I think this chapter is going to address something that people were wondering about. Thank you for being patient with me. I love and appreciate everyone's reviews whether it be from praise or comments, it helps me develop this into a better story and I always love to hear what you think!
The burn in slow, but ignite it eventually will.
Act I, Scene VII:
Dull, dull, dull. Kakashi wanted to slam his head against his desk, paper work was the most dull and as they both had bet, Naruto had left all of his paperwork from the week they had gone on vacation behind. Whether it was on purpose or if it had been because Naruto was so excited that he was finally getting to go on a mission as a jonin again rather than as the Hokage and had simply forgotten in the fracas, it didn't matter one bit for Kakashi, he was going to kill his successor when he got back. Except that performing high treason could possibly permanently land him in this position again so maybe Kakashi would just maim Naruto somewhat. Or even worse, create an irreversible decree that would ban Naruto from eating at Ichiraku for at least a month after his return.
Kakashi determined that being the acting Hokage was worse than being the actual Hokage since Kakashi had not been informed of what Naruto was doing in terms of reform when it came to Konoha and Fire's relationships with other countries and Kakashi had already dismantled the council of elders and their horrific, traditional practices when he had reigned. All there was left to do in the village then was paperwork. It was taking away the best part of the job and just increasing the worst. Kakashi made a note to himself to wrangle all of the political dealings out of Naruto if he were to ever take this acting role again even if it would kill him inside to have to listen to it all. Maybe Kakashi would consider not doing any of the paperwork and just roam around the city checking up on the progress of the reforms he had instigated… not that he didn't already do this every week even after stepping down, but he would increase it to everyday to get out of this office. But… sadly or maybe luckily, there was someone with more fortitude than he making sure that he wouldn't slack of that much.
A hot cup of tea was set in front of him as the package of paper that he was combing over was pulled out from his hands. When Kakashi looked up he saw that Sakura was back from her break… her break to work more at the hospital and flipping through his worst enemy. "This looks dull," Sakura muttered and looked up at him with pitying eyes, "No wonder you've been reading it since I've left."
It had been several days since Naruto and Sasuke had departed and Kakashi was counting backwards towards the one week mark. Kakashi was definitely not just setting himself up for disappointment; they were a remarkable duo, he was sure they would get back in the minimum amount of time so that he would be able to retain the maximum amount of sanity.
There was still a stack of paperwork that reached above his head on his desk not for lack of trying. Up until that morning the stack had almost been reduced down to a size that even he couldn't complain about, that size being one document, but then the genin had graduated from the academy.
Kakashi rubbed at his eyes, "I swear that Naruto planned this."
"Sasuke-kun definitely did."
"Right."
"I'll take this one since you seem to quickly be heading nowhere with it, and give me the team assignments, I know the kids and this generation of instructors better than you. Everyone comes into the hospital often enough with bumps and bruises." Kakashi nodded as he took half of the pile of paperwork and stood up. "I can carry it to my own desk you know," Sakura laughed as Kakashi hefted the pile into his arms and rounded around the desk.
"Please, let me have a semblance of physical activity. I am this close to going out and finding Gai for a challenge." Sakura could only continue to laugh at his dramatics as he ambled across the office to place the neat stack on her desk. He sighed and leaned on the desk for a second, as though he hadn't straightened his abdomen in days and stretched his arms to the sky while cracking his back. "Honestly, thank you Sakura. I know you never had to do this… not even since the beginning."
"Well Ino-pig missed Shikamaru in intelligence, the pig wouldn't shut up for even a single day about him, and honestly… you two were useless together after the both of you accomplished what you had both set out to do. Never put two geniuses in a room alone with no real objective in mind."
"I wouldn't say you're not a genius."
"I would definitely say I'm not a genius," Sakura smiled as she walked over to Kakashi and patted him on the cheek, "And that... my dear Hokage-sama, is for the better. All you literally have to do now is sign a bunch of certificates and even that is too much for you."
Kakashi allowed his gaze to follow Sakura as she rounded around the desk and sat down at her desk, readjusting her long, white lab coat as she did so, and then she flipped the document that he had been previously reading back to the beginning, which was only a turn of three pages in a ten page spread.
Kakashi allowed a smile on his face, "I don't know what I would do without you Sakura."
"Wither and die? Drown in a sea of paper?"
"You are right." He reached out a hand and tussled her hair.
Sakura scowled at him playfully before she swiped his hand away. "I didn't take away all of your paperwork, you still have the majority of it to take care of. Now get."
"I don't know how you do it. I've seen your office, the paperwork here is like a child's bedtime story compared to the charting you have to do."
