Dust and Shadows

by The River Watcher

He was by her side in two steps, gripping her shoulders and pulling her to him even as she was moving toward the door. She shuddered between his hands. "Something happened. Something is wrong, River. I can see it in your eyes." "I need to go back. Leave you to your," she waved a hand toward the console, "travels." She pulled herself from his grasp and reached for the door.

7. The Alley

Chapter 6

The Alley

"If we open a quarrel between past and present, we shall find that we have no future."

-Winston Churchill

XXX

River and the Doctor stood hand in hand, staring into the antiquities booth, stunned. It was an impressive collection, really. Long lost works of art and expensive china, silver that dated back to the end of the First Republic and jewelry that carried a hue unique only to Citron, a planet that had combusted six centuries ago. There was furniture, worn and used but antiqued, expensive to those who knew what they were looking at, but River and the Doctor weren't looking at it. Instead, they were staring at that little blue book sitting at the back of the stall.

There were a few customers skirting around the edge of the booth. To their right, a regal Abruvian woman dressed furs and pearls lifted her hand in the air, squinting as she gazed at a large ring situated on a long blue-grey finger. She cut her eyes to the vendor standing on the other side of the table, hunched over a tray of jewelry with a loupe nestled into his eye as he clicked his tongue and selected another ring. To the left, an elderly couple—possibly human—bent over a gilded chair as another retailer explained something about the stitching on the armrest. A few idle shoppers strolled by, eyes running the length of the tables before wandering off.

The merchant, a Trixon, slender and gray with long arms and a quick tale slithering above his head, was standing quietly at the back of the stall with his arms crossed tightly about his chest, surveying the scene around him. He was wearing a three piece suit complete with boutonniere and a perpetually puckered expression on his face. The Doctor met his gaze from across the stall and a thin grey brow curved skyward. "Just follow my lead," he muttered to River, cupping her elbow and escorting her to the front of the booth.

"May I help you, sir?" The merchant asked, his head held high, nose pointed into the air above the Doctor and River's heads as he spoke.

"Ah yes," the Doctor took a moment, letting his eye run the perimeter of the tables as if making up his mind. When he was done, he flicked his attention back to the attendant. "My wife and I are here visiting on our honeymoon"—well, it was partly true at any rate—he wrapped his arm around River's waist and pulled her closer. "And I want to indulge her. Though, I'm not really sure you have what it is I am looking for."

"But sir, we have anything you could possibly be looking for. Marcel's is the finest vendor in all of Methatron. Please, tell me what it is you are looking for and I will find it for you." The merchant stretched his lips, an attempted smile, no doubt. He'd bargained with humans before, but it was not a gesture that came natural to his species, that was plain enough to tell.

"I wanted to get her something unique. Something one of a kind." He dropped his head to her catching her gaze as she looked up at him. Playing a honeymooning couple, now that was easy. He tapped her under the chin. "I want her to have something that no other woman in the galaxy has." She smiled at him and for a moment the Doctor almost forgot their mission.

"Oh, well then you have come to the right place. Everything you see before you is unique, quite unique. Take this candelabra, for instance." The Trixon's tail snaked out and caught a mixed silver and gold candelabra from the back table, holding it over their heads where he promptly dropped it into his waiting hands. "This belonged to King Filch of Zytron VI. His castle was looted and plundered one thousand years ago; most of his treasure was carried off and never heard from again. But this candelabra. It is still here." The merchant lifted the artifact up to them, offering it for inspection.

River, ever the archaeologist, hastily wrapped the long sleeves of her new dress around her palms before accepting the relic, holding it up and watching it shimmer in the light. "How do I know that this really came from Filch's castle and that it's not just a quaint story you're telling me to get me to pay a couple of thousand extra Hubles." She asked, and the creature's brows shot up, eyes darting to the Doctor.

"My you have a spry one here, sir. The lady is clever."

"Very."

He turned back to River. "The stamp on the bottom marks the candelabra as coming from the King's treasury and, of course, all of our artifacts come with a certificate of authenticity." Again, the grey face attempted to smile. The Doctor wished he wouldn't do that. It was eerie really, and sent a shiver running down his spine.

River gave the piece back. "Thank you, no. I think I am more interested in something less… ornate." It was her turn to make the show as she scanned the table. And then, she lit up. Not just her face but her entire body as she pressed herself further into the Doctor's side and pointed at her diary. "Oh look darling he has a book."

