Thanks so much to all who took the time to review Chapter 6. That chapter was extremely hard to write and I was expecting some strong reactions so thank you so much for sharing them with me.
satincanopy, ashikinz & lili85 – Thank you so much!
DontMindBnCrazy – You are so forgiven! I was hoping that chapter 6 would get people thinking, that people would see both sides of the story. Thank you so much for your awesome review!
LoveAsh87 – Thanks so much! I felt that Ashley would be unable to forgive herself or move until Spencer forgave her.
hugbuddy13 – I was trying to tell the story of two women at their absolute breaking point, only place to go from rock bottom is up!
WillowOn3 – Thanks for your wonderful review! I'm glad this chapter explained Spencer's behaviour a bit more. Spashley comeback…hmm well I do like happy endings lol
TutorGurl – I read your review so many times and I just wanted to say thank you for taking the time for such a detailed response. It amazes me that something I wrote can inspire someone to put such thought into a response. I agree with much of what you said, particularly regarding Spencer's reaction to losing the baby. It is a complicated, emotional and intense situation. I look forward to reading your thoughts on the rest of the story.
MrsMusgraveTNG – Hey my Rock Star, thanks for the awesome review! So glad you liked chapter 6!!
Here is Chapter 7!
What Went Wrong
Chapter Seven – For Each Other
It had been a few days since the night of the deep and meaningful conversation between Spencer and Ashley. Spencer had thrown herself into the post production work on the documentary. It was important to her that the doco came out perfectly. She wanted to tell Ashley's story the right way to do justice to her former lover and best friend. The process of editing and all that jazz was almost cathartic for her. It helped her to see Ashley as more than just the woman who had broken her heart. It helped her to see her as the warm, passionate woman she had fallen hopelessly in love with.
Since their long conversation about the past Spencer found herself seeing things from Ashley's perspective a bit more. It dawned on her just how hard the whole thing had been on Ashley, not only did she lose a baby but she lost her girlfriend in a way too. Spencer had been so focused on her own pain that she totally lost sight of Ashley's. Spencer felt so confused. She knew what she needed was to talk to Ashley. One thing Spencer had learnt from what had happened with Ashley was that she needed to let people in and not try and cope with everything alone, it was a work in progress.
She had spoken to Ashley twice on the phone since that night. They had kept the conversations light, Ashley was waiting until Spencer was ready to open up and would not push her in any way. It was important to her that she shows Spencer she was committed to her.
Spencer shut her laptop and pulled out her phone. She sent off a quick text message to Ashley, asking if she'd meet her that night for dinner so they could talk. Ashley replied almost instantly and they set a time and place to meet. Spencer had so much going on in her head and the only person who could understand and help her make sense of it all was Ashley.
She had an hour until she had to meet Ashley so Spencer headed home to change. She would never admit it to anyone but she was actually feeling a bit excited about seeing her ex. She dressed carefully, wanting to not look like she had put in the effort but in reality she changed her outfit like eight times. She ultimately settled on a pair of tight dark blue jeans, a jade green halter neck top and a pair of tan, peep-toed flats. She scooped up her tan leather jacket and her bag before heading out to meet Ashley.
Ashley had gotten to the café where they were meeting about ten minutes early. She had been so thrilled that Spencer wanted to catch up that she had left work almost immediately and then spent hours driving herself crazy trying to decide what to wear and what she would say to her former girlfriend and what Spencer might want to say to her.
Ashley was sitting there having a conversation with Spencer in her head when the afore mentioned blonde walked in. My God she is so beautiful! Ashley though to herself. She smiled softly as the blonde slide into a seat across from her. Spencer flashed her a smile of genuine happiness, which made Ashley's heart race and her hopes rise.
"Hey Ash, thank you for coming," Spencer said.
"It's no problem, I was happy to get your text," Ashley murmured.
Spencer smiled shyly and looked down at her hands, "Ash I asked you here because I wanted, no I needed to talk to you. Um now that you're here I have no idea where to start."
Ashley smiled with understanding, "Yeah I get that. Before you walked in I was having a conversation with you in my head, kind of like practice I guess and now I'm not sure what to say either."
Spencer smiled, "You practice your conversations with me?"
Ashley chuckled, "Yeah now that you're actually talking to me I have this burning desire to not fuck it up again."
Spencer gave a small, almost sad laugh, "Ash that's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about. I spent so damn long being mad at you, being hurt and angry, that I never really saw what happened from your point of view. I mean it still hurts that you cheated on me, but I've started to see my part in the breakup. I pushed you away and I refused to let you in. I couldn't deal with my grief so I shut down and pulled away from you. I remember how I felt when your Dad died and you wouldn't let me in, and that only lasted a short time. I shut you out for ages." Spencer paused and took a deep breath to settle herself, "I'm sorry I pushed you away and stopped letting you in." Spencer wiped a tear from her cheek and swallowed hard.