"It's because Shizune taught me discipline when it comes to paperwork. All medics have to chart in order to do their job properly, well almost all."
"Not Tsunade."
Sakura scoffed at the mere suggestion. Tsunade, much like many other geniuses, hadn't just shirked her paperwork as the Hokage, but also as a medic. The woman though could remember everything about every person she had ever treated, something no one else could do, and why she could get away with less than immaculate records.
Shaking his head Kakashi pushed himself off of her desk and returned to his own. Before picking up the next certificate, Kakashi wrapped his hands around the cup of tea that Sakura had placed in front of him and sighed in bliss at the warmth that infused the skin of his hands. Pulling down his mask and taking a small sip, he was delighted to find out that Sakura hadn't forgotten that he liked his tea just a touch differently when he was groaning and moaning about paperwork.
The warmth of the drink and the woman working beside him in his office inspired Kakashi to not complain about his duties for at least the next hour…. Maybe. Something about her made him inexplicably content even when he wanted to be a big baby.
Suddenly there was a knock on the door. Kakashi pulled up his mask again. "Come in," Kakashi sighed as he tapped his pen on the table. Sakura rolled her eyes, not taking her eyes off of her own document as Kakashi made himself look like he was swamped and rudely interrupted.
A young chunin, one that Kakashi recognized from the admittance desk down stairs, popped his head into the door. "My apologies for the intrusion Rokudaime. Um… there is someone here requesting for the presence of the Hokage."
Before Kakashi could react, Sakura easily bookmarked her place in the ten page, dull, document and stood up. "I'll take care of it. Hokage-sama, and when I get back…"
"I'll be working," Kakashi muttered with a wave of his hand. Sakura looked at him with a smile, knowing that it was very likely she would not find him working when she got back, before she walked out of the door. It was a routine that Tsunade had started, mostly because Shizune was often not hung over, but it had easily continued with the successive Hokage and their assistants. Any visitors would have to talk to the assistant first, the Hokage after only if the assistant couldn't solve the problem. Before this, the Sandaime and the Yondaime had been gracious and kind enough to meet with all their visitors personally, but this had led to several incidents involving failed assassination attempts and several hour placating sessions with shinobi that felt like they deserved more than they could handle. Not being Hokage, as the assistant was, gave those like Shizune, Sakura, and Sasuke more leeway to turn people away, whether it be to Ibiki or to the local bartenders, who were much more adept at listening to woes.
Kakashi riffled through several certificates noting that the children were learning more about the arts, science, and teamwork rather than just the ability to kill in their young education. Kakashi basked in the pride from the fact that this was a change he had enacted during his term. He wanted kids to have the time to be kids. Although he had become famous and revered for ranking as a jonin by the age of ten, it had taken things from him, too many things, things that he would never be able to get back. Kakashi closed his eyes and placed his hands on the stack of academy graduate certificates, hoping with all his heart that every single one of them would be able to live in a world conquered by peace and that none of them would ever have to suffer even one of the losses that he had suffered.
The sound of Sakura's footsteps echoed outside his door, a pattern that Kakashi knew by heart. He shuffled the papers around his desk awkwardly, realizing he hadn't signed a single thing since she had left having once again gotten lost on the road of life. He looked up at the door, ready and armed with excuses, but immediately his eyebrows pulled together in concern as the door creaked open and Sakura stepped inside.
Outwardly, Sakura didn't look all that unusual. She had a flush on her face and her hands were clenched in frustration, typical of most interactions with people who demanded to see the Hokage on short term notice, but there was something else that seemed to be hanging in the air. Something that Kakashi couldn't quite place, but something he knew he did not like one bit. "Are you okay Sakura?" Kakashi asked her sincerely as he felt his body stand up on its own to move towards her, to give her comfort from whatever was bothering her.
Sakura seemed to snap a little bit out of her daze as she smiled at him, a smile that wasn't quite right, "Everything's fine." Her gaze drifted to the scar over his left eye as he approached her, placed his hands on her shoulders, and squeezed gently.
"Who was it downstairs?" Kakashi asked slowly, not really caring about the answer as much as how knowing the answer would help him determine why Sakura was suddenly feeling down.
"Just one of the elders from the Lee clan. They of course were demanding to have one of their recently graduated clansmen be put with a specific instructor."
