Title: Not Gonna Lose You.

Disclaimer: I obviously DO NOT own Saiyuki (If I did, do you think I'd be here simply WRITING FANFICTION?!) that is all.

Pairings: Gojyo x Hakkai (possible Sanzo x Goku...maybe if I can talk my friend into it )

Warnings: Suicide attempt, Disturbing Imagery(they're in a hospital later on...shudders ), Shounen-Ai, Yaoi(later), RP ficlet.

Author Notes: This is another RP changed into a story using original text from both players, I didn't change or add much to the fic. I mainly played Gojyo, my friend mainly played Hakkai/Demon Hakkai. We took turns at Sanzo, Goku, demons, extra characters. Please enjoy.

SUMMARY: Gojyo goes back to the inn to try and talk to the other two, Goku being the only one up for conversinf dully with the kappa of course. / Weeks have passed and Hakkai slowly but surely improves. The Sanzo ikkou are stuck in town until Hakkai makes a full recovery.
The doctor slammed open the door, his alarm being set off by the erratic beating of the heart monitor. He pushed Gojyo out of the way as he uncapped a syringe. he took out the tube from the iv and pinching it off he handed it to Gojyo to hold. He put the needle in the plastic opening that lead to Hakkai's bloodstream. Gojyo took the tube from the doctor watching the situation with a great amount of worry for the healer. He gripped the tube in his hand watching the needle getting put into plastic opening.

"Is he gonna' be okay?"

"It's just the pain, he's going to be fine."

"Just pain eh? It sounded like he was having a freaking nightmare." Gojyo muttered looking from the doctor to the healer.

"Possibly. I noticed the new cut was over an old wound, it's possible the pain is bringing back whatever trauma caused that."

"Yeah...I can guess what's being brought back." Gojyo said with a small sigh. He continued to stand, watching the healer. "I take it I'm gonna be waiting a while for him to wake up?"

"This will put him into a deep sleep so he won't dream. You will be waiting a while yes."

Gojyo nodded a little.

"Okay, I'll head back to the inn for now...might as well check on the stupid monkey." He said quietly turning for the door a small kyuu stopping him in his tracks he turned to look back at the dragon.

"Oh...if you need to get a hold of me or anything send the dragon." With that Gojyo continued on out the room and hospital, back to the inn.

He took a path straight to the room where the monk and monkey should be, knocking on the door lightly. "Oi, you idiots in there?"

"What do you think?" came Sanzo snap of a voice from the other side of the door.

"Bastard!" Gojyo snapped back opening the door and letting himself into the room. "Like fuck if I'm gonna' know if you're in here or not."

"Where else would we be?"

"Ch' Maybe the monkey coulda harassed you to get him food making you leave the room...speaking of the chimp is he any better?"

"Ask him yourself," said Sanzo as Goku came out of the bathroom. Gojyo looked over to Goku placing his usual grin on his face. "Oi saru!"

"I'm not a monkey! Erogappa!" Goku barked at the redhead plopping himself down on the edge of the bed sending a glare to the kappa before laying back.

"If you're worried about Hakkai, then he's doing...okay." Gojyo said a strained smile now placing itself on his face.

"That sounds ominous..." said Sanzo. "What happened?"

"Well," the kappa began with a small smirk of amusement. "I guess in a way you could say he made me eat that breakfast I was given...then he slept and went into a nightmare...he spoke more words then, than when he was awake."

"That means he's better than we thought." said Sanzo nodding in approval.

"Yeah, though whatever he was dreaming about set off the alarm...or whatever it is the doctor hears… he was in within a minute or something giving Hakkai something to send him into a deeper sleep."

"So...why are you here?" Sanzo asked glancing up at him.

"Stupid me thought maybe you two would be of some company while waiting for Hakkai to wake the hell up." Gojyo shrugged a little.

"Take the monkey," said Sanzo flipping the page on his newspaper. "I'm not interested."

"Ch, yeah that doesn't surprise me one bit...why the fuck would you be interested in anyone or anything other than yourself? You're one royal pain in the ass, monk." Muttered coldly in reply.

"Wasn't that a little harsh...Sanzo?" asked Goku, turning his head slightly.

Tch," Sanzo said. "Just get out of my sight."

"Ah, the hell you'd care..." Gojyo muttered turning to leave the room and head to his own.

"Sanzo? What's buggin' ya? " Goku asked, raising his voice slightly

"Why? What do you want me to do coddle them? This is their battle, I'm not part of it."

"Their battle? Wha?" Goku said sitting up to look at the monk with a confused glint in his eye. "What do you mean by that, Sanzo?"

"They had a fight and Hakkai got it in his head to cut himself open. It's Gojyo's fault, he knows it, so let him deal with it."

"Oh... right…I didn't know that…but Sanzo, don't you think Gojyo's a little...weird? It's like he's all stressed or something?"

