Description: It's the end, the world is growing cold around her yet that voice persist in her head. "Show me Shepard, show me your sacrifice is worth it. What makes this cycle have the right to live?" Her thoughts turn to her crew. But the voice still wasn't pleased and even in her last moments, it was tormenting her. "No Shepard…I want to see everything."

See Shepard's life from the beginning, the defining moments that made her truly the woman she is.

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Mass Effect world or to its characters. My interpretations of these characters are biased of countless hours of game play and thousands of fanfics. If there is any questions you have please feel free to comment them in the review or send me a PM.
Warning: I am trying to really scan the chapters for grammatical mistakes, but I am not the best. So please excuse this inconvenience. If it really bugs you, I am looking for a proof reader to bounce ideas and written chapters off.

Note: I tried to get this chapter up in a decent time for you all. Hope you enjoy, I may have to edit it some later, so sorry if there is any errors.

"The SSV Einstein: Shock Therapy"

Crunch.

Pain radiated from her left cheek, already the pale flesh began to turn red with irritation.

"Alice don't get distracted by pain or you are likely to feel more."

Omph.

A gasp escaped her gritted teeth as the males shin landed against her side. Surely if he had wanted to he could have broken her ribs. While this hurt, there was no crunching sound upon contact, no the man was taunting her now. Anger began to take over her mind as she felt her blood begin to boil. With all her strength she tried to land a hit against the man's chin, hoping to make him bleed. He saw her attack from a mile away and dodged to the side long before she would have hit him. The lack of contact left her off balance as she tried to stop her swinging arm. In an instant she was on the ground again, the cold metal feeling good against her hot face. The man hadn't even needed to hit her, really he just pushed her away with one hand and she went crumpling.

"Rage will make you sloppy Alice, never attack your opponent out of anger."

Already she could feel the sea of eyes upon her as her gazed turned to the cargo hulls observation deck. A small crowd of the crew was watching her beat down with mild interest. So far she had put on a poor show, getting tossed around like a rag doll. Yet she kept getting up and once more she shifted off the floor onto her feet, each hand raised into fist in front of her face like Mark had shown her.

"Again."

So far she had been the first to attack, knowing that the only advantage she may have was based on surprise. Yet her opponent was well trained with more experience than her. He could predict her moves before she made them based purely on how she shifted her body to attack. Alice kept her hands up waiting for him to attack first. They duo circled the mat a few times, waiting for each other, before the man jumped forward with his left leg aimed at her already bruised side. It was probably more luck then anything that she tripped out of the way, landing unsteady on her feet to the right some. Like any good fight though the next kick was already ready and it landed against her chest the instant she regained her balance.

Once more she tasted the metallic ground as she tried to regain her lost breath. After only five minutes her body had begun to hurt everywhere. The bright lights of the bay started to grow dim for a moment. Alice had to fight to focus on the voice yelling at her to 'get up'. Her body began to work without her will as she tried to roll onto her side to get up. Unlike before her attacker had waited for her to regain her footing before attacking again. The game seemed to have change though because as she began to push herself up a foot connected against her exposed abdominal. Quickly she balled herself up, tucking her head under her arms to try and save herself from the blows.

"Get up Alice! Are you going to be the Victim or the Survivor?"

Those words rang in her head, repeating themselves over and over again. Victim or Survivor?

There was an uncomfortable silence that set in the duo as they rode the slow elevator down. When she had first arrived on the SSV Einstein the elevator trip seemed to whiz by giving her hardly any time to prepare for what the crew may do with her. Yet now she realized how slow it seemed to creak by, as if intentional trying to drive her insane. It could be that she was uncomfortable alone with the Commander, even though she tried hard to fight her urge to lean against the wall away from him. It wasn't that the Commander was a mean man, he just had that vibe about him, and it was unsettling in a way. Plus she had no idea what he was planning to do with her, and while this was an Alliance vessel, she was paranoid after recent events.

The silence was broken only by the elevator door opening up into another metal hallway, this one equipped with thick glass windows. As they exited bits and pieces of her memories began to flash, the red writing on the wall announcing this area as the Docking Bay, the glass window looking down into a large room. The commander allowed her a chance to look down into the room below, seeing the same shuttle she had arrived onto the ship from. On the other side of the room was what appeared to be foam mats, set out along with equipment all around.

"Commander….where are we going?"

"Well I thought we would work out some of that stress. We need you focused later for your official story."

"Why hasn't your crew already asked me what happened. Don't they say the details become fuzzy the longer time goes by?"

"True, but kid I imagine you are going to remember that day with clarity for the rest of your life. Might as well give you an outlet so it doesn't eat you up inside."

As a child Alice had always been told, along with other kids in the colony, that when you got angry about something it wasn't smart to vent your anger out on something. That you had to learn to control it so that you don't do something stupid. It was sad to admit that her pillow had been on the receiving end of built up teenage angst but she doubted that was the Commander's idea. They walked into a room and down the set of stairs into the docking bay, one of the most spacious places within the ship and for a moment Alice felt calmer. It reminded her of being on Mindoir, though the metal walls where nothing compared to the warm grass and blue skies, but it was better than the cramped medical area. She felt more energetic and for the first time since the ordeal she just wanted to run around like a fool. The Commander seemed to notice her change because she almost swore there was the faintest twitch of his lips, like he was holding back a smile.

"Come here kid and let's see how you do against this."

