#7: John

21 February

The Worst Kiss

The worst ever? Only one?

You know, that really makes me sound like a dick. He's not a bad kisser, per se. More like he seems to have an...I was going to put it lightly, but he has an awful kissing filter for when and where it makes sense to kiss and when and where it doesn't.

Like how he made us a candle lit dinner but missed my mouth directly over the flames. Needless to say, he singed quite a bit of our hair.

Or when we were on a case that he exclaimed was an 8.5. He must've thought snogging me overexcitedly with bloody latex gloves was sexy.

How about when we were doing that cliché movie kiss with spaghetti strung between our mouths. Somehow he managed to push his saliva covered noodles past my lips.

One time we both had been on the same case for three days straight, so he took us on a date to compensate, I suppose. But then I fell asleep and was woken up by Sherlock practically pulling the breath out of my mouth with his tongue. I couldn't breathe properly for a full five minutes. Luckily he paid the check.

He occasionally makes me tea in the morning, which in itself is surprising. One such morning, he brought it out to me and waited until I started drinking it to try and kiss me. I spilt all of the tea on Sherlock's coat and my jeans. He somehow made it out to be my fault his coat had hot Earl Grey all over it.

Another time we had been chasing a criminal downtown, and seeing as I'm not as young as I used to be, I was very out of breath once the police had finally intercepted him. The git thought it good to snog me when I could barely inhale, not to mention his mouth was covered by his scarf, so I received a full mouth of fabric.

Yet another time, I had bruised lips and other grazes littering my body. As much as it pains me to say it, no pun intended, I had a run for my money fighting against one of our suspects. I suppose Sherlock thought kissing me would be a good form of comfort. Yeah, it hurt like hell instead.

There was another time where he was sick and sneezed into my mouth...

Another time where he almost pushed me into the Thames...

Yet another time when he was experimenting with facial hair(luckily he's clean shaven again)...

But okay, occasionally and usually quite by accident, we'll get it right.

42 comments

Publically insulting my kissing skills? I apologize for my lack of knowledge in this area, 'Three Continents Watson'.

Sherlock Holmes 21 February 11:48

Don't be a git. I even wrote a disclaimer saying you aren't a bad kisser. I thoroughly enjoy your kisses, when they're well timed.

John Watson 21 February 11:49

Apparently they're always ill timed.

Sherlock Holmes 21 February 11:49

You just need practice is all. You seem a bit tetchy. Why don't you text Lestrade for a case?

John Watson 21 February 11:50

If I must.

Sherlock Holmes 21 February 11:53

why does anyone request these things? this blog is for documenting cases, is it not? why do i always come here to find some romantic rubbish?

theimprobableone 21 February 11:55

JOHN! God, you're such a romantic x

Harry Watson 21 February 12:01

oh again with the capitals.

theimprobableone 21 February 12:03

Lighten up, mate. Seems like you need some capitals in your life.

Mike Stamford 21 February 12:07

Oh, you two boys are so precious!

Mrs Hudson 21 February 12:16

OMG! You guys are such a couple!

Jacob Sowersby 21 February 12:26

By the way, are you boys messaging each other while sitting in the same room?

Mrs Hudson 21 February 12:32

Yes. Sherlock's acting cross because I implied he's a bad kisser.

John Watson 21 February 12:47

So you admit you implied it?

Sherlock Holmes 21 February 12:49

Why would I be asking you to kiss me right now if I think you're bad at kissing?

John Watson 21 February 12:51

To pity me.

Sherlock Holmes 21 February 12:52

You two are such lovebirds!

Harry Watson 21 February 12:58

God why don't you two just elope already?

Anonymous 21 February 13:07

Oh you DARLINGS! The stories are adorable and the mental images are adorable and I wish I was there to see such absolute indicators of true love! Ah you two are such soul mates! Ted and I wish you both the best with a big group hug! Xxxxxxxx

Stella and Ted 21 February 13:15

Mrs Turner would like to know if you boys want some biscuits.

Mrs Hudson 21 February 13:21

Awh, this post is so lovely!

Donna Staveley 21 February 13:23

Tell her we would love some biscuits.

John Watson 21 February 13:30

Sherlock would prefer chocolate with raspberry jam, thanks.

John Watson 21 February 13:30

I'm not cross with you. Not really.

Sherlock Holmes 21 February 13:44

Oh? Seems quite like it, yet I'm not sure why. All I was doing was blogging like usual.

John Watson 21 February 13:45

What I mean to say is I'm sorry.

Sherlock Holmes 21 February 13:48

sherlock is saying sorry? dr watson must be special.

theimprobableone 21 February 13:51

Apology accepted, but you have to answer the door. It's Mrs. Hudson with the biscuits.

John Watson 21 February 13:52

Tedious.

Sherlock Holmes 21 February 13:53

And yet you got them anyway.

John Watson 21 February 13:56

Shut up.

Sherlock Holmes 21 February 13:58

Wow you guys. How were you not together until 2 weeks ago?

Harry Watson 21 February 14:03

Harry, do you always have to inject your two cents?

John Watson 21 February 14:07

Ya, you should know that by now xxx

Harry Watson 21 February 14:11

We're only happy for you, mate.

Mike Stamford 21 February 14:15

I can't stand this silly chat room any longer. Mrs. Hudson, don't be alarmed if you hear a gunshot.

Sherlock Holmes 21 February 14:17

Sherlock, dear, what are you doing? It's awfully quiet. I swear you're going to give me a heart attack.

Mrs Hudson 21 February 14:18

Nevermind. John says I was being rude.

Sherlock Holmes 21 February 14:25

Stop sulking.

John Watson 21 February 14:26

Please.

John Watson 21 February 14:31

Will a kiss change your mind?

John Watson 21 February 14:35

It changed his mind.

John Watson 21 February 14:38

UPDATE: We kissed today. We got it right.

Also, you guys have started asking for a post about our best kisses.

I'll save that for another day.

A/N: This seems to be the end of this story. God, I thought we'd never get here. This chapter was really fun to write, as I tried to mimic the style and characterization of John's online blog. If you've never visited the site, I would recommend doing so. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading the story as much as I enjoyed writing it. I'd really appreciate anyone letting me know their thoughts, but otherwise I'll see you in another story.