Ashley felt her own eyes tear up, "Spence, you don't need to apologise to me. How you reacted was completely understandable. I just felt so useless when I couldn't help you. There hasn't been a day that's gone by where I haven't wanted to go back in time and stop myself from making the hugest mistake of my life."
A waiter came by at this time and took their order, they sat in thoughtful silence until he returned soon after with their drinks.
Spencer gave Ashley a watery smile, "I never even asked who she was."
"Are you asking?" Ashley said in a small voice.
"Yeah I guess I am," Spencer replied.
"It was Carrie, who I used to work with. She was a friend of mine who I had been talking to about everything since we lost the baby. I called her after you left, I needed someone to talk to who wasn't so involved. She came over and we started drinking, a lot. We were so drunk Spencer. So drunk that the last thing I remember is kissing her and then I woke up naked and saw you standing there. That moment was one of the worst in my life. I hated myself so much for what I had done." Ashley hung her head and stared down at the table. Spencer closed her eyes tightly and fought the image of Ashley and Carried lying naked together on their sofa.
"Ashley, I want to say that even though I hate what you did, I don't hate you and not through lack of trying either. I wish things had turned out differently you know. I wish we had gotten the happy ending we dreamed of. I wish we weren't both so broken. I love you Ashley Davies, what you did couldn't change that so I'm guessing nothing will. What I've learnt though is that love just isn't enough. A relationship also needs trust, friendship, honesty, passion and both people committed to making it work. We have the love, maybe we could start working on some of the other things and see where that takes us?"
Before Ashley could respond the waiter returned with their food. Spencer looked self-consciously down at the table and began to fiddle with her fork.
"Spencer," Ashley said softly, waiting until the blonde raised her eyes to meet hers, "I told you that I would take any part of you that you are willing to give me and I agree with you. We have love between us, a lot of love, but we need to work on the other stuff. All I know is I missed having you in my life."
Spencer smiled gently and took a bite of her dinner. The rest of the meal passed rather pleasantly. They talked about their families. Spencer told Ashley that some poor woman had actually agreed to marry Glen and that this woman was Chelsea. She told Ashley of how happy her Mom and Dad still were and how they had weekly family dinners where everyone was invited.
"Ash you should come, Kyla and Aiden always do." Spencer offered
"So that's where they go every Sunday night! Thanks for the offer but I think that if I turned up at your family's house they might kill me, your Mom anyway." Ashley said with genuine fear in her eyes.
Spencer smiled, "Actually you'd be surprised, and it's my Dad you should be scared of. Mom is one of your biggest supporters. As for Glen, well he's scared of you so will give you no problem."
"Yeah your Dad was so mad when he came to see me the day after you left, not that I blame him at all." Ashley said with her eyes downcast. She had always really liked Mr. C and it pained her that he now thought so little of her.
"Ash I was kidding. My Dad was angry at you for a long time, but he's ok now. Me and him are still really close and I've been talking to him about all of this and he has been encouraging me to give you a chance. He's a wise man that father of mine and once he got over his initial anger he started telling me I should get in contact with you. The first time he told me that was about a year ago."
"Really?" Ashley asked incredulously. She couldn't believe that anyone could be so forgiving.
"Yeah really. He came to see me in New York and he and Lily gave me a mini intervention. They were fed up with my moping and told me to come back to L.A. and see you. Dad told me it was so we could work it out and Lily told me it was so I could lay the past to rest and finally start to move on. Which I never did you know," Spencer said quietly.
"Move on you mean?" Ashley asked.
"Yeah I never moved on. There hasn't been anyone since you and I broke up. I was tempted but I just couldn't even after everything, I just couldn't."
"Me either. After you left and since then there hasn't been anyone else. You may not believe that but it's true." Ashley murmured.
"I believe you Ash. I guess we were both waiting."
"For each other." Ashley said softly. Spencer nodded and they smiled at each other shyly.
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Ashley swallowed around the lump in her throat as she stood on the Carlin's front step. It had been a long time since she'd been to this place which had been like a second home to her for over five years of her life. She had honestly thought she would never stand here again.
Taking another huge breath to try and settle her nerves Ashley pushed the door bell, kind of hoping that no one would answer. No such luck though the door was thrown open by none other than Mr. and Mrs. Carling themselves.
Mrs. C beamed a warm smile of welcome while Mr. C managed a tight smile that barely reached his eyes. "Hi Ashley, it's really great to see you again," Mrs. C then surprised Ashley by pulling her into a warm hug. Once she was freed Ashley turned to look at Mr. C, feeling pretty apprehensive.
"Paula can you give me and Ashley a minute," Mr. C asked quietly. Mrs. C gave Ashley a reassuring smile and went back inside.
"Mr. C, I know I'm not your favourite person and I deserve everything you have to say to me, but I just want to say that not a single second has gone by where I haven't hated myself and regretted what I did," Ashley said sincerely.
