Notes:

So I have all the Akatsuki members names written on scraps of paper and do a blind pull to see who gets a POV and other stuff. I pulled Hidan three times in a row. So this is his chapter.

Hold on to your butts baby's cause we're goin in!

Hidan blinked a few times. Something was different.

He looked over at Sasori, who seemed so much smaller now and Hidan was looking slightly down at Mary not up. She was looking at him like he had grown three heads.

Hidan looked down at his hands.

Hands.

"HA!" He jumped up. And was gloriously tall. And on two feet. "AH HA!"

He laughed maniacally for a moment.

Then a soft whisper caught his attention. Mary was looking up at him with that same expression.

Mary.

He lunged at her, still laughing and she screamed.

She barely managed to squeeze away when his hand tried to clamp on her ankle. Now she was standing a few feet away from him but she still gave him that look.

"H-H-Hidan!" She shouted accusatory pointing at him hysterically.

"That's my name baby." He was pleased she called him that rather then the stupid cat name, completely unconcerned by how she already knew it. "Now get the fuck over here." He jumped up ready to tackle her when a burning sensation invaded his ankle. He looked down to see Sasori clawing him mercilessly, blood ran down his foot in big red welts.

"Fuck off loser." He told him with a satisfied smirk and shook him off.

Then he refocused his sights on his prize ready to claim her.

But she was nowhere to be seen. "Aw come on baby, don't be like that." He wined at her. The sound of something being knocked over was heard in the back room. Her bedroom.

'Or do be like that.' He thought happily as he followed her. "Here I come." He called out playfully as he reached the door. Then wham!

He was knocked back on his ass as a miniature bat came careening into his bare chest.

"Fucking shit bitch!" He groaned as he clutched himself, oddly the pain didn't feel good.

"You have two seconds to explain what's goin on before I knock your head from your shoulders." She tried to say threateningly but her hands shook. He smirked at her then grabbed the edge of the bat that was pointing at him in threat and pulled her into his naked lap.

"That's more like it." He purred at her.

"H-Hidan!" She shrieked and he was also pleased to see the blush that started to cover her face. He wrapped his arms around her and put his own face to her hair and breathed in. She still smelt like vanilla. He could already feel himself getting hard.

They were interrupted however by an incessant meowing. Next to them were the five other Akatsuki members, still kittens. All looking throughly pissed off.

Deidara and Sasori scratch at him while Kakuzu and Kisame meowed incessantly at him. Itachi was silent and watching as always.

'What a mood killer' Hidan thought with a sighed. "I can't understand you guys anymore." He told them. Not at all concerned.

"The dream..." Mary whispered from his lap. "Your- they're... oh my god." She covered her mouth in shock, her eyes going wide.

"If I'm dreaming don't wake me up." Hidan told her moving his lips to the hollow of her neck to taste her and let his hands roam. She sucked in a breath and pushed away from him, out of his lap. Sadly he barely got any of her sweet flesh.

"W-What are you doing!?" She asked him holding on to her neck like he had burned her.

He smirked at her. "Taking what's mine." Then he grabbed for her again but she twisted away. He frowned at her. "Stop playing hard to get." He pouted.

"I'm not playing!" She yelled at him, eye wide and frantic. "What do you want?!"

"You." He told her with a smile. That threw her. She turned 50 shades of red and sputtered. "Your real cute when you get embarrassed." He teased.

She stood and huffed at him, then went to her room. Seconds later she came back out with a blanket "C-cover yourself." She commanded throwing it over him.

"Scared? I would say don't worry I'll be gentle but that would be a lie." He told her truthfully. She turned even more red.

"You-You pervert!" She accused. He merrily laughed at her. Then, only slightly miffed, he rapped the blanket around him like a towel. When he looked back at her he found her squatting in front of Kismame. "It wasn't a dream uh?" She asked him to which he meowed happily.

"Forget those assholes." Hidan told her making his way behind her ready to grab some part of her.