"Hm…"
"Asked if their cherub could have Naruto himself actually," Sakura laughed dryly as she placed her hands on top of his, giving them a reassuring squeeze before she walked over to her desk, leaving him standing in the middle of the office just gazing at her intently yet tenderly. "No wonder Lee hates being accidently associated with them." Sakura swiped her hand across the wood of her desk, a tic of distress that Kakashi had seen her do many times when she had been his assistant during the second half of his reign as Hokage. His eyebrows scrunched, he never had gotten down to the bottom of it.
"And you said?"
"That Hojou-kun would be put with a team that works best for him."
"And they said?"
"That I better not put little Hojou-kun with just anybody, you know?"
"Unbelievable," Kakashi sighed as he went over to her desk and sat on the edge, turning his body so that he could continue to regard her. His heart beat in his chest loudly, protesting vehemently again the air of uncertainty that was surrounding the pink haired medic.
"I mean it's still a mentality around here as much as you tried to dissuade it," Sakura sighed as she sat down in her chair and leaned back with an empty look at the ceiling, "Thank goodness the village heros came from the Uchiha clan and the Uzumaki clan."
"Pretty unsavory opinion, if I dare say so myself," Kakashi muttered darkly, feeling an ingrained sense of annoyance flourish in him, "It was with the effort of every shinobi out there during the wars that we are still here, to consider any one of them as just anybody is preposterous."
Sakura smiled at him, a smile more genuine than it had been before, "You're right. And you sought to make sure that opinions like that would no longer have power." Sakura reached her hand out to touch Kakashi's hand, before she receded. She picked up the document that she was almost finished reading, tapped it on the desk, and continued reading it.
Kakashi continued to stare at Sakura for a moment longer, noting that she was still not completely right, and even ignoring him in favour of his work. Sakura might have been diligent beyond any other's capability, but she always held a conversation with him when he wanted to have one with her and even when he didn't. How she got as much done as she did was beyond him. That was why it was so unlike her to shut him out these days and seeing her not content made his chest squeeze tightly and the blood rush in his ears. He hated seeing her distressed. He had seen it enough already in his lifetime. He had done so little to help her too many times early in their acquaintance and their subsequent companionship had revealed how much he had let her down. He hadn't taken her feelings and traumas seriously when she had just been a genin, and when he had worked with her again after she had become a chunin, he had done everything in his power to just listen and understand what it was she went through. He had tried to make up for being a terrible sensei by being a good friend. She had told him one night after the war how much it meant to her that he had tried. How much it meant to her that he was there when she had woken up from the genjutsu Sasuke had casted on her. Of course, he had replied, she was one of his most important people, now his most important person. He would have stayed by her side forever. He didn't want to see it anymore. He didn't want to feel helpless when it came to her anymore.
That evening, in a concerted effort to make her feel better, Kakashi had asked Sakura to his apartment for dinner, even offering to cook. She had agreed easily, but not before asking to head to the hospital to check up on everything before the building slowed down for the night. Kakashi simply waited outside of its doors for her and noted that the smell that diffused out of the building. No matter how many times he had stood in front of these doors waiting for her, he would never be able to get over the relief he felt that the building where shinobi like him had once gone to die, was now the place that shinobi like him could go to flirt with the nurses and get smacked down for it.
Kakashi blinked as Sakura walked out, waving at those that were behind her. The tight feeling in his chest eased as he saw the soft sway in which she walked and the fact that her hands were no longer tense. "Do you want me to take that?" Kakashi asked as he gestured at the long white coat that was draped over her arm.
"I think I can handle it on my own," Sakura laughed again as she clenched the arm with the coat closer to her body, "Kakashi-senpai."
"I thought a week would have gotten you over this," Kakashi pouted as they both naturally turned down the road to walk towards his place, their feet clattering on the stone of the Konoha streets, their bodies almost brushing.
"Formalities are important in the city, especially while you are acting as the Hokage Kakashi-senpai."
"If you're going to insist on non-existent formalities, then what about Hokage-sama while I'm still doing this terrible favour and then just Kakashi after. We are equals otherwise Sakura."
Sakura merely shook her head. She looked up at him and the scar on his left eye, her green ones suddenly shining with a dark emotion. A thought seemed to suddenly shoot through her mind, turning her whole entire countenance around. Her shoulders suddenly slumped, her hands curled and she was huddling herself as though trying to protect herself from the world. The scent of tears suddenly washed over Kakashi's senses even though she had now turned away from him.
Kakashi's eyes widened at the sudden change as he stopped in his tracks and couldn't help but grab Sakura's shoulders and turn her to him, effectively stopping her too. "What's wrong Sakura? What happened today?"
"It's childish, please don't mind me. I'll be okay." Sakura was looking down at the ground, away from Kakashi, trying to hide her face.