The Doctor grinned, she was entirely too good at this. "Ah yes he does." And then by way of an explanation "my wife loves old books. The older the better. You should see some of the things she brings home for our library." He chuckled and he felt her pinch his shoulder which made him chuckle more.

"Oh," the grey merchant hummed, as if pleased with her selection, "and this is not just any book. This is the Lost Book of Fantasia." He retrieved the worn book with his tail and slid it into River's hands, her fingers curling around familiar edges. Thumbs swiped across the cover, pressing into the rises before she cracked the spine. It crackled with disuse, pages brown and the edges of the binding were cracked with mud. "Twelve Million Hubles." The creature exclaimed proudly. The Doctor choked.

River looked up with disinterested eyes. "Twelve Million? What on earth is in it that makes it worth that much?" She dropped her attention back down to the entries as she flipped the pages.

"Oh my, but madam. For a livre expert as yourself, you must have heard about the Lost Book of Fantasia." He paused, waiting for her agreement.

River continued to flip pages, glancing up when he didn't answer. "I'm listening." The Doctor stifled a grin.

"It was buried for centuries, millennia before an expedition discovered it at the bottom of the Fantasian forest in 1237. But nobody knows how it got there."

"Well somebody must have taken it there, obviously."

"Yes, but when? The Book was both too old and too new. It was far too advanced for Fantasian civilization given its material and content, but It was at least 3 thousand years older than any artifact surrounding it and it was written in a language that didn't exist until at least five hundred years after the mudslide that buried it. No one has ever been able to date it or determine its point of origin. It is the great mystery of Fantasia."

River sighed, feigned disinterest growing by the minute. But the Doctor hadn't failed to notice that she'd thumbed through the entire book, touching every page including the ones without words. "If it is what you say it is—"

"Oh it is, I assure you, Madam."

"Yes well, if all you say is true then why is it here? At a street market and not tucked away in a stuffy old museum somewhere?"

The merchant's eyes widened at that and the Doctor struggled to suppress a laugh. "We come by all our artifacts by honorable means, Madam!" He exclaimed.

River's brows raised, "I don't believe I had suggested otherwise." Just like that the tail swooped around and snatched the diary out of River's hands, setting it off to a table to the side.

"Oh wait just a moment," The Doctor started, reaching for the book.

"I apologize, sir, but here at Marcel's we offer the finest quality in antiques. If your wife cannot appreciate the relic which I have placed in her hands I cannot sell it to you." The vendor's nose pointed further into the air as he spoke and the Doctor flushed red. His mouth dropped open in preparation to speak but River pressed a hand into his shoulder.

"Sweetie, really. It's not worth twelve million Hubles." She turned into him so that her back was partway to the Trixon and gave him a quick wink, brushing a hand down the front of his tweed. "Stay here and haggle all you want, love, but don't spend too much, hm?" She pressed her lips against his cheek, squeezing his shoulder even tighter before turning and offering a friendly smile to the vendor as she skirted around the table. The Doctor watched her for a moment as she circled the table with her hands clasped before her like a casual shopper.

"Sir? Sir!" The Vendor bent to the side so that he entered the Doctor's field of vision, blocking his view of River.

"Oh, I'm sorry. You were saying?"

"I said here at Marcel's we offer the rarest of antiques at the most reasonable of prices. We do not lower ourselves to haggling. If you wish not to buy it, someone else will."

The Doctor nodded once, shifting on his feet so that he could see River once more. Every so often she'd reach out and grace fingers over a painting or stir the crystals hanging from the end of a chandelier. She skirted around the Abruvian woman who, having selected a suitable ring, was now bent before a mirror, examining a pair of rather large earrings that hung nearly down to her shoulders. River picked up a teapot on the other side, eyes moving down the table toward the back of the stall before darting back to the Doctor. She smiled, one table over was her diary and each step brought her closer to it. Diversion. Got it. The Doctor turned back to the Merchant, forcing interest in the things littering the table before him. "Alright then, show me what else you might have."

"Well, if she is interested in books. We have a few more in our stock." The vendor went to turn away from the Doctor, toward River who had just lifted her diary from the table once more and stood casually flipping through the pictures, lifting her head every so often to glance around her.

"No!" The Doctor cried, albeit a little too loudly, lunging for the merchant and grabbing him by the lapels. River sent him a harsh look from the other side of the booth. And the Doctor swallowed nervously. The merchant just blinked at him.