"I'd hope he's stressed. Idiot."

"Hmmm, we could at least talk to him." the monkey said quietly laying back down on the bed. "You are worried about him...right?"

"No, not about him. Hakkai's the one that cut himself in half. Not Gojyo. I don't really give a damn about that idiot but without Hakkai we don't have a jeep."

"I meant Hakkai...but, is that the only reason you're worried about him? We wouldn't have Jeep?" Goku turned his head training those golden eyes of his on the priest.

"Tch," said Sanzo coldly. "Saved him from getting himself killed the first time didn't I? You decide."

"Okay, okay... you just made it sound like that." Goku shook his head a little. "I'm worried about them both."

"Then do something if you think it'll ease your conscience any."

"I mean what if Hakkai doesn't get better? or worse if he did die then Gojyo would probably be more stressed...maybe I could go with Gojyo when he goes to see Hakkai?"

"Do what you want." said Sanzo.

"Why don't you come to?" Goku questioned.

"Because it's not my affair."

"Aww, come on! Don't be such a hard ass Sanzo!" Goku whinged sitting up again on the edge of the bed this time staring hard at the priest, his brows turned into a stubborn frown.

"Get out of my room," Sanzo said with out looking up from his paper. "I don't take orders from chimps."

"It's our room! I'm not a chimp and I'm not ordering you around!" Goku said with a hint of irritation picking up his pillow and threw it at the monk, not meaning to of course. He blinked replaying his actions in his head...Oh boy, he was in trouble now.

"Get out!" Sanzo roared the vein appearing on his temple. "NOW!"

Gojyo chose that moment to re-enter the room looking a little confused with the sudden roar of the monks voice.
"The hell you on monk? I only just came in!"

"Take the monkey back to the hospital with you..." said Sanzo standing. "I'm going to take a bath."

"Huh? Okay if you say so...are you gonna' come along later?" He asked casually watching the monkey stand and hurry out of the room, he shrugged the thought off maybe he'd said something to anger the monk...not like that was new. Sanzo just left without another word, this whole situation pissed him off.

"I'll take that as a no then, stingy bastard. Wouldn't hurt him to care for once in his life would it?" Gojyo muttered rolling his eyes then snorted at his own words. "Of course it would...stupid priests too fucking proud to do such things...ch'" He sighed and ruffled the monkeys hair. "C'mon then saru."

"Hey! Stop that…Let's just go see Hakkai you stupid pervy water sprite." Goku muttered back clearly still a little upset that Sanzo chose to stay behind.

"That stupid old monk getting' to you? Cheh, don't let him bother you, he'll come round soon enough."

"Yeah, I guess so…" Goku replied resisting a small grin from Gojyo's remark about Sanzo being an 'old' monk.

OOooOOooOOoo -

The weeks had gone past somewhat quickly and Hakkai learned quickly. He knew all their names and was much the same as before. No one would answer him as to the nature of his injury however.

"Sanzo! I'm hungry!!" wailed a certain monkey earning a smack over the head from Sanzo.
"Shut the hell up you damned ape!" The blonde hissed still feeling slightly stressed out though he shouldn't be.

"Where is Gojyo, Sanzo sama?" Hakkai asked from his bed. "Do you know? He's not been to see me recently."

Sanzo looked up to the brunette. "He's not? Tch...stupid ass..." He shook his head slightly. "I have no fucking clue..."
"He went out this morning." Goku said canting his head thoughtfully replaying the events that happened that morning in his head…they had breakfast and Gojyo had gone out early to go somewhere. Hakkai's long eyelashes blinked once and his smile was sad.

"I imagine he found a woman to spend his time with. I can't expect him to stay all the time."

"Probably...knowing that asshole he'll be all fucking che-"
"Sanzo, I've not seen him flirting around with any women since we got here." Goku cut in noticing that look on the healers face.
"This is Gojyo we're talking about you stupid chimp. He'd probably just cut it out until Hakkai got a little bit better..."

Hakkai waved his hand. "It's fine Sanzo please don't worry over it."

The priest snorted sounding rather amused at that. "Why would I? Though it wouldn't be too much for that stupid kappa to show up."

"You're angry..." said Hakkai simply. "Don't be."

"Should I go look for him?" Goku asked standing up. Sanzo shook his head and shrugged.

"Do what the hell you want..." He looked up to the healer again with a sigh. "Why the hell shouldn't I be?"
"I'll bring Gojyo here, just you watch Hakkai." the youth grinned before running out the room to find the kappa.

Hakkai lay down and stared at the ceiling. "I thought that he loved me once...I thought I remembered that...was I wrong?"

Damn, how could he answer that one? The monk stayed silent for a moment before answering him. He had a feeling that Gojyo still loved him…even if he hadn't been visiting the healer a lot.

