I OWN NOTHING

Long story short: I had a lot of decisions that I wasn't happy with and ended with me hitting my head to pick the ones I liked most. It came out fun, at least.

XXXXXX

In an ideal life, Naruto would be enjoying himself at his house's dining room with the radio playing soothing yet energetic jazz. He could smell a delicious breakfast being cooked while he read the newspaper. He was clad in a Black Egret high-rank commander uniform with tons of medals and his right bionic arm holding a coffee mug as he read the comic section. He had gotten taller and more muscular, sexier as Peacock'd say.

"Just give up, Charlie, you are never going to kick the football without magic powers." He took a sip before noticing movement at his right side, making him grin.

Less than a second later and he had a little girl in his arm, a girl he then sat in her lap as she giggled, "Come on, I had you! Don't I get a reward?" she asked with an innocent grin in her bright blue eyes while her long black hair… yawned.

"Morning, Pops… Morning Mom and Dad." Said the sleepy face on the back of her head while also helping the little girl straighten up her summer dress.

"Morning, kiddoes." Said the face on the back of the chef's head, the woman at the oven nearly finishing breakfast.

If Naruto had gotten manlier, Filia got even more goddess-like with a rounder and bigger yet not really obese body. She was curvier and her school uniform had long been hung, though she and Naruto kept it for special nights. Now she wore a pair of black house pants with slippers, a house coat, and a very attractive tube top that propped up her breasts nicely.

"Caroline, you and Jr. shouldn't bother your father today." The literally two-faced woman said before smiling at her handiwork, "Alright, first try without burning anything!"

"You're still taking it awfully well that I came to be because of Pops, Dad." The face on the back of Caroline's head said.

The little girl beamed, "That's because we're family, right?"

"So long as we don't discuss how that happened until you need to learn about the birds and the bees…" Naruto whispered to himself.

"Agreed." Samson said, glad that he was knocked out cold when the whole process happened with some hard vodka.

And in real life, Naruto was snoring face down on a pillow after the drugs finally put him to sleep with a massive grin on his face. He was mumbling unintelligible gibberish about a happy life. On one of the lab's liring rooms, though, Filia and Cerebella kept their glares locked after being forced by Avian to sit down and relax while their friend healed. Nadia simply decided to scratch herself behind her ears by taking off her head.

Peacock, though, "In love and war there's no fairness, but let's try to be fair." She said with a shark grin to the other girls interested in the blond, Miss Fortune's eyes perking up.

"I'm afraid I'd still leave you in the dust, but I'd like to make it known I won fair and square." Cerebella said with a saucy wink.

Filia fumed at that but nodded at the small redhead, "What do you mean, then? A competition?"

"Something like that, sweet cheeks." Peacock grinned wider, "Methinks we should understand why each of us likes him, besides his sexy butt. I know my story will be the best, but you can try to impress."

Nadia wished she had brought popcorn, but she pondered, "Minette did say he had fans, maybe I could make a quick buck making them fight for him and selling tickets…" her eyes shone for a second as she contemplated the idea, but then just decided to rest her whole body on the couch and let the blond rest in his room away from them… while he could, that is.

Filia blushed and looked down, "What can a girl say?" she grabbed handfuls of her skirt, "Even if he had all the reasons to be afraid of me, he just accepted… everything. The amnesia, Samson, and even me being Vitale's niece. I don't know why he did it, I was just trying to be nice but it's like that was enough for him to put everything he had on the line for me… How could I not love someone that kind?"

Cerebella blushed too but put on a sly smile, "Well, a girl can say she likes her hero. Someone who despite everything the world throws at him still tries to do the right thing just to help others. He had no reason to help me, and I never gave him one for him to think well of me, but," her smile turned warm, "I'd lie if I said I didn't feel relief when he tried to win my freedom. I feel like I can actually be myself thanks to him."

Peacock smirked with rosy cheeks, "Nice, however I got a lot to thank the guy for. Beating up those Medici flunkies, saying he would fight because of people who believe in him, and just not giving up… Well, I'm a sucker for classics and he's a good cliché hero. But…" she pulled down her hat to hide her face, "Dammit, the way he beat those guys made me feel alive. I felt like the world was a better place when he smiled."

And then, Cerebella ruined the moment with a grin, "Oh, what happened to having the best reason?"

Peacock beamed as she tipped up her hat, "Mine's at least less cliché than yours. Besides, he's said he likes this bird's tail feathers over yours."

"There'd have to be an existing tail for starters!" Filia puffed her cheeks cutely in a pouty glare.

As the three started discussing, Big Band approached the feline thief, "They really need to give it a rest, the same song and dance repeating over and over will burn them out in the end."

"Don't be so flat, man." As always Nadia had some of the most impressively bad puns, "I like the way this quartet's… Uh, quartet… Dang it, ran out of musical puns already."

