For a couple minutes the only sound was that of the boys chowing down on the provided food. All but Makoto, of course, who had come to terms with his Team Momness.

Nagisa popped another piece of inhumanly buttered popcorn into his mouth and leaned his head back, looking at the others.

"I've, mm~, been meaning to say this for a while, smack~, but isn't my character's voice racist?"

Rin nodded, arms folded.

"At first it was just funny because of how deep it is, but it shouldn't be funny because it's racist."

He looked around the room. The others sat in solidarity, none of them laughing. Even Haru looked a bit pissed off.

Makoto stewed in his quiet anger, then sighed and looked vaguely upward.

"Can you change that?"

Another one of Rag-chan's messages popped up on the screen.

Sorry guys, these videos aren't mine. Believe me, I want to change it too.

Rin sat up straighter.

"They aren't yours?!" He exchanged worried looks with Makoto. "Then whose are they?"

I've told you this man, fourth. Wall.

"I'll leave you with four fingers on each hand if you don't explain."

These two dudes. I can't tell you anything else babe. Seriously, do you want random stuff running around your world? I mean, * sigh * this is real hard to explain. Basically, if you break the fourth wall, characters and pieces of the books and movies you watch will begin showing up in your world. You could get killed! And eventually your entire universe will collapse. I've seen it happen.

"What the f-" Rin began. "Who in the world are you!"

That would be telling wouldn't it?

A play button appeared on the screen. Rin's frustrated scream was drowned out in the cries of fear from the others.

Nagisa turned to Rei. "Is it even possible for our universe to collapse? I thought we still had a couple billion years until the sun explodes. And by that time I was hoping we'd be in another universe."

Rei frowned. "I'm not sure. She doesn't tend to make a lot of sense. But I sense we're getting closer to knowing what's going on." He leaned closer to Nagisa's ear to whisper. "We just have to trick her into revealing it." (A/N: Good luck suckers!)

Nagisa nodded. He got up and whispered the plan to Rin, Makoto, and Haru. They grumbled a bit but came around to the idea.

Makoto let out another sigh, looking at the screen.

"We might as well watch another one. Maybe it'll lighten the mood at least."

There was no word for or against the idea. Haru beat Makoto to pressing the play button and they had no choice in the matter.

(Ko pops up immediately, carrying a bag)

Sup B#tches?

(Makoto and Haru are sitting side by side off in the corner doing…nothing, it looks like)

Oh hey it's Goa! How many guys you pair up in your head on the way here? Also, come help with the pool.

Nine. (Beat) and $$$$ that.

What is it with all these people wrecking my game today?

Rei raised an eyebrow. "Nine?"

Rin snorted. "My sister's more of an otaku than I thought."

Nagisa squinted at the screen. "Also, nine? He said 'pair' up, but it seems like there's at least one threesome going on here."

Makoto and Haru looked vaguely confused.

(Flip to the locker rooms and Nagisa passed out on a bench, and Haru looking intently at whatever he's doing off screen.)

Makoto frowned. "That's illegal. No locker rooms have security cameras."

"It wouldn't be the first time they invaded our privacy." Nagisa commented. "It is nice to an extent to know Rag-chan didn't create these videos. I'd be a little more creeped out to be speaking to a pervert."

"Then again, she is making us watch them, so who knows?" Rin grumbled.

Nagisa…we might want to put someone else in charge of recruitment.

Hey I'm doing my best ok?

(Flip to the penguin on Nagisa's kickboard that he then pulls away from a face wearing goggles and a cap…indoors.)

(A/N: this is uncomfortable. Trust me, I'm speaking from experience.)

Hey there suckers, you look like you wanna join the swim club, eh?

Aren't you that guy that drowned a kid? And burned down that building? And sells whip-its under the bleachers?

Makoto giggled just slightly. The others gave him disapproving looks.

"Hey! I was just remembering that was a reference to that kid Shinji who Nagisa apparently killed."

Nagisa snapped his fingers. "Yeah, you're right. Perversion aside, at least whoever created these has a handle on continuity."

Rin moaned. "God, lack of continuity in a show is the worst."

There was a chorus of agreeing mumbles. Haru piped up.

"I once watched a show where everyone was on a blimp and then they got sucked into a random submarine in the middle of the series only to get back on the blimp and continue as if nothing had happened for the rest of the series."

Makoto nodded. "Oh yeah, I know that one. I never understood why it happened," he mused.

(A/N: I just looked up what a whip-it is. Thanks for doing interesting things to my internet history 50% off. And no, dear readers, I'm not going to tell you what it is. What? Look it up for yourself)

"Anyway," Rin continued. "What's a whip-it?"