"Sakura, if you really don't want to talk about it, I'll respect that, but know that I want to hear you out, childish or not."
Sakura pushed her hair behind her ear as the wind suddenly picked up raising the hair on her arms. She seemed to pause for a moment, contemplating if she wanted to tell him what was on her mind before she let out a soft, long sigh and looked up at him with watery eyes. "I…Well, while I was putting the genin teams together, I thought about us and our old team, Team 7. It brought back some memories, I guess… good… and bad. I suppose I'm just remembering all of those times that you, Naruto, and Sasuke had to save my pathetic ass. Not when I was just a kid too, but also after, and the number of times you had to jump in when I had decided to try and kill Sasuke, and oh god… during the war I was just-" Sakura sighed as she lowered her head again so that she was staring at the ground that was between their shoes, "Sorry, I suppose I'm just really scattered right now. I told you that it was all just nonsense."
"None of that was nonsense Sakura."
"You don't want to hear it."
"I do, trust me, I do." Kakashi sighed, "I want to be better Sakura…"
Suddenly her fingers were running at the corner of his eye again, but this time not caressing his crow's feet. Kakashi nearly jolted from the speed of her movement but was able to just hold still as he felt the pads of her fingers gently caress his skin. "I'm glad that Naruto was able to do this for you." Her voice halting, choked up.
Kakashi stood there, not understanding why she was saying what she was saying. "It was lucky that he was there," Kakashi said slowly, watching her expression intently, "But I would have been fine with having just one eye too."
"I guess, but it's better to have two rather than one… and even with all the healing powers in the world, even with the strength of a hundred seal… even though I had been right there with you… I never would have been able to do this for you."
Kakashi's eyes widened in realization before they softened and he brought a hand up behind her head and cradled her in for a close embrace wanting to support her with everything that he had, "Let it all out Sakura."
Sakura gripped onto his shirt and he felt her hot angry tears begin to soak through, her shoulders shaking as she held onto him as though he were her lifeline. "I'm so glad that Naruto was able to do this for you, but I also hate that he was able to do it too. There are days when I can't even look at him, especially the days that I lose someone and sometime I feel… sometimes…" She seemed to consider her words and recoil.
"You're not selfish for expressing resentment Sakura."
"It isn't fair," Sakura sobbed as a shudder wracked her whole body. Kakashi held her tighter, feeling his heart beat wrench as her pain, "I just feel so useless sometimes. Like there's just nothing I can do that others can't too. That I'm redundant, unneeded, unnecessary."
"Sakura, listen to me," Kakashi murmured gently as he brought his hands to either side of her face to gently lift her head so that she would have to look him straight in the eyes. Her green eyes glistened with unshed tears, "You are your own person, unique and talented in your own ways. There is no one in the world like you. You can't be redundant; you are definitely not unneeded or unnecessary. You can be mad, of course, you should be mad even that there are people out there who are simply born with or given abilities while there are those like you who have had to pour blood, sweat, and tears into mastering a task."
Sakura hiccupped as she squeezed her eyes shut, "I just feel so… so pointless sometimes."
Kakashi shook his head and brought her in again, encompassing her in the safety of his arms where no one could touch her. "Sakura, you can do something that neither Naruto, nor Sasuke, nor I can do; you can save a dying man's life, not just because you can do it, but because you want to do it. It is too often that such a mindset is taken for granted, but in that war, Sakura, if you hadn't been there, there would have been so many more fatalities, so many more life changing injuries, and just that much more tragedy. Naruto maybe could have mass healed everyone, but you and I both know he never would have even considered doing so. Giving me my eye was a whim of power that he maybe never be able to harness again. His will is to fight, to keep moving forward, not to heal and I was just a special case. You do though Sakura, you always think of others first, whether it be to your benefit or detriment. Naruto's kind hearted, but he's not you. I know that it's hard not being able to prove yourself by battling side by side with either Naruto or Sasuke especially since shinobi like you and I were born into a time where battle was everything, the only thing, but your strength is in who you are as a person, it will carry the future generations, and I respect that more."
Tears seemed to pool in the corner of Sakura's eyes as she stared into Kakashi's slate gray ones, hearing the earnest dip of his voice as it lowered to a volume that only she could hear. His words were for her alone as they rumbled through his chest. "Kakashi…"
"Naruto and Sasuke, they are literal gods among men. But you've been equal to me for a long time and I hope that's something. Though maybe being compared to an old man is less than ideal."
Sakura sniffled as a weak smile pulled at the corner of her lips, "It is something… old man."
