His eyes starred directly at my face, never leaving my direction. There were so many emotions in them and I could no longer turn away from him now. I had to finally answer the questions and accusations in his eyes. There was no mre avoiding them, I had to heal the pain I saw in them somehow.

I took my seat beside him with my mission for today in this class the first thing on my mind and to do list. To stop yhe hurt I was causing John Ryan.

"Hello." I said. Trying to ressit the erge to look down and tear away from his gaze.

His look lingered for a moment longer on my face before answering.

"Hello." He said with a weak smile. There might have been a smile on his face but there was none in his eyes.

"How are you?" I said hesitatingly.

"Fine." he said. Looking down, I sighed in relief, finally being released by his cold stair.

He looked away trying to hide his emotions. It wasn't very convincing.

I took a moment to find the right words to say. I could only think of two words that I should most surely start of with.

"I'm sorry." I finally said. It sounded less strong then I imagined. It was a weak low utter.

"For what?" He said with an edge in his voice. His eyes flashed back to my face, piercing it again.

"For…" I wasn't sure how to explain. Or what I was really apologizing for. I wasn't sure how to put it in words. I guess I was sorry for picking Edward over him and hurting him, even though I wasn't really sorry for picking Edward, I was only sorry for hurting him. But how I would I tell him that with out hurting him? How could I? It was only going to hurt him more.

But he saw right through me.

"Bella, you don't even know what your sorry for." He said angrily, looking away. "Your not even sorry." He said.

That hurt. I wanted to discard his words, say he was wrong, but that would be untruthful.

"I am sorry." I said trying.

"You only feel bad. You really don't care."

That hit a nerve.

"Of course I care!" He was blind. He was letting his anger blind him. "I do care for you and I am sorry! Sorry for hurting you and I'm sorry how you could believe I don't love you."

He flinched at the last words. I was using them differently then he was feeling them.

I loved him, but not as much or the way he loved me. At one time I thought I did, but I had taken it back. And John Ryan had to except the rejection, but now he was rejecting me. He believed I didn't love him in anyway. I did love him, just not as strong, only as a friend. And now I had to face the of losing my best friend if I didn't fix this soon. I didn't want to go through the rest of life with out John Ryan.

"But you aren't sorry, not really. You chose him, you only feel guilty. But your not sorry." He replied.

"No, I'm not sorry for choosing him. And I do feel guilty. I feel guilty, and sick, and like an idiot. Because I'm almost losing you from my life. I do love you and I feel sick for hurting you. I don't want to lose you. I feel closer to you then a best friend and a brother but not in the way you feel about me. And I'm sorry its not that way. But I wouldn't be able to stand not being around you. Not having you near me, so please forgive me. Say you still want to be with me too. That your still my best friend and you wont hate me or avoid me? Please forgive me?"

I finally finished pleading. My heart felt like a piece was being torn. Like soon a piece of it would be gone. It feared at the pain that would bring. All if John Ryan decided to leave me. To not forgive me and hate me and avoid me.

I waited anxiously and in anguish.

He studied my face some more. Searching for what, I did not know. But whatever he saw in my expression made him guilty, forgiving, and determined. But I wasn't sure determined of what.

"I love you." He solemnly stated starring into my eyes. It hurt to hear that from him. Because I knew he meant the way I could not mean back. "I will not avoid or ever could hate you. I forgive you Persephone- I mean Bella." he corrected and then smiled.

I couldn't help but to smile back. "Thank you." I said. Then I saw something in his eyes as he smiled brightly. My senses told me that he was not giving up. He was determined. I feared at what he was planning behind those eyes. I guess I could only wait t find out.

Class soon ended and headed to the door eagerly. John Ryan was collecting his books and was coming behind me. He was still in a god mood after spending the class talking and laughing and enjoying each others company. But that was soon cut short when Edward appeared at the door for me before John Ryan could catch up. I could feel the hidden tension between them. Edward greeted me happily then throwing a quick glare towards John Ryan before looking back at me trying to hide his eagerness to leave. I looked back at John Ryan his happy mood seemed to be gone and he eyes was on Edward.

"Are you ready to go?" Edward asked calling my attention he was not hiding his eagerness to leave well. I looked back to John Ryan preparing to say good bye, I was in a sad mood knowing his happiness had disappeared and was now saddened once again which pained me. But then his smile quickly returned just as it had gone. And the hint of something in his eyes reappeared. Determination.

"Good Bye Bella. Ill see you later. He said as he exited the door. "Goodbye." I said in a content tone, but I was suspicious, I knew soon things would change.

