—

all the pain i can't explain away won't fade

all the secrets silenced by the shame

"Farkle, don't be nervous." Maya comforts him, squeezing his shoulder.

"I'm not nervous."

"Okay, then don't lie to me."

Farkle looked back at the eyes that slightly mirrored his own and sighed, "Sorry." Maya had already become like his older sister in a way. She was protective with a sarcastic, dry humor that made him laugh. They were currently awaiting the results of his Danger Room test, and though nobody would say it, they were all worried that he wouldn't be placed with them. There was no real way to lighten the tense atmosphere in the room. "I just want to be with you guys."

Lucas smiled up at him from his position on the floor. "Don't worry. You're going to be placed with us."

Zay nodded. "Yeah, you can't not be placed with us."

Riley looks up from her homework, giving him a smile of assurance.

"Were you guys nervous?" Farkle asks as Maya turns back to her desk, bending her head over her history notes. "When you were being placed?"

Everyone freezes slightly. They never really talked about anything that happened before Maya came. There was never a real discussion about their home lives or how they got there in the first place.

"I was here first, for a while." Riley begins, avoiding Farkle's eyes. "Then, Zay came, then Lucas, and last Maya. The only one we were nervous for was Maya."

Maya runs a hand through her tangled locks. She really needs to wash her hair. "Yeah, I was nervous. But, you don't need to be Farkle, you belong with us, no matter where you're placed."

It had taken a while for Farkle to take his test. He didn't really have belongings with him and they couldn't go back to his house and get them. Farkle had to start almost completely over. They bought him new clothes and books, binders, all his essentials. Everyone understood his fear to go home. His father would have him locked down if he even stepped within 100 miles of his house. He hadn't explained how he got to Florida, since his home was in northern California, so nobody asked.

He wasn't good at understanding when a subject wasn't supposed to be talked about, but when that conversation was shut down quickly, he understood that he should leave it at that.

—

The Phoenix begins to visit Maya much more often. They talk a lot, but never about any of the things they should probably be talking about. Maya likes to discuss trivial things like her schoolwork or the cooling weather, nothing important. Most times, they don't talk. Phoenix teaches Maya to meditate, to center her mind and her body with her emotions and energy. She's vomited a lot more than she'd like to say, usually because she can't find real balance. She exits sessions with Phoenix with vertigo and bile rising. Her throat begins to burn before she throws up, but that was only in the beginning.

Her body no longer shakes as frequently, her heart rate slows down, things slowly slip back to normal.

With the exception of the loss of her telepathy.

Phoenix still wouldn't explain to her why it was gone, or if it was ever coming back. And it made her angry. Some days she mourned the loss, others she cried, the departure of a vital part of her life was painful. As much as she attempted to push past it and be thankful for her remaining telekinesis, it was still a very much open wound. She wasn't coping with the loss well at all. Every time she asked (begged) for it back, Phoenix told her to wait, that there were things she needed to see first.

Maya didn't want to wait. She wanted her power back, not for superiority, but because it made her feel safe. It gave her some control. It made her feel...better.

It wasn't easy to explain, you had to have it to understand and it was gone.

Many things were hard to understand, Phoenix knew a lot more about her and her powers than she originally believed. So, when Maya asked about what happened in the museum, how in the brief moment in which her and her friends were all in physical contact, they were able to sense another mutant, Phoenix was able to explain it to her. Though everything he/she/it said came in cryptic messages, Maya was learning to decode their literal meanings and she started figuring out the hidden ones as well.

She knew that her and her friends were stronger together, but it was easy for them to get lost.

Their powers were especially strong, even as individuals, and Harper told them so multiple occasions.

The most obvious was Lucas' power, his optic blasts were potent and extremely dangerous. His blasts could easily kill someone, on purpose or accident. He was cautious about even practicing his power, for fear that he might lose control one day. His hesitation was obvious, and he only worked with Harper after Riley and Zay had already left.

His blasts weren't wild, though, should he lose control one day, there was no doubt in his mind that he would kill one of the people he cared for. It took him a while to warm up to working next to Maya. She was usually with him, not saying anything, just comforting him with her presence.

Zay's power seemed to be more reserved, but only because that was the area he chose to be reserved in. His ability to decrease the thermal energy in his surrounding area, meant he did more than just make 'ice'. He lowered the entire temperature in the environment and his own body temperature without harming himself as well. While he could easily manipulate other forms of liquids, he could also create ice structures on his own. It was true, his power bent to his will and his will alone. Zay shifted the ice into different shapes making beautiful sculptures and froze entire lakes with just the tip of his finger.