Kakashi chuckled and held her tighter, the scent of her hair flooding his nose. "Naruto may have the highest position of power in Fire, but you are the most well respected medical ninja of your generation across the whole continent. That is nothing to be scoffed at. I have never believed in anyone as much as I believe in you Sakura. I wouldn't trust Naruto or Sasuke with my life, but I would trust you. I have trusted you. I trusted you back during the war and I trust you now."
"Do you really? It wasn't just because I was left there and you had to take care of me?"
"Me take care of you? You mean you had to stay behind to take care of me!"
Sakura laughed, a full hardy laugh, "I guess we stayed for each other."
Kakashi nodded as he used one of his thumbs to rub away an escaped tear that was running down her cheek, "I was glad that you were by my side," Kakashi smiled, his eye crinkling and his mask tugging at where Sakura knew were the corners of his mouth, "And if you ever forget just how far you've come all you have to do is look in the mirror Sakura."
Sakura blubbered, "What?"
Kakashi continued to smile his eyes crinkling even more, "On this wide forehead—"
"Hey!" Sakura giggled.
"-the one you hated as a little girl, is the symbol of every step that you have had to take to get this far." Kakashi's hand rose from her cheek to tangle with the hair at her temples and so that his thumb could run over the diamond shaped seal that was stark on her skin. Sakura sniffled a little at his touch. Without thinking, without needing to think, Kakashi leaned down and placed his masked lips on the dark rhombus, "You don't need me to be, but I am so proud of you Sakura. And you, of course, can still be mad or frustrated or resentful. I'll be here to listen."
"You don't think it's childish?"
Kakashi shook his head as he drew her close again, "No, I think it's human and each and every single one of us deserve to be just a little more human."
That night, Sakura watched Kakashi sleep soundly on his couch, the ninken curled up around them snoring in an almost tranquil harmony, and she smiled warmly at his relaxed and comfortable gait.
She remembered the first time that he had completely let down his guard when sleeping beside her. It was on their second or third mission together after the Fourth War and their encounter at the cenotaph and they had been camping out in a cave in Iwa. He had woken her up for his shift and she had chosen to sit close to his sleeping body for a semblance of body heat while she tried to get the dying fire back to burning. She had been expecting to feel his chakra spike and trough like it usually did while he slept, a sign that he was continually scanning his environment, but when it had flat lined instead Sakura had nearly crushed him in her dive to see if he was still alive. The terrified scream that he had let out when she had unceremoniously woken him with a body slam had startled the soul out of her too. They had laughed about it and Sakura hadn't expected for him to remain completely relaxed when he fell asleep again, but just like the first time that night, his chakra had flat lined, trusting her to keep him alive.
Sakura knew that he hadn't of had to say it, she could see how much he implicitly trusted her through every action he made in her presence, down to no action at all, but she appreciated the words all the same.
Sakura's eyes found their way to Kakashi's uncovered lips before she reached up to her forehead and closed her eyes as she remembered the feel of the fabric of his mask, thinner than she had thought for she also could easily recall the warmth and shape of his lips from his kiss on her seal. A feeling that she had long since put aside for the sake of their friendship reared its head and then fell quietly away again as she lowered her hand and opened her green eyes to see the length of his eyelashes, the slant of his nose, and then again, the curve of his lips.
She remembered planning to seek Kakashi out that night after her intended visit with Obito at the cenotaph all those years ago. It had been for a different reason than what had transpired, but Sakura was now happy that she hadn't gone through with what she had originally wanted to tell him. She couldn't have gone through with telling him after she had seen him so broken and in need of someone to simply help him put himself back together again. He had needed a friend. What she got instead when she had set aside her then new, maybe shallow, maybe rebounded emotions, she now knew, was much more valuable. It was what she didn't know she needed after her years of burning, destructive passion for another; it was warmth and companionship and… and someday maybe...
Sakura fell asleep holding his hand.
Thank you to Leomae2.0, Red Reaper88, Loulou713, Azerate, Snowdonia Hawkweed (x2!), Affectionate, Team Miriku, and Karen for reviewing!
Secret's Corner
It just might not ignite this chapter... but soon?
So, I personally didn't immediately notice the injustice of Naruto being the one to give Kakashi back his eye back while Sakura was standing there until I read the wonderful character exploration of Sakura by mouseymightymarvellous on tumblr. I suggest everyone who loves Sakura go read it because it is beautiful and tragic. So credit for why I'm bringing it up here, because it is very much an important change of dynamic that I think needs to be explored between Sakura, Kakashi, and Naruto. Whether it will come up again and I actually explore it further? Who knows.
So... are those... romantic feelings I see?
