Her lips were forceful against mine while her hands roamed under my top trying to pull my bra off quickly to give her better access to all of me. My hands were on the same mission, yet they took the logical route of lifting her top above her head and reaching behind her for the latch of her bra. Soon she had passed me with my top, bra and now my jeans being thrown carelessly onto her bedroom floor as I was pushed back onto her bed. She knelt down and pulled my legs so that they were hanging of the bed and she was stationed between them. I forgot how great her tongue felt and how her fingers always were. It wasn't long before I was crying out her name in a plea begging for more until she had completed her task of making me a mess.

Slow lazy kisses were placed up from my hips, along my stomach, on my breasts, stopping to put her mouth around my nipple before she continued the path to my neck and finally on my lips. Our mouths moving together was like muscle memory yet new and exciting in all new ways that I didn't want it to end. Her hands gripped my sides tightly and mine were weaved around her neck scared to let this feeling go. Scared to let her go. Keeping one arm looped around her neck, my hand began to wonder down her body until it slipped into the waistband of her jeans and underwear. My finger slowly pushed forward, and I was rewarded with a groan being released into my mouth causing me to smile into the kiss. It wasn't long before she too was the stumbling mess she had made me into moments ago. The kiss moved to lazy movements before it was nothing more than our lips just resting on each other.

Alex slowly rolled off me and pulled me on the bed closer to her where she then put her arm around me securely. The feeling of safety washed over me in tidal waves as I moved in closer to her and inhaled the smell of Alex that I had been missing for years. Time felt like it hadn't moved, and I felt at home just being this close to her. I knew this feeling wouldn't last forever but I hoped I would remember it forever so that I could always revisit this morning. With the gentle kisses being placed on the top of my head and the sound of Alex inhaling the smell of my hair I prayed that she too was having the same thoughts that I was and that we were both as sentimental as one another. I missed this. I missed her.

"Alex"

"Hmm?"

"I am sorry"

"I know kid, me too"

For once I knew with certainty that we were both in the same mindset of regret and forgiveness and we understood each other more than anyone else could in this moment. In fact, she always knew me better than anyone else even when we hadn't met she knew me inside and out and never once has that fact scared or intimidated me, it made me feel content. It made me happy and thankful that I had met Alex Vause in that bar.

The sunlight was streaming in the window next to the bed that had the curtains pulled carelessly closed leaving a large space between them. My arms felt heavy, yet my chest carried the most weight as I looked down and saw a head of dark hair resting on my chest releasing a soft snore every few moments. My hand that wasn't trapped by her body moved to push the hair away from her face so that I could see her sleeping form if only for a few moments. Slowly my bladder woke up and demanded that I use the bathroom which gave me the difficult task of moving out of the bed without waking up Alex. Lifting her arm from my stomach I shuffled to the edge of the bed until I could shuffle onto the floor and let her arm fall onto the mattress. I triumphantly jumped up as she was still snoring meaning that I had gotten out of bed without disturbing her which was something I hadn't done before. Grabbing my phone, I moved into the bathroom and walked the door to close it so that no unnecessary noise could be noticed.

After washing my hands and throwing water on my face to get the sleep out of my system, I checked my phone and saw that there was a number of texts from Polly and one from Larry. Sensing that Larry would be the easiest to answer, I opened his text first which was his usual good morning text that he sent whenever we were apart. Closing my eyes, I quickly clicked on Polly's text and scanned the majority of them.

'Have you told Larry?'

'You know that he wouldn't hang out with us in case you needed to call him because of your mother?'

'You haven't told him, have you?'

'Piper you're being a jerk'

"Throughout the messages I had decided to read were more demands and questions from my best friend. Groaning I knew that I needed to call her to calm down the situation I pressed call on my phone and hesitantly raised the phone to my ear unprepared to deal with her this early.

"Piper. Did you get my texts?"

"Yes"

"Piper"

"Even though its not for you to worry about I am going to tell him when I get back as its not something that you tell your boyfriend on the phone. 'Hey Larry. Do you remember I went travelling a few years back? Yeah, well that was with a girlfriend called Alex, I abandoned her in Paris when her mom died and felt incredibly guilty. We were head over heels in love. In fact, the tattoo on my neck was for her, so if you still think it's a destiny fish then you should probably thank her. When you got the Kool-aid man tattoo I hated it so much that I got drunk and rang her to complain about you and tell her that I missed her. We met up and because she was still angry with me I went on a road trip to apologise to her mother. Then I lied that I was locked out of my apartment so that she would take me somewhere so I could have sex with her, which I did and it was fucking great -'

"Shit sorry"

During my rant to Polly my anger grew and grew until I was telling her things that I didn't want her to know or ever find out. All I could fell was the annoyance that I felt of Polly trying to not only control me but also my relationship. I didn't hear Alex approaching or her opening the door until she stood in the entry of the bathroom staring at me with wide eyes after seeing my face red with anger. She stood there, frozen, unmoving which when paired with my anger caused me to snap.

