Chapter 7

A/N: First off I want to thank my wonderful beta for still putting up with me and this story. Also, a huge thanks to those of you who read, review, leave me kudo's, fave and follow. I am beyond thrilled that there are people out there who like this story. As said, the updates are far and few in between, but I am working on this as much as RL permits.

As to this chapter: as I said before, The evening light is un the same 'universe' as And now the last only further away in time. As such, Harry and Pansy are together in this fic, unless ANTL pulls a curve ball on me and I will have to rewrite this chapter as well. But for now there is some hansy mention in this chapter.

Hermione returned to school the following week. It took one meeting with the Headmistress to work out a schedule that allowed her to continue taking all her classes and still be able to spend a significant amount of time off campus. On the days she was in school her magic listened to her more or less, and she was able to enjoy some of her lessons. On the days she was home, she walked around the city, sometimes alone, usually with Snape. Amsterdam still felt foreign to her. It pushed it's otherness into her face as if screaming at her that she didn't belong. The endless maze of canals and biker paths confused her, and sometimes she truly wondered how a city this crowded could still function.

London had been crowded as well, but she knew those crowds and besides, she couldn't remember the last time she had stepped into Muggle London long enough to feel lost. London was neatly divided, allowing her to divide her life as well. Amsterdam didn't care. Muggles and wizards lived and worked right on top of each other with no regard for the Statue of Secrecy. If she hadn't allowed herself to trust Severus, who knew the city well and was at times willing to share the knowledge, she would probably have seen only the street she was living on and the inside of the Dome.

She crossed the street to the café where she had first seen him. It had become their meeting spot, and she waved when she spotted him. She was almost used to seeing him by now. The urge to reach for her wand each time he glared at her had disappeared, as had the urge to sit up straight and shut her mouth. It had been an almost automatic response to him during her school days.

You made a mistake, you are forgiven.

Hearing that had actually helped.

He looked up when she reached his table and closed the book he was reading.

'What's that?' Hermione asked, sitting across from him and signalling the waiter.

'A book,' he replied, predictably, and when she didn't react, 'Hanna Arendt. Why is the waiter coming over? I thought we were leaving.'

Hermione shook her head. 'Healthy reading choice. May I?' He nodded and she picked up the small volume from the table. 'We can't just leave without ordering something, that's rude.'

Snape rolled his eyes at her. 'The day you stop caring about what random people find rude will be so liberating. And I never said I was healthy.'

'Well, I care,' Hermione said opening the book at random. 'It's called being polite.'

He had scribbled something in the margins. She turned a page only to discover more of his handwriting. She smiled and closed the book back up. The feeling of a book in her hands always made her calm and Severus seemed to understand that without her needing to explain. She gave the book back to him, feeling more at ease with herself. She ordered a cappuccino from the waiter and sipped it while Snape glared at her.

'Being polite is overrated at best, useless at worst. Please, tell me you at least have a destination in mind,' he said after a pause. She was becoming used to his silences, they didn't unnerver her, not like the silence in her apartment did.

'I was actually thinking we might go someplace you like for a change,' Hermione said. The cappuccino was not warm enough but she drank it anyway.

Snape sneered at her. 'Is your guidebook finally out of destinations to offer?'

'Oh, no. My guidebook has plenty of suggestions. I'm just tired of listening to you complaining about every single one of them.'

His sneer changed into a genuine smile. 'Fine, if the lady insists.'

Hermione shook her head. 'You did complain about the last thing we went to.'

'If I knew that the Anne Frank House was your idea of fun I would have stayed home.'

'it wasn't about fun,' Hermione said. 'Sometimes there are things you need to see, to learn from them.'

He pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. 'I've seen enough of those things for one lifetime.'

Hermione put the undrinkable cappuccino down. 'You all right?'

He made an impatient gesture as if warding off a fly. 'Headache. I'll live.'

'If you'd rather go home.'

'If I'd rather go home, you'd notice by my apparating away from here,' he grumbled. 'Let me just get my coat we'll go to Albert Cuyp. I need to do my grocery shopping anyway. Plus, it's nice.'

She smiled when he returned with both his coat and a Slytherin scarf.

'Get that look off your face, Granger. This is the only scarf I happen to own.'

She raised her eyebrows and followed him outside, zipping up her jacket. 'Really? You just have this one?'

'I also have just one neck so that fits quite nicely.'

Hermione sighed. 'At least I know what to get you for Christmas.'

