I do not own the rights to NGE or any of the martial arts styles mentioned here.

Chapter 7

Everybody Was Kung Fu Fighting

Three months later in Kawahara's Auto-shop

Shinji was bent over, sweat pouring from every pore of his body. Crap, I knew this wasn't going to be easy, but man, Mr. Kawahara is freaking insane. Indeed, Kawahara was a harsh taskmaster. This was made even worse by the fact that Shinji missed the first training session. Kawahara never showed any change in expression, but his dissatisfaction with Shinji's supposed lack of commitment was palpable. On the first day of training, Shinji was forced to endure a significant amount of running and weight training. It was only until the 12th day that they actually got into fighting techniques. To Kawahara's surprise, Shinji started showing some aptitude for it. He always looked so gentle and delicate that it was a shock to see him moving with fluidity through each technique after only seeing it once or twice. This wasn't to say that Shinji was absolutely brilliant. Far from it, Shinji knew how to copy movements, but implementing them in a real spar or with any will to follow through on the threat of harm was beyond his abilities. In fact, Kawahara never gave any explanation on the style he was learning except for a one sentence response when Shinji first began.

"Mr. Kawahara," Shinji started. Kawahara insisted on Shinji never calling him 'sensei' or anything other than Mr. Kawahara. To Shinji, it seemed almost disrespectful, but Kawahara just said that it was a title he wasn't worthy of. "What am I learning? I mean, I don't know anything other than simple hand to hand techniques and some weapons training with the EVA."

"Something like Xing Yi Quan and Tong Bei Quan, but not quite." This was all the answer that the old man gave before starting the lesson.

Shinji thought that fighting required more talking in instruction, but Kawahara just demonstrated a form before attacking Shinji, expecting him to replicate that same move in an instant to defend or counterattack which Shinji had failed at first. From the very beginning, Shinji lacked the proper reflexes or knowledge of his own kinesthetics, but Kawahara insisted on teaching this way. At first, Shinji thought that it was out of some unknown deep well of sadism that Kawahara was teaching this way. However, after the first few days of this crash course, Shinji started noticing that he was actually learning…albeit through several dozen cuts and bruises (and a concussion that led to one very awkward and hazy incident with Asuka and Rei, but luckily he didn't remember it.) Little did Shinji know that few teachers taught this way, but the ones that did had only the highest expectations of their students…or a sadistic urge to see them humiliated. In a way, Kawahara was paying Shinji immense respect (or see him be his bitch, whichever one.) Through it all, the unlikely duo was bonding. Three months later and Kawahara was as cheery as Shinji had ever seen him (which wasn't saying much, but Shinji took the increase in words for Kawahara's responses to be a sign of cheerfulness.)

"Hrm. Your form is good."

"..Thanks." Shinji huffed between heavy breaths.

"But you lack intent and will. There is no clarity or force in your mind."

"Am I supposed to be angry when fighting?" Shinji was confused. So far the fighting style proved to be very direct and aggressive. Something that Shinji lacked.

"No. I could give you some Chinese babble over the river flowing, but no. Figure it out."

"…okay." Shinji mumbled sullenly.

"Hm." Kawahara then stepped up his speed and complexity of his moves.

What the hell!? I can barely see his hands! Let alone block! Wait, he's using elbow and knee strikes…is that intentional for me to pick up?

Kawahara smirked as he saw that Shinji picked up on it. Shinji then focused his attention to Kawahara's torso and abdomen to tell which direction he was about to attack. He hadn't gained enough experience to tell Kawahara's moves just by touching him, but he quickly learned to watch. It worked! For up to 30 seconds, then Kawahara went even faster and threw in a palm strike here and there. Unconsciously, Shinji started drawing on more techniques he learned in more creative combinations. Even techniques he just learned only a few days ago.

Kid might have a bit of talent after all…Kawahara grunted to him softly. But there is still a wall…

All of a sudden, Kawahara switched to another style. It was the same one that he used on the gangsters. Tong Bei Quan. A style whose entire philosophy is intended to kill and harm with the most efficiency and simplicity possible. Often masters of it recommend that those learning it cannot be kind people for it requires a very unkind and cruel mindset to practice it. Shinji could barely stand up against the flurry of attacks on him. For once, Shinji started getting angry in a fight with a fellow human. Angry enough to start putting actual will behind his attacks. No success. As a matter of fact, it just made things worse since Kawahara took advantage of the gaps in his positions created from his anger.

Goddamnit! This guy's like a brick wall! Shinji swore.

"This all you got?" Kawahara nettled. "This really your limit?"

You really this pathetic? Shinji's head snapped up. That wasn't Kawahara's voice. That was his thoughts.

Somewhere in Shinji, it felt like something was draining. Emptying. Shinji didn't know what was going but he noticed that his movements felt more deliberate and focused. Not quite that his emotions were going, but…

Kawahara gave an imperceptible approving nod as he went on the defensive. Shinji's eyes weren't focused as he weaved sharp shapes in the air. For the first time since training, Shinji wasn't angry or pained, but focused and determined. However, the moment ended as soon as it began. Shinji was soon back staring at the ceiling again.

"That…was good progress." Kawahara intoned.

"Good?" Shinji huffed in between breaths. "I got beat…again."

"What? The fact that you're younger and more spry than me guarantees victory?"

"Yes," Shinji said thoughtlessly, but realized how it sounded. "I mean, no!"

Too late. Kawahara's eyes narrowed and stepped closer to the tactless boy.

"I didn't mea-"

"No, but you thought it. You thought that because I'm aging that a punk like you could beat me," Kawahara leaned in menacingly. "That I can't handle. That I can't deal. That I was weak!"

By now, Kawahara was only two inches from Shinji's face, his teeth bared and eyes flashing with barely repressed violence. However, he saw Shinji's terrified expression and stopped, disgusted for going off on an innocent kid.

"…I'm sorry," Kawahara quietly said. "I…didn't mean to harm you for my failings…"

Failings? Shinji was bewildered at why this man would think himself to be a failure. And Shinji said something Shinji himself should've heard those years ago when his father left. Something that would've made all the difference in his childhood. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Kawahara stared at Shinji for a while, giving him the same searching look when he first met the introverted boy back in that garage those months ago. At long last, he spoke up, "Yes."