"I beg your pardon, sir?"

"I uh… I… she really had too many books as it is. Honestly not enough shelves, you can imagine. Why not tell me about…" he scanned the items laid on the table in front of him, and pointed to a random object: a photo album. Harmless enough.

"Ah, yes." The merchant bent to examine the album, leaving the Doctor a clear view as River casually knocked a golden hairbrush off the table and knelt, diary still in hand, to retrieve it. "This is a rare specimen." The merchant straightened, standing so that the Doctor's view was compromised once more. Suddenly, he found himself staring at a photograph of a naked woman, a curvy figure sprawled across a settee, legs splayed and arms resting behind her head to emphasize perfect round breasts.

"Gah!" An unintelligible sound rumbled from the Doctor's throat and he recoiled, flailing backwards. His cheeks burned bright red, and his eyes darted from the photo to the merchant, to where River should be standing and back again.

The merchant flipped the photograph around, glancing at it with indifference. "Twentieth century human erotica." He said flatly. "It's a pity humans were such dumb creatures. They were rather beautiful." The Doctor swallowed, snaking a finger under his collar and pulling on his bowtie. Behind the merchant, he saw River stand up shoot him a look and wander away from the booth, no diary to be seen.

"Ah well, I suppose that's true. At any rate, I think I'll pass on the album, but I'll keep you in mind for all of my erotica purchasing needs," He gave another nervous little laugh as he backed away from the table.

His heart was pounding, by the time he caught up to River, following her mass of curls over the crowd until he got close enough to her to snake an arm through hers. "Got an eyeful did you darling?" She said, not bothering to look at him. He glanced down and noticed that she'd wrapped the sleeve of her gown up and was walking with it clutched to her chest. He grumbled.

"Oi, how was I supposed to know what it was? I was just trying to keep him away from you."

"Next time try not to choose an album marked with three red X's. At any rate, it was mission accomplished. You certainly attracted much more attention than me."

"We'll see about that." The Doctor glanced over his shoulder eyeing the booth they'd just left as the grey creature stood in the middle of the stall looking left and right and then… his eyes lifted, staring directly at the Doctor. The Doctor squeezed River's arm just as he saw the Trixon's arms raise and point straight at them.

"Stop! Thief!"

The Doctor and River took off through the market place, pushing people back and forth and skirting around booths on their effort to get back to the TARDIS.

"Which alley did we leave her on?" River called to him over the heads of three people, they could hear the clamber of their pursuers not far behind.

"The Last one!" The Doctor called back. "No, wait… the first one! I don't know! Try that one!" He pointed to an alley off to the right, and they split, running along either side of a booth. River snatched a cloak off a table as she passed.

They darted down an alleyway until the came to the very end. No TARDIS. No exit. And the Doctor turned back to her, chest heaving as the sound of running footsteps grew closer. River ran straight into him, shoving him into the corner of the alley and pushing him down the wall as she stripped his bowtie from his neck. She slung the cloak around her shoulders ensuring that it fell around the Doctor as he crouched at her feet, crushed between her and the wall. Somehow she made her body nearly a foot shorter. She bunched the tails of her green robe up around her knees and flipped the hood over her curls and hunched her shoulders just as three coppers came bursting down the alleyway.

"And what seems to be the hurry," A frail squawk filled the air and the Doctor, who had a secure arm wrapped around her knees inside the cloak, pressed her forehead against the side of her thigh and he struggled to hold his breath.

"You see anyone come by this way, old woman?" One of the coppers called, inching his way slowly down the alley.

"Can't say as I have." River added a slight tremor to her frame and the Doctor could hear the footsteps come closer.

"You sure you haven't seen anyone come by? A man and woman maybe?"

"No, nope, and I've been here all day." River gave a slight nod to the dumpster in the far corner of the alley. "Looking for a bit of food. Haven't got anything on ye, do you?"

"You sure?" There could be a hot meal in it for you if you help us find them." The copper reached out for River but she jerked back, flashing a dirtied and scared fist wrapped in the Doctor's bowtie, and pulled the hood further down over her face.

"I wouldn't touch if I were you sir. Them lepers. They got to me." The copper took three steps back, staring at her up and down before doffing his hat.

