Chapter 7
Months passed. Its funny how days can drag, seeming like forever until night finally falls. But then you look back and it has been seasons, years even since that moment that feels like it happened only an hour beforehand. I'd been to quite a few photo shoots. They were mostly tedious affairs, a load of bored girls with vacant faces staring blankly into an ever flashing camera set. It was scary how even as adamant I was it wasn't going to affect me, little bits of it started worming thier way into my life. The dresses I wore slowly wound their way into my closet, donated as gifts that I didn't have the heart to refuse. I started styling my hair more carefully into tightly twisted ringlets to save the stylist the bother, but ended up curling it that way on days when I wasn't working too. But the most disconcerting change was how much more womanly and feminine I was becoming. Before I had been a tomboy, allowed to be carefree and unconcerned about things like poise and control, but now I was a lady, expected to be elegant and dignified at all times. I felt like some primped up poodle.
So there I arrived at yet another photo shoot. Unusually the director came over to talk to me in private before I got changed. He said something along the lines of,
"Because of your newfound physique we've decided to try something a little different, a little more... mature."
I know. I know. My mental alarms should have been blaring on hearing that, but I was still pretty young and naive so I agreed. Stupidly I agreed.
At first the premise seemed innocent enough. I was given a simple white wraparound linen dress, attached by ornate broaches at the shoulder. My hair was pinned up into a bun with curls cascading out of it. I looked the very picture of a classical Grecian statue. The focus of the shoot was a jewellery set. Reluctantly I set aside my locket to wear a heavy gold necklace and earrings that jingled every time I moved. It was the first time I had taken my locket off since Shiori put it on, usually I could just hide it underneath clothes, so I was nervous. It was like the mask to my heart was being removed.
The set was a scene of utter decadence and luxury. An ancient marble temple of the gods with a fountain and statues in the garden set against a star studded mountainside just visible outside through the columns. Of course it was just a fake painted on backdrop. Laying in wait for me on chaise longue of crushed red velvet was a boy about my age. He was olive skinned, with a slim figure and a crop of hair which was somewhere in the region between grey and lilac. Clad in a toga and a crown of gold gilded laurel leaves, it was obvious he was meant to be a mythical demigod of some sort. The thing I remember most was his eyes. Eyes a vivid emerald green with a look that could bore into the depths of your soul, or your heart. He was handsome in a nutshell.
I walked up to him to my first pose, a simple standing one slightly leaning on the arm of the chair. Of course I was apprehensive. It must've showed in my body language, I was probably subconsciously tensing up.
"Try to relax. There's no need to be frightened here."
The deep, smooth, reassuring voice came from behind the lens and flashbulbs.
"It's just...I've never had a shoot with just me and a boy before."
The owner of the voice peered over the camera to look at me with a chuckle. He looked identical to the boy apart from he was much older. Where there were still the smooth curves of adolescence on the model, they had been replaced with the angular hardness of adulthood on the photographer. The hair was a little lighter and the eyes a little narrower but apart from that they were the same. Or so I thought.
"Despite her quite boyish appearance, I can assure you my little sister is indeed a girl."
I looked down again at the reclining figure now looking up at me with a bemused grin. Now that it was mentioned that body did seem a little too curvy, the face a little too smooth to be totally masculine. When I realized I was staring, I looked away and I began to blush.
"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean..."
"Don't worry about it. I get it all the time."
The voice was calm, gentle and lilting. Nothing like what I was expecting. It was a voice that could put you totally at ease, like a caress. A voice that could rock bawling infants into peaceful slumber yet with an underlying husky edge to it which could set grown men into tears, albeit for a completely different reason. But of course I didn't know what that seductive part truly was yet, I could only watch as it carried me away.
The next few poses went well. Leaning and draping myself against the arms and back of the couch and pretending to feed grapes to the beauty on the chaise longue in front of me.
"Alright, good. Now sit down too."
I gingerly took a seat as directed by the photographer. There wasn't that much room to place myself without touching her.
"Okay now relax. Lean into her. Lower yourself into her arms."
I hesitated.
"It's okay."
I looked up into the owner of that calm confident voice which matched her sure and steady smile. Her jewel like eyes of endless depth seemed to ask, no demand,
'Trust me.'
And I did. The poses we did weren't exactly explicit or even that suggestive but they were very... intimate.
"Tilt your head this way. Lift your neck up. Push more of your chest out. Arch your back."
Pressing myself against her body I could sense her femininity more clearly. I could feel soft yielding parts which contrasted with lean muscular ones. Part like a boy and part like a girl. It was kind of awe inspiring. I was enveloped in this feeling of utter warmth and security. The ghosts of half forgotten feelings were stirring within me, awakening things I had tried so hard to suppress.
"Excellent. We have some really good shots. Now time for one last one, I'd like you to kiss."
I pulled away from her slightly, embarrassed. It was like he had read my mind.
"It's okay. My brother knows what he is doing."