For the first time since Shinji met him, Kawahara's voice trembled in emotion other than anger or droll amusement. He waited patiently, letting his mentor gather his thoughts. Funny, the way that he thought of the man as a mentor. He was hardly a great role model considering his lack of social skill, irascible demeanor, and frank attitude, but for reasons unknown to Shinji, he cared about his opinion. What was even stranger to Shinji was that Kawahara was willing to take on some emotionally crippled, socially awkward kid as a mentee. I've…never realized it, but…I'm grateful. I know Kawahara has some rough edges, but I've felt closer to him than I have to Misato or Uncle.

At the same time, Kawahara was thinking Why am I spilling my guts out to this kid? Once again his voice of compassion softly whispered back. Because he is a way to repent. Help him and you might make up for your mistakes…

"I am a failure…I know you think that I'm some tough old son of a bitch that'll outlast even the Angels…and that you look up to me. Don't. I don't deserve it."

Kawahara broke off, looking away. "You know that I was a detective working on the relocation camp beat once, right?"

Shinji nodded, not making a sound lest he break the man's confession.

"Before that I was a soldier in USSOCOM. I was already familiar with the usual hellholes like the Middle East, the India-Pakistan border after second impact, and working recovery efforts on Japan's coast, so they figured that I would be among the best candidates for this assignment. I was…sent to Dreamland."

Shinji gasped. He didn't even know that the UN was insane enough to send any troops there to investigate. Dreamland was the moniker given to the devastated region of Tasmania, Australia because all that remained there were the fantasies of an untouched land. The energy wave of the original blast had just destroyed Antarctica which gave rise to tsunamis that drowned South America, substantial portions of Africa, New Zealand, and Indonesia. However, the most mysterious and perhaps the most horrific event were in Australia. All of the coastal cities were wiped as in the cases of the other countries, but there was something else at work then. In the island off of the coast, the coastal city Hobart was oddly untouched. No tsunami even came near it and yet no contact came from there. Any expeditions there by sea were never seen from again. Satellites couldn't get a clear picture due to constant interference with their lenses. No one had the intestinal fortitude to brave the trek inland because the rest of the island was the most devastated region of Australia. With the sheer futility of attempting to explore it, most wrote it off as a modern day Roanoke.

Kawahara saw Shinji's shocked expression and mentally shook his head at the boy's awe at an 'explorer.' What he did wasn't exploring. That implied that there was hope and optimism involved. It was rediscovering old, buried horrors. The horrors that every human knew but refused to acknowledge. "It was me and a team of 40. I was lead investigator since I had a stint with the MPs. The rest were either jarheads or eggheads.

"I was such an asshole then. I thought that every member of the team dreaded the mission as much as I did. Instead, more than half of the group wanted to suck up to the bitch who asked for the expedition. I didn't know her name, but the eggheads kept calling her Yui-chan. I didn't really care. It was an eerie place and I wanted out. I was planning on just retiring and opening a mechanic shop after that assignment. Those idiots didn't bother feeling any sympathy for the people there. We came by the mainland to Burnie and traveled inward across Tasmania. The things we saw…"

Kawahara was breathing more heavily. Shinji was almost afraid to see him on the verge of tears. It scared the hell of Shinji to see such impassive, stoic man so vulnerable. "You ever see a child eating his own father? No…of course you wouldn't and a good kid like you never should…Food was scarce there after the tides. When we first landed in the port, they were all so desperate, but defeated. Only a handful tried to mug us and even then they only went to try to get us to put them out of their misery. Families sacrificed themselves to each other to feed their children in that hell. The look and sound that those kids had…I saw that they just wanted to die…die in their own vomit, coated in the blood and flesh of the ones who loved them so…I saw a little of them in you when I first met you."

How could a kid eat his own father…did the child's father love him that much to give up everything...father could never do something like for me…sacrifice himself…for that matter, could I do such a thing?

Courage slid roughly into place again, but it had more solid ground than before. He could. Why else would he devote himself to his work so much? When a man gives up everything except duty, it's often because of love.

Mother. Shinji reflectively answered back. Father loved mother. I can't remember her face…but I remember his when he looked at her. It had so much open love and joy.

Without a doubt. However, you are his child. You remember the way he looked at you. They were always stoic…but you always sensed some fear didn't you? A pregnant pause before his optimistic inner spoke again. He was afraid of you. He was afraid of what you represented. Change. The final acknowledgement that the mother you loved and the wife he worshipped were gone. You know that he loved you, but he's a lot like you…you're still afraid of others. Your mother loved you…but she left. Your mother loved father…but she still left. In the end we're all abandoned…but we're all found again…or we find them…

Not wishing to dwell on these thoughts any longer, he continued. Why I reminded him of them? Why? Was I really that…miserable? That pitiful? Am I still?

"Numb. I didn't feel contempt or sadness…just nothing. Didn't even feel disturbed at the fact that I was so apathetic. Everybody else in the group tittered about the state of things before heartily digging in the rations we had. Not one thought of trying to help the lost…myself included. So much apathy and not enough compassion. Except for one. It was a young jarhead. He was fresh from spec ops training. Not scarred enough by the world. Still had a heart. Every night he went out to give some rations and help scrounge food and make shelters with the refugees. He thought we didn't know…called him a bleeding heart, a sissy. I didn't pay him much mind…until he asked for my help one day. It was about six days in and we were ¾ of the way through to reaching Hobart. The idiot was trying to help a group of orphans. When he found them on one of his recons, they worked like a gang, trying to protect their cobbled family. Tried to rob the idiot and you know what? He let them. Man learned at least a hundred ways to kill somebody with a toothpick and he let a bunch of prepubescent punks take his food. Even taught them some survival skills." Kawahara had a faint smile around the corners of his mouth, fondly recalling the earnest, idealistic young man under his command.

Shinji listened to his story silently, trying to make sense of the man's past. How did Kawahara survive there…I don't think I could.

"I came to admire the kid. He was naïve as hell…kinda like you, but he didn't mind anybody's opinion…unlike you. He took all the guff we dished over his bleeding heart antics. I originally thought that the kid was just inexperienced, but despite all we saw, he still believed…In the midst of all the horror and chaos, this kid was still merciful and retained his soul. Through him…I realized that morality weren't just a bunch of recondite principles created by an unknown and cruel god. It's something that each of us is inherently bound by. There is no Id. There is no superego. There are only us. In constant flux, so easily tempted by iniquity and the chaos. However, so pretentious to assume our lofty ideals are a constant…honestly, I saw more than a little of him in you…when I first met you. What shames me about all of it was that I didn't care. I thought I was a tough guy back then, but compared to that kid I was weak. As pathetic as the scum. I was the scum. I…hated myself for not caring about all those suffering people there. If I was just at home seeing some footage of this, I would feel less guilty…but I was there. I could've helped…but I was so selfish…"

"What happened when you reached Dreamland? What happened to him?" Shinji asked, riveted at the story and no longer able to restrain himself. Kawahara hated himself? Is he like me?

