Sunday December 13th 2014

Sam Evans

I paced back and forth for a long time. I was still in shock from our last conversation. For one I couldn't believe Mercy was dating Finn of all people. Then for me to just call her out on Chloe's father like that, I know it wasn't my place I just couldn't stop myself. I just wanted to make sure she was really ok. The truth is she was Sherri. She was the reason I wrote that first novel. How could I just lie to her face like that? I had my chance to tell her how I feel again…how I have felt for a long time. I have avoided being alone with her for four days, which wasn't that hard because she, Quinn and Momma Ruby went to the mall Wednesday and Thursday.

Then we had a big family dinner Friday and yesterday the guys went to play ball. But how can I avoid her today. She also had me thinking about what she said. When I asked her about Chloe's father. She said, "You didn't" referring to me. Is it possible? No, it can't be...we never. But we did. Did I use protection? I don't remember. Awww man could I be her father. No Mercy wouldn't keep that from me. She would tell me. Wouldn't she? But she said she tried and the wedding she…I couldn't shake the feeling that our next conversation was gonna change my life.

I needed to talk to her but we wouldn't be alone for a while. We all agreed to have the touch football game today. All I wanted to do was ask her. Puck walked into the room, as I was deep in thought.

"Hey Sam are you ready for some football."

"No."

"Hey man what's wrong."

"I don't know."

"I think I do…you haven't looked like this since Mercy left for college…you really do still love her don't you?"

"Yeah I do…I don't know how this happened…I mean she was like a sister to me and then that night I kissed her to teach her and I knew I loved her."

"But you did the right thing. You let her go so she could live her life."

"Yeah and now its seven years later and I can't help but feel the same way I did that night. I can't believe she's dating Finn."

"They are not dating but I know they are talking and that kinda shocked me too."

"You know the night we all went out to eat. Mercy and I were talking and she had said when she missed me she read my books and they made her feel close to me then stupid me said yeah and I don't have anything to remind me of you. Why am I falling for her again and why am I acting like a teen. I'm a grown man who has a great career in teaching and a great writing career too. I have more women than 10 men can handle and Mercy comes here and my mind goes blah."

"So what are you gonna do?"

"I wish I could tell you…I wish I could tell myself."

"So let's not think about it lets go play touch football with our family ok."

"No not ok Puck I need to tell you something."

"Ok what?"

Sam ran his hands through his hair. "Mercy and I had sex before we left for Europe."

Puck stepped back.

"You what?"

"It just happened."

"She was 18."

"First off she had just turned 19."

"Oh big difference."

"Ok like you didn't sleep with younger girls. Quinn was 18 when you and she first had sex."

"That is besides the point…why are you telling me this."

"Because I think I could be Chloe's father."

"And what makes you think that."

"Well think about it…she would have had to have gotten pregnant either before she left or as soon as she got to LA…and you and I know Mercy she's not that kinda girl…and then there's the fact that she won't tell us who it is. When she came for your wedding she wanted so badly to tell me something and I didn't let her…what if I'm the father?"

"Come on Mercy would have told you if you were."

"But what if she has been trying to tell me but I just didn't give her the chance."

"look sitting around here wondering is not gonna get you anywhere so let's get that thought out of your head for right now and go play some football."

"I hope you are right."

As we arrived at Puck's I walked over to the girls and smiled as chloe was dancing in a circle with alex. She was a beautiful little girl. As I walked closer to her I looked her over wondering if she had my features. As I bent down and looked into her eyes I knew there was a huge possibility she could be mines.

"and how are the worlds most prettiest girls doing?"

"Uncle Sam Chole was teaching us ballet."

"she was? That must be really fun and I bet she is a great teacher."

Chloe blushed and twirled the chain around her neck in her fingers. I knew that chain it was mines. I looked at her.

"that is a pretty cool chain you have on."

"mommy gave it too me. she said it belonged to my daddy."

"what?"

"she told me whenever I got sad because he wasn't around I could have this and know that he loves me wherever he is."

Puck walked over to him. "Sam are we gonna play or what?"

I stood up staring at her. did Mercedes say that to her because she needed to tell her daughter something or am I really chloe's father. I needed to know and I needed to know quick. As I walked to the middle of the street looking at Mercedes, I felt like a teen again. I smiled as Mercy walked over to me.

"So is it just my imagination or are you ignoring me?"

"Now Mercy why would you even think something like that?"

"I haven't seen you in a couple of days."

"Well that is because you were hanging with Momma Ruby and Quinn."

"Well we went Christmas shopping that's all."