This, however, meant energy exertion, causing his own ice to travel up his arms and shoulders. This change shocked him back into a shell, making him pull back.

But, it was Riley, who crawled into herself more than anyone. Her personality appeared to be bright and lively, and she was (bright and lively, that is), yet the constant effect of her powers took it's tool on her mental stability. She now wore her gauntlets everyday instead of just during her training. With each passing day, the intake of electrical energy kept her awake for days on end, and she couldn't sleep even if she wanted to. It felt like fire crackling in her bones.

Most nights Riley used the energy to speed off, far enough from the school that they wouldn't hear what she was doing. Taking off her gauntlets, she'd pushed her hands to the sky, sending off large streamers and bolts of lighting into the sky. And though she marveled at it's beauty, the strength of the current was only controlled by her. If she let go for even a fraction of second, the probability of someone getting seriously injured was high.

They were dangerous all on their own, and it's scary for teenagers to digest the fact that they could easily kill someone if they forgot what they were doing.

So, Maya actively participated with Feeny in her therapy sessions. She listened and talked, but if she were speaking honestly, her sessions with Phoenix seemed much better. Feeny talked to her physically now, she worked on not responding in her head, and filtering her thoughts and opinions. She was beginning to learn what was acceptable to say and what was not instead of living in total silence.

It felt like learning to walk all over again. She stumbled and tripped a lot, but she was doing, and she was proud of herself for it. It took her a while to understand why it was so hard for to actually speak. Not just talk, but really speak, to say what she was feeling in the moment and then start dealing with it instead of shoving it into a little box.

Like she tried to do with her memories.

Still, she didn't talk about Marnie. Maya completely refused to even mention Marnie's name. There was no room to even think about bringing Marnie up. That was an area that Feeny attempted to get her to talk about, and Maya never budged. Of course there were times where it would have been easy to bring up a memory, an episode, an event, that happened with Marnie; yet that was only because of most of Maya's life happened with Marnie. She couldn't think about anything from her past without seeing Marnie face, smiling or laughing or crying or sleeping. Marnie flooded everything that she did. It continuously got harder to avoid thinking about her.

Riley reminded her so much of Marnie, and Zay's satire humor was the kind Marnie enjoyed, Farkle was brilliant like Marnie, and Lucas was easy to talk to just like her.

And then the dreams started again. Maya thought that they had stopped for a while, she knew that in actuality she hadn't slept nearly as much as she used to.

God, she used to sleep.

She slept all the time when Marnie died.

That was because her dreams were the only place she could talk to Marnie, it was the only place she could smile and laugh. Her dreams were the only place she could avoid grieving the loss of her best friend, her sister. In her mind, Marnie was never gone, she was just on a trip. And one day she'd wake up and Marnie would be lying next to her. Keeping Marnie in her dreams kept Maya from moving on. That way she never had to lose her. She don't know what she lost on that day in the cold, Maya just knew that it wasn't Marnie.

Maybe it was her sanity.

And if it was then that was okay.

It was probably a bad thing if she thought it was okay to lose her mind if it meant she could see Marnie. Except she meant more time asleep than awake, and then she didn't want to do anything but sleep. Katy and Shawn worried about her, and Maya knew couldn't tell them that she talked with Marnie in her dreams or they'd send her off to the nuthouse.

Now she was deprived of Marnie and she needed to see her desperately. Marnie was the only person she longed to talk to, she was above Phoenix and Riley and even her parents. She hated to say that Marnie came before her parents, except it was true, and it hurt.

When Maya laid down that night, she wasn't sure what to expect. She didn't have school the next morning and she was sure all her friends would be sleeping until noon. Which meant that Maya would be alone the entire night.

It meant that she'd be alone with Marnie the entire, she'd slip back into the state of not knowing if Marnie was dead or alive. Maya would no longer know if she, herself was dead or alive. Or maybe she was just in limbo?

She wanted to sleep, but she didn't want to sleep. Either she'd sleep and not want to wake up or sleep and not be able to properly wake up. Yet, there was something inside of her telling her that she needed to see Marnie tonight. Even if it was only for a few minutes, she had to see the girl that she loved more than life itself. So, that night, she was unsure if she'd find herself in a dream or a nightmare.

—

"Maya!" Spinning on her heel, Maya saw Marnie smiling and running towards her. They were on their childhood playground again, it was Marnie's favorite place. "Where have you been? I've been trying to talk to you for weeks!"