Off to the side of the room was one of those old fashioned punching bags, filled with some type of sand. The commander gave her foam hand guards, which he helped her put on. While she imagined the foam padding helped save the bag from getting to banged up, she couldn't imagine herself being able to do too much damage.

"Go ahead Alice, punch it as hard as you can. Let's see how much you can make the bag swing."

Alice was quick to form her hand into balled up fist and hit the bag with some strength, expecting it to swing around widely. Instead it was like punching a brick wall, the bag barely moving against her love tap. Her gaze turned to her hand and for a moment she wounded how weak she really was. Had she attacked the aliens on Mindoir like that, they would have ripped her apart with her own hands. Yet she didn't feel weak….sure she had never strength trained….but she wasn't weak. The Commander let out a cough drawing her out of her thoughts. Once more he motioned to the bag expecting her to hit it again.

This time Alice put more of her strength into the bag, trying to make it budge. Again she was meet with the same result. Even though the bag looked like it was squishy, something about how it was made was like punch a rock. It was filled with an incredible dense stuffer. Unlike before when she began to question herself, this time Alice was quick to throw another hit into the bag. It was almost as if it was taunting her by staying still. A voice filled her head as each attempt resulted in only the faintest wobble.

"Come on Alice! It's just a punching bag, hit it harder than that! Oh geezus. It's a good thing you knew how weak you were on Mindor. Ethan probably knew too which is why he told you to run. You would have just gotten yourself and everyone-"

With a scream she threw her whole body into the punch forcing everything she had into the bag. While it did not produce the wild erratic movement, like in the old vids, the bag did swing a good foot away from her before returning back to its normal unswaying position. For the first time since she arrive a large smile spread over her face like a child winning a treat. She looked to the Commander with that smile, yet he did not seem to mimic her look.

"It only toke you five minutes to make it move, but I have seen worst. Tell me kid, what do you want to do with your life?"

He was being sarcastic with her, and that pride she had felt was crushed some. Sure she could have wildly swing at first, but she was sort of glad she hadn't. In a fight that last punch that moved the bag would probably never land on its opponent. Yet it meant she wasn't strong, but the bag had to be rigged for those big Alliance guys on the ship. They trained all the time, they were used to this….even once the commander must have not been able to move the bag.

"Huh. Umh…..I'm not really sure."

"Well everyone has something in mind kid. Sure we can't all be doctors or firefighters, but there is something we wanted to do."

She knew the answer, it was something she had decided not too long ago. Yet thinking of it meant thinking of the home she no longer had. The people she would possible never see if the Alliance couldn't find the weird aliens that stole everyone away. It didn't matter what her plan was, it couldn't be her plan now. But the more she seemed to hesitate the more stern the Commanders look became. With a sigh she couldn't hold back the answer anymore. A lie would be even worst then the painful truth.

"I….I wanted to live like my parents on Mindoir. Doing something to help the colony advance, to make it a place that my children would want to live. But Mindoir is gone, it's nothing but an empty planet now."

"True, but the point is kid you wanted to do something with your life. You wanted to live, so the real question now is do you want to still live."

"I don't want to die!"

The commander couldn't help but let out a snort at her sudden express of horror. Her eyes must have bulged out of her head at the idea, what was he trying to get at by asking her if she wanted to live?

"I'm not saying you are gonna die right now kid. What I'm trying to tell you is that when we experience things like what you have, we tend to break down and shut ourselves away from the world. A victim will allow themselves to always show their scars from events like this, it will cripple them and they will never live again. A survivor learns to cope with it all, the find something worth doing with their life and move forward. They are still have scars but they become a part of them, not the definition of them. You can't just become a survivor, you have to choose to be."

"Okay."

"Well now kid, let's try something harder."

"GET UP ALICE!"

The Commander's voice jolted her back into reality. With a jolt Alice pushed herself off the ground, stumbling into a standing position. Her hands where raised in front of her face, and while pain and exhaustion could be seen on her face, she was still trying to block any attacks coming towards her. She felt the dull pain as her spare partner hit against her arms, and sides. She knew that she couldn't beat him with strength but maybe she could let him tire out. He had the strength, but did he have the endurance.

She could feel the Commander's gaze on her with each hit. Hear the crowd that had formed by the crew pooling around to watch. Some screamed for her to fight back, others told her to just give up. Somewhere she thought she heard bets being taken on who would win. But most of the voices where just sounds to her. With each hit they seemed to become softer and Alice knew she was going down again soon. It was now or never. She began to look through her cracks formed in between her raised arms at her opponent. His warm tanned skin was covered in sweat, adding definition to his muscles. Even though the man was used to combat, he was breathing heavier than normal as he jumped around the ring landing hits on her every couple of seconds. Either he was getting tired or he was getting bored.

Alice dropped her arms allowing him a perfect shot on her. As he darted forward to hit her in the face Alice pulled her arm back as far as she could. Like the punching bag she threw everything into it, including all of her small frame. Her opponent had stepped closer to get a better shot and as his padded fist landed against her jaw, Alice felt her own fist landing against his jaw. She felt herself falling back, felt the dots form around her vision. Yet even with the searing pain she felt a sense of accomplishment. Her opponent stumbled back, his hand holding something on his face, blood pouring down. The crowd erupted into a booming sound as several screamed. She felt hands against her shoulders, trying to shake her yet she wished they would just let her be. It would be so nice to sleep, and even though she had only been up for a small time, she felt exhausted. In an instant everything went dark as Alice passed out.