At this Kawahara fell silent and looked away in…shame? Anger?

"…I'm sorry. I can't tell you. It's too…"

"…I understand."

Shinji really did. In his lifespan, he'd learned more about regret and painful memories than any child should have a right to. However, the silence that followed wasn't awkward, but rather of contemplation and reflection. Both were immersed in memories that they weren't proud of, but knew to be the ones that defined them as the men they were today.

"Kid…"

Shinji tore his eyes away from the floor to look at Kawahara. Was he going to berate him for getting him to open up?

"You hungry?"

Seeing his nod, Kawahara continued "The mall's just a short walk from here. Why don't you get us some lunch from the food court? I got paperwork to finish."

Shinji nodded and quickly ran out, but before he exited the door, he heard Kawahara mutter something. Just two words, but it was enough to make Shinji give a small smile and leave feeling good.

"Thank you."

I…had use…a purpose.

At the Same Time in the Mall

Where is that girl? Asuka thought as she sat alone on a bench in the mall, drumming her fingers. Honestly, she was the one who wanted advice on what kind of shoes go with her dress!

Everywhere, people were milling about, looking to satisfy their desire for more useless goods. Unfortunately for Asuka, a substantial amount of those people was men looking to pick up women.

"Hey sweetie," said a plump, homely middle-aged businessman. "What's an innocent, young gaijin like you doing so alone?"

Asuka didn't even spare a glance and promptly ignored him in favor of staring at the rest of the crowd. A toad like this is beneath my notice.

"Come on…don't be like that. Young girls like you might be taken advantage of and might need some good Japanese men to protect you…for a price, that is." The man said unctuously, his lascivious smirk giving no room for imagination as to what that price would be.

Asuka had had enough. She waited for half an hour for Hikari and had to put up with stupid come-ons from disgusting perverted men both old and young. Finally fed up, Asuka got up and walked away.

The businessman however didn't take this too kindly. "Foreigner bitch! Whores like you are always invading our country, stealing our jobs! Least gaijin should do is pay off some debt."

He strode after the girl and grabbed her arm, mistaking its slenderness for lack of muscle rather than tone. The man thought she would be easily overpowered. However, Asuka was an athletic fighter of celestial monsters trained from childhood in combat whereas the man was a portly CPA who hadn't even seen the inside of a gym for 30 years (and even then he barely passed P.E.) If anyone asked Shinji whether he would rather face a dozen Angels at the same time or a pissed off Asuka, the answer would've been very obvious.

Asuka whirled around to face the pervert as she grabbed the offending arm and pulled it downwards. He fell down and was treated to a knee in the face. The scuffle was over in less than five seconds. The businessman rolled in agony on the ground clutching his bleeding nose and Asuka's heart rate hadn't even picked up in the slightest.

"Pathetic pervert," She muttered as she walked away. People around her looked disapproving. A fine young woman shouldn't get into fights, but at the same time they couldn't feel any sympathy or pity for the man. At the same time, a familiar boy was walking into the mall and noticing the commotion. The familiar flash of crimson hair was enough to convince him. Was that…Asuka?

Asuka hurried to the nearest bathroom to clean up and wipe off any traces of the fight since she didn't want Hikari to worry. She stared in the mirror for a while, searching the young girl that stared back.

Who am I?

You're Asuka Soryu Langley

I don't know who that is anymore…'Asuka' would've scorned Shinji. 'Asuka' would never have cried over a boy. 'Asuka'…doesn't care about Shinji…

Asuka…or Mother?

What's that supposed to mean?

'Asuka' might not have been real, but you are.

But I am Asuka…

Didn't you just say that you didn't know who you were? 'Asuka'…is a façade. Fake. No free will. Bound to someone else's.

Whose?

Who do you think?

Asuka had no answer. Or rather she had an answer, but it was one she didn't want to face…otherwise it meant that her life up to this point was all for nothing. Despite feeling so many conflicting emotions and being tugged by so many different desires, Asuka still wanted to keep to what was familiar. In that way, she was like Shinji. To never want anything to change and stay the same because there was always the risk of getting hurt again. However, for Asuka, being in her mother's embrace and hearing her proudly whisper 'liebchen' was the most comfortable she felt before she met Shinji. The only thing that she did acknowledge was that having Shinji around was unfamiliar…but pleasant.

While Asuka was searching for herself in the public bathroom, a group walked in. There wasn't an XX chromosome in the lot.

"Hey there girlie, saw you take that oldie down. I like your style," The oldest and tallest of the group said.

"Great, another dweeb who needs an ass kicking." Asuka grumbled.

"Hey now I'm offended. How about you make it up to me by joining my crew?"

Asuka growled, having had enough of men today. "No! I won't join your lame ass crew because you're all a bunch of stupid inbred bastards! You're all so pathetic with your faux gangster clothing. I bet that every one of you is just some suburban kid who wanted to act cool! Newsflash, you're not! Now you're trying to get a pretty girl to join for 'street cred' to brag to other pathetic 'gangsters' like you! I see how you look at my pure virginal body, you pervert! I have no doubt that the moment I joined you would start bragging about fucking me along with the rest of the crew and undoubtedly attempt to do so…" She left the unspoken words 'at your own peril' dangling in the air like a knife.

What? What is it with girls these days? They always think that a group of guys asking them to join them are always looking for some action! Hell, I may be a little…unruly, but I got principles!

To his credit, the leader of the group didn't flinch, but he had his pride. Plus it really didn't help that Asuka made all those accusations about him. He only joined a gang to feed his family! However, now he didn't care what the cost was as long as he made her pay. The leader nodded to his crew and they advanced on her, pulling out whatever weapon was on them at the time. Fortunately, none of them were in any way connected enough to get a gun under Japan's strict regulations, but unfortunately Asuka really couldn't deal with the number facing her. She might have been well versed in fighting, but she never had to deal with that many at one time. Keeping her breathing calm and steady, she readied her muscles and assumed a standard Krav Maga stance.