"Well, if you say so. We'll be on our way. They're not here!" He called to his colleagues, turning and disappearing back down the alley. Once he was gone, and they were certain no one was coming back, River collapsed next to the Doctor, untying the cloak from her shoulders and pulling it off his head as he gasped for fresh air. A mischievous grin stretching across her face when their eyes met.

"That was bloody brilliant!" He grinned at her and her body sagged under a fit of giggles.

"Oh I haven't done that in so long! It feels amazing." Her chest heaved as though it were the first time she'd breathed in months. His arm wrapped around her and he could feel her heart pounding out of the back of her chest as adrenaline raced through her body.

She slowly unwrapped her sleeve, letting the blue binding show through the opening of her sleeve and staring down at it happily.

"You played a dangerous game with that." The Doctor reached over and tapped the hard cover. River rolled her eyes.

"They wanted twelve million Hubles!"

"Which I could have easily gotten my hands on."

"Oh but where is the fun in that." She looked up at him, eyebrow raised and cheeks still flushed with pleasure and looking incredibly like herself. Hello, River the Doctor thought I've missed you. "Besides. We're not paying twelve million Hubles for something that is mine to begin with."

The Doctor pulled himself to his feet before turning for her and offering her a hand which she readily accepted. She slipped her hand—still wrapped in his bowtie—into his and let him pull her to her feet. She didn't let go. Even when he'd turned to head out of the little alleyway, she held him back, feet still firmly rooted in place as she stared down at their hands.

"Do you feel that?" She asked, her breath hitching a little. The Doctor's mouth went dry. He did, though barely. He could feel the warmth emanating from their clasped hands. No, from the strip of fabric caught between the clasped hands, a warmth and was growing by the second, sending tingling sensations up his arm. Then suddenly and sharp jolt snapped through his arm and the contact was lost as River tumbled into the wall behind her, eyes screwed tight as she slid down the brick surface.

"River?" He dove for her, catching her by the shoulders and slowing her fall.

"Don't!" She gasped at him, eye still shut and body shaking. Her hands pressed against his chest, pushing him away. "Don't touch me, please don't." It sounded as though she couldn't breathe, the way she was gasping for air. The Doctor's hands went limp, not letting her go as much as he let her push herself out of his grasp. And then with a shaking breath and a hand pressed tightly to her chest, River's eyes blinked open. Her eyes were changed somehow, the Doctor couldn't explain. Older. Darker. Deeper. It was an unnerving transformation, seeing someone age so much in mere seconds.

"You remember." He said more statement of fact than question.

River struggled to pull herself to her feet. "I think I need to go back to that TARDIS," she gasped, nearly knocking the Doctor over in her effort to push past him. And before the Doctor collected his thoughts, she was running down the alleyway, robe trailing behind her and arms wrapped around herself as she disappeared back onto the mainstreet.

XXX

They had left the TARDIS on the third alley after the blue tent. It had taken the Doctor far too long than it should have for him to located it, and even as he approached the familiar blue box, a dread throbbed in the center of his chest at the thought of her not being there. He thought of all the promises he'd made her since he'd found her in Elion. Promises of safety. Promises that the Silence would not find her and that Kavorian was nowhere to be found. He'd promised that he'd protect her. But as he moved closer to the familiar blue door, he realized how futile it all was.

His promises were meaningless. He was weak.

He pressed a hand against the side of the TARDIS, slivers of blue wood catching on his skin as he pushed against the door, and relief washed through his veins when it gave easily beneath his touch—she hadn't even bothered to latch the door—and he slipped inside.

She was standing at the console, head bowed and curls falling like a curtain over her features as she ran the silken bowtie through her fingers. "River?" he called softly to her, afraid that if he lifted his voice any higher she'd shatter.

"We married, didn't we?" He didn't have to see her face to know a tear was trekking down her cheek. And the Doctor felt his own throat thicken. He had to admit this wasn't what he'd expected by way of reaction. He'd hoped for more excitement, when his wife recalled their nuptials.

"Yes."

She jerked into motion, pressing a button to her right before retreating to the other side of the console, all the while never lifting her head to him. "You weren't going to tell me." She stated, her voice flat, numb. "You were going to go on letting me think…"

"It was spoilers—"

"Damn the Spoilers!" She cried, her voice echoing through the TARDIS as her head snapped up at him. "Just this once, ignore the rules. You can do that, you created them to begin with."

