Trigger Warning: Attempted Suicide

A month later and Jim and Spock had returned to active duty. Nobody asked about what happened while they were missing and the two preferred it that way. Talking to McCoy was hard enough. They had to relive those days over and over while talking to him. There was no way either of them were going to talk to anyone else about it. In fact, they didn't even talk to each other about it. Spock had noticed that Jim started pulling away from him almost immediately after he woke up. The only time they spoke to each other was during work. Spock didn't even see the man at meal times anymore and their weekly chess games were non-existent. Spock needed to talk to Jim. He couldn't handle this on his own. As a result of Jim pulling away, Spock became more reserved than ever. He didn't speak to anyone unless he had to and he had taken to eating all his meals in his quarters. Spock's side constantly ached with the pain in his heart.

Spock sat down at his computer terminal and accessed his messages. There weren't very many. A few from his father that he had ignored and one from Uhura. There was a new one he hadn't seen, however. It was from Jim. Spock unconsciously held his breath as he opened the message. It was a notice of shift reassignment. Jim was reassigning Spock to Beta shift. Pain bloomed in his side as his heart constricted. Spock's eyes filled with tears. This was the final straw. Jim didn't care about him at all He was probably disgusted with him because of what happened on Romulus. Spock wasn't in the habit of lying to himself. He knew he was used, broken. Who would want to be with someone like that? Spock closed his eyes and the tears finally fell. He put a hand over his mouth and sobbed quietly. When he was able to pull himself together, he made a decision. Writing and sending letters to his father and Uhura, he rose from his seat and walked over to his dresser. Opening a drawer, he pulled out a ceremonial knife that he had acquired from Vulcan many years ago. Spock then walked into the bathroom that was shared between his and his captain's quarters and locked both doors so that nobody could open them. Looking at himself in the mirror, all Spock saw was someone who was weak. Someone who wasn't worthy of Jim Kirk's love. Spock knew he was being even weaker by just giving up, but he couldn't handle all this pain. And right after his mother... It was just too much.

~x~x~x~

Uhura was eating dinner in the mess when her PADD beeped. She was going to dismiss it, but then she saw it was from Spock. Opening the message, her eyes widened at what she read. If there was one thing Uhura was good at, it was reading between the lines. And, if she was right about this message, Spock was in trouble. Excusing herself from Chekov and Sulu, she ran out into the hall.

"Computer, locate commander Spock."

"Commander Spock is in his quarters." came the robotic voice. Uhura ran down the corridor and took the turbo lift to the crew quarters and ran to Spock's room. She banged on the door.

"Spock, open up. We need to talk." She got no answer. "Spock?" Checking the door, she found it wasn't locked. She opened the door and stepped in. She quickly ascertained that Spock wasn't in the room when the light in the bathroom caught her eye. She went to that door and attempted to open it, but it was locked. She banged on it a few times, but no one answered. Running from the room, Uhura made her way back to the mess hall. She looked around the room and spotted the captain and McCoy having dinner together. She ran up to them, out of breath. They both gave her weird looks and she spoke.

"Leonard, I need you to override a door lock."

"And, why would I do that?" he asked. Her face hardened.

"I think Spock's in trouble. He's in his bathroom and the door is locked. He won't answer me." Jim's heart stuttered in his chest at the mention of the Vulcan.

"Maybe he's using the bathroom. There are a hundred reasons he could have the door locked."

"There's no time for this! He sent me a message and it sounded like a suicide note. Get me into that bathroom!" Both Jim and McCoy's eyes widened in shock before they were both on their feet running to keep up with Uhura.