Seeing her face fall, the fedora wearing man walked off, "I should be thankful about it. Anyway, make sure they don't break anything and-"

"And that they break a leg?!" it was like she was expecting that line, but whether she planned for him to say that or not was what really worried the walking orchestra.

"Just make sure they don't break anything, and keep your claws to yourself. I did some reading some time back as a cop, and know a thing or two about curiosity and cats, especially involving you."

Nadia put on her best grin, "But officer, I'm as innocent as a kitty."

"Do you think I'm that dumb?"

"Well…"

"Can it."

Just as the group were having their discussions, someone decided to ruin the mood with a grin under her surgeon mask, "Time for your physical…" Valentine said as she walked to the sleeping Naruto, reaching for her bone saw with one hand and a needle with the other, "What to do, what to do? This'd be so much easier if you could just scream, then I would have some fun out of this."

She was about to stab his neck and inject his already heavily sedated body with a nasty black fluid, and her plan was utterly ruined when a single scalpel flew from the shadows and nailed the syringe. Gasping first in shock which instantly turned into anger, the nurse turned around to face the one responsible. None other than a good natured red eyed doctor stood before her with a nervous yet strong look in his eyes.

The man knew he was in danger and that he just blew any chances he had of seeing the children in his care grow up and have kids of their own, but he'd be damned if he let someone harm any of his patients, "I do believe we took an oath to save anyone within our reach. Now, though, I would ask why you're here but I know you won't be that kind to an old man like myself who only came here to check on his patient."

The nurse lifted her arms to show three sharp scalpels between each hand's fingers, "Trust me, I'm doing you a service sending you to the reaper sooner than needed. Sooner or later there'll be a new Skullgirl, and what that happens you may actually thank me for this."

Dr. Avian swallowed a hard lump in his throat while locking his eyes with the kunoichi's only visible one. He had no doubt his life would end if he made a bad move, but the alarm button was close to the door which was behind her. He could try and make a run for it, yet he quickly shot down the idea when the blue haired woman's lips curled into a smirk visible through his mask. He closed his eyes… and ran forward!

Even if it was a blind charge, even if it was beyond stupid, and even if he knew he'd die regardless of the situation, the man knew, he just knew that he had to do something, anything! He was a doctor, his job was to help others, and he could see it, "Sorry, but I'm betting that boy can make a difference and end this madness once and for all!" He extended his hand towards the alarm, ready to get the cavalry…

"Gutsy, but not good enough." A chilling voice said behind Avian and he felt something cold and slimy coil around his legs, making him fall flat on his face as the thing, some rope or perhaps a snake, tightened up. He gave a grunt and turned to see an angelical face with closed eyes… fused to a mass of flesh, organs and body parts that moved and wiggled like something out of a purposely disturbing horror movie.

He couldn't even cry when one of the thing's tentacles clamped around his mouth to keep him from yelling or calling for help, all the while the nurse inched closer to him, "Now don't be afraid, doctor. This will only hurt for a second, and then you won't feel anything at all."

Avian held his breath as he watched the needle approach his face, his whole body tensing at what could happen, though he noted that it wasn't filled with the same liquid Valentine planned to put into Naruto. He wished he could warn anyone, he wished he could see the children in his lab play outside with other children, he wished to listen to Big Band's music, he wished to see Peacock happy with a good man…

"Good morning, housekeeping!" Avian's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets when a green blur appeared beside him, swinging a familiar chokuto at Double and using his new robotic arm's dagger to cut the syringe, "Hey there, doc… I may be a little groggy but… these are the bad guys… well, girls…"

Avian was helped to his feet by Naruto's new robotic arm, but he could see in the teen's half-lidded eyes and opened mouth taking deep breaths that the drugs hadn't fully worn off, "Be careful Naruto, the woman with blue hair is a warrior trained to take care of Skullgirls, and that thing that is her companion mustn't be a pushover either."

Naruto grinned as he threw his blades in the air, catching the dagger in his left hand and the sword in his right, "Well, my vision may be swirling and I swear the ground didn't use to be yellow when I was put in here, but… what the Hell, this'll help me crack some joints into place and see how bad a Skullgirl is…"

"You think you can take us when you're still pumped full of sedatives?" Valentine asked with a saucy smirk behind her mask, leaning down, "How about I tuck you in, sweetie?"

Shaking his head to get his sights straight in her eye, Naruto took a dual-sword stance, "Lady, you and your pet octopus can… stop talking and just… just give me a minute…" he leaned against the bed, trying to aim both swords at the nurse and the pile of flesh that was Double.

The nurse let out a loud cackle, "You're making this way more hilarious than-" she gasped with her single eye going wide when three scalpels nearly hit her. She quickly dodged them and flipped back, only to see another barrage coming her way. Biting her lower lip, she brought out her bone saw and deflected the projectiles and saw Naruto push himself off the bed with his swords ready.