"Hello Edward." He said casually and friendly to Edward as he passed him. Edward nodded at him politely, if you really could call it polite since he was full with dislike even though he tried to hide his bad mood of John Ryan's presence.

He stared at him a moment longer as he walked away then looked back at me brightly waiting for my answer.

"Yes, I'm ready to leave." As we walked away to the car I wondered how much longer this would last. I knew something was coming and they would both pull of there faces of calm and friendliness towards each other would soon fade and break into something. I knew John Ryan was going to do something to cause it.

I felt Edwards arm wrap around me protectively. As if he knew it too.

When we arrived home, plans had already been made to go hunting tonight. I quickly tensed and try to think up a way to get out of it. Alice was strangly quiet. When we got home…home, it was the Cullen's house but know I was already calling it home because that was what it was to me now. It warmed me inside to see this house as my home. As I walked to my room dwelling happily at the thought of considering this my home, placing my binder and books down on the table when I noticed a bright orange flowers in a vase on the table from the corner of my eye. I was surprised to see those here wondering where they had come from. Then as I turned to get a better look at them, I realized my whole room was full of vases of flowers. I was utterly shocked and almost didn't notice the sheet of flowers that covered my room. You could hardly see anything else in my room because it was covered up by all the colorful flowers. Like a sheet of them had been thrown over the room. My bedroom had turned into a garden. Then I noticed a small envelope hiding in the orange flowers. I opened it and was surprised to see John Ryan's handwritting. I did not recognize it at first until I saw his name signed at the bottom. It didn't say much but at the same time it said a lot. Espically the last three words at the end. I wasn't sure what to think.

Then Edward entered my now garden bedroom. He didn't seem surprised. He must of known. I waited for his response or a reaction from his expression. When his eyes landed on me as waiting for the same thing.

"John Ryan sent me flowers." I wasn't sure what else to say but I just wanted to break the silence.

He finally spoke. "That was nice of him." he sounded restrained and I could tell it took him a lot of effort to say the words.

"I should probably thank him." I said looking down at the letter. Then I regretted continuing the conversation knowing it would only push his anger,

"I'll call him later." Then I took Edwards hand. He smiled at the thought knowing we would spend time together. I was walking out of the room tugging at him behind me but he didn't budge. I looked up at him to see what was wrong. A longing look and old pain seemed to cloud his eyes. Then he kissed me, at first urgently but then it turned more sweet. After a moment he pulled away.

He was afraid. I knew it. He was afraid of losing me. Then I quickly laughed at the thought in my mind. He didn't know how impossible that was. I could never leave him. It would feel like losing air. Will…actually vampires didn't need air but it was a good comparison. Not strong enough but to lose him, it would be like losing the air in your lungs. I shuttered at the thought.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Nothing."

We were know outside sitting in the grass. I was still shooken at the thought of ever losing him. I got closer to him and leaned my head on his chest. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the moment.

"Its time to go hunting." Alice's voice interrupted my happy moment with Edward. We had been talking for a while he was telling me about my past life. I had asked him so many questions. And I had forgotten completely about making an excuse to not go. I felt like I hadn't had enough time with Edward.

I looked up to see his eyes were on my face thoughtfully.

"Do you want to stay here?" I asked. But that was a stupid question, I coulsd tell he needed to hunt by the dark shade of his eyes.

"You can spemd time later. Lets go." ALice said waiting for us to move. She had guessed at my reluctance to lose time with Edward.

"ill catch up with you all later. Okay? I think Ill go see what Ellaynese is up too." I said. Edwards eyes widened. I guess he didn't like the idea of spending time away from each other either.

"Do you want me to come with you?" he quickly asked. I wanted badly to say yes but I knew he needed to eat.

"No its okay. You go. You need to eat."

"But so do you."

"Don't worry I will haunt later. Besides Ellaynese is very inpatient and is expecting me to visit her soon. She is probably already on deciding to come visit me instead. So I guess I better go before she throws a fit" I said.

He looked at me suspiciously. I was hopping he wasn't on to me, probably worried about me visiting John Ryan.

"Come on Edward!" Alice whinned.

He kissed me, said good bye and then left.

I quickly ran out of sight and called Ellaynese once I wasout of hearing range. She was overly excited hearing my voice. I told her to meet me not to far from her house. She over eagerly agreed. She knew the reason why I didn't want to go to her house but wondered if it was also because of John Ryan. Mostly it was because I wanted to avoid Victoria.