I couldn't turn away from that voice whispering oh so surely into my ear. The guiding pressure of her palm gently brought my face to hers. I felt the sweet moisture of her lips upon mine. It was my first kiss, and I all I could do was hold myself there. Unsure of when to stop, oblivious to the flashes around me I just stayed stock still. I was a fawn in the headlights. Eventually the sensation stopped.
"It's over." The boyish girl was standing above me, offering me her hand and looking quite bemused. "It's time to go."
Dear Juri,
How I long to see you again.
How are you doing? Koji and I are doing just fine at our new school, we're having so much fun!
Everything is so lonely without you.
Of course we miss you loads, especially Koji. We laugh about how he used to have a crush on you. He's still too shy about it to write to you, you know!
He laughs at my crush, my weird perverted crush. I guess I've started to laugh along with him too. It was stupid, it is stupid. I'm such a fool. Still, what I would give to replace him with you .I can tell he is thinking the same thing. I was always inadequate compared to you .I guess we both just settled for second best.
I'm sorry for running off into the sunset like that, but I just had to steal him away from you. I couldn't help myself, he's such a hunk!
Part of me still finds him disgusting. I hate it when he touches me. I can tell he's getting frustrated but I won't let him go any further. I can't. I won't. But still at the end of the day I'm with him. I've got to be, to save face.
I don't regret what I did because we're so happy now. You must hate me for being like this but it was what I always hoped for. I'm so happy.
Yes please hate me. I don't deserve your forgiveness for these lies.
Even so I hope you look back on our memories together with happiness yourself. We really were the three musketeers!
So many lies. So much betrayal. All I want to do is forget, but I can't. Still I can't.
I wish you the best,
Shiori
PS. I guess some things are just better left unsaid right?
By the time we made it back to the changing room most the building was deserted already. How they left so quickly I have no idea, but at the time I didn't question it. My attention was fixed solely on the girl changing next to me, or rather on how to make sure she didn't notice that. However I was being betrayed, firstly by my blush which I could feel burning at the tips of my ears and secondly by the awkward silence that seemed like a canyon yawning in front of us. I had to distract her from it and quickly.
"That was really weird wasn't it? Asking us to kiss like that..."
Words just came out of my mouth. Stupid words that made me blush even more.
"That wasn't a kiss."
She interrupted my scrambling thoughts mid flow with that sweet voice of hers.
"What do you mean? Of course it was a kiss."
Forgetting I was halfway through changing I turned to look at the model, but when I turned her face was only inches away from mine. She murmured with what was almost a sigh.
"No, this is a kiss."
She was right. We kissed a true kiss, deep and unforgiving that makes your insides melt and leaves you hungry for more. What exactly happened next I'm not too sure. Looking back it seemed like one perfect seamless moment that lead from that kiss to whatever costume was left being stripped away, to us lying together in between a pile of dresses in a state of utter bliss. It felt like I just got washed away by the tide, the undercurrent plucking my feet from the seabed, carrying my body to the middle of the ocean and washing me up on an unknown shore.
After a while she rose and almost as if nothing had happened, started to get dressed just like before. As I tried to do the same I stepped on something hard that painfully dug into my foot. It was my locket along with a letter which I had yet to open, left in my coat pocket which had been strewn to the floor in our passion.
Shiori. I had forgotten about her all this time. For the first time in months she wasn't constantly on my mind and it felt good. It was a relief not to have this sadness clawing at my heart. I thought that maybe if I kept this up, maybe if things with me and this girl continued I could completely forget Shiori and move on. Maybe in the future I could be really happy. However for that to happen I would have to get to know her better, all I knew now was that she was definitely a girl.
"Umm... I'm terribly sorry but I don't think we were ever properly introduced. What is your name?"
My over politeness was probably a by-product of the deep shame I felt when I realized that I didn't even know that.
"Why do you want to know my name?" She sounded amused but she didn't even turn around to look at me.
I was taken aback, was this some sort of joke?
"W... Well because I'd like to get to know you better. I thought maybe we could go out somewhere sometime..."
"We're both girls so it's not possible. That's what a boy and a girl do. You're a girl so you can't do that with me." Her tone still had that lightness to it and even though she was facing the other way, I could swear she was smiling.
"What...What do you mean? What we just did. What we both shared. Didn't we both just prove that we can? Tell me you feel it too. Please..."
The feeling of having this new warm glow of hope taken from me was making me hysterical. Someone who just moments before had been far closer to me than any other person was now casually dismissing any chance of any kind of relationship like I had just offered them a cup of tea. I couldn't even really say she was my acquaintance without her name. It was soul destroying, heart breaking. All those cliché words for feeling totally and utterly deserted.
"Oh! My brother's here." Now fully clothed she turned to look at me with a smile of contented nonchalance whilst I still lay naked on the floor, cast aside like the pile of dresses. "Bye Arisugawa-san."
With that she left. Truly I was stunned. Even now the whole episode seems unreal, almost like a dream. I wish it was.
Umm... well I said there would be fanservice *please don't kill me ^_^'!*
Special thanks goes to Seven-Tenths for betareading and thanks to all my reviewers and readers for sticking with me so far. You guys are really great =]!