The leader made the first move. He stabbed forward with his knife and missed by a scant few inches. Asuka swiftly kicked the back of his knee and as he dropped she immediately slammed her elbow into the back of his head. Seeing their boss taken down so easily and quickly by a delicate looking girl was disconcerting enough to make them hesitate. Alas the collective brilliance of brutes and thugs made the rest soon realize that they outnumbered her. Exchanging grins, they all rushed her. Dumb decision. The bathroom was limited in space, so they all stumbled around each other. Asuka made efficient use of the advantage by dealing with each thug one at a time and knocking each out with a vicious chop to the head or punch in the throat. It seemed to be going swimmingly for Asuka, but as the room cleared of space with each person she dispatched, the easier it would be to maneuver for the remaining thugs. Catching a sudden blow to the side of her head, Asuka dropped to ground dazed. Sensing a victory, the thugs quickly pinned her. The remainder of the group was ones that the leader was not very proud of having. They were only useful as muscle and not for any executive thoughts considering their morality could've been outstripped by most hungry coyotes. Surprisingly there was a code among gangs since Tokyo 3 was under military control. The code states for them to keep activities to just people that nobody would miss. No unnecessary muggings. In fact, in another time, the leaders of the gangs would probably have made excellent healthcare insurance executives. The biggest of the remaining group unzipped his pants and smirked in anticipation of their ultimate victory. This'll teach that foreign bitch!

"Get. Away. From. Her," growled a voice from the doorway. All turned to look. It was a lean silhouette clad in mechanic overalls. "Didn't you hear me?"

His voice was steady and sounded oddly like Kawahara's in tone.

"Oh yeah? What's a skinny ass bitch like you going to do about it?" One foolish punk answered.

A long pause followed the empty words. Finally Shinji answered in the form of a brutal punch to the liver. The rest of them blinked in disbelief. They didn't even see him move! Shinji himself was unaware of how much Kawahara's training had done to him. Kawahara had designed Shinji's training to be a way to cultivate speed and quick, strong blows. Shinji had a wiry body that would grow into something lean and strong if his father was anything to go by, so Kawahara made sure that Shinji would utilize speed and meaningful blows. For Shinji's type, he would have to fight quickly and brutally efficiently because a drawn out battle for Shinji's current endurance was the worst thing he could do since Shinji had only a slight build. Shinji however didn't know this and if he did at that moment, he wouldn't have cared.

Asuka! ...No…I refuse to fail again! Not like Mari. Not like Ran! I will win! Shinji mentally proclaimed, unaware that this was the first time he had ever thought positively about an outcome.

After the initial blow, Shinji went to make quick work of the remaining thugs. Like Kawahara, Shinji wasn't overly complicated in dealing with them. Kawahara taught Shinji to make every blow count and these thugs seemed hopelessly slow compared to the daily spars he had with the old man. There were only four left, but they were the most muscular of the group. However, Shinji was fast approaching a mental state that was beyond reason, beyond words, so it really didn't matter to him even if they were Chuck Norris with a BB gun. It almost rivaled the berserker state he entered during the third angel's attack. Now, normally any martial arts master would tell students to keep a relaxed and calm center when fighting for maximum effectiveness and inner peace. On the other hand nothing but pure rage fueling your fighting works just as well too.

Shinji ducked to avoid a sloppily thrown punch and grabbed the thug as he fell forward. With the most primal of grunts, Shinji spared no time in slamming the thug's head into the wall. Once. Twice. Thrice. Sanguine.

One down. Shinji thought savagely as the thug slid off the wall, blood trickling from its surface.

Two of the remaining three decided to attack as a team. This wasn't the smartest of ideas again. The two had no idea of how to coordinate their movements so Shinji could just as easily shift between the two and let them exchange blows to each other. Unfortunately Shinji was still inexperienced in dealing with multiple opponents like Asuka and didn't count on the two throwing another punch at the same time. Winded from the sudden attack on his temples, Shinji reeled back. Shit!

Sensing weakness, the duo closed in and started pummeling as much of Shinji's body as they could. Shinji for his part was desperately trying to hold onto consciousness under the hail of assaults. Finally Shinji fell to his knees, coughing violently and his vision was blurring. Tasting blood in his mouth, he weakly raised his head. The two were smugly grinning.

Dammit!...I'm a failure. I can't do anything…Asuka deserves better and all she's got is me of all people at the moment…not Kaji… Shinji turned his head to look at the girl he had failed to silently apologize for being so weak. So insignificant. So…disposable…like the replacement he was…

Asuka was still on the floor in blissful unconsciousness. However, Shinji's attention wasn't on the girl who he wanted to protect. It was on the asshole standing over her with a smug smirk, speaking volumes of abuse and cruelty soon to follow. Once again Shinji felt the familiar rage overtake him. Except it was rage beyond what he experienced in the training session with Kawahara and even what he felt a few minutes ago.

"Ran!" Shinji unconsciously shouted, his mind presenting images of Mari in the hospital bed and Ran crying in terror superimposed over Asuka's form. With a primal roar, Shinji charged the thugs who were still basking in their victory over somebody half their size. He slammed into one, ramming him into the wall and instead of cracking the thug's skull like the last one, Shinji stepped back and kicked with every last drop of his strength into his spine. Hearing a distinct and loud crack, Shinji turned and met with the second man standing. Shinji blocked a sidekick, his arm hurting like hell from the effort.

That's going to leave a mark…Shinji thought absentmindedly. Stepping inside the man's reach, Shinji dodged the next uppercut, grabbing the arm and letting loose a vicious elbow strike into his solar plexus. He was still leaned in close to the brute's torso and quickly stepped back to avoid having him fall on him. The thug fell with a resounding (and satisfying) thud. The boy stood for a moment mentally running through the fight, but soon his head snapped to glare at the last one. The last man standing froze, his breath hitched in sheer terror. This kid's eyes…they were so livid and sad. However, all that emotion was concentrated to such intensity that it was almost palpable as a distinct heat on his skin, communicating the message 'You want to leave this room right now.' He complied; fly still unzipped and practically sprinting out the door.

Raggedly breathing, Shinji limped to where Asuka was still lying, emerging from dazed confusion. "Asuka! Are you okay?"

