The living room was gently lit by sunlight, casting shadows of gold and fire on Chloe's hair. Beca was fighting sleep the best she could, but she doubt she could sleep even if she wanted too; her mind was occupied with all the hints that she could've picked up before. Aubrey was never home, there was only a car in the parking lot, there were only one picture of them together on the mantelpiece. Beca tightened her grip around Chloe's shoulders unconsciously when she heard her muffled moan. They had been half sitting half lying on her couch for the past hours now, and Chloe hadn't said a word since.

Beca had wanted answers; how, when, how long mostly, but she bit back her questions when she saw Chloe's distraught, her silent supplication. She offered to go back inside, but Chloe vehemently shook her head and told her to drive her home. Beca wasn't sure where "home" was but when she took a left and Chloe recognized where they were going, she protested and said to take her at her place. That's how they ended in her living room, Chloe curled up at her side on the couch, crying uncontrollably.

Finally, as if the sun rising and blinding Chloe for a moment was all it took, she sat up. She took Beca's hand, fidgeting with her fingers, visibly still lost in her thoughts.

"When I moved out of Atlanta, I didn't think I'd lost touch with you, but then work became very busy, and I think that my brain didn't want me to suffer from your lack of interest anymore, and so it let go of you. My heart never really gave up, though; it just needed somebody else to love. Aubrey was there, from the start, but I only realized it when I decided to stop caring for somebody who couldn't reciprocate the feelings. I know it wasn't what you really wanted, and that hurt the most. Five months after I left, I was starting to fall for Aubrey, really hard, but I needed closure with you. I needed to know if you still had that choke hold on my heart, or if I was finally free from the impossible Beca Mitchell. I wanted to pay you a surprise visit, to go back to the way we were before our hearts decided to join in. When I got to Barden, though, the other Bellas told me you weren't there; they thought you took off to get me. You have no idea how painful it was to realize that you, in fact, disappeared. You didn't even bother to leave a note; you simply took a plane and left, apparently. It took me longer than I expected to get over you, but Aubrey helped a lot. She was there, Beca, she was there when you wouldn't. She was there all along."

Beca had a hard time swallowing, a lump rapidly forming in her throat as she heard Chloe's words. Maybe it would've been best if the ginger hadn't started talking, because now Beca could see she was in for a long speech. Her heart sank a little more at the mention of her absence, and the shadow of guilt wrapped its arms around her once again.

"I forgave you, though, and I'm not holding you responsible for what you did to me, because you were scared and, frankly, I was too. I had wonderful moments with Aubrey; they just didn't last long enough. "

Beca pulled Chloe closer; she didn't know what else to do because there were no words that could fit so instead she let Chloe's sobs damp her shirt and rubbed her back slowly. Beca couldn't imagine how painful it must've been for Chloe to lose Aubrey; she never had to mourn for the loss of a lover, even less for her best friend. She was about to speak, to tell Chloe she would be there, from now on, if she ever needed her, but the redhead spoke up first.

"I lied."

Beca was confused for a moment there, but she didn't say anything. When Chloe didn't explain, though, she knew she had to ask.

"About what?" her tone was wary, cautious.

"Aubrey."

Now Beca was completely lost. Chloe felt horrible for putting her through this, but she couldn't bring herself to willingly tell her the whole story. She needed Beca to ask about it, needed to know she was there for real, and that it wasn't just her brain playing tricks on her.

"What do you mean you lied about Aubrey?" Beca's voice was soft and Chloe knew she understood perfectly what she was doing, and she silently thanked her for going along with it.

"She's not… dead."

The brunette's hand on her back stopped its circling motion and the time hung in mid-air as the notion sank in Beca's mind. She knew the blonde wasn't here anymore, she could tell, but she couldn't figure out why Chloe would lie if she simply took off or if they had broken up. She was trying really hard to come up with a plausible excuse for Chloe to lie on such a sensitive subject, but she didn't have time to find one that the redhead was talking again.