"Don't you care about your fri-" she seemed to think of something, turning back to look at him for a moment, before she changed her word. "Comrades."

"No not one bit." It was the truth, he couldn't care less. In fact this was the best possible turn of events.

Just him and her.

"Well if you turned human again so can they" She seemed pretty ok about this. Almost giddy in fact. He wasn't sure if he liked it. "Do you know how you did it." She was still down on the floor looking at Kisame, giving Hidan a nice view of her from above.

His eyebrow twitched at her choice of words. "I'll do you..." he mumbled under his breath.

"What was that." She asked him innocently having not heard and stood up to facing him. Her eyes reach his neck at her short height and she and to crane her head up to look at him.

He groaned. "How should I know one minute you were hurt and I just wanted..." what had he wanted. Shockingly he didn't think of the sweet taste of her blood but how he wanted to help her, heal her somehow.

"You licked my blood, didn't you?" She accused him with one hand on her hips and he gave her a proud grin.

"Your delicious." He told her in a deep rumble. She blushed at him again. He loved that he could get her all riled up and wondered if he was "bothering" her in other ways. She told him to cover up before he knew if she had "seen" him yet and he was curious to what she thought of him. All of him.

"Ok, ok you can handle this... sooo, now what." She was talking to herself and absentmindedly reached down a hand to pet a cat. Itachi. Then she looked at him, horrified. "I'm so sorry! Your not a cat, I-I shouldn't do that."

"I wouldn't mind some heavy petting." Hidan winked at her trying to get her attention again and she gasped at him.

"You are unbelievable, I'll give you a heavy beating if you don't stop." It seemed the blush was a new addition to her appearance. Hidan liked it. She was innocent but she still had a quick come back. He decided to listen to her as well, at least for the moment.

"Well you can't all go around like that." She gestured at him and his blanket. After giving her lip a thoughtful chew she spoke up again. "I've got some old clothes in the extra room, come on."

She walked over to the door in the hall that hadn't been open and took a deep breath before turning the handle and walking inside. Hidan followed with the Akatsuki kittens in tow.

It was a small room with only one window. Boxes piled up in the corners and a hospital bed sat along the wall. A thin layer of dust covered everything.

"Oh... I didn't expect it to be so dirty in here..." she trailed off staring at the bed with wet eyes. Hidan coughed awkwardly.

He didn't know what she was thinking of but he didn't want to have a crying woman on his hand. Though he wouldn't mind his hands on her in other ways.

"Right." She shook her head and walked over to a box opening it. She rummaged through it until she found what it was she was looking for.

"Here put these on." She told him handing him a pair of pants like the lose one she wore earlier yesterday but much bigger and a white sleeveless shirt. He went to pull the blanket off when she stopped him. "Not here! At least turn around!"

"Fine Fine, don't get your panties in a bunch." Like hell he was leaving so he simply turned around and make quick work of the clothes.

When he turned back around he saw Mary kneeling on the floor holding an arm out to Itachi as she covered her eyes with her other hand.

"Hey what the fuck is going on in here!" He accused.

With a poof kitten Itachi was gone and a dark hair man stood in his place. He took a pair of pants and a shirt that were in a pile next to him and dressed in a corner without a single word. Kitten Kakuzu took his place.

"It's her blood that turns us human you idiot. Sasori already tried with yours." Kakuzu told him grumpily after transforming taking some clothes himself. His eyes weren't the same as they used to be. The red part of his eyes looked bloodshot but more like a normal persons would.

Sasori was up next and Deidara was close behind him but Kismame was off in a corner not looking eager at all. So Hidan decided to fuck with him, why not.

"Scared fish face." He taunted. If he had any competition he doubted it would come from shark boy. The cat merely hissed at him and made his way over to Mary who was now waiting.

When he transformed it was a shock. His skin, which was a normal color, was covered in colored tattoos, mostly blue, even his face had some.

"Answers that question." He mumbled to himself showing off sharped teeth and standing up, taking the last of the clothes with him.

