Wow, I've got to say you've humbled me. I know, I know, you hate Booth and she should ditch his sorry behind (hehehe) so he learns his lessons, but I can't help but continue to love him. I think he did have the right to move on, but perhaps he has been harsh in the way he's made her feel like he's not even there for her anymore! (Let's get real, guys, many times people entering a relationship neglect their friends a bit to invest themselves in their significant others, not that I like how Booth has been treating our Bren in the show… sniffles)
Second, thanks to everyone who has been here, who has reviewed or added me to your alerts! I've got to say it again, you make my day!
Alishka, my-completeness, Boneslady, DD2, drco, meg, Without pain there is no love, LondonLi, k-tap, GibbsIsMyGod, SouthunLady, dana, mynicholle, Butterfliesandmudpies, jhi1005, anon, amylove15, JavaJunkie4eVa, gamma13, elphaba, Jennifer Carter, maggymoo21, Stephanie, Silver-Ashes, Castiel4Dean, GOT GOD, Megean, supergirlhero, nayacorr, ScullyRocks, booba88, isinla, Jimminy, jennytarheel, kaloblack, happypandabear, lawyergirl0721, heartsjaded, Dr. B… A superhuge thank you!
Musie is very happy, so she gives you this! Hope you like!
"She tried to…", Russ choked on his tears, and Booth's eyes filled with tears of his own, but his voice was solid when he replied, "I'll be there", and closed his phone, finishing the task of putting on clothes.
Hannah instantly went to him, "What happened, babe?", he traded his t-shirt for a black dress shirt to match the black jeans he had put on while taking to Russ. He zipped himself up, and buttoned his shirt while he searched for his black sneakers.
"Bones… she's at the hospital", Hannah gasped, and instantly went to search for clothes on her own.
"Hannah… baby", he said, and she turned, a light green top and faded jeans on her hand, confused at why he was stopping her, "I appreciate so much that you want to go, but I think it's best if I go alone", she frowned, and he approached her and held her against him, "Baby, I truly don't know what's wrong, and Bones asked me yesterday to give her some space. I'm going because Russ called, he knows I'm her partner, and that I'm as worried as him about her, now I need to check things out first, and if everything is fine, then I'll call you and you can come, ok?", she looked doubtful, but nodded.
He finished dressing, took his cell, jacket, weapon and keys, and pressed a chaste kiss against her lips, "Thanks, baby, for understanding", she smiled hesitantly, and hugged him, a part of her not understanding why when he held her against his chest, she felt the sudden need to cry.
B&B&B&B&B&B&B&B&B&B&B&B&B&B&B&B&B&B
He broke his own work ethics, using his siren for something personal, without a single drop of guilt. This was about Bones, so ethics be damned.
He entered the hospital, flashing his badge at a nurse, who instantly refrained from asking him to move the SUV, and asked her where the psych ward was.
He took the elevator to the 10th floor, fidgeting all the way, mentally willing the elevator to go faster.
When the doors opened he rushed, and walked to the front desk, and he was about to ask a nurse where she was being held when he spotted Russ, who was walking towards him.
Russ looked exhausted, his clothes wrinkled, his eyes hollow and filled with sorrow.
They stood in front of each other, and just stared at each other until Booth spoke, "What happened, Russ?"
Russ' eyes pooled with tears, and sighed deeply, "She came home at about 11. She was soaking wet, freezing, dirty. I drew her a bath with all the girly stuff she likes, to make her feel better, you know?", Booth nodded darkly, "I told her I would make her something to eat. She hadn't had a single thing, Booth, not even water, and I was afraid she would pass out. She refused at first, but then she… she got this gleam in her eyes and told me that maybe I was right, and I could make her something. I was glad, you know? To do something, for her", Russ said brokenly, "I waited in her room, besides the door, until I heard she got in the bathtub, and figured I should leave her alone, for a little while".