"Ok… I'm not thinking straight, so screw it…" he chuckled, stumbling forward towards them, "I'll beat you the only way I know how… I'll just go nuts."

Shaking his head, he made his way to Valentine, who growled and charged right at him with her bone saw ready behind her back. She expected anything… anything except seeing the blond fall flat on his face. She didn't know whether to laugh or use the opportunity, but didn't have time to even think on that. The blond groaned and forced his body to roll forward over his face until he was down on both knees before her.

Valentine gasped when two sloppy but lightning fast slashes nearly hit her, striking her midriff and mask. Naruto, still on the floor, grinned dizzily while the doctor could only gape at how absolutely absurd and downright bizarre things had become. Valentine's sneer could be feel fully along her bellybutton. She thanked her reaction speed and training, but cursed how illogically resourceful the boy before her really was.

Naruto tried to get up but fell flat on his back with a yelp, the sedatives at least nullified some of the pain but they didn't help make the world spin less. The world spun and spun until he was face to face with himself, only that he never had purple hair, a peach-colored uniform or a black shirt. And he was sure his eyes were never purely red orbs, but he could tell when someone was about to stab him with copies of his blades.

Rolling to the side proved to be useful to avoid the two replicas of his swords, and he could see Double in action when his copy's body morphed and turned into an exact but differently copy image of Filia's, "Hey!" he shouted, forcing himself up on wobbly knees, "You can use my ugly mug all you want, but that face is too pretty for some twisted thug to use."

"Oh?" Double smirked with Filia's face, before changing to Cerebella's, "Are you mad I…" and then a second Peacock stared at him, "…look like your friends or…" a Big Band replica stared at him, "…are you too attached…" and finally Umbrella grinned nastily at him, "…to hurt them?"

"I'm just tired of people using others." He growled, "It doesn't matter whether it's a name, their face, or manipulating them… Using others to try to hurt someone is something I can't forgive. So show me your face, whoever you are, your real face!" he hunched over, his legs shaking but his eyes set on her, "Show me what you really look like so I can understand who I'm judging!"

Valentine cackled, "So much barking, so little biting. Do you think you can just claim how much of a hero you'll be and do things because you claim you can do so? What era do you live in?"

Naruto smirked, "I should ask you two that…" he aimed his chokuto at them, "If I've learned anything from your kind, is that you all live in the past, focusing too much on that instead of moving forward!"

The two women cringed at his words, the strength and passion behind them felt like it hit them in a very sore spot, especially for Double, "Little brat, what do you know about our past?! You think you can actually judge me?! You know nothing of that bitch that tried to fool you, what she did to me! I planned on having you help me get rid of her, but I'll teach you some manners!"

Narrowing his eyes, the blond stepped forward, "Right here and now, in this new life, I will use this sword to strike down evil! I am Naruto Uzumaki, for trying to harm my new home and the innocents that live in it along Dr. Avian and the people under his care, I'll strike you down!"

After such an inspirational speech, his hot-blood could only get him so far when still filled to the eyebrows with sedatives. He face-planted, his face meeting the ground in the most unceremonious way possible with a single foot up. Valentine had to hold her sides with one arm as she bent backwards, a finger aimed at him while she burst in laughter so hard her mask nearly flew off her face. Even Double could not help but let out what was akin to the sound of regurgitation in the form of laughter. Avian could only sweat and realize this was the person he was relying upon to protect him.

Valentine walked to the boy, wiping a tear off her eye, "Oh, I wish they made more fools like him. It makes one feel better." She pulled out a syringe filled to the brim with her special cocktail of serums, "Stay like that, this'll be just a pinch." She threw it right at the blond, nailing him in the neck… and seeing him turn into a cloud of smoke, which revealed a log, "What?!"

A loud noise, the kind heard when meat is smacked hard, made her turn around to see Double. One of the shapeshifting creature's many faces was twisted in confusion and surprise, the same as Valentine's when seeing her reluctant ally fly at her. Both nurse and nun fell down away from the doctor and the door, while the real Naruto waddled his way to stand between Avian and the two increasingly enraged women.

"That won't work twice." He told the good doctor, "I can keep them busy while you get out, doc. But I can only fool around for so long the way I am. Please, look for help."

Avian nodded and ran off, his mind and heart racing, "What an extraordinary young man, was that really wit or was it luck? Whatever it is, there's no denying he has the skills to overcome his fear."

Naruto wouldn't say much about the whole overcoming fears thing, but he knew he had to stand and give the two women before him the fight of their lives. Either that or let whatever madness happened in the world repeat itself with more innocent people affected by it. Drugged or not, he wanted to keep them safe. His life had been miserable and thrown him into a new world, and he liked his new home, enough to fight for it! With that in mind, he forced his legs to stop shaking and stood at his full height before the two, resting his chokuto on his shoulder and holding the shorter blade in front of him defensively.