"Shinji?" Asuka asked groggily. "What happened?"

"You got in a fight."

"Did I beat them?"

Shinji hesitated and lied. "Yes. But the last one standing got a lucky punch in. He ran off as soon as he saw me coming. Th-they probably thought that I was some cop looking in."

"Heh. You become a cop? That'll be the day. Bet you couldn't even punch your way through a wet paper bag," Asuka said as she slowly got up from the floor, holding her head in her hands. She took no notice of Shinji's bloodied knuckles or disheveled appearance. "Speaking of punches, that was some lucky hit."

"Yeah…listen I gotta-"

"Scheisse! I forgot about Hikari." With that sheepish admission, Asuka ran out the door, not even sparing the faintest of thoughts of the boy who had just saved her unbeknownst to her.

"Go…" Shinji finished dejectedly. He dragged his feet along the linoleum and walked to the nearest sink to wash his hands of the violence. What did I expect? A congratulation? A pat on the back? What I did wasn't something worthy of praise…even then I didn't even tell her…why didn't I?

Because you're not proud of it…

Shinji nervously glanced at the door again. He didn't want anyone to see this scene. However, the sheer horror and regret from causing so much harm to someone finally hit him as he surveyed the broken wrecks of flesh around him. His legs felt weak and his knees wobbled as his leaned back against the sink to find purchase to stand. Stumbling across the unconscious bodies, he dipped his head into a stall, missing the toilet by a few inches. Bile plastered the floor. Shinji was bent over on his knees, heaving every last scrap of food he'd had for the day, hands trembling in self reproach and shame.

What have I done? I lost control. That feeling. This feeling. I was so angry. So out of control…over Asuka…over Ran…over all my regrets and pain…is this what I sought after when I asked Mr. Kawahara to teach me? I'm no better than an animal. Strength isn't this…I wanted what Mr. Kawahara had. What Father had. Conviction. Belief.

You do. You had the will to carry out protecting Asuka.

But at what cost?

Are you really that selfish? ...You are pathetic if you think that way.

What? Shinji knew that he was being selfish before, but now? All his work to stop being what he was before was for nothing?

Yes. You are being selfish. Do you know why you admire Kawahara, Asuka, and Father? It's because they had will. They had the mental fortitude to shut up and do what was necessary to get the job done.

I…couldn't do that. I can't do it. I WON'T do it…I'm sorry, but that's one boundary I can't cross. I won't hurt anybody that badly again…even for Asuka. I-I can't hurt another person like that again…I'll stop them…but I won't do something like this again…because of my weakness.

A stretch of silence before his inner self answered back. Keyword. Won't. It means you can…but you lack the determination to follow through…but don't worry. You will.

At last the voice disappeared and left Shinji alone to deal with his new responsibilities and burdens that came with his control of violence. Is this what father felt towards me after mother died? If so…I think I can understand him a little. I've always been scared…but never of myself…I…have to take responsibility…

Shinji pulled out his cell phone from his dirty overalls and his finger hovered over the emergency number before he was interrupted by a flurry of men in suits storming in. It was Section 2…on time as usual.

"Sir…sorry we're late. We were-"

"Incompetent!" Shinji spat out, completing the man's sentence. It was like a switch had been flipped in his mood. His frustration with the inept security force was finally spilling out. "You almost let a pilot come to harm!"

"But we-"

"Inexcusable! What use are you guys!?" Shinji growled. He stepped in closer to the agent, subconsciously adopting Kawahara's mannerisms. Shinji was right in the agent's face and his eyes were narrowed, promising pain if he gave the wrong response.

The agent gulped and took a step back. He took a nervous glance around and regretted it. The bodies on the floor were still out cold and looked in terrible shape.

"Well!?"

"To protect you," The agent answered in a calm manner, but a cold trickle of sweat ran down his back. The kid had taken out half a gang! Despite the agent's training, he doubted that he could take on that many meathead assailants all at once.

"Bang up job," Shinji said caustically. "I'm sure that you're all very proud of yourselves for leaving your job up to a fourteen year old boy."

"I apologize, sir." The agent didn't know why he was calling a boy half his age 'sir', but at the moment, he was scaring the hell out of him.

"No excuses!" Shinji had had enough of the incompetence of Section 2. If they were doing their job, none of this would have happened. "If I see another slip up again, I'll personally make sure that every agent on duty then will be fired."

It was a promise. The agents knew bluffs when they saw one and Shinji definitely had the authority to back it up. It wasn't very well known (and Shinji only learned about it recently), but due to certain politics Shinji had to be accorded as a member of the military since he was technically working for NERV and receiving pay from them. Shinji's official rank (in order to be privy to the secrets of EVA and be a pilot) had to be up to First Lieutenant. A rank that could extend power beyond his division and it didn't hurt that he was probably the only one who could pilot Unit 01.

"I…"

"Just go. Remember what happened here…or else." Shinji said quietly.

"Y-yes sir!" The unlucky agent exclaimed and nodded to the other men the okay to leave.

Soon Shinji was alone again in the bathroom, but despite venting some of his tension Shinji felt worse than ever.

What did I just do? Shinji asked himself in horror.

You grew up a little…congratulations…A part of him answered back with faint bitterness.

…Is this what I want to become? A lowlife blackmailer? Someone who just goes off at any time? A sociopath with no regard for anything, but…what I want?

The Next Day at School

"I can't believe it! I wish I had been there with you taking down those assholes!" Toji pounded his fist against his palm. "I mean I don't like the Red Haired Devil, but even she doesn't deserve that! And they called our bud 'a skinny ass bitch?' I oughta show them how to treat my friends!"

Shinji smiled faintly at the display of solidarity at their friendship, but was still held down by his internal struggle over what he had done.

Kensuke was hunched over in his seat, his fingers stilted in a manner vaguely reminiscent of a certain sunglass clad man. "For the crime of harming our dear comrade, these ruffians must endure a high penalty."

"They already have," said a voice behind the three.

It was Kaji! To Shinji it seemed a little surreal to have someone from work at school outside of Asuka and Rei.

"Heard the story from Section 2. Apparently you chewed them out." Kaji said lazily.

Toji and Kensuke shot Shinji a grin. They were proud of him for actually having the stones to rant at a group of large imposing men. That day Shinji earned infinite man points in their books.

"It's…not something I'm proud of." Shinji broke eye contact from Kaji, his cheeks coloring in shame of his actions that day.