He ran a hand through his face in despair before he continued, "I let her stay there for perhaps 30 minutes. I made her some vegetable pasta, and knocked on the bathroom. I figured she was done", he swallowed hard, "She didn't reply. I knock again, and nothing. The door was locked, and I tried to open, but couldn't. I knew, man, I knew, something was wrong. So I picked the lock, I knew she would hate if I destroyed her door for nothing, you know?", Booth nodded, his heart beating painfully, "She had this look in her eyes, Booth, I had never seen it, not even when mom and dad left us, not even when I left, like… she was empty", Russ' cheeks were damp with tears.
"What happened, Russ?", Booth said, desperate to know.
"She slit her wrists, Booth. And this was not a cry for help. She meant it. She cut them deep, Booth", Russ sobbed, "The water… was already red with her blood. I just put on her robe, and rushed her here. The doctors told me… 10 more minutes, and I… they wouldn't have been able to save her. They gave her blood, and some sedatives while they stitched her wounds", Booth's eyes were pooling with tears, "They… are keeping her on suicide watch for 72 hours. Then, they will move her to a private room, and they will only release her if they feel she's not going to… do it again. A psychiatrist already went in, but she told me that she hadn't said a single word. That was the worst, Booth. She hasn't spoken, a word, to anybody. And they're fearful. I'm sorry, but I didn't know who else to call", Russ said, "My baby is sick, so Amy and the girls can´t come".
"Russ, you have no reason to apologize. I'm glad you did. Bones… She's too important to me", Russ just stared at him.
"I thought of calling Angela, but something told me it was better to call you. Perhaps you can reach her. They are even letting me in, bending the rules a little bit, but nothing is working. Perhaps you… She always listens to you, she trusts you, Booth. And I know you've been taking care of her for us".
Yeah, until I broke her,. Booth thought.
"Can I…", Russ cut him off, not needing him to ask, "This way".
The two men walked the few steps until they reached the glass room.
"They have glass walls to keep an eye on the patients, to see their reactions, and of course, to prevent them from harming themselves again", Booth nodded. "You can go in. I already cleared you with the doctor and the nurses".
Booth walked, trying to make his steps soft enough she wouldn't get scared. He got past the door, and he entered the room, approaching her bed slowly, until he reached the feet of the bed.
If his heart was broken, now it would be impossible to mend. She was in a white hospital gown, her hair was harshly brushed back, looking almost severe, in a ponytail. There was a bag of blood attached to the IV in her arm. But what brought tears to his eyes were the two bandages on her forearms, covering almost half of the perfect skin there.
But her eyes, oh God, it was her eyes that practically brought him to his knees. They were almost transparent, the gray so clear it seemed practically inexistent. Her skin was deathly pale, almost gray in color, and he could see the cold sweat like pearls on her silky skin.
She was facing the window, her face not giving any signs she was acknowledging him.
He went to her side, and kneeled before the bed, instantly grasping her icy hand between his, the only reaction a slight tightening on her muscles, but she didn't fight him.
"My Bones", he said brokenly, "My beautiful Bones. What have I done to you?", he was choking, trying his best not to sob, "What have you done to yourself? I know you are here, baby. The woman I love is here, somewhere. I know", he said, bringing her hand to his face, kissing the center of her palm.
"I have never given up on you, ever. My mind wanted to move on, I wanted to believe I had moved on, but I was a fool, because my heart has always been yours, Temperance", he said, tears falling freely down his cheeks, "You have to come back to me. I'm nothing without you. I'm lost without you. Please, if you go, I won't be ever able to forgive myself", he said softly, her face still unresponsive, "Not one of the lives I took, not how many mistakes I made matter now. If you don't survive this", he said, "I'll die along with you".
And his heart stopped when her eyes filled with tears, a sign he knew meant he was reaching her, "I'll die because", he sniffled, but didn't dry his eyes, needing her to see he meant every word, "You're my other half. The better half of me. You made me want to stop gambling, you made me a better father to Parker, you gave me passion. You made me love life, and if you're gone… God, Bones, if you leave me, I'll have nothing left to live for", her eyes were leaking now a steady current of tears, but still she didn't move.