"The doctors say she is, but I can't believe them. I know it's been four years, but still, I can't believe God would take away my baby, I can't believe she won't wake up one morning and ask where I am. Beca, how is this even possible? It's my fault, I can't let her go, she can't die, I can't live without her. She's my best friend, Beca; she's my rock, my everything. How am I supposed to live without my fiancée, without my girlfriend? We were supposed to get married, Beca! Married!"

Chloe buried her face in her hands, the pain burning in her chest. It was the first time she even talked about Aubrey's condition out loud. Sure, she went to the long-term care center almost every day, and when she couldn't do it, she had her sister go. Chloe could feel Beca's confusion, but the brunette didn't say anything, she simply hugged her a bit tighter.

"It's okay, Chloe, you don't have to tell me everything." Beca whispered in her hair, and Chloe was suddenly mad at her. All of the built up anger, sadness, all her pain; all of it was suddenly pointed at Beca.

Chloe knew this wasn't going to solve everything: it wouldn't bring back Aubrey to her, it wouldn't help her make a choice, it wouldn't erase all the guilt she felt about what happened. But as her cheeks flushed and heat radiated from her chest, she felt alive, it felt good inside of her; it filled the hole where her heart should've been.

"You don't understand Beca!" she shot, standing up and facing the petite brunette. "You don't know what it's been like! Four years, almost five, of waiting for her to wake up! Two years of constant fear that another blood clog would get to her brain and take her away from me for good! It's been five years since I didn't see my girlfriend's eyes, five years since I haven't had a good night of sleep because I toss and turn; reliving the accident and noticing everything I could've done differently that could've saved her! You don't get to tell me it's okay because it's not Beca! Nothing is okay and now you come back in my life, you destroy everything I had so carefully built. You come rushing back in my heart and I can't help but want to be with you, but I can't Beca!" she was shouting now, yelling, her voice high pitched and broken. "I can't! Why can't you understand that?! Why do you have to worm your way in my mind all the time, leaving holes everywhere and making me yearn for your presence! I'm engaged, Beca, engaged, and maybe Aubrey will never wake up, but that doesn't help! You don't help at all right now! Why then, why for God's sake, can't I just move on and forget about you?! I was doing good on my own, and now I'm a mess, again, because of you! You!"

Everything in Beca was telling her to run away, to run as far as possible from that fury directed at her for no reason; every fiber in her body was aching to stand up and walk away, to shout back. She was fighting the urge to take off, like she did so many times before. She fought her first reflex; pressing her hands to her ears. She had taken too much shouting with her parents; had had too many sleepless nights because of them, she winced every time Chloe's voice got louder, until she couldn't take it anymore. She shot up to her feet and grabbed the redhead's face, pressing her lips hard against hers.

Chloe aggressively pushed her away, and Beca fell back on the couch. She had tears in her eyes, tears on her lips and it was then she realized that Chloe had been crying too. Chloe who was now straddling her hips, her wet and hungry lips on her hers once again.

They fell asleep on the bed, having crashed on the walls and to the bedroom. They were exhausted, their bodies tangled in one another as the morning light burned their skin. Chloe was the first to fall into a deep and twitching sleep. Beca wrapped her arms around her waist, ignoring the pain in her ribs when Chloe jabbed her elbow at her. She finally fell asleep too, but not before a long moment, trying to calm down the redhead's mind.

"Aubrey! Where's my blue shirt?" Chloe called out, her head peeking out of the closet.

The blonde sighed and walked out the bathroom to open one of the drawers and took out said shirt.

"You were the one to put it in the drawer because you said 'I'll remember where it is there!', Chloe." Aubrey rolled her eyes at the sheepish smile her fiancée gave her, grabbing the shirt and pouting.

"I knew where it was, I was... distracted. It's not my fault if I've never been a morning person! You're the one who booked the cake tasting at 10, not me."

"Chloe, 10 am is not early morning, beside, you never seem to dislike it when I wake you up at five..." Aubrey grined when she heard Chloe's groan of resiliation.

"That's not the same at all. You know I can't resist your charm, and you use it against me." the redhead shot back, snaking her arms around Aubrey's waist and pressing their lips together.