The Doctor forced his feet to move, a calm and steady pace across the floor despite the syncopated pumping of his hearts. River's eyes narrowed on him as she watched. "What good is remembering if you can't remember for yourself?" He could feel the distinct outline of her diary under his jacket, still dusty from where she'd dropped it in the alleyway.

Her attention shifted under the scrutiny of his question and she fiddled with the levers on the console, cheeks burning red. Embarrassment? Anger? Shame? For a brief second the Doctor's footsteps faltered as he struggled to identify the emotion. "It's good for knowing something." She sighed "Even if I didn't know the details, couldn't recall the specifics I had a right to know, Doctor."

Her eyes lifted to his against and she studied his face in the dimmed light, eyes intently scanning his features. And he knew she was disappointed by what she saw because he didn't understand, not at all. It wasn't logical. Life was meant to be experienced. Events were meant to be lived, not known. That wasn't the point. "And here I thought you were just being nice. Remarkable Doctor who befriends the lost and forgotten, the psychopaths who attempt his assassination." She gave a bitter laugh then and the Doctor, who was finally within reach of her reached out and pressed a hand to the small of her back to brace her. She jerked under his touch.

"Don't, please don't." She begged, voice trembling as she moved away, leaning on the console as she did so. He could still see the bowtie clutched tightly in her hand. "This is ridic…" She pressed a shaking hand to her forehead and took a labored breath. "Why am I here? Why did you come looking for me?"

The Doctor stammered. He couldn't rightly tell her that he hadn't considered it until he came across and older version of herself that terrified him with her sad eyes and cryptic prophesy. "I… I needed to know that you were alright. That you were safe and… and that you knew you weren't alone."

"And to ease your own conscience." She added quietly, but confidently as she slipped around the console, hitting at odd buttons as she did so. The Doctor watched her go, feeling the weight of all the time that separated their timelines, all those years, all those minutes, weighing the silence between them. "Whatever obligation you feel toward me, Doctor, it's not necessary. Regardless of what might have happened on top of that pyramid I'm not your responsibility."

The Doctor bristled "Obligation? Of course I have an obligation to you, River. You are my wife—"

"If I were really your wife, I'd think you'd be a bit more eager to let me in on the secret." She snapped back, and if he had been paying attention, he'd have notice that the woman before him moved increasingly like his River, tall and lithe with confident of movement and a tightness to her jaw that she'd seemed to only just found. But he didn't notice, nor was he listening, having instead turned from her, hands threading through his hair in frustration as he mumbled to himself.

"—And it was my fault. All my fault. The aborted timeline, Elion, your memory, the gaps in your timeline. If I had just told you what I was planning. If I had just realized that you're not like the others. You can't follow instructions. If you'd only do as you were told!" his voice boomed throughout the TARDIS, echoing through the corridors. His frustration made a strange contrast to River who considered him patently and spoke in a soft tone when the echo settled.

"Is that what this is, then? You babysitting me to ease a guilty conscious. To make amends? Who are you apologizing to? Me? My Parents? Yourself? You give yourself far too much credit."

The Doctor ran his hands over his face, fingers pressing into tired eyes. "You almost destroyed the universe, River. All those creatures, all those planets, lives, River, in my name. But I never asked you to. I never wanted you to save me."

"Well somebody had to." She sighed, watching him from around the time rotator. "It's not as though you were fighting for yourself. You spend your life paying penance when penance has already been paid." She blinked back a tear, angrily throwing a lever. "And even now you fail to see it."

"See what?"

"What you mean to people. The hope you bring." The Doctor opened his mouth and shut it again when he found no words came out. He slumped against the console, pulling the warn blue book out of his jacket and laying it on the console. They'd found it, the two of them, and somehow he had thought that that was going to magically make everything ok, and he stared at it now as if he still hoped it would. She did too, he knew without ever looking up. A thick silence settled between them as the TARDIS shuddered and lurched under their feet. What a fool he was.

"You said that I embarrassed you." River sighed, defeated. And the Doctor glanced up to her, feeling an odd sort of pressure behind his eyes, and when River looked at him from around the time rotator, he felt them begin to sting. "You said that you didn't want to marry me, yet you did anyway. Why? To placate me? To give me just a little something to remember you by after I helped you reset the universe and you went off flouncing off into the galaxy. Not that it isn't a wise move. You're in far over your head with me, Doctor. I've killed you twice now. The third time might just stick. If I were you I'd get as far away as possible." She tugged on the last lever, leaning on the blue stabilizer with her weight. The TARDIS shuddered to a halt.

