A Date From Hell, Chapter 7
Summary: Wendy Testaburger has recently loss her "perfect boyfriend" Stan Marsh to his best friend, Kyle Brofslovski. Now, her own best friend Bebe Stevens has convinced her to go on a date with Eric Cartman. Disaster strikes, as expected.
HEY! Thanks everyone for the wonderful reviews, favorites and story alerts! you guys ROCK! Please R&R&R! Also, new South Park Story up- "The Secret Diary of Kyle Brofslovski" which I really enjoy writing! R&R that one too if you can! LOVE!
Pairings: Candy, Style, Benny, Stendy (slash and het)
Rated T for snogging, use of cigarettes, vulgar language, blood and gore
Avinroxz
Disclaimer: I do not own South Park, or any other the characters in it. Damn!
XXX
The zombies began to break threw the barricades of the weak wooden fort. It was dark inside, and piles of dead, bloody and bruised bodies laid everywhere. There was maroon colored blood smeared on nearly every surface, and body parts were buried in the cracks of the wooden walls. IT smelt of rust and…cheesy poofs? That's right. There was only one brave solider left- Nazi General Eric Cartman, who held his AK-47 high as he took the heads of the monstrous creatures.
"Die Jewbots!" the racist bastard screamed and made sound effects as he shot of the heads. Pop! Blood flung onto the monitor of the TV.
"BAM! BAM!"
Cowardly Eric Cartman, who would be way to scared to fight in a real war, sat on his fat ass, shooting with a game controller, eating cheesy poofs. "MAMM!" He screamed again. "TWINK! TWINK!" over the years, he had gotten way too lazy to say two syllable words to his mother, so he said the first syllable.
She understood. Leanne Cartman rushes in and hands her son two twinkles. He eats them both at once.
Then a "Jewbot" takes the head of Nazi General Eric Cartman. Eric throws down his controller as the words "Dead" appeared on screen, written in blood.
"Sweet Fuck!" Eric pouts. "I was so close to winning!"
The doorbell rings.
"MAMM!"
Silence.
"MAMMMMMMM!"
More Silence.
"!"
"I'm busy, poopsykins!"
"Lazy ass whore!" Eric Cartman declares. He waddles over to the door and slams it open.
"WHAT!" He yells into Wendy's shocked face.
"Don't yell at me!" she shouts back.
Eric stumbled back, recognizing the voice of his wet dreams. Why was she here? Did she know about the date? Did she…come to talk about it?
Eric Cartman's face turned a sickly green. Did she come to reject him?
Wendy continued talking. "Look, I need to ask you a question…are you okay?"
Eric felt his legs go jello. "Totally fahn. What's up dawg?"
"Did you get the math homework?"
"What?"
"The homework. Aren't you getting an A in geometry?"
Eric breathed a sigh of relief. Oh thank you, sweet Jesus…"No, i'm getting a D." He said honestly. Then he crossed his arms. "Thanks for rubbing it in."
Wendy felt a pale pink blush creep on her face. "Oh. Well then, sorry to bother you." She turned away to leave.
"NO!" instinctively, Eric's chubby arm shot out and grabbed her hand. It was delicate and small. Wendy turned back, incredulous. "Yes, Eric?"
…THEY WERE STILL HOLDING HANDS!
"I understand what's going on in the class, i'm really smart. I just don't do the work…" He gestured to the interior of his warm, comforting living room. "I can help you..ho."
Wendy looked up at him with a kind smile on her face. "Your offering to help me?"
"Well…yeah."
"Is there a catch?"
"No!" he sneered. "What? I can't be nice sometimes? Don't think your so special! I'd help anyone!" He stuck up his nose superiorly and let go of her warm hand so he could cross his arms.
Wendy rolled her eyes. "I am special." Then before he got a chance to protest, she stepped into his warm house and took a seat on the couch, which was warm from Cartman sitting on it so often.
Eric shut the front door.
By the time he took a seat next to her (raising her side of the couch in the air), she had laid out all her math supplies, complete with a pencil behind her left ear, a compass on the side of the open textbook, and her arms folded gently on her lap.
"I need help with proofs." She said, and looked him square in the eye.
"Um okay. Proofs are easy." Eric said.
"Not for me."
"Well.."He had never tutored anyone before, so he didn't really know what to do. "Let's try a problem." He pointed to a random problem in the textbook. "Prove that line A is congruent to line B."
"I don't know where to start!"
God, this ho was stupid. Eric took pleasure in thinking that. "First state given information." We know that AC is congruent to BC. Why?"
"…because of given information."
"Yep." He scribbled a sloppy step on a piece of stray paper. "What else do we know?"
"That AD is congruent to BD?"
"Yep." He wrote that down.
"What now?" she questioned.
"Well, what do you think would help us?"
"I don't know!" She moaned.
"Your a stupid bitch. The next step is that CD is congruent to CD. Why?"
"Because they are the same thing…AND I AM NOT A STUPID BITCH!"
"Yep. They are a shared segment. And so what does al of these things mean?"
"…The two triangles are congruent?"
"You got it. So why is A congruent to B?"
"..the..um..CPCTC?"
"Yeah! See? It's not hard."
Her eyes lit up. "Your right Cartman!"
"I know I am." He mumbled to himself.
"You know what? Your actually smart!" She smiled and patted his arm.
"Yeah, thanks." He yawned. Her compliments were something he already knew.
"What to do more math problems?" She suggested.
"Yeah. You could use the extra help, ho."
And so our two favorite characters spend the reminder of the evening doing math problems and dissing each other out.