Makoto clapped. "Wait, I know this one; I looked it up for a project once." He spread his hands and turned in his chair to capture everyone's attention. "They're these little canisters of Nitrous Oxide that you can get high off of."

Rei frowned."Why call them Whip-its?"

"Because often they're made of whipped cream bottles."

"Oh," said everyone.

Rei shrugged. "The more you know."

(Back to Nagisa on the bench)

That one guy seemed kind of interested.

What happened?

Hey hey sweet thang you look like you wanna join the swim club is that right?

(Sudden Rei! Pushing up his glasses, with his neon green backpack straps that make me jealous and simultaneously clash horrendously with the rest of his coloring)

Rei slapped the floor. "Finally! It's about time I was in this."

Nagisa side-eyed him. "Are you sure, Rei-chan? It may not be a good thing."

Rei's joy froze. "Yeah," he began. "Maybe not." He looked over at his companion on the floor. "And you called me 'sweet thang?'"

Nagisa buried his face in his knees. "That's not a good sign," he muttered.

Nothing more was said. The pair sat in trepidation.

I can't remember.

Eh, too bad.

Hey Kid n' Play! (A/N: Actually a hip-hop group interestingly enough) You were assigned to fix up this pool to distract the teachers from my…, 'extra-credit chemistry work.' Now get back to it before you learn a lesson in post-war urban torture practices!

Yes ma'am.

Wonderful (voice back to normal) Remember, snitches get stitches.

Makoto groaned. "Why is Ms. Amakata still cooking drugs?"

No one had an answer.

(Ko walks up to Makoto, who is painting a fence with his overall top tied around his waist which is just unfair in terms of hotness. Like, only Fifth Harmony is allowed to do that. No. Stahp.)

Hey, I've been meaning to ask, why didn't you guys start a club as freshmen?

We tried, Haru didn't want to. I told him like fifteen times he'd get to go in the pool and then he just locked himself in the bathroom. Took me hours to break his lock. I think Rin really got to him.

Really? Rin? My brother, playing headgames with Haru?

Roll credits.

Rin jabbed a finger at the screen. "What credits?"

Sorry, busy breaking my own fourth wall.

"You frigging hypocrite."

(Jump to Rin, staring at an old picture of his dad)

Ha ha, look at this guy. One tooth? What an idiot. That's why I'm the best.

"Back off my teeth!"

There was a silence.

"And my dad's memory! Is nothing sacred?"

(Back to Ko and Makoto)

Are you sure?

I think so, I mean, he beat Haru when they raced the other night.

"Oh now they're going to show it," Rin complained.

I guess that makes sense. My brother is an idiot savant when it comes to swimming. He has shoes with velcro.

Rin grimaced at the screen. "What's wrong with velcro? And for your information I wear Crocs on deck, not velcro."

One of Haru's eyebrows rose and his eyes widened; the Haru equivalent of horrified shock.

"What?" Rin demanded.

Haru just shook his head and turned away, murmuring something that sounded like "Crocs?" and "Where did you go wrong?"

Makoto cast a sympathetic look at Rin. "Are you feeling alright?"

Rin bristled. "I'm fine. Why?"

Makoto shook his head as Haru did. "Everyone knows that you wear Adidas flip flops on deck. Crocs are just…* sigh * crocs. Good Lord Rin."

"WHAT IS YOUR ISSUE WITH CROCS!"

(A/N: I don't know where I'm going with this. I don't wear anything on deck.)

Yeah, but he swims like nothing I've ever seen!

(Flashback to the pool)

(Overly stylized water that makes swimming actually look fun. Zoom out to a length the pool simply cannot be, even if they're doing 100 free long course.)

Rag-chan's swimming fact corner: Most low level swim races are swum long course or short course. Long course means going from one end to the other is 50 meters. Short course means from one end to the other is 25 meters. On a long course you have less flip turns off the wall but longer to swim in a straight line. It's a preference thing.

They're so fast.

Rin's pulling ahead though. I think. Is Rin the jet-plane firing out unicorns, or the gun with my mother's face?

Nagisa how much of that stuff did you have?

I don't remember man! I don't even remember who I am!

Rin laughed, despite still being torn up about the Crocs. "He must have taken some of those whip-its."

Haru gave Rin a flat look. "Come now, Rin. Nagisa only sells that low quality stuff."

(Rin's thoughts)

D&mmit, he's so fast. He must be laser-focused in. The only thing on Haru's mind right now is this race.

Rin snorted. "How much do you bet he isn't?"

Nagisa raised a hand to pillow his head. "I'll go in on that."

(Flip to Haru, mentally singing a weird mashup of Disney Duck Tales and Life Is Like A Hurricane)

~Life is like a hurricane, here in, duck bird-~

They're making the final turn!