"River, it's not like that."

"Oh yea?" she mover around the console so that she stood directly before him, raised on her tiptoes so that she could see him in the eye. "Tell me Doctor. How many times have you married a woman just to skip town the next day?" His mouth opened and snapped shut and he swallowed, eyes nervously darting around over her head.

"Honestly River, give me a little more credit than that."

"Really? Shall I ask Queen Elizabeth about it the next time I see her?"

Honestly, he'd forgotten what she could be like young, especially when she was at herself. "My, god, when you remember something you really… remember, don't you?"

Her jaw set as she brushed passed him, on her way out of the room.

"Rule 7" he called rushing to follow. "Never runaway when you're afraid." Well that made her stop.

She turned to him, arms crossed over her chest, weight pressing on one leg. "And what exactly am I afraid of?"

He shrugged, slowing his pace "Nothing. Everything. Until about a week ago you were locked away at the bottom of a starliner completely abandoned. No friends, no family, no memory. Sounds pretty scary to me." She rolled her eyes and made to turn away, resume her trek down the corridor, but he caught her arm, pulling her back to him and lowering his voice into her ear. "Are you ever afraid it's an illusion?

"What?"
He waved a hand between them. "This. Us. Everthing. Area 52, the wedding, the past week and a half. Aren't you terrified it's just another lie? Because I am. I'm terrified that this is a dream, some splendid dream and that I'll wake up from soon and have to face the real world alone. "

He was right, he knew. He saw it in the way her mouth trembled before she bit the inside of her cheek. Heard it in the way she cleared her throat. "Isn't that what you're doing, though? Waking me from my dream? I feel so safe when I am with you, so me. But you're just like the shadows, aren't you? Expecting me to follow you around and obey your commands without explanation. But I refuse. Melody Pond lived a life haunted by secrets, void of free will, but I will not be her any longer. I choose to be River and she'll do nothing against her will." Her voice ended in a tremor that sent a shock through his body. The Doctor caught her face in his hands, fingers threading in her hair refusing to let her turn away, to hide herself. "I'll be fine." She said, holding his gaze willfully and she just seemed to glow. "River Song is always fine." And dropped her voice to a whisper, watching him through uncertain eyes, she added. "I don't need you."

The Doctor winced inwardly as remembered the things he'd said to her, how he'd scoffed at her distress beacon, her magnificent distress beacon. He'd mocked her, and ordered her about, and never really gave her a choice as to whether or not she was to marry him, did he? He hadn't even told her that was what they were doing until it was nearly all done. How could he not have regretted their wedding? He'd spent hours, praying that he'd find a River that would sooth the guilt away, tell him that she would have married him a hundred times over, regardless how he asked. Instead, he found a River mentally and physically broken, caged, not just by the Silence, but by him. By his need to control, to manipulate. No wonder River Song didn't believe him.

"Of course you don't." He whispered to her, thumbs smoothing over her cheeks. She was amazing after all. He'd really had no idea. "That's the point of this, of us. We choose it, River. Over and over, you and I. It's a choice we both make. You are not bound to it, not obligated to me, nor am I you. We can quite whenever we like. There is always a choice. You don't embarrass me, River you humble me. You tell me when I'm far too big and remind me that I'm not too small and you are only creature in the entire galaxy brave enough to do it. You don't follow me through time, your always there standing right next to me. Hell, sometimes you beat me to where I'm going." He pressed his forehead into hers and felt her hands, tentative and unsure, curl around the back of his arms. "But only if you choose it. Only ever if it's what you want." His voice trailed off and his held his breath, chest burning in anticipation of her answer. This close he could feel the warm puffs of air brush across his cheek as she exhaled, could feel the tickle of her course curls as the grazed his forehead. He could feel each finger through the fabric of his tweed as she clutched his arm. But the moment was there and then it was gone and no matter how hard he tried the Doctor couldn't bring it back.

"I don't know what I want." Her voice cracked softly, and the Doctor's eyes fluttered open. Surely he hadn't heard her correctly, but her hands slid down his arms and up to his hands, pulling them from his cheeks as she ducked from his embrace. "I don't know what's real anymore."

And just like that her warmth, the solidness of her in his arms, was gone and he watched as she turned and faded into the depths of the TARDIS.