"Yeah."

"Are you sure you are all right you look like something is wrong with you."

"No nothing is wrong I'm fine."

"If you say so…but later after the game I really need to talk to you."

"Ok cause I really need to talk to you too."

"Mercy are you ready to play?"

She turned towards Jake and smiled.

"Yup let's get ready to beat the pants off of Sam, and Puck. They think they are so tough but we can take them."

As we began to play, I remembered the very last time we had all played together like this. It had been so long but in the middle of the street, we acted as if we had just played last night. Jake, Finn, and Mercy were against Daddy Joe, Puck, and I. we were running the last play of the game. We were up by six and it was their ball. All we had to do was end this play and not let them score and we would win the game. I looked over to the sidelines and the little girls were cheering with Quinn.

As Jake tossed the ball to Finn, I went to block Mercy knowing she would get the ball and run it in. When Finn tossed her the ball, I blocked her with all my strength but I had to give Mercy her props. She was right she may have changed her look but inside she was still an awesome ball player. As she scored on me, I picked her up and spun her around. It was like a page out of a one of my books, because as I spun her around a snowflake landed on her cheek. We both looked up and realized it was snowing. Everyone else looked up as the snow began to fall and Chloe ran out to her and smiled.

"Mommy, mommy…you're a winner."

"Yes I am baby and thank you."

I put Mercedes down as Chloe turned to me. "Sorry you lost Sam better luck next time."

I rubbed my eyes and began to fake cry.

"Awww I'm a loser."

"Don't cry Sam you not a loser…mommy says that even winners lose some time."

"I feel so sad I think I need a hug."

She reached her arms out and hugged me as I bent down.

"All better."

I fake cried louder.

"No I need more hugs I'm so sad."

"Mommy mommy hurry up and hug Sam he won't stop crying."

"Oh honey I think you got it covered…see he's stopped crying."

"Is that true did I make you feel better?"

I stood up.

"Why yes you did…and since you made me feel better I'm gonna make you a cup of hot coco with marshmallows…if it's ok with your mommy?"

"Mommy please?"

I looked down to Mercy.

"Yeah mommy please?"

"Ok a small cup…and don't forget to tell Sam thank you."

As I grabbed Chloe's hand, I immediately felt jealous. Finn ran over to her and took Mercy in his arms. He spun her around and she laughed enjoying it. I couldn't stay and watch any more so I took Chloe into the kitchen with the rest of the girls and Puck and I made them each a cup of coco. I watched as they talked and laughed and realized that is what I was missing. I wanted a family. Maybe that is why I still had these feelings for Mercy and maybe that's why I thought Chloe could be mine. Maybe because I wanted a child that much.

Puck and I grabbed the two cups of coco we made for Quinn and Mercy and took them into the living room. I stopped in my tracks as I heard Mercy talking.

"Quinn don't you think I want to? I hear it from you, Momma Ruby, and even Finn. I know he needs to know but it's been almost seven years how do I even begin to tell Sam he has a daughter. Its like everytime I try something happens or comes up. What if he doesn't believe me? What if he takes her from me?"

"He needs to know honey did you see them together. She may look like you but she has his features too especially the eyes."

"I know and they looked so cute together but what if he hates me."

"He won't."

"What if he stops me again before I can get it out?"

"I don't think your gonna have that problem."

Quinn looked at the door way and I was frozen as a statue. I mean I had thought Chloe could be mine but I didn't really believe it. I don't know if it was Puck or I who made a gasping sound but Mercy faced us too. Mercy stood up and looked at me.

"Um hey guys what's up."

"Mercy how could you."

"Sam wait you don't understand."

"Um Puck let's give them a moment ok."

"Good idea."

Quinn and Puck walked out the room and I walked over to Mercy. I wanted to stay calm but the moment I spoke, it came out in a yell.

"All these years and you haven't said a word."

"I tried but whenever I would get up enough courage…something happened."

"What kinda heartless person are you."

"Sam if you will just stay calm."

"Who all knows?"

"Just Quinn and Momma Ruby my dad and Finn."

"Finn! You told him before you told me?"

"Sam just give me a chance to explain."

"Why Mercy? Why didn't you find a way to tell me?"

"Sam you ripped my heart out my chest."

"And that gives you the right to keep something like this away from me."

"Sam…I told you I loved you and you broke my heart. You turned your back on me at the time I thought you would do the same thing to her."

"I would never have done that…all these years you've been keeping her from me."

"Sam you have to understand."

"What I understand is you deprived me of a child…my child."