"Why not? You fought a gang all by yourself and saved the girl. Speaking of which, why didn't you tell Asuka that you saved her? According to the report, you told her that she beat them all by herself," Kaji inquired.

"Like I said…I'm not proud of it," Shinji said. His voice was barely above a whisper, still avoiding Kaji's gaze.

"That's not right, Shinji." Kaji said disapprovingly. "Asuka deserves to hear the truth."

"And what the fuck would you know about truth!?" Shinji snapped. However, he instantly felt guilty about taking his frustration and fear of himself on the spy and the sense of shame only increased. "I'm sorry…I didn't mean to…"

Kaji recognized when a man was near his breaking point and knew perfectly well that even before coming to Tokyo 3 that Shinji was already teetering near the edge. It seemed that with everything that had been happening, he was so close to the edge that even the slightest breeze could tip him over…however, there seemed to be only the most slender of threads keeping him grounded. A lot like his father in fact. Kaji repressed a shudder. He had heard about the man that the infamous commander was before the death of his wife. While Gendo Ikari wasn't the greatest of men (far from it), he at least retained some humanity and emotion even while working for SEELE. Now...it took all of Kaji's willpower to even look into the man's glacial, inhuman eyes hidden behind reflective lenses.

"It's all right," Kaji said soothingly.

"I…would rather you not tell Asuka about who really took the rest of them down." Shinji asked.

Oh really? Kaji thought sarcastically. "All right…but you will have to tell her sometime. It can't be a secret forever, you know. Everything comes to the light sooner or later."

If only that were true Shinji thought absentmindedly, but outwardly he answered, "Just not now. So why did you come here?"

"I came for Asuka actually. I got a message from her father to give to her. He insisted that I go personally and since I have a trip to Kyushu, this is the only time I can pass it along. She…hasn't been speaking to him lately." If you defined lately as not so much as a letter or word in the past decade…

At that opportune moment, the aforementioned girl walked in with Hikari.

"Kaji! What are you doing here!?" Asuka hadn't seen the playboy in weeks, so she was enthusiastic to see him…until she was struck by her thoughts the previous day. Is Kaji another replacement? A part of her gave a reply that shook her. Another? There's more than just the one…?

Detecting Asuka's subtle change in mood, Kaji's smile dimmed a little. Why was she less happy to see him now? Pushing aside those thoughts, Kaji went straight into it. "A message from your father."

Asuka definitely wasn't happy now. She frowned and her eyebrows furrowed in exasperation. "How many times do I have to tell you that I'm not going to celebrate that verdammt woman's birthday!?"

"Asuka. She's your mother."

"Step-mother," Asuka corrected through gritted teeth. "That woman is not my real mother."

"All right. That's all I had to pass along." Kaji said in a placatory manner. He turned to Shinji and shot him a look reminding him to tell her. "Oh yeah, Shinji, the commander wants to see you today."

"F-father wants to see me?" Shinji stuttered. It was just unreal that he would want to talk to Shinji out of his own volition. It's probably just about EVA…like every other conversation we've ever had…

"Yup. Right after school. Well, I gotta catch my flight. See you guys." Kaji said cheerfully and left whistling.

Asuka wasted no time in grilling Shinji for all the details of Kaji's talk with him. "So what'd you guys talk about?"

"Nothing." Shinji said simply.

"What do you mean nothing, stupid!?"

"I meant the state of which no matter, concept, and/or purpose exists."

"Don't be an ass! Scheisse! When did a boring little boy like you get a smart mouth?"

"Like to find out how smart?" Shinji said, hoping that the sheer abruptness of it would get Asuka angry enough to be distracted about the conversation. I can't believe I'm actually trying to get Asuka angry! But anything is better than telling her about…that. Kawahara once taught a valuable lesson to Shinji.

Flashback…we missed you so

Shinji was barely keeping on his feet. So far Shinji had beaten silly by Kawahara's…energetic training methods. In the month and a half that he'd been under Kawahara's tutelage, he hadn't even managed to get one hit! I have to keep my distance! Otherwise how else can I take him on? I'm not strong enough!

This logic proved faulty as Shinji was still being hit by the older man's fists.

"Kid…why are you staying away?"

"Because I'm too weak." Shinji replied tiredly. "There's no way for me to even get a single hit on you."

"Moron. You're weak right now, but any idiot can score a hit."

"Not this idiot," Shinji muttered under his breath.

Catching that self disparaging remark, Kawahara sighed. The kid's defeatist attitude was starting to grate on his nerves. He knew that Shinji would never just up and decide to take a risk to attack as long as he thought that he was weak. Kawahara changed tack and decided something more…unconventional.

"How do you know what you know?"

Recognizing one of the major introductions to epistemology, Shinji continued the dialogue as he frantically tried to dodge a leg sweep. "You recognize it through perception, which is inherently biased and flawed."

"On what basis?"

"Our own. Human perception is seminally accepted as incomplete as we are not perfect beings."

"Are there any alternatives available to glean knowledge from the world besides our own perception?"

"No. It is intrinsically flawed as our perception is the only lenses that we may use to understand the world."

"Are you human?"

"Yes."

"Then how do you know what you know about this fight?"

"…I don't" Shinji said wondrously. Shinji felt more hopeful

Taking the hint, Shinji started to get closer into the man's range. With a sudden burst of animation and energy, Shinji threw a haymaker with all his might. It connected! Kawahara fell back onto the ground.

With a proud grin playing around the edges of his mouth, Kawahara spoke up, "Nothing is sure here except for your moral lines. Those you cannot compromise…for in the end they're all you have. The moment you accept a possibility as an absolute, you will fail."

Half paying attention, Shinji was still fascinated by his small victory. Shinji looked surprised at his own fist. I…did it!

Back to the Present

Shinji never fully internalized that particular lesson, but what he did learn then that doing any actions had risk, but for enough reward he might've gained he was willing to do anything. In this case, Shinji recognized that pissing off Asuka would have serious adverse effects on his health, but…if it meant keeping the shame away and the disgusted look that Asuka would undoubtedly give. Asuka was still standing with the rest of the class watching as if this were a deadly ping pong match, going back and forth with each response the two gave.

Asuka opened her mouth at last. "I-I-I"

'What?' thought the class collectively. This was the exact opposite of what they were expecting (which was for Asuka to go on a rampage in her EVA and do…unspeakable things.)