"You make me strong. If you're gone, I will lose my hope", he swallowed, and pressed soft kisses against her hand, extending her arm gently, seeing her wince a bit at the motion, and he pressed more whisper-like kisses against the bandages, where he knew her wounds were, first one arm, then the other. "Bones, I love your beautiful mind, but I love your heart even more. Please, if you jump, I'll have to follow you. I won't leave you alone. You have me, all of me".
He saw her swallow, and he knew she was trying her best to hold on to her walls, but he knew that if she built them back, no one would be able to breach them.
"Temperance, you're never alone. Please, come back to me. You told me that if I loved you, I would leave you. Now I'm begging you, please Bones", he sobbed now, knowing holding back his emotions was detrimental to his purpose, "If you loved me, if you love me still, come back to me. If you don't, I'll… I'll understand you stopped loving me, and I'll leave you. I'll never bother you again, I won't hurt you. But if you come back, to me, I promise you, I will devote my whole life to making you happy, I'll take care of your heart. Please", her eyes continued to spill crystal tears, but she didn't move, her eyes still fixed on some spot far away, "Give me the chance to earn your forgiveness, to make you believe in me again".
Long minutes passed, and he lowered his head, accepting she had given up on him, on her love for him.
"Forgive me, Bones, forgive me", he said, and gently released her hands and placed them on the mattress. He tiredly got on his feet, feeling like he had aged a thousand years, and stared at her.
"I know you have every reason not to trust me, to even hate me, but trust that I still love you, and I always will. Never give up, Bones", he said, and walked towards the door, but when he reached the threshold, his ears registered a sound, and he stilled.
He waited long seconds for it to come again, hoping it hadn't been his fevered imagination playing tricks on him.
But then, he sighed in relief when the sound came.
It was almost inaudible, and he thanked every day of training he had as a sniper because otherwise, he wouldn't have caught it. His name, only his name, coming like a prayer from her lips, and a plea, "Booth. Don't leave me".
His eyes filled with tears, and he purposely went to her bed, cradling her against his chest, peppering her hair and face with desperate kisses, her tears washing her whole face, "I won't baby, I won't. You're safe", he held her gently while sobs raked her body, and her hands held on to him like he was her lifeline, not even registering the pain on her arms, "You're safe with me. I love you so much", he groaned, and she cried even more.
He got into bed, not caring about hospital policy, only needing to comfort her, her sobs making her body shake. He placed her head on his chest, and he placed a long leg over hers, letting his body enfold her, infusing her with warmth.
Russ was watching from the outside, a relieved smile on his lips, coming through tears, and when he saw the nurse about to enter to scold Booth , he held her back, "Please, I know it's against policy, but he managed what none of us could", the nurse also stood to stare and could only accept he was right. She was holding on to him like her life depended on it, and his arms were around her so fiercely it seemed he was never letting her go, like they both wanted to get under the other' skin, his large body covering hers, whispering in her ear soothing, calming words.
"If anything changes, and she becomes violent or agitated, call me", she said, and Russ nodded, keeping a silent vigil, knowing his sister was where she was supposed to be.
She cried for hours, and her hands never released him, but again, neither did he. At last, she fell asleep, and he stared at her, her face a little more relaxed than before, her body limp against his. He just caressed her back and lost himself in her smell, his touch soft and tender, letting her feel, even in sleep, that he was there, for her, that she wasn't alone.
She would whimper occasionally, her arms about to flail, and he would only tighten his grip, whisper something against her ear, and she would immediately relax, and go to her previous calm sleep.
The psychiatrist had entered 1 hour before, and seemed greatly pleased that she had at least reacted, and had let him in. She gave him instructions, but insisted she was to remain in the hospital for the established time frame: 2 more days in the psychiatric ward, then moved to a private room in the same floor to be counseled, and when they felt the danger wasn´t imminent, she would be released.