She sucks in a breath when Marnie touches her arm. "I'm sorry. I've been busy."

"Understandable, there's a lot to do in the land of the living." Marnie shrugs and drops down on the swing, pulling Maya onto the one next to hers.

Glancing at her, Maya sucks in a breath. "The land of the living?"

And, Marnie doesn't hesitate to answer what she's really asking her. "Yeah, Reds. The people who are still alive, it's called the land of the living. And the people who aren't alive are in the land of the dead."

"Is that where you are?"

Marnie shakes her head. "Not exactly."

"Then—" Maya tries, but Marnie cuts her off.

"I don't want to talk about this now. We don't have a lot of time." Marnie kicks her feet a little and stares at Maya. "So, how are you? I've missed you so much? Why haven't you been sleeping?"

She tries not to look guilty, but her dead best friend is admonishing her for not sleeping enough. "I've been too stressed to sleep."

"Why are you stressed?"

Maya sighs and crosses her legs at the ankle. Looking up, she sees the sky is as clear and blue as it could possibly be. If she weren't dreaming this place would be perfect. She felt carefree in Marnie's presence, she felt free. This is a place she'd like to be as much as she could.

"I lost my telepathy." To her surprise, Marnie doesn't gasp or shriek or even flinch. She barely even blinks when Maya tells her. At first, this makes Maya mad. Marnie had to know that Maya's powers had become almost the most important piece of her life. They dominated nearly everything she did for months. And as much as she called them a nuisance and cursed them, she knew she needed them. Her powers were like quiet company. (Ever since Marnie died.)

"No, you didn't."

This is the second person/being to tell her that her power isn't really gone. And she's sick and tired of that. "Yes, it freaking is Marnie."

Marnie doesn't notice Maya's anger, she simply stares straight ahead. "No, darling, it's not." Maya's getting annoyed with her flippancy quickly.

"Then where the hell is it? Cause I sure as hell don't know!" Her outburst is passionate, something Marnie isn't used to with Maya.

"Hun—"

God, Maya hated it when Marnie did that. Her voice would go quiet and her eyes would go big, then Maya would forget why she was getting mad.

"No." Maya's own voice harden and her eyes darkened.

Marnie looked up noticing the color was quickly draining from their world. The bright pinks and blues were turning grey swiftly, like someone had turned down the saturation. Maya was white knuckling the chain on the swing set.

Even in her own dreams she can't properly control her emotions.

Looking at her, Marnie tries to calm her down, but Maya refuses to let her speak.

"Where are they then? If you know they aren't gone then where are they?" Her voice is rising and the details in her dream started burning away like film.

Marnie eyes pleaded silently while Maya jumped up from the swing, hair whipping around. "I can't tell you."

"We promised each other that we'd never keep secrets!" Maya argues back. "We promised that we'd always tell each other everything, no matter how pissed we'd get."

Getting up, Marnie stares harshly back at her. "Well I made that promise when I was alive and now I'm not."

Maya's speechless at Marnie's bite. Blinking slowly, Maya backs up.

"Seeing you used to be the only thing I looked forward to for months. I loved seeing you in my dreams, but now I think they're turning into nightmares."

—

Farkle wakes up in a cold sweat. He can't remember what he was dreaming about, only that he felt like he couldn't wake up for the entirety of it. Wiping his forehead, he gets up and slips on his sneakers. His throat is scratchy and dry, and his room is starting to feel suffocating. Walking straight through the door, he looks around the mostly dark hallway. When he sees it's empty, he sucks in a breath and phases through the floor. After receiving the tour of the school, he was able to successfully calculate which floors, doors, and walls he could phase through and how long he'd need to hold his breath.

Landing quietly on the hallway carpet, he makes his way to the kitchen. Just as his eyes adjusted to the dark, a light flicks on. He's met with a mass of dark red hair in the doorway.

Maya.

"H-hey." He chokes out. Her stormy eyes are intense, more so than usual. "What are you doing up?"

"Nightmares."

She says it so casually that he barely even caught what she said. Farkle already learned that Maya was not the type of person to share more than she wanted, so when she says that she's having nightmares, he's caught off guard.

Unsure if she wants to talk about, Farkle coughs. "Bad ones?"

"They start out good, and then everything just turns grey." Her eyes look tired, like she's been waiting the whole night for him to get up and go downstairs. "Why are you up?"