"Maybe you should ask him yourself. Knowing that moron he's probably forgotten." Ok maybe not the best way of phrasing it but still. He guessed Gojyo was trying not to bring it up now that he thought about it more.

"I don't...want to ask him." said Hakkai. "It's not my place. He's happy with his life."

"Tch, do whatever you want. Just don't come crying to me about it...if you want a straight answer, ask the stupid kappa. If not, shut the hell up and keep thinking about it in silence until you're driven mad from no answer...after all, you may just be wrong about that last part."

"Hm..." said Hakkai folding his hands over his stomach lightly. He felt sad like something was missing. Sanzo shifted uncomfortably in his seat, how long did it take for a stupid monkey to track down a single stupid red-headed kappa anyway. "Tch,"

Goku came to a halt again thinking he'd spotted the kappa, finding out it wasn't the kappa he was looking for and continued on.

"GOJYO! goddamnit you stupid pervy water sprite..." He called out, hoping by pure chance that Gojyo would hear him calling. Goku was determined to find him and drag him back, even if he had to break limbs before dragging him. He continued down a street filled with people and shops…now only if he'd brought Sanzo's card…no, his mission was to find Gojyo and take him back to the ward. The tall young man came swaggering out of a clinic just to his right. He lit a cigarette.

"There you are, goddamn Kappa!!!" Goku called to him catching him from the corner of his eye.

"Where the hell have you been?! I thought you were gonna' visit Hakkai!"

Gojyo coughed harshly into his hand. "Just checkin' in here to see if they had any medicine that might help him."

"It's taken you hours just to do that?" The monkey questioned, golden eyes scanning him suspiciously.

"You haven't been going around women again have you?" He asked idly, shaking his head a little after. He hasn't meant to ask him something like that.

"Anou...c'mon I told Hakkai I'd bring you back with me...And I'll drag you back with or without broken limbs if I have to!" He added grasping a wrist with his hand. Gojyo laughed and ruffled Goku's hair.

"It's all right monkey I'm comin'. Don't get your chimpy diaper in a bundle."

"GAH! I am NOT a monkey!!! and I don't wear chimpy diapers ya' freakin' pervy H20 asshole!" Goku complained swatting the hand that fluffed his hair. Gojyo just laughed as he followed the monkey back to the hospital.

"Either that stupid chimps gotten himself lost looking for a pervert or he's just taking his sweet time getting distracted by food." Sanzo snorted quietly, violet eyes trained on the door. The door cracked open about ten minutes later, Goku popped his head around the door with a wide grin on display coming in seconds later dragging Gojyo in with him. "Hey Hakkai, look what I found for ya!"

"Hello Goku," Hakkai nodded. "Gojyo." He was sitting up again. The kappa scratched his neck. "Hey ya Hakkai."

"About fucking time you got here! Damned stupid water sprite." The monk hissed lowly as he stood.

"Now that you're finally here I can go for a while..." He muttered storming past the kappa and monkey, out the door. He was away for a smoke and about time too.

Hakkai wouldn't make eye contact with Gojyo. His green eyes flicked from the ceiling to his lap and back again nervously. "How was your walk Gojyo-san?"

The kappa put his hand in his pocket and plopped down in the seat next to the healer. "You know...same old."

Goku looked between the two and blinked. They were acting weird...kind of, he grinned for a moment remembering the point when he bumped into the kappa.

"Hey, Gojyo did you get any medicine for Hakkai from that place you went to?"

Gojyo coughed a couple of times into his hand mostly at the memory of what the doctor had told him about his lungs.

"No they didn't have any...sorry Hakkai."

Hakkai smiled. "It's no problem Gojyo, don't worry about it."

Goku looked to the kappa that cough sounded harsh to his ears, though he'd leave it alone figuring he'd end up just getting shouted at.

"Hey Hakkai, ya think when ya get outta here we could talk Sanzo into takin' us out to some place and we can have a biiiiig meal!" He emphasised it by stretching his arms out to the side as far as they'd go. Hakkai smiled.

"I'd like that...I should see if I can have permission to go out for the evening. I'm feeling stronger."

"Yeah! That'd be really awesome! Gojyo what'cha say?"

Gojyo smirked. "Yeah sounds like a plan, I can go see about it you two hang tight..." He rose to find the doctor.

"Sure...If ya see Sanzo you should say to him to." He replied a wide grin on his face still. Gojyo waved an hand over his shoulder to say he'd heard. Hakkai turned to Goku when he left.

"Is that cough new?"

Goku thought about that one and shook his head a little.

"I'm not so sure, I think he was coughing like that when I bumped into him... I've only heard him do that twice."

Hakkai's eyebrows made him look worried. "I hope he's not sick."

