chapter 7. Thsi one talks about Paul's childhood and believe me, it's not pretty. Paul's Secrets
Later in the day, Dr. Birnbaum sat the two boys in her office to discuss what they would all be doing during Paul's pregnancy. They waited there for her to finish with another patient.
Paul had thrown his jacket in the wash so he was not wearing it when he entered the office. When Paul sat down in the chair, Ash noticed the small bulge in his stomach showing through his black turtle-neck. This was the first time Ash was able to see it because it always remained hidden under Paul's jacket. The sight made him shiver a little in awe.
Of course, Paul was as quiet as ever. To break the eerie silence between them, Ash decided to start a conversation.
"Um, just to let you know, I already told my mother about this. She says she'll help support us in anyway that she could."
"Great… Why not tell the whole world while you're at it…"
"Hey, she's my mom. She needs to know these things. Just like your parents need to know."
This line struck a nerve in Paul.
"Oh please! What good are parents anyway?"
"How can you say that…? Parents are there to take care of you…"
"…"
"You did tell your parents… right?"
"They don't need to know…"
"Paul you have to. They love you and would want to know."
"First of all, don't assume everyone's parents are saints just like your mom. It's not like that at all."
"I don't understand."
"My parents don't give a damn about me. They never have and they never will."
Ash then looked at Paul with a concerned look.
"My so called "mother" is nothing but a crack-whore. As a kid she just left me in the house alone while she slept with some stranger for crack money. As for my father, he's a raging alcoholic. Everyday he'd have at least ten beers and then would beat the crap out of me when something I did angered him. And the disturbing part about it is that I preferred being with him over my mother because he at least gave me some form of attention. Even if that attention included breaking an empty beer bottle over my head."
Ash found it hard to not cry over Paul's horrific story. He started to slightly sob as he put his hand over his eyes.
"What the hell are you crying for? It didn't happen to you. Over the years I learned that crying never solved any of my problems so I just stopped. After that, anytime my mom left me alone or my dad would beat me, I would just go numb. I wouldn't cry anymore…"
It all made sense to Ash now. Why Paul would always keep himself isolated from other people and why he wouldn't treat his Pokémon like his friends. It's all because of what he went through as a child. He abandoned all feelings of happiness or sadness and only felt anger or nothing at all. But Ash knew that there was a part of Paul deep inside that longed for love and attention. He saw that side of him when they were at Mt. Coronet. There is where he saw that small child that just wanted to be loved. It was now his mission to finally set that child free.
"Paul… I can't even begin to say how sorry I am that you had to go through that. I-I had no idea."
"Yeah…yeah…" he said with an annoyed tone in his voice.
"That must have been so awful… I can't imagine what must have been going through your mind when your parents would do those things to you. And I know it's not much consolation but, I'd like to help you through this…"
"Don't you get it? It's too late for that. What's done is done."
"It's never too late to help someone. You may not show it or believe it but… you're in pain inside…"
"That's your opinion…"
Ash then stretched his hand to Paul's arm.
"Please Paul… I'd like to…"
Once he touched his arm, Paul was quick to push him away.
"Don't touch me! I told you, there's no point. Why don't you just give up?"
"Because I can't stand to see you in such pain. And I don't believe that you believe people should give up when it seems hopeless. Don't you remember what happened today? Even though I was bound to fall off the ship, you wouldn't give up on trying your hardest to pull me on deck with you."
"That's hardly a comparison. I just wanted to get you up there so I could punch some sense into you once you were on."
"I know that isn't true Paul. As I said before, I'm not falling for your little games anymore."
"Hm… Think what you want."
Just then, Dr. Birnbaum returned to her office.
"Sorry about that, boys. I just needed to…"
She stopped speaking when he saw Ash was wiping tears from his eyes.
"Ash, are you alright?"
"Um, y-yeah. I'm fine. I just yawned not too long ago."
She then looked at Paul who had his arms crossed and eyes closed.
"Okay. Well, I just wanted to discuss with you the plans I thought of and see what your opinions were."
Then she opened one of her desk drawers and pulled out a rolled up piece of paper. She then unrolled it on the desk. Both Ash and Paul saw that it was a picture of some sort of resort.
"What is this place?" asked Ash.
"It's an old vacation home that belonged to my grandfather. I inherited it after he passed away. It's a ten bedroom mansion that's in the center of land. It's located on top of a hill that overlooks Veilstone City and the ocean. Over the years, I have been converting part of the mansion into my own medical center. My plans were to give patients the option of staying in this nice home to be taken care of rather than spending time in the hospital. And, if it is okay with the two of you, I'd like Paul to be my first patient there. Being that it's best for Paul's pregnancy remain a secret, I thought it would be a good place where he can be cared for without attracting attention."
"Hey that sounds like a good idea." Ash said.
"But it is Paul's decision over all." she said as she looked at Paul.
Paul still had his head down and arms crossed. He appeared to be deep in thought. If he agreed to it, he'd have to spend the next seven months held up in some mansion.
"What do you think Paul? she asked.
"I don't know…"
"If he'd like he can come live with me and my mother." Ash suggested.
"Well I know I'm definitely not doing that…"
"Did you happen to have any ideas you'd like to share?" the doctor asked Paul.
Paul shook his head in disagreement.
"Paul, we have to think of something." Ash said. "It's not like you can go around traveling like you did. You need a place to relax."