"Same reason, I think." She's not staring him down, but he's still trapped under her gaze. The corner of her lips turn up only minutely in understanding.

Pushing off the door frame, Maya opens the freezer and hands him ice cream. He holds it as she goes to the drawer and grabs two spoons, and then surprises him by going to the pantry and grabbing pretzel sticks. Hopping up on the counter, she hands him a spoon and opens the bag of pretzels. Maya gestures for him to open the ice cream, which he does, and she digs her spoon in. Occasionally dipping her pretzel in her ice cream, she nods at him, and he follows her lead, albeit hesitantly.

Once he does eat it, he's not sure if he'll eat anything else.

"Oh my god!" Farkle looks at her in shock. "This is really good!"

She smiles smugly. "I know."

He continues eating and Maya chuckles.

"Do you do this often?"

She shakes her head. "Only when the nightmares are really bad." He wants to ask her about them, because the tub of ice cream is half empty. "What's it like? Walking through walls and stuff?"

He shrugs his shoulders and lets the ice cream slide down his throat. She pulls the tub away. "Hey!" He whisper-yells in protest.

"I wanna know Farkle."

Farkle sighs and thinks for a moment. "I don't know. It's kind of like being weightless. Like everything that's supposed to stop me... just can't anymore. Nothing's locked or hidden. Solids are like gases. If I can hold my breath long enough, I can walk through it." He's never really talked about it because he never had anybody to talk about it with. It wasn't anything that he was entirely able to grasps. Molecules in solids were so tightly packed that another solid with tightly packed molecules wouldn't be able to pass through. He was working with Hank on figuring out how he was able to do it. "It's hard."

She doesn't say she understands, but she nods and oddly enough the movement feels as close to a hug as he's gotten in years.

They don't talk for a while, she eats in silence and he follows her lead. The tub is almost finished when she looks up at him. "Feel better?"

"Much." He swallows quickly, chewing his pretzel right after. Maya allows him the last glob of ice cream before throwing out the carton and folding the pretzels shut again.

She's about to walk out without speaking, but she stops and doesn't turn around. "It's gonna take a while to adjust. It's weird at first and overwhelming. But, you belong here Farkle. You belong with us."

He smiles even though he knows that she can't see it and watches her exit.

—

Asher groans and shoves his hands in his pockets. He wants to touch the plants. He wants to touch the trees and feel the leaves.

No, he does not want to touch the plants; he wants to see what he'll do to them once he does. But, every time he tries to not care, he sees Maya vomiting on the roof. He sees her face twisting into shame, he sees her recoiling in humiliation. Every time he wants to forget, he sees the way she forced herself to leave him.

He wanted to tell her—Oh, god he wanted to tell her—about it. She would understand and she'd still like him. Yet, whenever he thought about telling her, all he saw was her pushing him away, telling him that she couldn't deal with this, that it was too much for her.

Asher wouldn't be able to handle her rejection.

Sunny pulls him out of his reverie. "Are you alright, Ash?"

"Yeah," He lies. "I'm fine. Just thinking."

She raises a quizzical eyebrow. "About Maya?"

Of course she knows what he's thinking about. She can read him like a book and though Asher is good at avoidance, he's been unable to hide from her. Her hands are planted on her hips and Asher gives in immediately. Sunny's like his own mother, he couldn't lie to her without it gnawing at whatever's left of his soul.

So, he nods.

"What did you do?" Sunny sits next on the stool next to him, her dress flowing around her.

Asher's mouth drops open. "Why do you assume I did something?"

"Because as quiet as Maya is, she's a strong little woman, and you have tendency to push people away when they're starting to get close." Sunny nudges his shoulder with her own. "You tried to push me away." She reminds him.

"Yeah, but you keep clawing your way back in." He jokes, shaking his head.

Sunny smiles, tucking a curly hair behind her ear. "Maya can take a lot, Ash. She's very empathetic. But, I know she's not going to fight to be where it looks like she's not wanted. And I know you like her—"

"I don't like her!" She looks at knowingly, her lips quirked into a slight smile. "Only a little."

"And you need to tell her."

Asher knows that that's the end of the conversation. Like always, Sunny's right and she speaks with finality. He runs a hand through his black hair and refuses to look at her.

"How am I supposed to tell her?"

She shrugs as she gets up and her curly mane bounces with the movement. "Take her for a walk, she's been working pretty hard lately and it gets stuffy in the school, Ash."

He looks up at the darkening clouds and then back at Sunny. It was easy to see that it was about to rain. "This isn't exactly the weather for that."