Without hesitation, he asked if he could stay with her. He told the doctor he had promised her she wouldn't be alone. The psychiatrist had smiled indulgently and told him that since he had been the one to reach her, he indeed could and should stay close. Besides, it would serve as very close monitoring.
Booth had only smiled at the doctor, and closed his eyes, but never slept, just content that somehow he was able to help fix his Bones.
She slept for 4 hours, during which a nurse had injected something in her IV. He had asked what they were giving her, and they told him it was a mild antidepressant and anxiolytic, to help her rest.
The day passed, and Russ and him only sat there, Booth holding her, keeping vigil over her. They didn't push her, and when both breakfast and lunch came, they couldn't force her to eat as she took a look at the tray and refused to let them cajole her into eating, and both times she just burrowed her head against Booth's chest and fell asleep in his arms, and they thought that at least, by letting her sleep, they would just let her recover her strength. But when it was dinner time, he told the nurse to take the food she had brought with her, and instead asked Russ, who had been sitting in a nearby chair, to go to Sid's and ask him to send her something. Russ had seemed confused that he hadn't specified what he wanted, but Booth only said to let Sid do as he wished. The doctor had come for a little while after the nurse told her he had dismissed the hospital food, and he had whispered that he knew how much she would hate it, and that they had a better chance to entice her to eat if it came from a place he knew she loved. The doctor appeared reluctant, but told him she would trust his judgment on this instance, since she hadn't
Russ nodded, and 45 minutes later, he returned with 3 paper bags. The nurse was weary of passing forks or knives, but Russ had had the brightest idea, and had bought her plastic children's forks and knives, the unbreakable kind.
He fixed everything on the small tray, and when it was ready, he nodded to Booth, who gently kissed her temple, and nudged her, "Wakey, wakey, Bones", she grumbled, and just burrowed her head into his chest further, making him smile at how adorable she was when her mind wasn't fully engaged in wakefulness.
"Bones, there's something delicious with your name on it", he cajoled, and after a few seconds, she just opened one way, reluctant to open them.
She sleepily said, "Not hungry, Booth", he roamed her back, and replied, "I know you haven't eaten a single thing for the past 2 days. So perhaps your mind is not hungry, but I'm certain your stomach is", it was so illogical and irrational, he already knew what reaction he would get, and of course, she didn't disappoint.
"Booth", she said huskily, "That's highly irrational. The brain is what orders the stomach to demand for food", he smiled tenderly, and kissed her forehead.
"Bones, Russ and I are very worried. We've let you get away with it, because I know you don't like any of the things they've brought you, but you might pass out, and your stomach might get upset with all the drugs we're giving you", he gave her his best puppy eyes, and said, "For me? Besides, it's Sid's", he teased, and her eyes brightened a bit at the mention of Sid's food, and Booth just smiled at her, seeing her resolve crumble.
She sighed, and nodded, a tiny smile on her lips. He beamed at her, and kissed her cheek, before standing up. She whimpered a bit at the loss of his body heat, and he just held her hand, "I'm just going to bring you your food, ok baby?", she seemed hesitant, but let him press some buttons on the bed, and placed her so that she was comfortable for eating.
Russ brought the tray closer, and the rich smells of food hit her nostrils. There was a large shaker, and she couldn't help but give him a tired smile as he stared at her, "Chocolate milkshake, pumpkin and cheese soup, teriyaki rice, salmon rolls and chocolate tiramisu", he said, and she shook her head, seeing the huge containers, knowing she wouldn't be able to stomach so much food.
"Bones, just eat a bit, ok? Russ and I won't let it go to waste anyway", she relented, and he smiled.
He took the utensils, and seeing her pointed look, added "Bones, I know you're not a baby, and that you're more than capable of feeding yourself, but your arms must hurt, and it will make me feel better if you let me take care of you", she couldn't deny it. Her wrists hurt with every movement, and it hadn't helped that she had held on to Booth with all of her strength, putting more strain on her wounds.