Aubrey felt the heat rush to her abdomen as Chloe's hand slowly slipped under her shirt, finding their way to her hips, her thumbs rubbing small circles right above the waistband of her pants. She let her head fall back, giving Chloe more space for her open mouthed kisses, trailing down her jaw to her neck, stopping momentarily just before her collarbone, where she gently bit down the flesh. Aubrey's mind was flushed with lust, but a little voice ― her rational and logical side that would never quite shut up ― told her they were going to be late for the appointment.

"Chloe..." she started, but the ginger simply hummed, her lips moving down, getting dangerously close to one of her breasts. "We have an appointment in thirty minutes..."

"I know..." she stopped her kisses to face Aubrey, a small smirk tugging at the corner of her lips. "I'll make it quick."

Aubrey's chuckle made Chloe frown, but the blonde simply laughed lightly and pushed her away. She gave her one last kiss and then ran when Chloe tried to hold on to her again, determined to not be late at this appointment.

"Chloe, you couldn't make it quick even if your life depended on it!" she called out from the bathroom and laughed when she heard Chloe answer with a whine of disapointment.

They left the house ten minutes later and Chloe was still trying to corrupt Aubrey into staying just a little bit longer; she tried to convince her fiancée there was nothing wrong with being late to a cake tasting appointment, but Aubrey was never one to be late. Even after all these years, Chloe still believed she could change that rigid punctuality Aubrey was obsessed with.

Chloe was driving because Aubrey hated driving in LA, said people made her too nervous. Said there was too many angry drivers around here. Chloe said they just had to be extra careful. Said nothing was different than in Atlanta. Everything was different than in Atlanta, though, because that day if only Aubrey had accepted to stay home a little bit more, if only Chloe hadn't been in the middle of a joke, if only it had been red for them and green for the others.

If only.

They were waiting at the light on a busy street, they were almost there; Aubrey was laughing light heartedly at Chloe's bad joke; the radio was tuned down. They were smiling. They were happy. The light turned green, and for once Chloe didn't look side to side to see if the street was clear. She didn't seen that car speeding towards them. She didn't see it burn the redlight.

She did see, though, when it hit the passenger's side. She saw Aubrey's features distort in shock and disbelief as the car crashed her rib cage. Aubrey saw the horror in Chloe's face the second before she felt her body being shoved to the side. There was no screams, no sounds coming out of their mouths. Their eyes locked just before their heads hit the shattered windshield.

They were hit on the side, and that caused their car to spin and hit the cars coming their way. This wasn't supposed to be happening. Chloe's mind went dizzy, and the last thing she saw before the pain got the better of her were Aubrey's eyes staring at her. Her mouth was open, forming a perfect oval, looking shocked.

How could you do this me? that's what she was silently saying, Chloe was sure of it.

Chloe's scream echoed the small room, startling Beca who immediatly woke up. Before her brain could understand what was happening, her instincts had kicked in. Instead of running away from the loud shriek like she should've done, though, she grabbed Chloe by the waist and pulled her close, but the redhead was still asleep. She nearly dodged one of her fist coming at her jaw, and she took both of her wrists, pinning them down on the bed.

"Chloe! Chloe! Wake up!" she shouted, feeling her muscles burn as the ginger didn't stop fighting right away.

Finally, the screaming ceased, and Chloe opened her eyes; they were filled with tears, and fear, and something else that Beca couldn't quite figure out.

"I killed her."

It was a raw and low murmur, only a breath, but it felt like a fist landing directly in her heart, making it skip a beat. Beca realized now just how much she had to go through all these years on her own. Not only the guilt of the accident was heavy on her shoulders, but she was taking all the blame for her current condition too. Beca let herself fall at her side, and Chloe molded her body against hers, one leg draped around her hips, clutching at her rib cage.

"Chloe, I ―" Beca was cut short by the redhead who let out of a heavy sigh.

"Don't, please. Just.. don't. Can we do this?" she brushed Beca's skin with her hand, gesturing over their bodies. "For now please."

Beca tightened her grip just a bit more, placing a soft kiss on Chloe's head before answering, her breath hot through the redhead's hair.

"Yes, of course we can, Chloe."