"I guess I have to do everything, huh? Only this time, for you Ash." Tilting her head up, Sunny focused her energy and looked at the sky. Asher watched as her eyes turned completely white. The clouds began to move away and the sun took their place. The entire roof was bathed in natural light and a light breeze picked up. Releasing a slow breath, Sunny's eyes turned back to their natural blue color and she smiles at him. "Good luck." Her winds push his hair around and he chuckles as she leaves.

As much as he'd like to completely ignore everything Sunny told him, he couldn't even if he tried to. So, he makes his way downstairs, to Maya's room.

His hand is poised to knock on the door, but he hesitates. Flashes of her unable to meet his eyes, to even turn around and look at him, come back to the forefront of his brain. He drops his hand, then raises it again.

Then, a voice clears behind him.

Maya's door swings open.

"What are you doing here?" Two voices say in unison.

He looks at a slightly confused Maya first, then turns around to see Lucas right behind him. Both are waiting for an answer, but he only came to talk to one. There's only one who deserves an answer.

"I came to see you." He says finally, and he sees her face brighten a bit, though she tries to squash the smile forming immediately.

Lucas, however, is still standing right behind him. "Why?"

"I believe I was talking to Maya." He bites to him over his shoulder.

Maya steps forward, causing both boys to step back. "It's okay, Lucas." He still looks defensive, so Maya steps around Asher to whisper something that he can't hear. Then Lucas' face softens and he slumps a bit. "I'll be back in a bit."

Asher wants to ask her what she said, but he knows that she doesn't owe him anything. Whatever is bubbling up needs to be put down. Lucas walks away and Maya turns back to Asher. "Yeah?"

"Can we go for a walk? There's something I need to show you." He tries not to sound cryptic, now that he knows that she hates that. But, that really wasn't fair considering she was an enigma all on her own.

"Where are we going?"

"There's something I want to show you." Her face shifts into exasperation so he quickly speaks again. "Please, just trust me this one time. And after this, if you don't want anything to do with me, I'll understand.

She hesitates for a second, he can see it clearly, yet, she nods, following him as he begins walking. He wishes that he couldn't feel her apprehension when following. He wants her to trust him, but trust is earned, and he hasn't earned that yet. He just needs to show why he pulled away, and maybe she won't hate him for it.

That is of course, if it works when he tries.

"We aren't going to the roof?" Maya freezes when she notices they aren't going in their usual direction. He's leading her out a back door and Asher really needs her to just trust him.

"I want to show you something Maya, if you'll let me." It's a question and a plead all in itself. She faced with an option: stay or go? And, she thinks about it. Actual chewing her lip, knitted eyebrows consideration.

Finally, she steps next to him and he continues walking. They go in silence. He pushes open the emergency exit at the end of the hallway, leading them down a set of stairs. They're covered in darkness until he opens another door. Light fills the stairwell and Maya steps onto the soft grass. She smiles. It's a garden, or something like it. Flowers and light bathe the entire area and ivy growing on the trellis.

"Maya." He calls her name softly, letting the door shut behind him.

Her face is bright, her eyes match the clear skies Sunny gave him. "When I show you, I need you to promise not to hate me."

She looks up at him, noting the tinge in his voice. "I don't know what you want me to say."

"I want you to say that try you'll and understand."

Maya blinks slowly before whispering, "I'll try."

Asher pulls his sleeves up and set his hands on the flowers, closing his eyes so he couldn't see her reaction.

"Oh my goodness."

—

It's early and it's late.

The only thing Lucas knows is that Maya went off with Asher.

"Dude, you're gonna put a hole in my floor, stop pacing." Zay comments. "Sit down and stop worrying."

"I'm not worrying." Lucas bites back a little harsher than he intended. Wincing at the sound of his own voice, Lucas apologizes. "I'm sorry. But, out of all the people in this school, she had to pick Asher to be secret friends with?" He looks at Zay who seems entirely unconcerned. "Don't you care that she's been hiding him from us?"

Zay shakes his head. "No, and I don't know why you care either."

"She was keeping a secret from us, we're friends, we don't do that." Lucas chides, annoyed with Zay's indifference. "Does the sanctity of friendship mean nothing to you?"

Looking up at Lucas, Zay chuckles. "No. It doesn't. We've barely known Maya for a few months Lucas, chill out. I don't know why you care so much anyways, we don't tell each other everything, anyways. So, she's friends with Asher, what's the big deal?"