Shinji braced himself for what must be the biggest rant and beat down that Asuka had given in her life judging from the lethal stuttering.

"BAKA!!!" Asuka shrieked before dashing out of the room with oddly pink cheeks.

Still braced for an attack, Shinji tentatively rubbed his eyes in case he hallucinated what he just saw. Huh?

"Shinji…you player!" Toji proudly roared. He may not have understood Shinji's taste in women, but he sure was suave! Who knew that the wimpiest kid in the class (and in a secret poll most likely to be jailbait) could be so awesome at women to even get Asuka?

What just happened? And…is 'player' an upgrade or downgrade from 'pimp'?

After School

Shinji fidgeted as the elevator went down. He felt like he was Dante descending through the nine rings of hells. He'd done this trip hundreds of times, but he still felt as apprehensive and anxious as he did the first time went to the Geofront. Barely registering the chime indicating that the ride was over, Shinji automatically walked out. He already went on it so many times that he instinctively knew the duration.

Trying to keep his breathing under control, Shinji tried to think of it like another spar with Kawahara. No matter of life or death, but just a test of ability and cunning. If it was anything that Shinji learned, it was cunning. Against opponents like the ones in the bathroom and Kawahara, he couldn't overpower them, so he had to trick them with feints and shocking speed. Before he knew it, he was right in front of the door of Gendo Ikari, commander of NERV. Taking a deep breath and occupying his quiet space, he knocked.

"Enter," commanded a cold masculine voice.

Shinji tightly gripped the doorknob for a good five seconds before screwing up all his courage to turn it.

"Shinji…" Gendo said, an imposing silhouette wrapped in shadow behind his massive desk. His outline was outlined by a window behind him, but it showed only bright light that made Shinji squint a little from the glare. "I was informed that you threatened your bodyguards by pulling rank. Normally this would be perfectly within your seldom used powers as a pilot, but they filed a complaint against you and demanded that I speak with you personally over your behavior. Apparently, you are 'intimidating.'"

Gendo raised his eyebrow by a fraction of an inch, disbelieving the words as he surveyed the slight boy before him. Shinji couldn't believe the words too, but acknowledged it with a faint grimace. Intimidating? I always thought that a teddy bear would be more intimidating than me…and a lot more cuddly…not that I care…because men aren't cuddly. We're tough a-and…manly! Despite growing a great deal in the last few months, Shinji still held rather…chauvinistic ideas of how to be a man which really wasn't a surprise. His few male role models were hardly fully functional themselves. Kawahara only spoke when necessary and Shinji (while very unobtrusive) was not someone who was shy enough to keep his opinion to himself at all times anymore. Feeling himself on the verge of shaking uncontrollably, Shinji clamped down on his emotions and calmly spoke.

"And what specifically would you like to speak to me about?" Was that really me?

"No subject that they insisted that I discuss with you. Their concerns regarding your authority are irrelevant and moot point." Gendo was surprised at his son's cold demeanor. There was no love lost between them, but Shinji normally stutters or flusters about. "However, I must impress upon you the responsibility of power…"

Calm. Controlled. And silent in attack. Shinji reminded himself. These were the major tenets that Kawahara taught him. Sucking air through his teeth and breathing out his nose, Shinji replied, "I suppose you'd know all about responsibility"

Best defense is a good offense. Find the weak point and stab at it with precision and as much force mustered. Kawahara said in Shinji's mind.

"…What are you implying, Pilot Ikari?" Gendo said frigidly.

"That a grown man who can't even handle a five year old child would know nothing about the ability to handle important tasks." Shinji said. I know that I'm scared and that I'll regret this later…but what's the point of being forced into this if I can't take a risk? This is my chance to tell father how I really feel and think about him…If I don't do it now, I'll never do it…and I'll regret it for the rest of my life. I don't want any more pain. After all…isn't telling father my feelings more important than the punishment?

"How dare you!?" The commander roared.

"NO! How dare you!?" Shinji roared back. "You left me! You couldn't deal and you left!"

For more than once, Gendo Ikari was reminded of exactly how much Shinji resembled his mother in the way he could see into the heart of the matter. He knew that he couldn't refute the point, so he didn't.

"Leave the room."

"No." Shinji ground out. "Listen to me for five minutes…you owe me that much."

"I don't like your tone, Pilot Ikari." Why is he showing resistance now? ...I do owe him this much…Gendo Ikari wasn't especially fond of his son, but as much as he buried his emotions, the sting of guilt and shame was just under the surface. The memory of the happy days with his wife and child together just made it all that much more painful. This was why Gendo Ikari burnt every picture of his wife and sent his son away. Seeing Shinji always reminded him of his greatest failure. He failed to protect the most important thing in the world, his wife.

"Tough." Shinji snapped. However, for all his outward lack of patience, Shinji didn't hate his father necessarily…but he couldn't say that he cared for him.

Gendo had had enough and buzzed for security to come in. Shinji's attention was elsewhere when three guards came in. Two of them clapped their hands on Shinji's shoulders to forcibly escort him out of the office. One of them thought, Poor kid. Can't even talk to his father without being strong armed in or out.

Unfortunately months of training under Kawahara left Shinji's reflexes and reactions…explosive when something took him by surprise. Without thinking, he gripped the hands on his shoulders and twisted them forcing the guards to their knees from the painful clinch. On instinct, Shinji rammed his knee for the kill shot into one of the kneeling guard's face.

NO! screamed a voice in Shinji's mind.

Shinji snapped out of it and stopped an inch from the guard's head. What was I doing!? What have I done!? What could I have done!!?? I-I almost killed him without a second thought!

Stumbling back through the door, he mumbled in horror, "I'm a monster…"

Gendo sat behind his desk, impassively observing the events. However, inside his mind was in complete disarray over the turn of events. Little did Shinji know that he repeated the same words that Gendo himself had said when he realized the path he was walking. He's more like me than he knows…no…he can't be. He has to stay like his mother…not me. I cause too much pain to people and get the favor returned…he can't become like me…otherwise, my work…my aversion was for nothing. If he changes into what I am, he'll threaten the scenario…and should I fail to revive Yui…then Shinji might start my work again if he continues this path…Yui wouldn't have wanted that future for him. I wouldn't want that upon him. To be like me, where all I touch recoils and I recoil back…

At times like these, the loss of his beloved wife was just short of unbearable. Yui was the only person who didn't hurt him or that he didn't hurt back by just being around her. Shinji was an extension of Yui to Gendo. He wanted to keep that last part of her that he had from being hurt.