'Please, don't. I don't need anything.' To her surprise he looked worried as if the idea of getting presents was somehow offensive. She followed him on to a busy street.

'Where exactly are we going?'

Snape had fallen silent beside her and she was experienced enough by now to know he wouldn't talk unless prompted.

'It's the oldest market in the city. I told you I need groceries.' He paused glancing at her. 'It's a place that is easy to disappear into, does that make sense to you?'

She nodded. 'Yes, it does.'

'It's quite the walk though, from here. You alright with that?'

'I'm not the one with the headache.'

His faced relaxed, the frown that seemed to be its permanent feature disappeared. 'I can live with the headache, Hermione.'

'All right,' she said, taking his arm. He flinched. 'Speaking of disappearing, I need a favour.'

He didn't react and Hermione let the silence continue until they reached what she assumed was the start of the market. It was indeed easy to get lost here and, at the same time, she liked the business here better. The stalls made the chaos organised and the surroundings were indeed 'nice'. Old houses flanked market stalls that sold local foods as well as clothes, jewellery, incense.

'I'm done doing favours for Gryffindors,' Severus said turning towards a stall filled with herbs.

'I'm not just a Gryffindor,' Hermione said.

He smiled. 'Very astute, usually those of your House have a hard time letting go of the Gryffindor moniker and the privileges it brings.'

She opened her mouth to point out that it was Slytherin House alumni who seemed to have trouble letting go, then closed it again. Snape gave her a look as if he knew exactly what she was about to say and picked up a bag of powdered ginger before walking into the shop that was located at the back of the stall. Hermione lingered behind, waiting until he emerged again holding a small bag with more herbs.

'I'm asking as a friend,' she said.

He frowned. 'You keep insisting we are that. Fine, let's hear it.'

'I need a hiding place.'

He stopped walking towards the next stall. 'Excuse me?'

'Gabrielle's family is coming over for Christmas,' Hermione said examining a display of some kind of sticky waffles. She stepped into the short line and started looking for her wallet. Snape merely grimaced. 'Bill is also bringing Ginny and Fred with him,' she continued pushing down on the mix of excitement and fear inside her. She hadn't seen Ginny since her divorce and had no idea what to expect from her, or George for that matter. Part of her wanted to be just a woman awaiting the arrival of her friends for a lovely Christmas visit, but the other part feared that Ginny would look at her and only see a traitor, a failure who hurt everyone around her, who did not deserve the privilege of friendship.

When she looked up at Severus again she could see that he had read her face clearly.

'Too many Weasleys?' he asked.

She nodded, took the two waffles from the saleswoman and offered one to Severus but he shook his head.

'I don't eat those.'

'Then what do you eat?' she asked. This wasn't the first time he refused the food she bought.

'Anything that doesn't make me nauseated. So, back to this favour, what is it you need exactly?'

'I need.' She paused and swallowed back against the knot in her stomach. 'I'm not sure I'll be able to handle that many people.'

'What do you think might happen? These are not strangers, they are people you like, at least I assume as much.'

'That's exactly why I'm afraid, because they are my friends. They know me and they know what happened and I am tired of answering the same questions. I'm, well you've seen how I can get. If I could hide at your place if I feel like I can't handle them anymore that would be -.' She took a bite of her waffle instead of finishing that sentence. If he refused her, she would have to think of something else, a hotel or something. It would mean putting in work, and she doubted she would be able to control her magic if things went wrong and she felt trapped. She also just didn't want to be alone when -if - things went wrong with Fleur and Fred and Ginny.

'What questions?' Snape asked. He was watching her with the kind of focus that unnerved her. 'You mean about your parents?'

'I mean divorcing Ron,' she said. Even this casual mention of her parents stung. 'Harry and Ron know about my parents, and you do to, now, I suppose, but no one else. They suspect, but, as I don't talk about it much, no one asks.' She wasn't afraid of questions, she realized, she was afraid of the looks. Afraid that people she knew and loved would look at her with pity and sadness and offer advice on how she should best live the life they wanted her to live. She was afraid she would get angry at that, angry enough that it would swallow her and when it did she was afraid there would be no way out of that anger. She would be trapped and alone and hopeless.

'You realize it's only November,' Snape said.

'I'm planning ahead,' she said, when Severus stopped in front of a fish seller. 'Look, if you have Christmas plans, or you don't want me at your place it's fine. I'll figure out something else, I just thought I'd ask.'

He shook his head. 'I don't have Christmas plans, I'm Jewish.'

'Chanukah plans, then.'