"Cute moves, but you won't be good with those drugs in your system boy," Valentine flipped a scalpel in her hand, gripping it in a reverse hold, her teeth biting through her mask with a leer. She was looking forward to beating him down, then finishing the job she was there to do.

In response to her taunting, and Double slowly forming several tentacles with organic club like structures at the end, Naruto merely stabbed his organic arm without warning. Using the parrying dagger attached in his cybernetic one, the suddenness of this bizarre motion making both of his opponents gape at him. He could only grin weakly as he had meant to prepare an attack on them, and then look surprised as he felt something in his dagger clink. The pistons and pumps on his arm begun whirring, odd colored steam pouring from the pipe like structures, before he felt his drug addled mind clear up without warning.

The feeling of his head being clear caused him to stumble forward, then calmly and almost casually grab Valentine's scalpel hand, flipping her over his back before his arm swung out and impacted her stomach. A blood spray came out from her mouth, before she landed on her feet shakily. Coughing, Valentine wiped blood away from her mouth, Naruto calmly swinging his chokuto around with far more daftness and gracefulness before he grinned widely.

"Now that's more like it." He chuckled softly, before sighing tiredly, "I should probably stop cutting myself to get out of bad spots…"

"Hey-o!" Nadia's cheerful voice was accompanied by her darting like a cat into the room, jumping up and landing with her claws up while bouncing on the balls of her feet, "What'd I miss?"

"Me falling on my face." Naruto said truthfully, "So, where're the others?"

"Catching up, they're not as fast as yours truly, but!" she said cheekily as a hole opened on the ground beneath Valentine.

Reacting on instinct the kunoichi flipped back and saw a mallet sip past where her head had been, Peacock jumping out of the hole soon after, "Hey, hold still! You know how makeup's supposed to be smashing!"

"And I thought your jokes were bad." Naruto told the cat girl.

Double remained calm, "It seems we have to even things out…"

Valentine nodded before lowering her mask with one hand and sliding her other hand's thumb and index finger into her mouth to whistle loudly, "Painwheel!"

Her call had a nightmarish, blood chilling scream echo in the lab's walls. The sound of walls breaking accompanied some sort of beast's growls and snarls until the last one had the group see the source. It was a black haired girl with her hair done in a bun held together with pins, a ragged white, sleeveless dress, and no shoes. Naruto hated his mind being clear for what he saw on her made him feel hurt for her. Black veins adorned her arms and legs, a mask was surgically stitched to her face along her lips while two red eyes stared at him, and a sharp four-bladed pinwheel the size of her body was attached to her spine.

Her weapon moved behind her like a tail, the blades spinning slowly while she stepped closer in a way that was extremely painful to watch, she even had nails on her shoulders, making see her arch her arms hurt, "Shred… rip… tear…" she growled with so much fury in her voice it made the three fighters that wanted to protect the lab step back, "I will claw… you to BLOODY PIECES!"

Her cry was followed by her lunging at Naruto with black steel nails shooting out of her fingertips like claws. He blocked her strike with his chokuto and swiftly after stopped her other claw from stabbing his sides with his dagger. Nadia replied by jumping over him, using a hand on his shoulder for support to kick Painwheel on the face, only for her leg to meet her spinning pinwheel. The cat girl yelped in pain as her leg was cut like ham, but endured it. So long as she reattached her limbs she'd be fine.

Rampaging towards him with a terrifying scream, Painwheel tried attacking the blond only for Peacock to skid in front of her. Before the berserk girl could attack, Avery pointed out a rocket launcher from Peacock's hat and then unleashing an RPG directly into the monstrous girl's face. Fire erupted out and made her howl in agony as her mask clad face burnt. Swinging out his sword, Naruto was able to reel Peacock back when she grabbed his blade with one hand.

The glove became covered in a steel like substance as he flipped her up and out of the way of Double's retaliation strike. Bone clubs smashed the earth violently as the fake nun cursed when Mrs. Fortune zipped past her via blood jets. Her claws were already swinging out and ripping apart the flesh tendrils the bone clubs were attached to in the first place.

"You're really pissing me off kid!" Valentine slammed her bone saw against Naruto's chokuto, the blond suddenly getting a crazy idea as he rammed his head forward and kissed Valentine after his other hand pulled down her mask.

Shocked by this, she was unprepared for him to follow up with a knee to her gut, sending her stumbling back, even while Peacock gained a surprisingly annoyed and aggravated expression, "It's what I do for a living, annoy the Hell out of people who'd attack others!" he cheered, still feeling some of the drugs' after-effects in his system, though a growing anger slowly burned it. "Besides, even I can tell what you did to her wasn't because she chose to… I am not walking out of this place without breaking that mask of hers!"

