stroking his hair as she whispered reassuringly into his ear. When his sobs finally quietened she held him at arm's length and looked into his eyes making sure that he was listening to her.
"Kurt, me and your dad are here and were going to be staying for as long as you need us." She said looking at him directly in the eyes. It killed her to see her step son so broken. He looked like a little boy in his oversized cardigan and scared blood shot eyes from too much crying.
"Where's dad?" Kurt asked.
"I'm here son," Burt answered, kneeling down beside Kurt on the couch.
"Dad, please just hold me," Kurt whispered.
Burt instantly wrapped his arms around him and pushed his head further into his chest with his strong hand, muffling the cries of his grieving son.
Carol saw it as her cue to leave and so went to busy herself in the kitchen to give father and son some time alone.
"I don't know how I'm going to get through this dad", Kurt whispered into his dads jumper, letting fresh tears fall down his cheeks.
"Kurt, listen to me," Burt said pulling Kurt away and holding him by the shoulders. "When your mom died I said the exact same thing. It took me a while to finally except the fact that she was gone. But let me tell you; you will get through this. It won't be tomorrow or even in a month. Hell in a years' time you'll see something that will remind you of Blaine and you'll break. I did. But Kurt, Blaine wouldn't want you to grieve him for the rest of your life." He didn't even know if Kurt knew what he was saying but the way Kurt looked down and closed his eyes he knew that some of it had reached his ears.
"It hurts. I don't think I'm going to ever get over it. He was the love of my life and now… he's gone and never coming back. We were going to get married and have a baby together." He finally broke and brought his knees up and rested his head on them, sobs wracking his body.
"Oh Kurt," Burt said softly hearing this bit of information. He had forgotten Blaine and Kurt's plan of starting a family, but being reminded of it killed him a little more inside. His son was finally happy but now it had been taken away from his as soon as he had come. He put a hand on Kurt's shoulder just wanting his son to know that he was there. Kurt placed a hand on top of his dad's and held it tight, resting his cheek on his arm.
"I haven't only just lost Blaine but I've also lost my only chance of ever having a family." Kurt whispered more to himself then to his father.
"Don't say that Kurt. I know it's hard to believe now; you're most probably thinking that you won't ever love another man but you'll meet someone else and in the future start a family. It's just going to take time."
"How can you say that?" Kurt shouted instantly wishing he hadn't as he felt his throat scream in pain. He quickly got off the couch and ran to his bedroom where he shut the door to and collapsed in a heap on his bed, instantly curling into a ball.
How could his dad mention another man when his high school sweetheart had been torn away from him and was never coming back. When Blaine had died, a part of him had died as well, along with his dreams and reason for living. It made him feel sick even thinking of spending his life with another man other than Blaine as his heart always would belong to the curly haired man that Kurt called his hero.
Hope you enjoyed. Reviews make me smile! :D xx