Mr. C looked thoughtful, "You know Ashley for a really long time I was so angry with you. I had to watch my daughter hurting so badly that she fled the state. But look it's been two years and all I can see now is how you being back in Spencer's life has changed her. At first it scared me because she was just so broken again but in the last few weeks I actually saw her genuinely smiling and laughing, which has been pretty rare. She loves you and I believe it when she tells me you love her. You made a monumental mistake, but it's not my place to forgive you, only Spencer can do that. What I can say to you is that if she is able to forgive you and you two decide to give it another go it will be with my blessing. With that said, if you ever and I mean EVER, put her through something like that again then you and I will really have a problem."
Ashley just nodded, too overwhelmed to speak. "Come in, dinner will be served in about ten minutes and everyone else is here." Mr. C smiled kindly and opened the door so Ashley could lead the way into the house.
Mr C led Ashley into the living room where everyone else was seated. Kyla, Aiden, Spencer and Mrs C all grinned at her warmly. Glen barely looked at her and Chelsea just looked thoughtful. Spencer took in the rather shell-shocked look in Ashley's face and turned to her father, "Dad what did you say to her, she looks like she doesn't know whether to laugh or cry."
"That's a fair assessment actually," Ashley said making Spencer and Mr C laugh.
Spencer stood up, "Help me in the kitchen Ash?" Ashley nodded and followed the blonde into an all too familiar kitchen. This house was filled with so many memories. As the walked in Spencer went to stand against the bench, "Are you alright? I know it can't have been easy to come here today, I really appreciate that you did."
"I won't lie to you, yeah it was hard. It's a scary thing to face the parent's of the girl whose heart I broke, plus being here just brings back so many memories both good and bad." Ashley murmured.
"I know, why do you think I had to move after we broke up? I could stand being here where so much reminded me of you and our relationship. Although now I kind of like it, well I like remembering the good times." Spencer smiled softly and turned to start getting the meal out of the oven.
"Spence, thanks for inviting me tonight. I can't begin to tell you how much it means to me," Ashley said softly. Spencer turned around and gave her a warm smile.
"I'm just glad you came. I don't know where this, you and me, is going but I do know that I don't want to lose you from my life. I tried that and quite frankly it blew." Spencer and Ashley both laughed and began taking the food out to the dining room table.
"Chows up!" Spencer called out making everyone move into the dining room. Ashley was led by Spencer to the chair beside her. "It's so I can protect you when they start on the inquisition," Spencer whispered to Ashley who just looked horrified, making Spencer giggle.
After Mrs C said grace everyone started to dig in. Ashley felt a pair of eyes locked on her and looked up into the angry eyes of Glen Carlin. She sighed, "Glen if you have something you want to say to me then just say it."
Glen looked a little taken aback by her directness but recovered quickly, "I guess I'm just wondering how long it's going to be before you break my sister's heart again. Given your track record I'm thinking just long enough to make sure she's really messed up afterwards."
Spencer went to snap at her brother but was silenced by a gentle hand on her leg from Ashley. "Glen you are totally justified in thinking that. I screwed up time and time again with Spencer, I am well aware of that. If I could take it all back I would, I would give all I have to take away the pain I've caused her. It actually makes me so happy to see how protective you are of her, I'm glad she has you. But I will say this, I'm not the same girl I was two years ago, I've learned from my mistakes. I know there is nothing I can do to erase the past, but if you'll let me I'd like to try for us to all move on," Ashley said calmly, while inside she was trembling.
Glen looked around at everyone sitting at the table with his eyes resting finally on Spencer. They shared a look which spoke a thousand words only they could understand before both started to smile. "Ok Ashley you got a deal, lets try and move on, this doesn't mean that I like you though," Glen smiled and Ashley chuckled.
"Thanks Glen, I don't like you either," Ashley replied making everyone crack up laughing.
The rest of the dinner past rather pleasantly with the Carlin's all catching up on what Ashley had been up to. Spencer let herself just enjoy the moment and pushed the past out of her mind, for the time being anyway. She had forgotten how easy it was to be with Ashley, how comfortable she could make her feel.
When it was time to leave Spencer walked out to her car with Ashley by her side, it had been a great night which just made her feel more torn. The women hesitated beside Spencer's car each unsure of what to do.
Spencer took the initiative and gave Ashley the briefest of hugs and a warm smile, "Thanks so much for coming tonight, I'm really glad you did."
"It was my pleasure Spence. Can I see you again soon?' Ashley asked tentatively.
Spencer smiled softly with her signature head tilt and murmured, "Yeah I think that'd be ok. Call me sometime."
"I will. Bye Spence."
"Bye Ash." Spencer got into her car and pulled away Ashley stood watching her drive off. She was about to get into her own car when Mrs C walked out, "Ashley wait a second. I know it must have been pretty hard for you to come here tonight and I just wanted to say thank you. She will not admit it but Spencer has been happier having you back in her life. I really hope you find your way back to each other."
"Thanks Paula, that means so much to me. I'll see you soon I hope," Ashley replied.
"Yeah I'm sure you will. Good night Ashley." Paula smiled warmly before turning and going back inside. Ashley got in her car and drove of, a huge smile on her face, maybe just maybe they would actually get some kind of happy ending.