Flashback…

Sniffling slightly as he brought his collar up higher against the cold wind, Gendo Ikari stood on ruins of the Antarctic base. He sighed at the fresh pain of leaving his son so soon after watching his mother's death. This would undoubtedly leave indelible and inveterate marks on the boy's fragile mind. I failed Yui. I didn't protect her…or him. I just cause both of them pain. The thing is that nowadays all Shinji and I give each other is pain…I used to feel so happy around them when Yui was optimistically talking about the future. Now…I feel like a failure around him…he's so much like his mother. Shinji…is better off without me. I don't want to live with the shame for the rest of my life, knowing that I ruined his life…I already ruined Yui's…I poison everything I touch…Yui learned that too late when I failed to get her out of the entry plug that day…However, if I'm right about what SEELE is hiding, a scenario can come to fruition and I can-

"Sir! We've found it!" A young technician shouted.

Feeling his pulse racing, Gendo rushed to see. Yes…this is it…

Later on the ship, Gendo was poring over the transcripts of the scrolls and the beginning of a plan was forming. I-I can't believe it! I knew that the being we found was of ungodly power, but…could I really do this? I can see the clear line. From the despair we're in…to the brilliant future with Yui alive and well again…I owe this to Shinji…to bring his mother back…and to bring back the only woman I had ever loved…However…what I'll have to do! The line to follow! Could I do it? I'd have to be some sort of monster to do what is necessary for all our happiness'…I'm no moral paragon and I've made a lot of mistakes that led to people's deaths…but Yui…I couldn't bear to see her in pain…in disappointment of what I'll have done to get her back. And Shinji…undoubtedly for the scenario I'm imagining, he will be in such pain…but it could be worth all our pain for this…a perfect world of only us…Gendo shook his head, baffled at the moral conflict. He was hardly the most ethical person other there, but he had a line that even he dare not crossed…however, ever since Yui's death, he felt himself getting so close to it with all that he had done for SEELE. Once again, he repeated. I'd have to be some sort of monster…

"Give me it," snarled a shadow from the doorway. Gendo's head jerked from his hands. How did an intruder get in?

"I…don't know what you're talking about," Gendo replied coolly.

"Don't act innocent. We've been tracking you for some time."

"I'm sorry, but I'm afraid you're mistaken." Gendo stood up off his bunk and took one step before hearing the distinct click of a hammer being cocked.

"One more step…" warned the silhouette.

"You're obviously a man of ability if you were able to penetrate the ship security without even raising one alarm," Gendo drawled, heeding the words, but remaining as calm as he did when he was back on the ice. "Perhaps one wasted on the likes of the Japanese Interior Ministry."

The intruder gave an imperceptible start. "Where did you get that information?"

"Just a postulate that you just confirmed." Gendo smirked.

"Give me what you found!" demanded the unknown spy.

"I'm sorry, but…I'm afraid you're mist-" Gendo broke in mid-sentence to lunge at the man. In his experience, with situations like these, surprise is the one and only weapon that he had. The two struggled with the gun, desperately trying to gain control of it. A shot rang out. A body dropped to the ground. It wasn't the spy or Gendo's. It was the form of the young technician sprawled on the ground, blood leaking out of his temple. He had heard the commotion and come down to investigate. The unknown man was spooked and ran off before throwing his gun into the water through an open window. He couldn't be connected to the incident. Gendo gaped at the innocent he just killed, shaken to his core.

I-I-I killed him. While Gendo had gotten into numerous fights and scuffles, he had never killed anybody. Second impact hardly counted since to both Gendo and Yui, the sacrifice of the southern hemisphere and the environment was well worth compressing Adam to a smaller form. With Adam in a more readily studied form, they could study and derive inventions to benefit all of humanity. In the rationale of the people at GEHIRN, the people who were sacrificed hardly had lives to begin with considering all the turmoil in those regions leftover from European imperialism. Under the new research, they could lead the way for a brighter future for humanity and possibly space exploration for humanity's continued existence beyond Earth.

I killed a man with my bare hands…all to continue the scenario that I don't even know that I'm going to continue with!...I'm disgusting…vile…a monster…

A new insidious, selfish voice spoke. That should make doing what is necessary even easier…

Same day, outside the Movie Theater

Shinji leaned against the brick wall waiting. He glanced at his clock. It was something he was quite used to after two months, but he was always still nervous before going out with her. She was the one who (rather aggressively) insisted that he take her out, but not on an official 'date' per se. A social outing as it were for them to get to know each other better and for her to interact with the world at large. Shinji just figured that she might be a little embarrassed to be seen with him considering her reputation. It was still a surprise to Shinji that she chose him to be her escort on her outings, but she might have been embarrassed to be with him in public since she asked that he keep it secret. Like any girl would want to be anything but friends with me…Shinji thought self deprecatingly.

"Shinji," An unassuming voice said, interrupting his reverie.

He turned around and gave a small smile. A girl stood behind him wearing a simple white blouse and a conservative blue skirt that matched her hair.

"Hey Rei."

A/N: Not a lot of humor in here I know. Don't worry, the comedy will make a return, but at least you got some kung fu fighting, right? Also, Rei isn't going out with Shinji. The pairing is still up and it ain't fluff. The full explanation of Rei's approach will be in the next chapter. You'll note that Shinji is actually going in the opposite direction of what Kawahara described, but is walking the same one as Kawahara did. Shinji is being drawn to the harsh morality of utilitarianism, which will be immensely beneficial to his overall psyche, but it will strip him of a great deal of his happiness. Despite it all, I'm going to make Shinji sustain a core of compassion, so that makes his potential utilitarian guidelines even more painful. Shinji is just now discovering his capacity to be like and how much he already resembles his father. In short, Shinji is starting to find his dark side. Asuka will continue to have clashes of identity from what is expected of her to what she really is. I've changed a few details about Asuka's past. Here Asuka still pretends about the happy family, but in this case she doesn't speak to her parents much and stays with Kaji as a guardian. Also in case you're wondering a CPA stands for Certified Public Accountant and MPs refers to the Military Police. Since I've been neglecting Rei's development, the next chapter will heavily feature her, but Shinji will still be there. And the mystery of Dreamland will be unveiled a little.