(More singing) Never fails, wohoo!- Haru

(Simultaneously) Now's my chance!- Rin

Come on Haru you can do me! IT! You can do it!

Makoto sunk into his chair. "Not again."

Rin grinned and leaned over the edge of his chair. "It's back~" he sing-songed.

I heard that one.

Shut up, you're high as balls.

Rin slapped his knee. "Your honor, I'd like to enter that shade into the record."

Heh, yeah I am.

(Smack noise on the touchpad but no clear result)

(Back to the boys at the pool)

"God&mmit!" Rin yelled. "Seriously?"

Heyo you telling that story about how Haru lost that race?

Nagisa he's right there!

Nah nah, homeboy's pulling a Rain Man right now. He can't hear me.

Makoto frowned. "Gee, Nagisa is just a dumping ground for their moderately offensive comments."

Nagisa looked up. "Why is this one offensive?"

Haru spoke up. "Rain Man is a movie about a man who has autism."

Nagisa made a spitting noise in his throat. "Gee, that is rude."

Check this, check this. (Spooky voice)

Haru~ we're not getting a season two~ see?

Makoto laughed. "They're acting like our lives are a TV show."

Rin spoke up, chuckling as well. "Isn't that hilarious?"

Rei snorted. "What an idea!"

Haru: Haru they're talking about us again.

Rin: Haru, shh. I am trying, to concentrate. Knight to Queen 4. Check.

Haru: Haru this is checkers.

Rin: I hate you! (door slam noise)

Rin leaned over to poke Haru. "Do you have, like, a mind palace or something? Your brain has doors!"

Instead of rising to the jab, Haru looked Rin flat in the eyes. "They are plenty of things you don't know about me, Rin."

(Cut to Makoto's house where we see his inhumanly adorable twin siblings begin arguing while swearing like sailors)

No it's mine! You can't have any!

C'mon, give me the rice you B#tch!

Makoto growled. "Ok, you can mess with me, and the rest of us, we're adults, we can take it, but nobody, but nooobody $$$$s with my siblings!"

You're just mad because Mom and Dad thought you were a girl for the first year of your life.

Hey now, there's nothing wrong with that. Mom and Dad thought the same of me, and I turned out just fine right Dad?

Right son, and speaking of crushing disappointments, they finally started tearing down your old swimming club.

Rin snorted. "Rude, af."

Makoto waved a hand. "It's fine, my parents knew I was a boy before I was born. But, oddly enough, they didn't actually want to know for my siblings."

A suspicious silence fell over the room.

Wha?

(Cut to the ruined club)

So, it is true. (Makoto's inner voice is surprisingly mellow)

Huh, it's a dang shame. You can't stop the wheels of time, kid. First they're tearing down swim clubs, next thing you know the PDA are knocking on my door, trying to take away my ostrich farm! What was I saying? Anyway, did you go to this club kid?

"So coach is a conspiracy theorist? And a criminal?" Makoto sighed.

"Don't forget exhibitionist." Rei added.

"Exhibitionist?"

"They said PDA, you know, Public Displays of Affection."

"No, no, I think this time it's the Parenteral Drug Association. Because of the Ostriches."

Wait?!

(Flashbacks of impossibly adorable versions of the swimmers, Haru looking slightly sullen but also slightly happier, with continued shots to the man in the back of all of the pictures. Creepy like sixteenth wall break here)

(Mwahahahaha)

Wha?

Coach Sasabe?

They're my ostriches!

They sat quietly. Nagisa crunched the last of his popcorn. Rin spoke up, summarizing their thoughts.

"Well, it seems we're in for quite the ride."

Author's note: Ok, so I've overdosed a little on the "let's add actual plot to this." It's still crack, but at this point I'm just amusing myself by adding plot points. Hope you enjoy the ride with me.

I do indeed think Nagisa's voice is racist, so I thought I might as well draw attention to it. From now on, I'll focus on the content if I think it's funny.

Kudos to anyone who caught my obligatory shot at Yu-Gi-Oh and give me kudos if you thought it was funny. Also the line I straight up just paraphrased from YGOTAS itself. It was too appropriate to miss.

I'm also breaking like, all sorts of fourth walls here, bopping into my own author's notes to break the fourth wall as well as referencing it in the story and writing myself into it. Well, that's crack for you. Let me know if it's getting too out of hand for you to keep up with.

Please kudo, R&R, subscribe, or leave a comment if you enjoy this funny little story that has gotten attention beyond my wildest imagination. Find me on tumblr ragingstillness.

P.S. You all know what's coming up. Get ready for it, in the next episode.