He drunkenly charged at the three invaders with his chokuto and dagger at his side, Double turned into Parasoul and parried his strike with the parasol like it were a fencing sword, while pulling a pistol. Peacock was quicker on the draw and appeared over the blond with her own large revolver in hand. The girl's gun didn't shoot bullets, but a large RPG-like sword that cut Double's projectile and forced her to back up. He wouldn't let the shapeshifter escape, and threw his dagger at her, nailing her.

The amorphous blob slithered back with a guttural growl, yanking the blade out with a tendril before glaring at the blond, only to see him gone. While she was busy, he was running right at Painwheel, who hollered at the sight of him and charged back, with her nails extending into long, deadly claws. He parried the ones from her right hand swing using the chokuto, while letting his robotic arm take the punishment from the other. Once he had her close and she growled at him, he did what he knew best would work that close to a girl: he delivered a solid head-butt that sent her to the floor.

However, the heavy dose of drugs still running in his veins and the forced cut on his arm to get most of them out of his system combined with the strike didn't do well for his head. His legs shuddered and he fell down to one knee. Valentine, seeing her opening, appeared right behind him in a cloud of smoke with a pair of defibrillators in hand. She would have fried his head even more had she not heard the sound of someone hitting something like it were a volleyball, which was what Nadia did with her disembodied head.

"Heads up!" she playfully cheered, sending her open-mouthed head at the nurse's shoulder, biting on it hard enough to make the hardened kunoichi cringe and stumble before letting go of the pads to get her off.

Double was about to react, but saw something even more impressive, and she also heard it. She turned at the sound of a loud, echoing smack from one hitting his own face, or rather punching it. Naruto got up with shaky legs yet again, a red mark on his cheek from his own fist to keep himself awake and aware of the situation, and a glare aimed at her. For the first time in countless years, Double was starting to feel afraid. The boy was relentless, no matter how much one hurt him or how much he had to hurt himself, he'd get up to keep fighting.

"Ok… that did the trick…" he groaned, before spitting blood on the ground, "I'll be taking the girl with me, whether you like it or not, you oversized pile of discount beef…"

Avery groaned, "Wow boss, and I thought your jokes were bad."

"Hey, that's my future husband you're talkin' about, birdbrain." She whisper-shouted to her feathery companion.

While the team was distracted by Peacock's declaration, Double growled and turned to Valentine, "Have her go all out!"

"Shame, he was stupid but cute…" the nurse said before pulling out a remote with a red button.

"Shut up!" Painwheel shouted, clutching her head in agony letting out a roar that showed her pain, "RRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGHHHH!"

Naruto barely reacted when the young girl lunged at him like a drill of claws and blades, stopping her spinning blades with his swords and bringing up a knee to stop a set of claws aiming for his lungs.

"Oh biscuits!" Nadia cursed in the same way she did around the ever manners-obsessed Minette.

He grunted at the excruciating pain, and yet forced a smirk to the girl that surprised everyone, "It hurts… It hurts, alright?! But it doesn't hurt as much as seeing you like this! Wake up!"

Using his oldest wake-up move, he did the same for Painwheel as he did for Gaara: he slammed his forehead so hard on hers that the girl's mask was broken!

Valentine and double stepped back after what they just witnessed. A perfect Anti-Skullgirl weapon developed by them to stop a near-godlike being was taken down by a single head-butt. If it had been anyone other than Naruto "Screw the rules, I have friendships and determination" Uzumaki, they would have trouble believing it. As it was, the two narrowed their eyes at the blond before the busty kunoichi pulled out a smoke pellet from her generous assets just when they heard the others come rushing in. With a cloud of smoke they were gone, the lab was safe, and Naruto would need more medical attention and a way to explain why he had another girl to deal with in his life.

All in all, Naruto saw it as an usual Tuesday in his life.

XXXXXX

"Let me get this straight… You know her?" Naruto asked while the unmasked Painwheel sat on her own bed's edge with a dull expression on her face, though her red eyes were focused on Filia.

The voluptuous schoolgirl nodded, "I know so, she… she was important before I lost my memory. There was a reason I wanted to help her, but…" she looked down, "I don't know if I should. I may have been part of the problem… I don't even know, I hate this amnesia gimmick!" she was pulling her hair, poor Samson crying at the yanking.

"Ow! Watch it, kid! And you, blondie, do something! This is your problem as well!"

"I believe we've had enough excitement for a night." Dr. Avian said finishing the last patching up on Naruto's leg, "Patricia and your friend Cerebella are doing shifts to watch the lab after that attack, not to mention everyone is shaken. However…" he looked at the scarred girl, "That mad doctor, to do this to a girl… If I were a good twenty years younger, I'd have given him a good left hook to the face."