"He probably isn't, I don't think he'd be outta bed if he was...ya know what he's like when he is sick." He replied with a small laugh. Hakkai's eyes got distant...

"No I don't remember..."

Goku looked up at him apologetically. "Oh, right...I'm sorry Hakkai. I guess I forgot you still probably don't remember everything."

Hakkai opened his arms for a hug. "Please don't be sad Goku."

Goku sauntered over to the healer giving him a hug. "Okay, I'll try notta' be." He stood back after a moment. "Hm, wonder what's taking Sanzo so long."

"Maybe he doesn't like looking at me either..." said Hakkai sadly.

"Wha?" Goku looked at him in the eye. "Hey, don't say that... why wouldn't he wanna look at you?"

"I don't know, they both look so sad when they look at me. Him and Gojyo...I did something terrible to end up here."

"You did? I don't remember getting told anything like that." Goku muttered looking like he was trying to remember anything that the two said to him...he couldn't remember them saying anything about it though really apart from one thing.

"All I remember really is Gojyo coming to wake me and Sanzo up...saying you hadda go to hospital...think you'd fainted or something?"

"That wasn't it..." said Hakkai holding his head. "There was pain..."

"There was? Sorry Hakkai, if I had been told about it I really can't remember anything." The monkey said with a small apologetic smile.

"No Goku..." He reached out one hand to put it on Goku's head. "It's not your fault. Thank you...I just...I can almost remember."

"I guess if you can almost remember then that's a good thing ne? Mou, you gonna' be okay for a moment? I wanna go find Sanzo."

"I'm fine Goku..."

He smiled widely at the healer. "All right! I won't be too long." He turned to go out the room running off to find the priest. Hakkai lay back in his bed again to stare at the ceiling. He felt like he was missing a huge part of his heart.

The door opened again, the kappa slipping back into the room after coughing harshly into his hand again. He closed the door gently scanning the room for a moment before coming to sit back in the seat.

"I'm back, did ya throw the saru out? I wondered why it was so quiet all of a sudden."

"He went to find Sanzo..." said Hakkai an arm over his eyes.

"Sou ka? Guess I just missed him then, I spoke to the doc he said he'll think about it and see how you're doing later on. " He said trailing his gaze up to the healer.

"Hm? What ya sittin like that for?"

"My head hurts...I seem about to remember...but it's like smoke..."

"Smoke? As in hazy right? You want me to get some painkillers for ya?"

"No it's just...the harder I grasp at it...the further it seems to run..." He peeked at Gojyo from under his arm. "Rather like you."

"Like me?" Gojyo questioned with a raised brow, he had a feeling he knew exactly what he was talking about, even though he hadn't brought it up. "What do you mean?" He asked looking away to the side.

"It seems the more I wish you were here...the faster you run from me."

Gojyo looked a little confused at that. "I think I get it, but hey I wouldn't run from you." He added, slipping a smile onto his lips.

"Good," said Hakkai with a smile, "Because I'm in no condition to run after you."

"You sayin' you would run after me. I bet you couldn't catch me." He said with a small laugh adding a playful wink hoping Hakkai didn't take that the wrong way. Hakkai gave a little puff of a laugh.

"I would try to come after you."

"I'll consider that as a good thing. Ne, if the doctor does letcha' out for the evening we should let you decide where to go other than one us deciding. It'd only be fair?"

Hakkai smiled at him, "Anywhere would be fine."

"Anywhere? Ya sure you don't wanna be more specific on that? Knowing that uptight monk of ours he'd end up choosing for us."

"Where would you like to go Gojyo?"

"Hmmm somewhere with a pretty lady perhaps?" He laughed after that, such a bad joke and possibly not the best time to start saying stuff like that...and he did think about it...after he said it, he didn't have an interest in the women his only interest lay with Hakkai.

"I'll go wherever you wanna go 'Kai." He added, not wanting to be landed with the choice of where to go. Hakkai just smiled at the familiar saying.

"I think somewhere where I could sit down would be best.

"Noted. Can you remember anything that ya liked to eat? Because if ya don't, we could always find somewhere that has stuff ya would eat?" He added looking up at him.

"I..." Hakkai used his hands to sit up. "I think I'm willing for anything that's not hospital food."

"I think anyone would be up for anything but hospital food, unless of course they were somehow addicted to it?...or like Goku and eat anything and everything he could...Buuuut yeah we could do that." He shifted in his seat a little.

"You remembered much else at all?" He asked, coughing into his hand again a moment later adding a small wince after it, damn that hurt his throat. Hakkai put a hand on his arm.

"Are you okay?"

Gojyo nodded straining a grin onto his face. "Yeah, I'm perfectly fine Hakkai. Just a tickle at the back of my throat."

"You're in pain..." said Hakkai. "Don't lie to me."

"I'm not. I just coughed a little too hard, that's all...really it's nothing to worry about."