She nodded, and just said, "Ok", he smiled, and sat next to her, feeding her slowly each part of the menu. The food tasted amazing, and it revived her somehow. Booth was patient, and loving with every bite he fed her.
Russ was eating silently in the chair, and Booth also took bites of his own food between feeding her, and she could see how relieved they were, the silent, knowing smiles. She saw Russ' tired eyes, and she could clearly notice the worry in his warm eyes, hating herself for bringing him so much added pain.
Her eyes pooled with tears as she remembered how Max used to feed her when she was a child.
"Daddy, I'm a big girl", her face had been flushed with the fever, and her body was covered in scabs. Max was the only available nurse, since neither Christine nor Russ had had the chickenpox.
"I know you are, but it makes me feel good to take care of my little angel, and besides, you look very tired, so what's the harm?", he had said, and patiently fed her the chicken soup he had made her. In that moment she felt loved and protected, cherished like no other girl in the world.
Even if she was 12, and already loved to be independent, Max always knew how to bring her softer side forth.
A whole month taking care of her, reading her, teaching her so she didn't fall behind in her classes, just… loving her.
Booth, seeing her glassy eyes, set the fork down, and took her hand, rubbing his thumb over the soft skin.
"Hey, Bones, what is it?", he said, and she just swallowed, "I was thinking… about Dad. He liked to take care of me when I was sick. He didn't let me eat either, and he always fed me until I was ready to explode", Booth smiled indulgently, and kissed her forehead lovingly.
"It's ok to miss him, Bones. You're entitled to miss him", she nodded, and her eyes filled with more tears, "it's nice that you have those memories of him. He might have made mistakes, but he loved you, very much".
"I know", she said softly, and he knew they were done with the food. At least she had eaten half of everything, and while not much, it didn't differ much from the usual amount of food he knew she had. She wasn't a big eater to begin with, so he didn't push further. He placed the tray aside, and signaled for her to scoot up, which she did happily, and he lay in bed with her.
"Russ", she said, "You're exhausted. You should go home, and try to get some sleep", he seemed reluctant, and she added, "Booth will take care of me, he won't leave me alone, so I'll be fine. I'm worried about you too, you haven't sleep a single bit since… things happened".
Booth added, "Yeah, Russ. I will make sure Bones gets plenty of rest, and in case anything happens, I'll call you. You're worn out, man, and we need to be at the top of our game", Russ couldn't argue that, and he nodded, and just came closer, reaching softly for her hand, and squeezing it, and he bent to press a soft kiss against her cheek.
"You only focus on getting better, ok?", he said, and she nodded, he caressed her hair like she was a small child, his eyes filled with love and concern.
"I promise I will, Russ", he smiled tiredly, "Bye Booth, take care of her", he said, and Booth just nodded.
"With my life, Russ", the men shared a knowing stare, and Russ finally left them for the night.
She started settling and he helped her, both moving until they were on their sides as they faced each other, his hand on her waist, his thumb rubbing her skin over the thin fabric of the hospital robe, the position intimate and tender.
"My sweet Bones", he said, caressing the bangs falling on her forehead with his other hand, "You're not alone. You have me. I'm here. I'm always here", he said.
She bit her lower lip before speaking, "For how long, Booth?", she asked, her eyes glassy and deep.
"Does forever sound long enough?", he asked.
She stared into his face for long seconds, before an exhausted, relieved grin curved the corner of her lips, "It sounds perfect, Booth", he smiled tearfully, and moved his hand to place it behind her head and bring it against his chest.
They spent the whole night like that, and not even the nurses coming to check on her could refrain from commenting how touching the scene was, and how they wished their patients had someone to love them so deeply, to pull them back from the abyss.
Do you hate our Booth a little less? I hope this helped!
I have the upmost respect for psych patients and procedures. So I hope this was good enough, and since I don't know much about the way they handle people in Bren's condition, this was my sorry attempt to make it tasteful and truthful!