"Now what." Hidan asked no one in particular. Six men looked down at Mary expectedly. Her eyes were still covered.

'Cute' Hidan thought.

"Well don't just stand there get dress and head to the living room." She sighed in an exasperated fashion.

"We are all dressed. You may uncover your eyes Mary-San" Itahchi walked over to her and touched her shoulder gently, she blinked up at him and blushed.

"Hey! Back off!" Hidan threatened him coming up to Mary's other side and grabbing the other shoulder possessively. He would have to watch pretty boy.

But she shook them both off and stood up. "Living room." She said sternly looking at Hidan. Though she was still blushing.

'Game on.' Hidan thought viciously.

She had never woke up. This was all part of that weird dream she had last night. Or was still having.

Because there was no way in sweet, sweet hell that her favorite member of the Akatsuki were standing in her living room.

Nope. Not happening. All in her head.

It was all just some super weird dream were she could feel pain and, and...

This couldn't be real.

Hidan, Deidara, Itachi and Sasori looked exactly like they did in the anime. But Kakuzu eyes had changed to look more normal. Well as normal as someone super drunk or high.

Even more shocking was Kismame's appearance. All over he was covered in tattoos that made his skin seem blue even though it wasn't. Scenes of the ocean and what monster that lay beneath we're the common theme. She had to admit it looked good on him. But why would he look so different.

She guessed so he looked relatively normal. Well as normal as a heavily tattooed, blue haired, man of six foot three could be.

In fact they were just like the anime. They mostly all towered over her with only Sasori being close to her height. And still the top of her head only reach his eyebrows, her eyes were perfectly lip level. She shook her head, that was not a productive line of thought.

And now they just stared at her like she knew what the hell she was doing. I mean shouldn't a dream like this take place in a more practical place. Like the worlds largest bed. And why had she given them clothes?! What was she thinking.

Well what she was thinking was staring to show on her face because her dreaded blushing was back. You would think in her dreams she'd be more bold. Didn't she want this.

'Come on dream Mary, grow some ovaries!' She told herself.

Itachi repeating her name brought her back to her senses. "Mary-San?" He questioned.

"Please just call me Mary. We don't use honorifics here." She told him in what sounded like a whispered. She cleared her throat. She need to calm down.

"If you don't mind." He continued "Where is here exactly."

"What?" She asked dumbfounded.

Kakuzu sighed at her. "What village are we in, and what year is this." He sounded agitated.

"Didn't you see that anime yesterday... you guys aren't real.." She tried to explain to them. How could they not know, and furthermore, why did they care. This is not how she envisioned this dream would turn out. And was this a new dream from yesterday, was it all one big dream. Was she in a coma right now?

Of course they weren't real. This was all part of her alcohol induced stupor. Yes, that was it. But hey if she had more drunk dreams like this maybe she should drink more.

"I told you last night we were real." Kismame huffed at her.

"No. Like this isn't real, real." She spoke like they couldn't understand her. Hell they couldn't. "This is all a dream." She told herself.

"Your injured. Why would you still think this a dream." Sasori asked her in a soft tone. Wow she never heard him speak like that before.

In fact most everyone was looking at her scratched hands with pity and remorse. Since when did the Akatsuki look like that.

Then it hit her. If this wasn't a sex dream it was a nightmare.

And she was alone with six psychotic killers. Well maybe Itachi wasn't psychotic but he sure wasn't right in the head. And Hidan.

Oh god Hidan.

He would love to kill her the first chance he got, surely. And she could feel pain. She bleed. He would love that.

Suddenly her breathing became hard and fast. The room began to spin. Oh god she had to get out of here. Why had she thought this was a good thing! She was about to die!

"I believe she's having a panic attack." Someone said, it sounded so far away. Maybe she was waking up. Good.

"I was wondering when she'd do that." Said another. She felt the world tip and she was falling.

"I got you, hn." She fell into someone's arms before she fell into darkness.

End Notes:

Just give her a minute to process.

I've discovered Stardew Valley... send help