Hi folks. Sorry this is taking so long. College is crazy and this is supposed to be my last semester so I'm crazy busy at the moment. Again, own jack diddly squat and the two version still have a lot of similarities just different relationship foci.

CHAPTER 7

When dawn finally broke, Jack gave up trying to sleep. Sam was peaceful for the moment so he slipped out of her bed before she could realize there was someone else in bed with her. Since he was up he decided to make breakfast. He checked on Sam every few minutes until he found her awake but not moving to get out of bed. Having just finished preparing a light breakfast he decided to try coaxing her out of bed.

He walked to the side of the bed she was on and knelt down beside it. Her stare was far off and there were tears in her eyes but there was no sound other than her breathing. Jack placed her hand between his. Letting it rest there for a moment he gently called her name. She closed her eyes and a few tears escaped. He gave her a moment then helped her to sit up. Putting his arm around her he led her to the little coffee table by her couch where he'd places their breakfast. They sat on the couch, Sam leaning into Jack's shoulder and Jack with his arm around her. Neither touched their breakfast.

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When the nurses realized that Daniel was awake they brought in his breakfast. He never responded to their coaxing to eat and never looked at them. He simply stared off into space when they were near him. Dr. Lam finally told them to set his food aside and that he would eat if he wanted to later.

Dr. Carolyn Lam was having a hard time maintaining her professionalism with the situation presented before her. She knew that she wasn't as close to SG1 as the previous doctor had been, but she felt that she knew Daniel well enough to know that the memories must be tearing him apart. To everyone he was caring, compassionate, and very empathetic. She realized that for him, having the memories of causing so much pain must be his own personal hell, not to mention that the person he had hurt so badly was one of his best friends.

She tried to convince herself to go over and speak to him, but for the life of her she couldn't think of anything to say. While she hated to admit it, she was uncomfortable with the man presented before her. He was both a victim and a rapist, or at least he had the memories of being one. She felt somewhat disappointed in herself that she couldn't completely separate the ideas in her head. She felt like she should be wiser and smarter, with the ability to better understand these things. They had supposedly chosen her for this job because she was one of the best, and right now she felt like she was letting down the whole SGC.

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You're going to have to do it eventually. Carter was having very little luck convincing herself to go to her appointment with Dr. Longfellow. She tried not to hold it against the doctor, but since Daniel's lock up in a mental institute the entire team had trouble trusting mental health care professionals. Sam didn't feel comfortable talking yet. It took a few more minutes, but Sam finally nudged Jack and told him that it was time for her appointment.

"OK. I'll clean up the dishes while you get ready." He had no clue what to say. He didn't want to let her go, but she was apparently feeling more in control of herself and he didn't want to do anything that could damage that.

As he washed the dishes that he had used to prepare breakfast his mind once again returned to how unfair this whole situation was. After all the good they've done. He was also berating himself for having absolutely no idea what to do to make it better, for her or Daniel. He found his mind wandering to a conversation that he and Daniel had had some years ago.

It had been shortly after the Shavadai mission. He had expressed his doubts about having females on frontline teams to Daniel. He had explained that his concern wasn't simply that a female could get raped or experience some sort of other traumatic event, because he knew the same could happen to a guy, his concern was their ability to cope with it afterward. That was the first time Daniel had ever looked at him like he actually was stupid. Daniel had opened his eyes quite a bit that day. Jack had known that he wasn't the type that military women were prone to open up to because of the macho front he often adopted, but Daniel was the type they would talk to. Daniel had told him about the unusually high number of women in the military who had already been through something like that and still functioned everyday, to the point of Jack not even being able to notice who these women were. Daniel had theorized that it's part of the reason why many women join, to regain their sense of self confidence, the idea that they are strong and can take care of themselves.

The thought of so many women having been through something like this didn't do anything to comfort him, but he did feel some hope since so many had returned to fully functional, normal lives. He knew that Sam was an incredibly strong woman and so he told himself that she would be able to cope and heal, he just had some difficulty believing it at the moment as he looked at her standing by the door, hugging herself, obviously trying not to look anxious or burst into tears.

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The base psychologist, Dr. Longfellow, had already been in to see Daniel in the morning. Daniel hadn't spoken with the doctor, but she had agreed to have him moved to a private room for his comfort, though she hadn't lifted the suicide watch.

In some ways Daniel preferred the private room. Fewer people to look at him with either disgust or worse yet, pity in their eyes. He didn't believe that he deserved their pity. During the time since he had woken that morning he had been arguing with himself. One moment he would be trying to convince himself that it wasn't his fault and then a memory would push to the surface and he would fall back into his despair. He had been strong enough to lock away his memories but not to stop the Go'uld.

Teal'c had been by to see him before lunch. Daniel had only known it was lunch time because shortly after Teal'c left the nurse appeared with his meal. Teal'c hadn't said a word during his visit. He had simply sat in the chair by the bed with a small scowl on his face. Daniel had done his best to ignore the imposing man's presence. He wondered if the man had been disappointed in him, but that wasn't Teal'c's way. Daniel realized that the man was probably tearing himself up with guilt for not protecting Daniel, but at the time he couldn't muster the energy or the words to try to put the Jaffa's guilt to rest.