'Don't have those either.' He frowned. 'Hiding seems unlike you.'

'Because you know me so well,' Hermione said. She could feel the anger, never far from her, stirring itself.

'I don't,' Severus said. 'But take it from someone who is hiding. It's not all it's cracked up to be.'

'I just need a backup plan in case it gets bad. In case I get bad.' He paid for the fish and they moved on. Hermione had to walk a couple of steps behind him to allow people to pass her. She bit into her waffle and let the honey coat her tongue.

'You speak as if you are preparing for a siege instead of Christmas dinner,' Severus said.

'If you are going to refuse me, just do it.'

'I didn't plan to. I'm just trying to understand your need to run. I understand my own, but yours, well-'

'Not everything is an intellectual exercise.'

'Very well,' he said with ease. 'You can text me if you feel the need. I'll give you my address.

Will that work?'

Hermione released a breath. 'Thank you. I'm sorry I snapped.'

'Don't be. I pushed, you reacted.' He paused then turned away from her to examine a stall with fruits and vegetables. 'Does Ginevra's coming mean we can also expect Potter?'

It took Hermione a moment to follow that logic but then she shook her head walking into his line of sight. 'If Harry was coming over, I would lead with that. They broke up, he and Gin, right after the war.'

'I see,' Severus said. She let him buy his fruits and vegetables, sensing that he might need a conversation pause. It was the first time he had asked anything about Harry that didn't involve questions about the memories he left.

'Can we go back to that stall that had incense?' she asked when he turned away from the salesman. 'I might buy some for Gaby.'

He shrugged and started walking back towards the marketplace entrance again.

'It was bad, their break-up,' Hermione said when she realized he wasn't going to talk anymore.

'And I was so rooting for them,' Severus said. 'Potters romantic life has been the highlight of mine.'

'Then you'll be happy to know that he has moved on successfully. To Pansy.'

He chuckled. 'You don't mean Miss Parkinson?'

'I do,' Hermione said, frowning. She didn't understand his laughter, it seemed an uncharacteristic response. But then Severus wasn't exactly easy to read. She looked at his eyes and saw sadness there, mixed with concern.

'Hmh, I suppose I can see it,' he said.

'That makes one of us,' Hermione said tartly. They reached the stall with incense and she picked up an incense burner in the shape of a little house and examined it. It might make a good gift. 'She is much the same as she was in school. I for one can't understand what he sees in her.' She put the incense burner down again.

'You don't like her,' Snape said. Something in his voice made her look up. He had spoken softly and was now standing very still watching her with narrowed eyes.

'We are very different. All I had in school were Harry and Ron, and all I had after school was…a mess. And she always had a bunch of girlfriends. She still does, and all they do is talk about dresses and boys and she has no idea what it's like to be alone and to never fit in, not with anyone, to never know what your roommates are discussing because they never invite you in on their conversation and yes,' she stopped herself realizing that she was babbling, 'Yes, I really don't like her.'

'And yet, you and Potter are still friends. Despite him being involved with someone you despise?' He blinked, staring at her intently.

'Despise is a bit harsh,' Hermione said. 'And it's Harry's choice, I have to respect that.'

'You're still friends,' Severus repeated.

She nodded 'He is Harry,' Hermione smiled 'I don't think I could function properly without him. Dating someone I don't like is hardly a reason to break the friendship. We make it work. He is not happy I'm living here, I'm not happy about his dating choices. I don't know maybe it's part of growing up. Though, we never used to agree on everything. I just can't bear the thought of not having him in my life. He is family, more than family he is -.' She paused, trying to find the right words. 'You know how when you wake up in the morning and you are certain you'll continue breathing and your eyes will work and your legs will carry you? I'm like that with Harry. I know my lungs will function and I know my eyes will see and I know Harry will be there. I don't know how else to explain it. But girlfriends, boyfriends and life and career choices and whatever, it's not going to make me stop loving him. Nothing will.'

'Nothing.' Severus repeated. He had gone very still and his face had become expressionless. It was like watching a statue form itself in front of her eyes, right out of a living man. She was beginning to feel sorry she brought the subject of Harry up. 'It must be a nice thing to believe. There are unforgivable things, Hermione. Things no one could forgive.'

He turned away from her but Hermione heard the way his tone changed. She caught up with him, wanting to ask what he meant, but when she looked at him his face was a closed mask and his eyes were sad and thoughtful. The look in them made the questions die in her mouth. She took his arm again and allowed him to lead her away from the marketplace.