"Uh…" Painwheel started, staring at Filia who felt her chest tighten, "You… know me?"

The parasite user nodded, "You're… Carol, you're someone I was looking for… somehow, deep down, I wanted to find you. Tell me, was I-" she shut up when the human weapon hugged her tightly, closing her eyes in a serene manner without shedding a tear.

"Thank… you…" she growled with some pain still in her voice, before turning to Naruto, "Thank you, and… sorry about the knee…"

"I see you're… forward…" Naruto said, feeling awkward after what he just saw but trying to remain strong, "And don't worry, I can heal this in no time. That hug of yours came out of nowhere, and I didn't even-" before he could playfully say he didn't get a hug from the scarred girl, he got one.

Then she gave them the most awkward, oddly cute smile they had ever seen, "Thank you!"

Avian hummed, "Something that you did with that head-butt may have knocked whatever that madman did to her."

"So my hubby's head is not only hard, but useful? Nice!" Peacock said as she appeared from a hole on the ground, sitting on a stool while smiling at the blond boy.

Carol stared at Filia for a moment longer, "You… tried to be nice to me, so… that's why I wanted to thank you… My body… still hurts, but I feel like I can… think again…"

"Then I guess you wouldn't mind answering us a few things." Naruto said calmly, "We got to find those two that were playing with you and someone else. It's about time we tie a lot of loose ends that this world didn't even know until tonight."

Cerebella walked in followed by Big Band, nodding to his words, "Agreed. The lab looks safer, so just tell me when you need me to kick some beat someone up for you." Vice Versa flexed its arms.

"I could use some action, so tell me if you need a good beat. Consider it my way of paying you for keeping the doc safe." The one-man band said.

"Say the word, honey! I'll pain this town red for ya!" Peacock cheered.

Nadia giggled as she put her hands behind her head, "I may as well finish this game and see it through. Count me in."

Painwheel flexed her hands, "You helped me… so I'll help you…"

Filia nodded to him, "You know I won't leave your side after everything we went through."

"I have to disagree here…" said none other than Parasoul, walking in with Umbrella pouting behind her, "I can't let you go… Not with a good plan, at least."

Naruto smiled at the friends he made in such a short amount of time, "Then it's about time we close this chapter. Come on, guys, let's face tomorrow and whatever it brings, and make sure it's a good day!"

Everyone cheered before he confused them yet again by lifting his fist with his knuckles aimed to them, "Do you want us to bump fists with you? How old are you?" hearing Umbrella say that hurt his pride.

He snickered, though, "It's something I did with this weird old guy I met back home… I don't know what my home may be like now, and I may never know, but I wanted to move forward and avoid regretting anything while I live here. Right now I want to befriend you somehow, even if it's in the same silly way he did. So, what do you say?"

Filia was the first, putting her fist on his lightly, "If you needed confirmation that we're friends, you needn't even ask."

Her fist was followed by a hairier one, "What she said. You've been watching over her, so I'll watch over you." Samson said with a smile Naruto matched.

"Well, if it's one step closer to the wedding…" Peacock said with a sassy smile aimed at Cerebella, which the acrobat returned.

"I'll make you the happiest man after all you did for me, so never doubt me." The green head said as she and the redhead put their fists on his.

"Too mushy, but I guess I can deal with bumping around you guys." Nadia said, bringing a few groans around her as she bumped his fist with hers.

Parasoul stared puzzled at the fist, bringing her own to it, "It's an odd but certainly… enjoyable bonding activity. It's the least I can do for a fine soldier."

Umbrella huffed, "I liked you as my soldier, but…" she beamed, "I like you more as a friend, so your first orders as my soldier and friend are to take me out for ice cream!"

Painwheel did as the others, albeit awkwardly smiling, "Friend… that word somehow makes the pain go away…"

Avian smiled, copying them, "I owe you too much for your help here, of course I'd love to call you a friend."

Big Band smiled beneath his mask, "You've been making a wonderful party, so let me give you a big hand." His pun made others groan while he put his fists on the combined fist pile.

With that, Naruto nodded and everyone began preparing. Avian didn't take a break and started fixing him and mostly Painwheel up, doing his best so the girl stopped suffering from the horrors done to her. To everyone, it was a tense night, perhaps the most important of their life to determine their future. However, they couldn't help but be excited and feel like they could change things for the best. After seeing what an odd friend they barely met did to make sure they could smile, they were more than ready to follow him through Hell and back.

XXXXXX

"This is it, huh? It's been a crazy couple of days…"

Speaking to himself was something of a coping mechanism for the blond.