Cameron had stopped by after the nurse had finally given up trying to convince Daniel to eat something more than a corner of a piece of bread. Daniel had ignored Mitchell as best he could, but the man kept going back and forth between silence and talking nonstop about everything from sports games to how it wasn't Daniel's fault. At one time he even begged Daniel for forgiveness for having dragged him back onto SG-1 and not being able to protect him when he was injured and needed it. Daniel had been succeeding at blocking out what Mitchell was saying to him until he mentioned Vala. Daniel hadn't thought about what the others who had formerly been hosts had gone through as well. He found himself wondering if Vala had ever been through something this bad. She had never really talked about her time as a Go'uld. Now he thought that he understood why. She had been loaned to SG-14, who were off-world, deconstructing a former Go'uld stronghold in hopes of discovering new technology or information so she likely didn't know yet.

Daniel had no desire to face Jack, but he had to admit that it hurt him that Jack had not come to see him. He didn't expect Sam to come see him or ever speak to him again, but if Jack wasn't willing to see him then he must truly hate him now for what he had done to the woman that he knew Jack loved.

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Jack had waited outside of the base psychologist's office while Carter had attended her initial counseling session. Jack knew that there would probably be many such visits. He couldn't bring himself to leave even to go to the bathroom. He felt that he needed to be waiting for her when she finished. Mitchell and Teal'c had offered, but he felt like it had to be him. Unlike himself, he was sure that eventually Carter would tell the doctor everything that had happened. They had forced him to attend counseling when he had first returned from being a POW in Iraq before allowing him back to duty. He had joked his way through his and had talked about just wanting to spend time with his family and then get back to work. During college Jack had taken enough psych classes to have some idea of what the doctor would want to hear, but he knew that Carter would need to talk about what had happened.

When Carter stepped out of the office the signs of crying were obvious.

"You're going to get through this Colonel. Now I'll see you again on Wednesday, ok." The doctor saw General O'Neill outside of her office and only looked at him briefly before returning to her office. Jack was unable to make out what her look had meant. He had no way to know that they had actually spent a fair amount of the session discussing him and the other men in her life. Like many military rape victims, Sam was afraid that her command would look down on her for it and she would lose the respect of those around her. Doctor Longfellow had tried to reassure her, but the doctor had no way of knowing whether Major General Jack O'Neill and the others were up to the challenge that this situation presented.

Sam hadn't told Dr. Longfellow any more about what had happened than she had told the others. The only thing that she had discussed in more detail was how she felt about Daniel. She had tried to explain the dichotomy warring in her mind. She fully understood that it wasn't Daniel's fault, but at the same time, some primal part of her hated him for what he had done, even as she knew it wasn't him. It hadn't been until their meeting was almost over that she realized that for all intents and purposes, Daniel had also been raped. When her brain made the connection, it was as though something had crushed all of the air out of her. The guilt over having not thought of what he must be going through hit her hard. On top of all of the other emotions that were already threatening to pull her under she had nearly collapsed from the added weight.

The doctor had noticed the change, but had mistaken it for a flash back. She had tried to ground Carter in the present by letting her know where she was, it took several moments for Carter to realize what the doctor was trying to do. Sam began trying to explain what she had just realized, but she hadn't managed to say much that was intelligible due to the sobs that were racking her entire body. It had taken several minutes for the tears to subside enough for Sam to speak, and by then she no longer felt willing to. She was simply too tired and riddled with guilt. Daniel had become stronger over the years, to the point where Sam rarely questions his ability as a soldier, but he was still a civilian. It was her job to keep an eye out for him, and once again she had failed. She had failed to keep him safe in the first place and now she was failing him as a friend.

The Psychologist had spent the remainder of the meeting discussing possible plans of action with Sam. She had brought up the idea of Sam going to stay with her brother's family, but Sam had immediately dismissed that idea. Dr. Longfellow also mentioned the idea of putting Sam on antidepressants for a few weeks. Another idea Sam had been firmly against. Sam had never really believed in the idea of happiness in a bottle, though she didn't hold it against anyone who did use antidepressants. It was just that she was terrified that if she started taking pills, she would never come off of them, and they would never let her back on a team if she had to take antidepressants.

After the doctor closed the door to her office, Jack felt the need to do something, so he gave her a gentle hug. He felt somewhat surprised as after a moment, she pushed him away while holding his arms. She looked into his eyes, willing him to understand as she spoke.

"Go see Daniel."

She saw the confusion in his face and wished that he could just understand.

"I… I can't see… I just can't do it yet." She saw the dawning comprehension on his face. She hoped that he understood the concern that she had for her friend, but that she just couldn't keep her demons down enough for her to trust herself. "Help him."

Jack had realized yesterday while in Daniel's office the pain the man was experiencing. Between his own fits of restless sleep last night he had realized the type of hell Daniel must have been experiencing, but had been unable to pull his attention from Sam. Jack had wondered how much of the experience Daniel remembered given how few of Jolinar's memories Sam had retained. Jack hoped that for Daniel's sake, it wasn't much.

"What about you?"

"I have to go see Dr. Lam."

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