"God! Will you all quit breathing down my neck!? It's all not as easy as you make it out to be!"
Paul then decided to excuse himself and left the office. Ash soon followed fearing that he would leave.
"Wait Paul!"
"Relax. I'm not running away." he said in a condescending tone.
"I just want to go back to my room. I need my space…"
Ash then felt Dr. Birnbaum place a hand on his shoulder.
"I think its best that you leave Paul alone for a while. It's not easy for him to accept help from others. You need to give him some time to warm up to the idea."
"Yeah… I guess you're right…"
"So, would you mind telling me the REAL reason you were crying when I entered the office?"
"Um… Well… It's just that, Paul told me about his life at home."
"Oh… I see."
"I've never heard something so sad… Even though I was crying, Paul didn't even shed a tear. He said he was basically all cried out."
"Well when someone goes through what Paul went through for so long, they tend to abandon their feelings."
"Yeah…"
"I tried to get him to see a psychiatrist about it but he refused. He said that it would be 'useless'."
"That sounds like Paul alright."
Back in Paul's hospital room, he was lying on the bed and he had his arms folded behind his head. He was staring blankly at the ceiling trying to count all the little holes in the tiles. A few minutes afterwards, he moved his arm so that he could place his hand on his growing stomach.
"Seems to be bigger than it was a week ago." he thought. "Pretty soon I won't be able to hide it with my jacket."
He then turned onto his side.
"Am I being too hard on them? I mean, they're only trying to help me…"
Meanwhile, Ash decided to discuss with his friends the plan that Dr. Birnbaum had.
"Wow, this seems like the perfect opportunity for Paul." Brock said.
"Yeah. I can't believe he's not sure about it." said Dawn. "Even I want to go there."
"Well he does have a lot of things on his mind right now." said Ash. "We just have to be patient and give him time to think about it. Even though it sounds convenient, I'm sure you wouldn't like to have to stay there for seven months without leaving, would you Dawn?"
"Guess not. You have a point there."
"Pikachu." said his Pikachu.
"Do you think you should tell your mom about this?" Brock asked.
"Mmm, not yet. I just wanna wait a little longer and see what Paul wants to do. He wasn't too happy about me telling her that he was pregnant in the first place."
"Why would he be mad about that?"
"Well it's because…"
He was about to tell them about Paul's relationship with his own parents, but then he realized that it would be rude to do so without his permission.
"Because… he's embarrassed. Why else?"
"I'm curious to what he told his parents. Did he say anything to you Ash?" asked Dawn.
"Uh… no…"
Exhausted from the day's events, Paul had fallen asleep. But it wasn't exactly a peaceful sleep. He began to have flashbacks from his days in elementary school.
He was in the school yard sitting by himself as he always done. He carried a small book with him that he wrote poetry in kanji characters in. He had learned Japanese from his nanny, Tsukiko, who came into his life when he was three years old. His parents decided to fire her after they couldn't come up with the money to pay her.
Paul was then approached by three of his classmates.
"Well, if it isn't loner boy." said one of the boys.
He then looked up at them.
"Why are you always by yourself?" asked the second boy. "Do you think you're better than us or something?"
"N…no. I just…"
"And what is this crap you're always writing." the third boy said as he ripped the book from Paul's hand.
"Hey! Be careful with that."
"What's this weird writing? Chinese!? People here speak English ya know!"
Paul responded with a hostile look.
"No wonder no one likes you!" said the other boy. "You're so weird!"
"Can I please have my book back now?" Paul asked.
"Um, let me think about it… NO!" the boy laughed.
"I'm not playing! Give it back!"
Paul attempted to grab his book from the boy. But the obviously taller boy held the book in the air so he couldn't reach it. The boy then tossed it to his friend and then he passed it to his other friend. This pattern continued for a few seconds. When Paul tried to reach for his book again, the boy pushed him to the ground hard.
"Ouf!" he grunted when he hit the ground.
The boy then took his book and threw it on the ground. It was facing downwards while still open. He then stepped on the book and rubbed it into the dirt with his foot.
"Hey look at that. I think I just fixed it!"
He then picked up the book and threw it at Paul's shoulder.
"See ya, LOSER!!"
The three boys then started laughing manically while leaving Paul on the ground with his dirt covered book.
Paul picked up and became horrified when he saw that the boy had nearly ruined the page that Tsukiko had written on before she had left him. He started to cry as it was one of the only things he had to remember her by. Paul then slammed his fist in the ground before getting to his feet and walking away.
Paul then awoke from his unpleasant dream. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes after he sat up in his bed. He then went to reach for his backpack that lay by his bedside. Inside it was the small black book that contained his early kanji poetry. The very same one from his dream. He then turned to the page that the boy had stepped on. It was still dirty but at least he was able to tape up the ripped pieces.
"Always look to tomorrow. You will always find something good", is what Tsukiko's message read. Earlier on, Paul had tried to go by this saying. But since tomorrow always seemed to be worse each day, he basically stopped believing in it. Still, it was nice to have something that she had given him.
Because of Paul's experience with the children at his school, he refused to make friends with anyone. He felt that all kids his age were that way I didn't want to have anything to do with them. What started off as shyness became a complete disregard to make any friends. To him, there were no such thing as friends, and he wasn't about to change his mind now.
Poor Paul ... ;;
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