We talked for a long time, playing in the woods. I told her about today, the feeling something bad was going to happen between the Edward and Jphn Ryan and about the flowers. It felt good to talk to Ellaynese. I enjoyed our time. I only hated it when she she brung up her suspicions about me avoiding John Ryan and her fear I would stop talking to them because of victoria and would love my new family members more. She was afraid we would drift apart. I assured her everything would be fine. She still want quite happy. Then soon when she brang the suggestion to hunt, cut our tie short. I hastly declined and told her to go with out me and I would see her later.

I sat in a tree branch alone. Enjoying the time alone. It never bothered me. But now it soon began to because my mind would drift to Edward.

I thought about aloyt of things. I tried to clear my head of my delimas.

Problem One: John Ryan

…I had no clue what to do about that. Him not giving up. I had no clue what to do about the situation but to swell in the guilt. I only came up with being prepared to keep the peace when the fight did break out.

Problem Two: Ellaynese Worry

Because she was worried this became a problem to me. Not only was she my friend but my sister. Her concerns were my problems. She was worried we would drift apart. That was east to fix. I would just visit more often. I hadn't seen Alexsandrasis and Jayleren in a while and was probably hurting them for not visiting. So before I do visit I would just have to call first to see if Victoria is not there so I could avoid her. I didn't plan on forgiving her anytime soon or putting up with that situation. Then I thought back to John Ryan. Would I end up avoiding him too since I wasn't sure was else to do about him?

Problem Three: Hunting and My Thirst

My thirst was growing and this problem kept coming forward to the front of y head. I was having trouble trying to keep it at the back of my mind. I knew soon I would have to hunt. Once again I found myself cursing a Disney Movie. I couldn't eat a dear with out thinking it was someones mother and I was letting a poor baby deer left as an orphan. And I couldn't eat a deer with out thinking I was eating someones child or father, or friend, and grandma, or whatever. I tried to mostly ea bears and mountain lions. Cartoon Movies had me believing this where the bad guys. They where the villains at times in the movies. Will they were in the movies. But I still couldn't eat them too with out feeling guilty for ending there life. Why didn't they deserve a second chance? They could change from bad to good couldn't they?

I shook the thought from my head and finally got the courage to catch a bear and mountaion lion. Then I headed home guilty all the way. I kept feeling bad for ending the creatures life. Grow a back bone Bella! I thought but I still felt bad for the creatures.

On my way home, walking slowy almost at a human pace I spotted a tall figure leaning against a tree in my path. I picked my head to see it was Edward. I smiled. I quickly ran to hug him.

"How was your hunt?" he asked.

"Fine." I said hpping it would be the end of that topic.

"After I finished hunting I came to look for you." He stated.

"Oh." was all I could find to say.

"I found your sent and traced it."

I looked up at him curious to see where he was going with this conversation..

"I found you hunting."

I waited in silence for him to finish. I wished he wouldn't ask but I knew he was going to.

"I decided not tobother you but to watch. And I swear I herd you say sorry before killing that bear." he said smug with a smile on his face and began to laugh. He looked at me for an answer.

"Yeah and?" I said.

Then I saw you hunt that mountain lion. You seemed so reluctant, I thought you needed help. I was about to when I herd you say sorry again. He laughed some more.

I felt the guilt again. And I felt embarrassment at being caught feeling guilty.

"Whats wrong?" he asked seeing my perplexed expression.

"Nothing." I said then I quickly tried to turn the conversation. "Hey! Want to race home? I'll race you, bet I could beat you." it was only about six mor miles but I needed a change of conversation.

He starred at me for a moment trying to tell what was wrong. He knew I was hiding something.

Then I took of. Leaving him behind. I was about there, about to win, when he passed me buy with no effort at all.

I rushed and quickly sped up. But he reached the door before I could. There was no one hme I could hear the empyiness in the house. They must still be hunting.

He studied my face then slowy approached me. He put his hand on my chek and caressed my face in his palm. He looked into my eyes before speaking.

"Bella. Whats wrong?"

"Nothing. I-" I didn't know what to say.

Sorry. I didn't finish. I just felt like it was about time I posted something. Sorry its not to exciting. I feel ashamed. Thanks for reading=) I promise to try to post soon and a better chapter too. Longer too.

Let me know what you think and any corrections or things I should clear up. And things I should improve on but try to be nice please and tell me politely. Thanks for taking the time to read this and my story!

*DISCLAIMER- I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT OR ANY OF THE CHARACTERS. STEPHANIE MEYER OWNS THE STORY. (SHE ROCKS! =D)