It was nighttime and he needed to be calm inside Eliza's hideout, an Egyptian gallery of luxury and self-centered pleasure. Despite going solo he wasn't going in the lioness' den defenseless. His bionic right arm was hidden by his Black Egret coat the way his actual right arm had been by his school jacket. Also, he was looking damn fine with his hair combed back neatly by Filia, much to Cerebella and Peacock's chagrin. Making his way forward with a smile and his left hand resting on Sasuke's modified chokuto made him feel different.

Life had changed, and it was about to change even more for him, but knowing what everyone was betting on he couldn't help but smile confidently as he found Eliza's assistants. Horace and Albus growled at him, the bird man tightening his hands into fists and the jackal grinding his teeth with screeching sounds. They looked tired, their suits had some tears, and a few cracks could be seen on Horace's lenses. Knowing what was waiting for him in Eliza's hands didn't make the boy feel at ease, but he was determined to see it through.

"You arrived just in time, boy, we were running out of nails and patience to keep your… little gift in check." Horace growled while adjusting his glasses, his usual calm demeanor gone.

Albus barked, "You're going to pay for this nightmare you gave us, you little shit! I'd personally skin you alive if the boss lady didn't still want you!"

"Sorry, there're three girls who'd kick her ass if she tried to date me." he pulled out his chokuto and readied himself for battle with a bit of wind chakra coating the edge. The two walked to him… and immediately fell down to their knees, shocking him, "Wha-"

Before he could finish his question the ground shook and the two anthropomorphic men grabbed his pants, "You got to stop that thing/monster!" they cried as one with pleading eyes, "The boss has lost it!" Albus yelled with tears of despair and exhaustion in his eyes, Horace continuing with his whole body shaking, "It's too late to stop that monstrous arm of yours, but for everything you hold and love, do something!" Albus nodded frantically, "We'll serve you, we'll cook, drive, clean, and fight for you, but stop this madness!"

Naruto was about to reply but heard Parasoul's voice on an ear-piece he had, "Naruto, intel tells me that there's tremors in the underground affecting the whole city! I know you wanted to go solo to deal with this, but if you don't hurry up the entire city will sink below sea level!"

Clenching his jaw, the boy cursed through gritted teeth, "Damn it…" he put a finger on the ear-piece and talked to the redhead, "Alright, we can continue with the plan. I can deal with this if it's still locked by her, so don't help me unless I say so. We will need to work together to deal with the Skullgirl if what people say about her is true."

"You still have your backup, right?" Parasoul asked, and in reply a squawking voice was heard.

"Ain't leaving the lady boss' boyfriend go at it alone, hotness!" Avery shouted inside Naruto's jacket, "If anything happens, we'll all pop out and help him, so don't worry."

Naruto replied, "You heard the bird. Now I better see how far Eliza has gone…"

Hearing that, Albus and Horace instantly guided him through Eliza's basement – more like an Egyptian dungeon with a couple of torture artifacts that wouldn't look out of place in a S&M dungeon – and found her. There she was, makeup running down her face as tears rolled on her cheeks, sweat covering her form, hair a mess, and her clothes which were quite revealing were tattered to show more dark skin. The moment she turned to him the boy had expected her to scream something foul, but he was once again shocked to find the same pleading look that Horace and Albus had.

"Stop this thing now!" she begged, falling on her knees while the arm, covered with nails and breaking through a cocoon of solid blood, squirmed in her hold, "Every time I'm near it, it's like it tries to suck my life! This cold, horrible feeling… How did you even manage to live a year with this abomination inside you, let alone not show pain?!"

Any other time, Naruto would have made a remark to mock her, but things were serious when one of the nails flew out, "It's because I'm far more thickheaded than this monster, now stand aside!"

Eliza did as she was told and rolled away, letting the arm break free and show the corruption of the monster Naruto sealed in it. Its skin was a purple shade with black marks similar to those on a certain sand raccoon. From the stump veins shot out, and Naruto found himself disgusted and disturbed at seeing them multiply and shoot out for it to stand on them like tentacle legs. The nails grew into long razor-sharp claws, and on the back of the hand a single multi-ringed purple eye appeared with dozens of tomoes swirling on it.

Naruto's arm had turned into the most bizarre vessel for a monster of unstoppable rage, and it kept growing and growing, first being the size of a normal arm and in ten seconds it became the size of a dog.

"What is that thing…?" Eliza asked, shaken as she stared at the being stand on the tentacles before the palm opened to reveal a horrendous mouth with five rows of sharp fangs.

"It's a pile of raw hatred, corruption, and plain old mindless power rolled into what used to be my arm." Naruto replied, "Short version: it's weird and pissed off."

It roared at them before jumping through the ceiling, making Naruto curse and prepare to follow it, only to be stopped by Eliza asking him, "How do we stop it?" she blurted out, standing up beside him, "How did you even seal it in the first place?"