"The big deal is that she didn't tell us!"

"She didn't tell us? Or she didn't tell you?"

Lucas narrowed his eyes at him, even though Zay could barely tell. "What do you mean?"

Zay realized that Lucas was genuinely asking him this question. He really didn't know. "Nothing, man. We all have stuff we don't tell each other. Nobody knows how we know Asher, or how I met you, because we never talk about what happened. None of us talk about what happened before we came here. None of us even bring up our lives before we cam here. Those people don't exist anymore, they're dead. We're all starting over here, we've just been doing longer than here. Maya is still creating her 'after', give her some more time."

—

"Was it Asher? Was that who you were warning me about?"

"Did you think things would be that easy? No, the boy that you hold feelings for is not the one you need to watch."

"I do not have feelings for Asher!"

"I'd prefer it if we didn't lie to each other."

"You lie to me all the time."

"I have never lied to you, Maya. I have only waited until you were ready to understand certain things. Others, however, you will need to figure out on your own."

"I'm ready to understand where my telepathy's gone..."

"No, you are not."

"And how in the hell would you know that?"

"Because when you are ready, you will feel it."

—

"Riley, your parents have been calling." Feeny stops the brunette in the hallway on her way to breakfast with her friends. "They're saying that your phone keeps going straight to voicemail."

She nods indifferently, looking straight through him. "That's probably because it was ringing and wouldn't stop, so I might have given it a couple of 'streamers' at three in the morning last week."

"You need to talk to them—"

Immediately, Riley shakes her head and steps back from him. "I don't need to do anything. You want me to talk to them and they want me to talk to them, but I don't. So, I'm not going to."

Feeny looks at her with sad eyes, and she tries to steel herself off. As much as the young lady was sweet, she was just a stubborn, she got that from her mom."Riley, they just want to talk to you. What happened was not your fault, you do know that, right?"

"I know that, I know it's not my fault. It's their fault." Her tone pitches and Feeny notices the change in her demeanor. Her lip pulls in a bit and her arms cross over her chest. "I talked and talked for months, but they didn't listen. I don't blame myself. I don't have any guilt, and I don't regret a thing. It was their fault. Now, they're paying the price of their negligence."

"Riley Calliope Matthews." Feeny calls her full name, making her freeze. "You don't mean that."

Running a hand through her hair, she sighs. "But, I do. And I'm not sorry that I do. I can love my parents to death, and I can still blame them for what happened. I blame them, because it's their fault and not mine. They know that, you know that, and I know that. I do not have any guilt, and I will not allow them to use me to assuage their guilt."

"One phone call." He pleads.

"Not even a vowel." Riley argues back. She begins walking away and then spins around on her heel. "Don't come to me about them again, you should know better than that."

—

"James, you know that this cannot be solved with you avoiding me." George calls as James walks by, thumbing through the outline plan for his political science lecture. "I know you don't agree with what I did, but that doesn't change the fact that it's done."

James shakes his head, both men not facing each other. "I need time."

"What's done is done, James. I want us to move on."

"You've broken my trust and Maya's as well." James shuffles the papers, giving his hands something to do. "The only difference is one of us knows."

George hangs his head. "I did what's best for her."

"No. You did what you thought was best for her and disregarded my opinion entirely. You didn't compromise, like we promised to do when we disagreed, you just did it." James' harsh tone cuts George in ways he never thought it could. "You know, you're the smartest person in the room George, but you're not the only person in the room."

—

Awe, poor James! He's mad at George-y!

I will not be updating for a while, I'm going on a hopefully short hiatus. If you didn't know, Donald Trump has been elected President of the United States, and I am a woman, as well as a person of color, and I'm scared right now. What many people don't understand is that we aren't just facing Trump as President.

- Trump has a Republican majority in House of Representatives.

- Trump has 1-3 Supreme Court justices to appoint.

- Trump has a Republican majority in the Senate as well.

There's literally not much stopping him right now.

When the votes came in, I started vomiting, like right there on the spot. The second he hit 270 electoral votes, I threw up. I'm sick at the thought of him ruling this country and while things aren't final until December 19th, I know the results won't change.

This country has made a huge mistake and I don't know what to do.

I am trying to trust in America, not Americans, but America, the country. And I hope that this system will not fail me.

Thank you for allowing me this time, I'll be back as soon as things cool down.

Also, I was too sick to proof this, I'll do it when I come back, I'm so sorry guys.

xoxo, Minnie