"For fucks sake, go to the toilet Alex"

She held her hands up in mock surrender before following my demand and walking to the toilet just as my mind caught up with my mouth. Shit. Not only had I told Polly that I rand Alex and made contact with her after all this time because I was having relationship problems that she would say weren't a big deal. I told her why I went with Alex today as she knew I would never do something like this to get her forgiveness, I would probably let her ignore me until she calmed down. I told her that I had pursued sex with Alex not the other way around. And I had just confirmed that it was all true by shouting at Alex whilst on the phone to her. Shit, double shit. Fucking shit.

"What the fuck Piper?"

How was I supposed to reply to that? After everything I had just admitted, I was going to tell her the truth but watered down and well edited. Now she had been delivered the very brutal truth and I don't know how to get control again as I knew I was in the wrong, but it was just what I did around Alex.

"Piper you need to start fucking talking. You did what? And why the hell would you do that to Larry?"

I was still too stunned to reply, so I stood there with my mouth hanging open and sadness inching ever closer to create tears that I refused to spill. I had humiliated myself, no one else. Hands grabbed at my shoulders comfortingly as I looked up into Alex's eyes.

"You Ok Pipes?"

"Tell her to fuck off"

Alex and Polly were having more of a conversation than I could muster up right now.

"Kid?"

"Piper – "

Gathering the last ounce of dignity that I had I took a few breathes and quickly thought over my rough plan of action before diving head first into the car crash.

"Polly shut up for one minute. Alex, I'm fine. I just need to calm down my pregnant crazy best friend as she processes everything I just yelled at her. Can you give me a minute? Then we can talk. Thanks"

"I could tell that Alex was trying to suppress a laugh at my attempt at being authoritative but nodded and left which is what I needed right now. Focusing my attention back to my phone I sighed in preparation of the conversation ahead.

"Yes Polly, I know I fucked up and it's bad, but I don't know ok? I just feel… I feel everything that I have been missing for years"

Choking back a sob I waited for her response knowing that It would hurt but I needed to be yelled at and called a horrible person so that reality would slap me in the face.

"What are you going to do? Do you think you could make it work this time?"

"What?"

"You and Alex…"

"I don't know Pol, I don't know what I'm supposed to do or how. Like what am I supposed to tell Larry and how do I know that things will work out with Alex? What if we crash and burn again and then I've lost her and Larry?"

"You might"

"Well that's comforting"

"It's true, you might crash and burn, or you might live happily ever after, but you will never know for sure. Larry deserves to know the truth, but you need to do what you think will make you happiest and as much as I hate her if you want her then you have to grow a pair Piper"

I knew she was right as much as I hated to admit it but I needed to listen. Life wouldn't just work out if I ignored the problem. I still would have cheated on Larry, I still would have sought out Alex and I still would have these indecisive feelings. I needed to grow up and face my problems head on. We talked a little more and she surprised me by staying calm the entire time, I think she could tell how destroyed I was after everything that had happened. I knew she wasn't always going to be this friendly and understanding so I enjoyed it while it lasted.

Alex was lounging on the sofa typing on her phone but quickly directed her gaze onto me when I closed the door behind me. With her eyebrow raised, she patted the seat next to her as a silent invitation that I accepted without hesitation. Pushing myself into her when her arm moved around my shoulders s that I was cuddled into her side as I let the anxiety and worry over what I was going to do fade away, if only for a minute. She seemed surprised at my actions but accepted it and carried on working on her phone but glanced at me every now and then out of the corner of her eye. She soon grew tired of the cautious act and pulled her glasses to the top of her head to stare at me.

"Pipes?"

"Hmm?"

"Want to talk about it?"

"Not much to talk about, I told her the complete truth and then I realised what a monster I was, so I didn't even need her. Then she asked what I was going to do, and I told her I didn't know, I just know that I like how I feel when I'm around you and it feels… it feels good I guess. I don't know, you know that should be my catchphrase for the day. I guess I don't know anything right now."

"Its ok not to know kid. I'm surprised Polly hasn't tracked your location and is on her way to kill me right now"

Moving so that my face was level with hers, I placed a kiss on her lips and smiled.

"I think she's giving you a get out of jail free card for now. At least until I have a plan of action. I like being here, I like being with you."

"I like it to kid… you know, I heart you"

"I heart you? What the fuck is that? Is that like I love you for pussies?"

"Say Pussy again"

"Shut up… I heart you too, just thought I would tell you"

What can I say? When I make a mess of my life, I'm all in.

You know that I had to recreate one of my favourite scenes of 'I heart you' and I know they hooked up in chapter two but the reason why this is more hesitant and slow is because now it actually means something to them. Please do follow and comment as it's really nice to hear what you think.