"I killed someone I thought was my best friend when things went to shit and this thing started to corrupt him." Naruto replied coldly before holding up the chokuto he used to do the job, "If anything, you shouldn't worry while I'm still alive, because it'll want to kill me first. So…" he turned to her while she wiped her face to stop looking like a mess and looked at the boy that gave her so much trouble, "Seeing as neither of us wants to die here and now, truce?"

He offered her his right bionic arm for a shake, which she accepted, "Not much of a choice…"

"I can leave you to rot here, don't make any mistake." He told her coldly, staring at her right in the eye, "After all you've done and many things I'm sure you did to ruin more than one person's day, I am telling you right here and now that I'm doing this because I need your help, nothing else."

Hatred flared in her eyes at his words, but she could give him a point given everything she did to get where she was. She exhaled slowly, in, then out. Her expression regaining its composure slowly and falteringly, she held out one hand. Horace handed her an embroidered and rich smelling handkerchief. She wiped her eyes with it, cleaned her face free of makeup, then blew her nose messily with it. Handing it back to him, he pocketed it away as she let loose a rattling shaky laugh aimed at Naruto, her expression one of intense bitterness… with no small amount of intense respect mixed in.

"You're a real spiteful little bastard, boy… Leaving me to pick up the pieces after you ran off, while letting me deal with that monstrous arm of yours. I should kill you seventeen times in fifty different ways each for the humiliation, pain, and despair you inflicted upon me. I have killed men, women, and children for far less than what you subjected my noble person to…"

"And I'm not afraid of you, given how you also need my help." He said, cutting her off and making her bite her lip.

Breathing deeply again to clear her mind, she continued, "True. However, those people were not you. I will never like what you did to me, but I'll respect the eternal Hell out of you for dealing with that abomination." She grabbed Naruto's silent body by the shoulder, her expression one of utmost rage as her features bled off her face to reveal Sekhmet's furious scowl.

He snickered, not at all afraid after seeing weirder things from a certain snake man, "I shall consider it an honor, then."

Despite her anger, the cat like skeleton gained a softer expression; rare for her as she pulled away, Eliza's features reforming before she exhaled. "You're a bastard, but I respect you for your sheer balls and strength. After we deal with… that thing, I will grant you the only mercy I will ever show to anyone. I will not torture you to the brink of mindless servility as my eternal scratching post and living throne, clothing optional… In addition, I will leave this miserable place, and never come back… in return for one favor. You kill the real problem behind this place, your freakish arm, and the Skull Heart."

"That was my plan from the start." He said and with that both jumped after his arm to see it had finally stopped growing and that it was thrashing the enormous lobby.

Due to the boy's Uzumaki lineage serving as the perfect living seal for demons and the seal that cost Naruto the arm he was looking at, the beast was unable to unleash its full power while still trapped inside flesh. Sadly, that didn't mean it couldn't change the flesh and make it grow until it was the size of a bus. Thankfully, Eliza's place had enough room for them to move around. Unfortunately, after throwing everything around and crushing it to useless junk, it had only them to pay attention to and roar with its freakish palm-mouth spraying slimy saliva on the floor.

"Is that its true form?" Eliza asked.

"No, but if it kills me, it may get it. I made the seal so the bastard stays in that arm while I breathe." His words made the beast roar at him, so he replied with the most eloquent gesture he could, flipping his only flesh hand around to show it a single finger that stood proud, "Yeah, I hate you too!"

Sickening cracks were heard and from the sides of the arm bones burst out, complete with joints to make it look like the most nightmarish insect Eliza had ever seen. It didn't waste any time and jumped right at them. Eliza snapped her fingers and Albus tossed her weapon at the woman, a microphone with a blade at the bottom, while Naruto held up his chokuto. The two jumped over it and watched it crush a wall.

Avery screamed in the boy's left breast pocket, "This is insane! That thing's bigger than big! How're you and this crazy chick supposed to beat it?!"

The arm burst out of the wall with another loud roar, the tentacle-veins lashing at the air before extending to the unlikely duo. With matching speeds their blades cut the tendrils, but to their displeasure they watched them grow back. Being tired, Eliza stepped back while Naruto considered his options as the beast opened its mouth… and his eyes went wide when recalling what it could do. Without thinking twice, and mainly because he still had a heart, he grabbed Eliza by the waist the moment the monster formed a ball of energy.

Everyone outside the building watched in shock and awe as Eliza's house fell down into rubble with a cloud of dust erupting from it. When it all settled down they saw Naruto walk out of a hole thanks to Avery, and with him, resting on his shoulders, were Albus and Horace while he held Eliza under his arm.

"Ok… this isn't going to be as easy as I thought it'd be." He said plainly while staring at the beast letting out another roar.

XXXXXX

And that's my rap!

Now you know what's next, what awaits for the next chapter. But for now, enjoy some Roundabout by YES as the final fight approaches. I'll do my best!

Swordslinger out!