"I wanted to tell you. I came home to tell you but when I got here you all were so mad at me for having a child that I couldn't."

"Well you must not think that highly of me…or is it you really don't know if I'm the father or not…is that why you didn't tell us…how many others are there? Huh how many guys did you sleep with before you came sulking to me with that love bull shit."

She slapped me. And not a little girlie slap either. She slapped me hard.

"How can you ask me how many…you know me better than that?"

"I don't know you anymore…the Mercy I knew would not have kept this from me."

"What should I have done? I found out when you were in Europe. Then when you got back, your number changed. I wanted to tell you but then I remembered those hurtful words you said to me…those words broke my heart. "Mercy I can't". I wanted you to give me a reason to stay and you said "I cant."! That's what you said to me and if you didn't love me enough to make me stay how could I expect you to love that little girl."

"You never gave me the chance I would have loved her and you…because I did love you and I always have I can't believe you did this, this is the most how could you."

As the tears flew from her eyes, I couldn't feel sorry for her. I felt nothing but anger. She wiped her eyes.

"Sam I'm sorry. I am just so sorry. I messed up and I can't make this up to you... I just...I don't know what else I can say."

"Yeah you are sorry and you will be once I fight you for custody of my daughter."

"Sam you don't have to fight me for custody…I have the forms with me so we can file for joint."

"Oh I don't think so I don't want joint I will not allow my daughter to be raised by such an evil manipulative person."

"Sam I am sorry."

"I have nothing to say to you."

She went to grab my hand but I couldn't even look at her. I left the house very angry I needed to walk. It didn't matter that it had become cold. I was pissed. How could she just lie to me all these years? I have a daughter. And I knew she was mine but actually hearing it just hurts. Puck came up beside me and we just walked in silence for a while. Like the snow wasn't even there.

After walking a few blocks and trying to cool down, we walked to my place, which was only three blocks away from Puck's. I sat on my couch as I felt the tears run down my face. Puck went into the kitchen and grabbed two beers. As he handed one to me I laughed me a grown man...crying. I had never felt so hurt in my life. I just sat there tears fallen and nursing that beer. Being the best friend that he is Puck sat there with me drinking his.

"You remember when Quinn told me I was gonna be a father."

"Yeah I remember you had some tears in your eyes."

"Well you know I cried because I was scared we were going through a really tough time, not even married three months and she ended up pregnant."

"Yeah but what does that have to do with me?"

"What you didn't know about that situation is after she told me she was pregnant she kicked me out we were fighting a lot and I met someone."

"What how come I didn't know about that?"

"The same reason you didn't tell me about you and Mercy…as much as you loved her you knew you had to let her go and that is how I felt. This woman I met I fell for her very hard but I had to decide. do I want my wife and child or would I abandon them for this woman who could be the one you know the choice I made and not because I felt I had to, and not because in my heart I knew it was the right thing to do. I went back because I knew nothing would make me happier than being a father. I'm telling you this because you are my best friend and I know that this is a messed up situation but you need to face it. You have missed six years of that little girl's life you need to pull yourself together so you can be there for her."

"I know but how can I? She has spent six years not knowing who her father was…I don't want to hurt her."

"You have a right to your child."

"Yeah and I have to do right by her…even if that means keeping my distance so she can be happy as mad as I'm at Mercy she is right. I never really gave her a reason to tell me. I made her think that I used her back then, and when she came home; we all treated her like she had a disease or something. I called her a slut and the things I said about her daughter…my daughter. It's no wonder she didn't tell me. What am I gonna do?"

"You need to talk to her but not tonight you need to calm down before you can talk to her or you are gonna say something you really regret."

"Too late for that."

"I guess the question is what are you gonna do?"

"I don't even know where to begin to answer that one."

"There are three questions that will help you do you want to get to know your child, can you forgive Mercy, and if you can do you forgive her but don't want anything to do with her or do you love her."

I knew the answers to all of them and the bottom line is…I did still love her and I wanted to be a family with her and our daughter. I just didn't know if I could forgive her. I wanted to I just didn't know how I could.

"how did you know that being with Quinn was the best thing for you?"

"I looked in my heart and prayed."

"and that helped?"

"it did."

I sat back and wondered how I would approach her. how I would tell her I wanted to be with her and how would I forgive her. I looked over to Puck then closed my eyes and said a silent prayer.

"Lord I have loved Mercy for years and I want to make her my wife but I don't know how to forgive her. I don't know how to forgive myself. Give me the words and strength. Help me in your name I pray Amen."